Feeling quite low - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-19-2004, 05:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
Calm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: The Illusion
Posts: 3,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Will a child act out/rebel if they haven't had much time with their mother? I think I already know the answer, and I guess I am looking for others where this has occurred. We are a very attached unit, my daughter and I (2y7m), but for over a week, my mother has been looking after her a lot because I had some things to take care of and then I was sick for a couple of days. I still put her to bed and naptime though. But I calculated how much time I spent with her a day and it was really pitiful, around 2 hours. I am changing things back to the way they were, but in the meantime, she has started acting out really badly. She never used to tantrum (not since before one year), but she has a few a day now. She is always telling me no and my mother to go away and just being uncontrollable and rude. My mom confessed she almost slapped DD and this is a huge confession as she never hit her own children and she knows we also don't hit - ever.

If someone has had this happen, did their behavior revert back once you were able to give them quality time again? Do you agree this could be the cause?

I have done so well, I averted her tantrums with cuddles at a young age, I am always using gentle guidance, never punishment. I feel like I've ruined everything. Could a bond be damaged? Sorry, I am having a low moment...

Hunger is political.  Wherever there is widespread hunger, it is because people with guns are preventing other people from bringing in food.  
Calm is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-19-2004, 05:51 AM
 
charmarty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: desperately seeking SPELLCHECK!!
Posts: 4,594
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hey there,
Yes, it can be but it could salos be that it is her age. She is developmently advanced for her atge to begin with. Turning 3 for some kids (ok most) is very very difficult (for everyone involved there I said it so you can't say no-one told you so) There are whole thrreads dedicated to three year olds and how tough it is! It could really be a combination of both. BUT what I am picking up on is alot of stuff going on with YOU an dshe is also picking that up. She can deal with things better with you by her side because you two are so in sync. She reads your ques. With you not around her as much, she is having a hard time figuring out these feelings she is picking up from you.
Don't worry though, a few days of her regularly scheduled program and she will be right back to her comfert zone again. Please don't ever worry, the bond between yuo and her is MUCH stronger than just a few busy days between you

Love and Light,
and tonnes of
charmarty is offline  
Old 12-19-2004, 05:51 AM
 
asherah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Swimming in the cauldron of rebirth
Posts: 2,649
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, it sounds like she is acting out because of the change in her routine.. and it sounds like she wants more mommy time.

No, you have not damaged your bond with her.. and yes, she will get over it.

You were sick. Stop being so hard on yourself. You were sick and she was well-cared for by someone who loves her. She is mad. We all get mad at people we love sometimes and we all get over it. She doesn't have the tools yet to express herself any other way.
You are hearing her loud and clear and you will respond to her and it will be fine.
You are a good, sensitive mom and a really sweet person.

My sweet tempered ds is the same age as your dd. He was sooo mad when I started working nights/having to sleep in the morning. I do this 4 days a week.. then I am home 3 days a week. He is used to the fluctuation now and rides it out fine. But he was really angry at first, even though he was at home with daddy. He threw lots of tantrums and would push me away.
I just acknowleged his feelings and kept offering hugs and comfort and explaining what was happening. We are fine now.

You will be fine too, honey.
asherah is offline  
Old 12-19-2004, 05:52 AM
 
charmarty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: desperately seeking SPELLCHECK!!
Posts: 4,594
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Something else....could she be not feeling well? teething perhaps? Getting sick?
charmarty is offline  
Old 12-20-2004, 06:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
Calm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: The Illusion
Posts: 3,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks gals, I just needed to hear that. So I spent all day with her today. We hugged a lot and danced and carried on like always. And not one tantrum, not one act of defiance. Nothing. She was tired a lot, and had watery eyes, so she may be a little off, but no temp or anything that I can see.

Ok, so it may have just been a good day, but it has really given me hope that we can go back to a non-combative zone. She is a sensitive one (as you know, Charmarty). I just have to be more sensitive to her needs and make the time for her.

Anyway, thank you for responding, just wanted to update you.

Hunger is political.  Wherever there is widespread hunger, it is because people with guns are preventing other people from bringing in food.  
Calm is offline  
Old 12-20-2004, 06:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
Calm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: The Illusion
Posts: 3,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
You are a good, sensitive mom and a really sweet person
That made my day yesterday!

Hunger is political.  Wherever there is widespread hunger, it is because people with guns are preventing other people from bringing in food.  
Calm is offline  
Old 12-20-2004, 07:08 AM
 
BeansEemie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: north of Seattle, WA
Posts: 279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hey Calm,
I think our kids have some tempermental similarities and are also about the same age. My Bashi turns three in March. He doesn't tantrum much right at this moment, but it seems to go in phases. We also have a lot of folks around and are a very attatched family. But ya know it happens sometimes that you spend less time with your little one, like these wise mamas have been telling you. Maybe that has had something to do with the tantruming, but maybe it hasn't, ya know.

We had a couple of weeks like that maybe a month ago, I was trying to think of why, and it could have been a less time spent with him thing cause we were all sick too, but he was also not eating so well, or it could have just been a random thing that happened. But it passed and now he is not tantruming again...and I am sure your tantrums will too.

Hang in there Calm. Sending lots of calm vibes to your dd. I have been saying to my ds, "Can you take a deep breath and start over in your big boy voice." as soon as he starts to lose it. That wouldn't have worked when he was in tantrum mode. It is kinda funny though when he does it because he will make his request again in a very deep voice instead of very whiney and hysterical.
BeansEemie is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off