Sibling masturbation **HELP** advice please - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 04-12-2005, 11:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Days ago I was faced with an issue I never thought I would have to address, but I just don't know if how I handled it was correct. I have 3 children 7,4,2. They have always bathed together, slept together, played together. We do everything as a family always. My older daughter is in school, and my younger is in a regio amellia preschool program for a few hrs 2 days a week. Oter than that we are always together. The other morn, I bathed my 2 little ones as I always have. They get bubbles, and toys, and play for 30mins or so. I get dressed in the bathroom, or do something within range of hearing/sight. I heard my daughter say to my son for him to "put his finger in her body" I reacted with dissaproval, and explained how ones body is private, and noone touches but herself, mama/doc when caring for her. She has been read books, and we have had family talks because my older daughter is in school. In other words I thought I had made this clear! She seemed upset, that I was up set,a nd has not mentioned it since, or repeated this behavior. I do not make a big deal out of masturbation in our household, as I think is better left alone, they loose intrest in it so fast why draw attention to something so normal? But this of couyrse is not ok, and is not acceptable. Please tell me if you have had similar experiances with multiple children. Thanks ~Peace be to you, and yours~ Jess
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#2 of 5 Old 04-12-2005, 11:12 PM
 
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I think you reacted appropriately, I've seen similar situations throughout my childcare work, it happens just because kids explore their bodies, that's what adults are there for is to guide away from unacceptable behavior, which is what you did, and while *something* like that may happen again I'd be surprised if the same exact thing happened. it's normal.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#3 of 5 Old 04-12-2005, 11:46 PM
 
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Shortly after my 3rd child was born my son (almost 6) saw his sister (2.5) put her finger in her vagina. He freaked. Then procede to show me what his sister had done to herself. I took a deep breath. Said that was her vagina (birth canal was the word we used at the time) and a baby will come out of it one day. Also said, that was her privates and it was not appropriate for him to ever touch them. Then I had to reassure him several times it was OK for girls can do that. :LOL I do think that he thought girls got vaginas later when they grew up. (He also had a mispersception on his penis, uncut, would look like his dad's,cut, when he grew up.)

My then 5 year old dd showed my 3 year old dd how to use the bath tub water to masterbate. After I quit laughing (walked out of the room). I explain that felt good and that they were only suppose to do that while alone. My 5 year old just spread her legs and goes "DD3's name you should do this it feels good." :LOL

I remember my oldest dd show me what she could do with herself she she was about 3.

When my oldest dd was born. I remember a nephew, 6, saw me change her diaper and said "Oh, that is what a vagina looks like?" (It was pure innocence). It did take me back but he had never seen that part of a female.

I would not be surprised if this was more of a "Look at what I can do" type exploration. You are dealling with children a lot younger and naturally more ignorant of social norms. They are curious and if they find a little whole in their body they have to show it off or question it.
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#4 of 5 Old 04-16-2005, 02:48 AM
 
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I think at that age it's all pretty innocent, and it's kinda like saying...."hey, stick your finger in my belly button, ear, nose, whatever". You handled it great though, setting the limits for what you and yours are comfortable with. (I don't mean that to sound like I would be comfortable with my kids touching each others genitals). I just think that to call it masturbation might be a bit strong, somewhat of a misinterpretation of the intent/curiosity behind the act, kwim?
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#5 of 5 Old 04-16-2005, 07:56 AM
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Wow, it is these types of posts that make me glad to be on MDC...

I consider myself really openminded etc, but that would have FREAKED ME OUT...completely...we are due with our first in May so it is not an issue at all, but I am the type who always wants/needs to be prepared so I store all these in my memory bank so I can be calm and cool in the event these things ever happen...

By the way, I think you handled it fine and I do think it was innocent like the other poster mentioned...but again, I can see you being freaked...even though we know intellectually that small children see their genitals in many ways like they see any other part of their body, no big deal, but because we know what they are for and because of society etc...it is SO difficult to just take it for what it is when we see that at that age....though again, I completely agree it is not appropriate behavior...it seems normal curiosity and innocent exploration...

...but yeah, I would have freaked *inside* as much as I would have tried to remain calm, informative and cool on the outside...

Good luck!
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