~Nov/Dec 02' babes Chat for January~ - Page 5 - Mothering Forums
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Life with a Toddler > ~Nov/Dec 02' babes Chat for January~
Sandrine's Avatar Sandrine 04:15 PM 01-12-2005
MamaFern~ That's awesome that Jasanna is going for a visit. I hope you all have lots of fun.

tea olive's Avatar tea olive 02:34 AM 01-14-2005
okay, i'm sort of caught up. but i didn't read as carefully, waah. i cleaned up the house for clay's birthday party. some if you have noticed me complaining about my house. well, now it is cluttered with what was used today, and some kid projects from the past few days, but THAT'S IT. well, the laundry is behind, but everything has a certain place to go. so i did most of the work i've been meaning to do for half a year in a week's time. i even put up the broken trumpet as a handtowel holder and stuff like that. so suddenly i've been feeling freer.

fern, sounds like you have the damiana bottle. it's syrupy tasting reminiscent of a tea. i had one back when i met my dh.

rynna, sounds to me like you lost weight because you bought the clothes. that's what would happen to me but not quite so fast! once i finally accepted that i would live in the body i had and buy something to decently cover it, i would feel better and begin to magically lose weight. one of many things that showed me the power of my mind and emotions.

the twos. it is their mission and job to grow up and become capable and that means outwitting us at every chance possible. they are exploring us as ourside individuals as opposed to before they were part of us, so they are learning and testing what we are about. this is when parents can decide to enforce what they want to control or let go of some of it. they will press our buttons and the more buttons we have that work they will use like a game. childproofing is not just about physical harm like caustic chemicals, it is also so that we don't yell at them and feel bad about it and they cry. move things you do not want touched. or at least cover them and make them not exciting looking. or expect to repeat yourself. or let them touch them.

asking questions is a tricky business with kids. i have to remind myself to modify my speech from time to time since i get in and out of habit with it depending on energy. yes and no choice questions are not needed for two year olds. really. i encourage you and me to let go of these questions.

imagine you are keyed up for planning a big day and and you are so excited about life that you jump out of bed to get things going. (for me an example would be planning my wedding where we did most of the work like i made my dress and did the flowers and we catered the food) you want to experience everything new as fast as possible. then imagine someone walking behind you telling you what you did wrong and right and asking you questions all day like "do you want to do this?" over and over when you aren't even sure if you should be the one deciding and sometimes you aren't ready to decide but you don't want to be alone. it gets overwhelming and irritating and it makes you want to scream. that's what it can be like for a two year old.

another thing they do need is boundaries. not much, but something tangible to feel safe, since they are not safe in their mamma's arms. my boundaries are almost nonexistent. um... like food belongs in the kitchen (when we're in the bedroom). hold cups with two hands, put trash in the trashcan (neither are well enforced but i keep using my breath). swordfighting on the porch or yard. stay on the grass (not the road). find mom -before you get mad- and say "mom" so she has your attention and look me in the eye and tell me what you need. i don't say that precisely, but we are working on hollering from one end of the house to the other.

???why am i in lecture mode? i suppose i need to get out more, i've been closed in these days.....
MamaFern's Avatar MamaFern 04:39 AM 01-14-2005

thank you for reminding us all of simple things that we all sometimes forget.

elwynn still isnt asleep yet. its 10:30 and im getting very crabby. i want my 10 minutes of peace before i go to sleep.. and it doesnt look like im going to get it today.

tomorow we are having a MDC momma and her 3 kids over for lunch! im excited about meeting a like minded momma and her kids who live in the same town as us.

elwynn needs me.. i need patience. i feel like i have very little right now. i just feel a bit overwhelmed these last few days. all day ive been dropping things and being clumsy and feeling lazy. i drank some nettle tea thinking it would help but it doesnt seem to have had any effect. maybe i need a night without strange dreams. ive been having a lot lately and wake up feeling like ive been running, not sleeping peacefully under the glowing sliver of the moon.

sweet dreams mommas and babes.
eilonwy's Avatar eilonwy 05:07 AM 01-14-2005
I've been feeling really depressed over the past few days, and have been a terrible mamma. I *know* that getting this place cleaned up would really help me, but I can't get anything done because BeanBean is *always* hanging on me begging to nurse, or he is nursing, or BooBah's nursing, or both, or they're both just awake and screaming in my ears or... well, you get the idea.

Two nights ago, I asked Mike to take BeanBean to the grocery store; I would nurse BooBah to sleep and then I'd be able to get some laundry done and put away. Well, they walked out the door and BooBah was almost asleep. I was reading my book, she fell asleep, I popped her off the nipple and was about to finish a paragraph when Mike tapped on the window; he'd locked BeanBean in the car along with the keys. : I went to the police station and someone came and opened the door, but I was so irritated. Of course, BooBah woke up when Mike tapped on the window, and of course *nothing* got done. I've been seriously feeling like there's some conspiracy that keeps me from cleaning without the sound of *SCREAMING* children in the background.

Today, I screamed at BeanBean so loudly that he actually ran away from me and hid, and when I saw him again his eyes were as big as saucers and he looked terrified. I felt so awful. But when I went to apologize to him, he asked to nurse again and I just felt like flinging him across the room, he'd bitten me and pooped on the floor (he stood up from his potty before he was totally finished) and shrieked and woke up his sister, who wasn't happy anyway.. it was just a mess. Mike asked me if I wanted to partially wean him, and I told him the truth: I don't think that would work. I think he'd just scream louder and more and I would be even more miserable.

I have been doing everything I can to calm down and remove myself from situations, but it's really hard to do that when the kids are screaming at me. A small, objective part of my mind understands it: BeanBean is still a baby and needs his mommy; BooBah is in pain and frustrated. But I have been so miserable that I can't hear the voice of reason in my head all the time. Yick. Today I walked out the front door and held it shut (BeanBean can open and unlock the front door, have I ever mentioned that?) while I smoked a clove, something I haven't done in ages. I even inhaled. I felt better afterwards, too. :

Miss BooBah, my seven month old wonder baby, has started cruising. Now I have the unenviable task of finding teeny tiny socks with tread on the bottoms. When BeanBean was about 14 months old, I had him in a 12 month size sleeper (because that was the size that fit him) and he kept falling down. I couldn't figure out why until I changed him and realized that the sleeper had no tread on the bottom of the feet; it was an XL newborn 12 month size, as opposed to a S infant 12 month size. It was easy enough just to use the infant sized sleepers for him, but I have never seen a 6-9 month sized *anything* with tread on the bottom, to say nothing of a 3-6 month (which she can still wear comfortably). Fun fun.

Anyway, it's been a "bad mommy" day all around. I've really got to get my shit in gear, as it were. *sigh*
punkprincessmama's Avatar punkprincessmama 12:13 PM 01-14-2005
Oh Rynna I wish I had some good advice for you. All i have is hugs though. Try to be gentle with your self mama, you have two young children who need you so much. Geez i have been having a hard time lately and I only have one.

Casina and Jas, thanks so much for the advice. I haven't done a damn thing this week but just *be* with dd and that has seemed to help a lot. I totally here you on the childproofing Casina and I have been working on that some more this week. And I guess I should just get used to repeating myself, huh? She is growing so fast and so much lately that it is really hard to remember she is barely two some days.

Off to find some breakfast
tea olive's Avatar tea olive 02:43 PM 01-14-2005
bad mommies unite! at least we are real!
shame can teach us. anger can motivate us. when we scream they know we have a limit, as opposed to us just paddling them with a frozen demeanor.

eilonwy, if i were you i would put a double bolt on that door. it is a pain for me to look for keys to open, but it works. or you could put a sliding latch very high up (my kids can get that already, but it helps). it doesn't sound like you need to get anything in gear. it sounds like me when i'm depressed i try to do even more than i already can handle because i want things fixed. my main rule is, do the kids feel loved? enough to act badly because they can? then you are doing fine. if they did not feel loved, they would feel too afraid or listless to wail. really. it does sound like you need a break though, something alone without kids with an activity to take your mind off for an hour or so, maybe catch up with an old friend? i'm often sneaking outside to be alone, so don't feel bad about that.

i think some kind of puffy paint from the craft store can be used to put treads on clothing. i've never done it so i'm not sure what kinds work best.

rachel, i've been thinking about you and homeschooling. i think you set yourself up asking your son if he missed school. of course he is going to miss something and there is no need to fret more about that than you ever did before. and it is wonderful that he was frank with you. it takes time to get in the rhythm of homeschooling and staying home in general and having kids around you all the time. and some boys tend not to be so self starting which makes it challenging for mammas. but if you feel right about it then i think you see how the year goes. it helps my family to have a few concrete things we do at a certain time during the week (especially since my dh has a variable schedule). reed looks forwards to kung fu twice a week, and we always go to the park on friday around noon. knowing that these things will happen seem to make a big difference in momentum for my boys. and me. if it helps at all, we are unschooling and have no curricula whatsoever. if anything, their curricula is just learning about being part of the family. i guess yugioh plays a big part too, for now.

i guess i'm not depressed anymore since i'm just a pouring fountain of comment!

Sandrine's Avatar Sandrine 02:56 PM 01-14-2005
To everyone who needs one. I totally understand how hard some days can be. Especially with 2 very young ones. It's getting better here but somedays I want to hide from both of them. : t.v has been a godsend for me anyway to help me deals with them both asking for me. I put a video in and then take care of dd2. Then once dd2 is taking care, I can take care of DD1. I know t.v is not good for her but it's hard sometimes when both their routine don't match.

Well, got to go make lunch....hmmm what to eat...hmm.....
eilonwy's Avatar eilonwy 03:22 PM 01-14-2005
Originally Posted by casina
i think some kind of puffy paint from the craft store can be used to put treads on clothing. i've never done it so i'm not sure what kinds work best.
Casina!! That's absolutely brilliant! I can't believe I never thought of that! I bet I could get some on freecycle, too, that's just the kind of thing people are always looking to get rid of. Thanks!
MamaFern's Avatar MamaFern 10:59 PM 01-14-2005
that is a great idea!

i woke this morning and the room was spinning.. after a while it stopped but then my insides were spinning. ive been in bed most of the day.. i threw up a bit but i hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday so it was really painful! im still a bit queezy, but the spinning has stopped, thankfully. i hardly ever get sick.. and it was such a bad day to get it too becase i finally made a date to hang out with a MCD momma and her kids we made a raincheque, but im dissapointed. oh well these things happen for a reason right?
majazama's Avatar majazama 11:37 PM 01-14-2005
Thank-you for being real, mommas

I drove for 10 hours a couple of days ago through the wind and the sleet and the snow. With my little munchkins. I did it all during the night, so as to not have too much trauma. Still, babies do not like to be in vehicles (well, mine anyways) and they woke up numerous times, where I had to change diapers, give boobs, and calm nerves. It was quite the adventure, parking on the side of the highway with monsterous semi-trucks passing me by within feet on a kinda-slippery road. well, I'm here now, and I'm glad we got here safe and sound. I'm a slooooooow driver, which is probably why.

just want to say that I understand how you all feel, and don't worry, nothing lasts forever. winter will be over soon.
tea olive's Avatar tea olive 03:26 AM 01-15-2005
WOW! you did the drive. i have never done it and didn't want to give any kind of naysaying vibe. so glad you made it safe jaz. so glad that you are smart enough to drive slow.

fern, let us know if you are even better.

rynna, maybe what i'm thinking is actually puffy glue (in paint colors?).

haha, you are welcome. my mind is spinning with ideas so throw me some other weird practical problems. today i was trying to design a mop to use old tshirts that could be easily adaptable to everyone. i made up a new soft back carrier but ruby won't try it. probably because i used ugly fabric for the prototype. i'm thinking about making soap for the first time. maybe i should get on the old sweater knit soaker thing. i really should be trying to actually make money, but it's not in me i'm not a mass producer. i just need to make enough cool things and get someone to work as my agent. oh yeah, i have projects promised but now they seem like icky jobs even though they are for friends promising to pay. there's my inner child bared for you, or the idealistic design artiste. i really have to get a garden going this year. yes, i don't live in snow or frozen ground but what is out there is a world thick with mosquitoes all day.
af must be coming that's when i'm more chatty.
MamaFern's Avatar MamaFern 03:48 AM 01-15-2005
casina, i think it was just a one day thing. im feeling tired but better.. ive been drinking lots of water and as soon as i could hold something i had veggie broth and a piece of toast and felt a lot better. i havnt eaten much because i dont want to over stress my system, but i do need enuff energy to make milk for my little guy. its early but im ready for bed. i also took some homeopathic tincture for the flu and it seemed to help right away.. one of the ingredients is viper venom..weird huh?!a anyways...

elwynn has had cradle cap since he was born but since his hair grew so fast i never really dealt with it..but today while he was in the bath i rubbed some grapeseed oil on his scalp and let it soak in and then gently brushed it out with a clean flea comb (it is the only brush we have in the house...) and it worked really well.. no more yucky scalp crud. i know that i should have done it a long time ago..but id wasnt hurting him and i didnt want to have to hold him down screaming to do it. he sat really still while i did it and didnt complain a bit. it was simple and stress free and im glad its gone..
i doubt that anyone but me noticed it, but it did bother me.

rynna: hug
tea olive's Avatar tea olive 05:11 AM 01-15-2005
good thing about funky illnesses that flatten you - they go fast.
ruby would still have cradle cap but a friend that was over not too long ago was sitting next to a napping ruby (hmph, kinda rare these days) and couldn't stand it and got it all out. i think she was a little appalled. my energy just doesn't go that far.
eilonwy's Avatar eilonwy 05:27 AM 01-15-2005
jas-- i drive a lot with the kids; i've never done such a long trip (the longest was when beanbean was about 6 months old, i dove 7 hours) but we take a 1.5 hour trip (one way) at least twice a week and a 2-hour (one way) trip at least once. it's crazy, but my kids actually don't seem to mind too much, they just accept it as par for the course.

casina-- i keep debating, in my mind, the merits of say, buying a cottage license to the ltk soaker & longies patterns. It's expensive, and the initial outlay for wool would be expensive, but i think i'd definately turn a profit. i could always work my own pattern, but theirs is already worked out so beautifully, and it's so pretty and adaptable... I don't know. It won't even be something to think about until tax time, and even then it may not be an option, but it's something I want to think about anyway. I mean, imagine... getting paid to knit! Wow. I've been knitting for years, and I never thought there was any potential to make money doing it.

fern-- i had the same thing! the "Itsavirus." It was yichy. I'm still feeling a bit like a thorougly wrung washcloth, but I'm not feeling so sick and miserable anymore.

We had a better day today. I decided I was going to Take BeanBean Seriously, no matter what. This morning, he woke up poopy. He asked to nurse and I told him that I couldn't stand the smell and wouldn't nurse him until he had had a shower. He didn't want a shower, so I said "ok" and left him alone. He played for a while, and even drank a bottle of pediasure and curled up for a few minutes, calm and happy and quiet the whole time. A few hours later, he said "I'm ready to take a shower now." So he got in the shower, I washed his behind, and then when he asked nicely to nurse he did. It was so much easier to deal with!

I wasn't perfect, but things went a lot more smoothly than they did yesterday. Of course, we got to the IL's, who are totally not TCS'ers and BeanBean had to hear "You're not allowed to X" over and over again. *sigh* TCS isn't exactly something I can explain to people who totally aren't into it. The IL's are of the "train a child up" mentality. They are totally into rules and being authoritarian with children, and that doesn't doesn't work for me, especially with children who are completely verbal like BeanBean.
abranger's Avatar abranger 10:45 AM 01-15-2005
GA still has tons of cradle cap and she has thin blond hair so it is pretty obvious. I have asked the doc about it several times and he said don't worry just leave it there......sometimes we try to work on it but she hates it so ....whataver we'll just leave it there..

MamaFern's Avatar MamaFern 03:29 PM 01-15-2005
i recomend using a flea comb.. i know it sounds weird but it works soo well because the bristles are so close together..but like you said, if she hates it why bother.. it will eventually go away by itself or with your help and its not hurting her..i just sometimes got the feeling when people saw it that they thought i wasnt taking good care of him because of it..but that was just my own insecurities.. s

rynna: i feel that way with elwynn too.. i get frustrated because i want him to do things on my time and i dont think about how i would feel if someone was always telling me when and how to do stuff.. if they want to sit in a shitty diaper then i guess we should let them.. but its sooo gross! i try to wait till he asks.. he doesnt like it so usually even before he's done he says "POTTY!" i dont understand why he cant come yelling "POTTY" when he is just about to go and not durring or after..but...

oh oh! i have an older sister.. 5 years older. she is great. and she called me last night and asked me if i would want to be her room mate!@ i was so excited. we didnt get along when we were younger but we love eachother..and rarely get to hang out because she is busy at nursing school and im in mission and being a momma.. but she is going to have a room open in sept and she said that im the only person that she could think of that she would LOVE to live with. it was a big compliment. i guess i still feel kinda sad about how we hated eachother when we were younger. but i was actally thinking about asking her and then thought i was probably the last person she would want to live with.. i guess i was wrong. so im really happy because the house she lives in is great and close to lots of my friends..and my best friends baby was born in that house too.. i know its a long time away, but i know that ill have a place to go when this house gets sold.

things just fall into place if you let them. i love it!
punkprincessmama's Avatar punkprincessmama 01:10 AM 01-16-2005
Congratulations Fern!!!

Rynna, We also try to take M. seriously. I am not terribly familiar with TCS, but I did read part of a thread about it here ages ago and love the concept. That is something I have been reflecting on this past week as well, my need (as well as dh's) to go slower and honor her needs more. So, what I'm wondering is was Eli poopy the whole time you were waiting for him to be ready to shower? How long was that? I'm asking because wet/soiled diapers are one of the things that make me crazy. I can't stand for dd to be just sitting in that. She gets diaper rash sooooooooooooo easily for one thing. She hates having to stop what she is doing to change a diaper though. My compromise has been to simply remove the diaper and let her run around naked until she is ready for a new one (and clean her while she is standing/squatting if she is poopy of course) The unforseen upside to this is she is taking an interest in her potty chair again Anyhow, so I want to respect her words, but the soiled diaper thing how do y'all deal with stuff like this??

Casina, I keep thinking about your broken trumpet towel holder I'm so glad that you are feeling better and that your home is more of a haven for you now.
tea olive's Avatar tea olive 02:08 AM 01-16-2005
i've got a broken trombone to make into a towel rack too. haven't figured the hardware though.
eilonwy's Avatar eilonwy 01:25 PM 01-16-2005
Originally Posted by punkprincessmama
So, what I'm wondering is was Eli poopy the whole time you were waiting for him to be ready to shower? How long was that? I'm asking because wet/soiled diapers are one of the things that make me crazy.
Don't get me wrong, poopy pants piss me off, too. And this one was particularly nasty, the smell was really bad (BeanBean is finally starting to digest most of his food). The thing is, I've been having such bad days and something occured to me Friday morning: Why am I arguing with him? He's two years old, and while he's a very smart kid (IMNSHO) he's not what you'd call the most rational of people, you know? I decided that a return to the TCS principles which had made our life together so easy in the past was in order. So when BeanBean woke up with nasty smelling poopy pants and asked to nurse, I did the best TCS thing I could think of, which was to try to come up with a common preference. I was not going to concede and nurse him while he reeked like that, but if he didn't want to get changed I wasn't going to spend time and energy arguing with him. Once he understood that I wasn't saying no outright to nursing, and that I wasn't going to coerce him into getting a shower, he was fine.

It was about three and a half, maybe four hours before he decided he was ready to take a shower, and I just waited for him to be ready; it's not like we had anywhere to be, and the only thing I could not concede to do was nurse him while he stank. The thing about common preferences is that they are, ideally, just that: common. I think that when most people think of TCS they think that it's only the children who are Taken Seriously, but it really forces me to rethink my own sacrifices. Through TCS, I've learned to take *myself* seriously, and that makes for a much happier family. Just as BeanBean has the right to sit in poop, so I have the right not to breathe in the fumes for extended periods. BeanBean has the right to ask for more X, I have the right to say "how about Y instead?" if I'm just not up for X. Even with a two year old, it's amazing how often we can both compromise and get a reasonable approximation of what we want, without sacrificing the things we can't live without.
Mona's Avatar Mona 05:22 PM 01-16-2005
first- hugs to all the mamas!!! i think on an energetic level things are going on that we can not always understand, and they affect us deeply. when 160,000 people die suddenly, you can bet SOMETHING is going on, yk?
so i try to remind myself of that, be patient w/ dd and myself, and remind myself tht it will all be ok.
saying that..... my pms this month was freaking horrible!!! my hormones are still all out of wack. i need to have regular accupuncture treatments, but regular is not part of our vocabulary.
anyway, now that i am in my moon, i feel a bit better, but still riding the wave of energetic movement.

great post eilonwy about your TCS approach, and how it teaches you to challenge yourself contantly along the way. I have found too often that when i have a tension w/ something dd is doing, if it really evaluate my tension, I realize that what she is doing really is not a big deal, and that i need to let go of it. And as soon as i do this, the issue no longer manifests, as i am no longer tense about it, and so dd actually changes her behavior to a more "preferred" one on her own. it's like i communicate why i would like her to do something, or why it would benefit her if she would do something. then i let it go, and leave it up to her. and once i let go of it, then she has some control over it. and then all the info sinks in, and she makes her decisions.
hope that makes some sense.

i do have two issues that i can not let go of w/ her, and just hand my trust over to her. i guess in essense it is actually taking myself more seriously then her. those areas are in food and tv.
the food thing- she has allergies, so i can not let her eat whatever she wants. she will not sleep if she (or i for that matter) consume certain things. luckily she seems to understand that she can not eat certain things, sas she says "papa's" when he is eating something she cannot, and says "baby no." and she is almost always fine with that. but occassionally i have to say no, you can not eat that, it will make your tummy upselt.
there are also a few things that she probably could eat, but that i don't believe are good for any person to eat- white sugar. we don't eat it, so neither does she.
i have no illusions that one day she will. but for now i know it would make her hyper crazy, and that it is not good for her immune system. so i make that decision. TCS'ers say that if you leave it totally open to your kids, they will eventually make the right decisions. and it is not htat i doubt that. it is just that i don't want her system compromised in the mean time.
the second area is w/ tv. that too makes her a bit obessesive and crazy and out of her center. i also believe that tv messes w/ the energetics of a child in ways that science can't necessarity measure. too much flash, images, linear disturbance going on that is not able to be processed. so i do regulate that.
we don't have cable, so it is not really a huge issue anyway. but my housemate watches a lot of movies , so she sees and knows what watching tv is all about.
anyway, those are the two areas i struggle with. i try to be somewhat flexible, but in the end w/ those two areas i will base my decisions on what i am feeling is good for her, and not necessarily what she always wants. a big deviation from TCS.

my i am rambling on.

mamafern- that is GREAT news about your sister! congrats!
I hope your visit w/ Jaz is going well.

I can not imagine being in the car that long w/ 2 babes by myself. my folks live 5 hours a way, and it is a major pain in my ass to do that trip. i am in the back seat about half of it playing, and i get a bit car sick from back seats (or have since i've had dd anyway ) so by the time we get there i have a horrible headache.

dd is saying about 2-3 new words every day. today it was hide, help (i guess she's said that one before but i hadn't heard it), and here. and a B word that i can't remember. i am SO glad she has learned to say help. hopefully that will be helpful , no pun intended. :LOL

our newest fav thing is for her to help me cut veggies for salads. she grabs the back/end of the knife while i chop things. she loves helping mama.

ok, i have to run. congrats if you made it through this message.

majazama's Avatar majazama 05:43 PM 01-16-2005
what is TCS?
Mona's Avatar Mona 06:08 PM 01-16-2005
TCS= Taking Children Seriously.
http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/node/58 is one site....
eilonwy's Avatar eilonwy 03:08 PM 01-17-2005
Originally Posted by casina
eilonwy, if i were you i would put a double bolt on that door. it is a pain for me to look for keys to open, but it works. or you could put a sliding latch very high up (my kids can get that already, but it helps).
I can't; I live in an apartment, and can't drill holes in the door. Believe me, if I could do that I would, along with painting the freaking walls. :

My left boob is *killing* me. I don't know if it's thrush or what but holy crap does it hurt!! : : It's all I can do not to throw the kids accross the room when they touch it; heck, it hurts when my arm brushes it by accident. I seriously want to throw up from the pain-- it's that intense.
Mona's Avatar Mona 03:38 PM 01-17-2005
rynna- do you have any cabbage in the fridge? throw on a cabbage leaf if you can.... i also have done homeopathics, but now can't rmember the names.
anyway, sorry about the pain.
DecemberSun's Avatar DecemberSun 08:12 PM 01-17-2005
Rynna, how's the boob?

Your stressful situation sounds like me with my two kids at this time last year. Being "thrown" into parenthood (we went from zero to three kids in 6 months) was extremely difficult to get used to, especially when my son wouldn't take a bottle and I was his only means of pacification, comfort, food and drink. And Julianna had reflux and puked up half (or all) of her feedings and was going though drug withdrawals and was in physical pain and would arch away from me if I tried to comfort her. For awhile I was a sleep-depreived zombie, just trying to survive one minute to the next, not knowing if I was going to survive, and frequently breaking down in tears right along with the kids. I was in a horrible daze, I don't remember much about the kids being young and that scares me. Thankfully I am very faithful with taking photos and I have gazillions to remind me, but still... I lost a lot of time being a dazed zombie, and I wasted a lot of time being a crazed lunatic. Hopefully I caught it in time before my kids became trauatized- I actually think I was a better mom in some ways back then because I didn't yell at them so much- they are quite rambunctious nowadays, and together they make for a destructive duo. I still yell a lot, way more than I'd like to, and I lose my patience too often, and I try hard every day to take deep breaths and just let go and "be"... I'm not in a daze now, and I feel like I'm a good mom, but I can always be better, YK? I guess I'm just rambling on to say that you are a perfectly normal frazzled mother of two and that I have been there (and am still here) with you.

And it is tue what casina says about babies who feel unloved not crying out. They are smarter than we think, and if they think they're needs are going to be met they will do whatever it takes to get that attention. But if they know that no one will come to them they will hide inside themselves. The little boy I took care of last summer was only 5 months old and he was used to being left in a room to cry when he was hungry or tired or scared. I remember one time when he was here he was in the swing and started fussing, so I went to fix him a bottle (of his nasty forrmula). By the time I had mixed the formula and gotten it all ready for him, he had cried himself to sleep. He was so hungry that he didn't want to waste any energy crying for food because he was so conditioned to thinking no one would come for him!!! How unbelievably sad is that?!? I picked him up and held him and fed him, but it made me tear up just thinking about what that little boy had been through in his short little life- he didn't want to waste any calories by crying for food, he tried for the bare minimum to get someone's attention and then gave up... So, we really ARE good mamas when our kids act obnoxious. They feel secure enough with us to test us. It doesn't make sense on the outside, but when you dig a little deeper you can see that it does make sense, and they are on the right track...

Julianna's "dad" got out of jail and went to Social Services. He talked to Julianna's Social Worker and he wants to go ahead with the paternity test so he can start visitation : . After that he can go for full custody if he wants to. We're preparing ourselves for the worst, but hoping for the best. Even of she does go "home" it won't be for over a year because the courts are very aware that she has bonded to our family and doesn;t even know this man. So we are loving her up extra these days, and spoiling her like mad so when she goes "home" she'll be a brat, :LOL. DH was nice enough to say that he would do it again in a heartbeat of Julianna left, and I was so happy. Most people say "That's it, I can't do this anymore, I can't get attached to a child and have them go home". But DH and I are *ahem* really good at foster parenting, IMO, and we have fun at it and I'd love to take in another baby to love while their own parents can't (or won't). But hopefully Julianna's "dad" will just want visitation and he'll let her stay with us because he'll see how attached she is to our family and he won't want to rip her out of the only home she's know... But we shall wait and see...

I am feeling really FAT lately. I always gain wait in the winter, but this is ridiculous! I can't wait for the summer time when I'm out and about moving and grooving outside and sweating and losing weight again... Right now all I feel like doing is curling up and eating a warm meal, LOL...
MamaFern's Avatar MamaFern 10:05 PM 01-17-2005
hi mommas..

im still sniffling.. and i cant taste anything and so all day all i ate was a few bites of oatmeal and now some soup. i got really low bloodsugar and yelled at elwynn for not eating his soup..he was sticking his hands-both of them and squishing the veggies and noodles around. then he wiped them on his clothes.. i just got so MAD. i just want him to eat so that he won't weigh 21 LBS for the rest of his life.. i get so worried that something else is going on, but he is so normal otherwise. i guess i would just feel better about it if he would eat like a normal human sometimes. he will not ever let me spoon feed him. everything has to be " myself" but soup is hard to eat with out getting it everywhere..! he is so friggin picky. i made oatmeal for breakfast and he picked out all of the raisins and wouldnt eat the oats..he picks out the corn from the soup but refused to eat the rest. he wants to eat pickles and chips all day.

okay. enuff ranting.

its pouring rain here.. i have a headache. and im very grumpy. grr.
Mona's Avatar Mona 10:33 PM 01-17-2005
fern- i go through the frustration of dd not eating much/weighing much sometimes too. i used to really be uptight about it. but since she was still nursing gobs, i chilled. she was not loosing weight, so that relaxed me. she is finally starting to take more of an interest in eating/food. i try to fatten her up w/ almond butter and avacados, but that doesn't always work.

glad you are starting to feel better.
eilonwy's Avatar eilonwy 01:11 AM 01-18-2005
fern, have you considered just teaching him to drink the soup? it tends to be neater than spooning with toddlers... and kids love drinking stuff out of bowls; at least, mine does. he also likes dipping stuff into other stuff, especially (*shudder*) ranch dressing (which his grandparents have at 2/3 meals). i told them to get some regular stuff (they usually eat low-fat) for him, and he's definately gained some weight since that happened.

of course, he's still tiny, but he weighs a heck of a lot more. people are always so surprised by how heavy he is, apparently he still looks like he should weigh barely 20 pounds but he's closer to 30.

speaking of weight gain, my BooBah has an appointment with the pediatric gastroenterologist tomorrow; i think he will be pleasantly surprised at how much weight she's gained just since starting the pepcid. it's really helping her to puke less of what she eats! she is now too big for fully half of her 3-6 month sized outfits. go BooBah!

I'm feeling decent today, except for the sore boob; I think sex helped. Yes ladies, I finally got some! Mike and I were both awake and both kids were asleep, we totally jumped at the chance! :LOL My boob hurts less than it did earlier, but it's still unbelievably sore . I put some more gentian violet on my nipple, but that didn't help the rest of the boob, just the nipple.

we have snow on the ground. it was really warm last week (mid-60's) and it was supposed to be warm again this week, but last night before we went to bed we saw snow coming down. it's not much, but it's something! i love snow.

i don't know if i mentioned it here, but I have pictures of BooBah cruising in my sig! she's so amazing, i just have to brag.
tea olive's Avatar tea olive 12:55 AM 01-19-2005
mona, i really enjoyed your last post. maybe because i'm on a similar loop - i just had terrible pms and am finally mellowing with the flow.

warning: 2-3 doesn't gain much weight. usually they just elongate. i know of many children that did not change weight the entire year of being 2.

ruby is yelling to nurse.
MamaFern's Avatar MamaFern 01:36 AM 01-19-2005
im feeling much better today-emotionally anyways.. im still getting over this sickness..but elwynn and i bundled up and even though its was POURING rain we walked to town. it felt good to strtch my legs and i actually love being out in the rain. it feels like the drops wash all of the tension away. we walked for about 3 hours all over the place.. we had miso soup and veggie sushi (a special treat!) at a little sushi plce in town and i took him to get weighed and to play at the heath unit.. he is taller for sure but no fatter

ive decided to stop feeding him dairy and wheat for a while and see if that helps..maybe he is sensitive to them like i am..so i got some organic goat milk (which is what i used to give him) its a bit more expensive, but higher in fat and protein..i bought him a big bag of mixed nuts and he is happily munching on and washing them down with a cup of goats milk. i know that it is unlikely that he will gain a lot fast but even a pound would be amazing for him. just so he can wear pants without them falling off!

elwynn and haeven have fighting almost non stop. they just dont get on well.. there has to be constant supervision and even when there is someone right there stuff still happens.. elwynn is soooo sensitive..maybe being sick makes him more so.. haeven often just wants to play and as soon as she goes near him he screams bloody murder.. it is very stressful for me and jasanna.. i really hope that they grow out of this soon! its hard to have a nice visit with someone in a situation like this and i feel badly about it..

but my walk helped. i realised neither of us can change this now..and it isnt our faults either..it is something that the kids are going to have to sort out and maybe its just not the right time for them to do that..
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