having a bad day with high-need toddler - need support - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 29 Old 11-18-2002, 05:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is so hard. I find the whole thing so hard. I know that parenting is challenging no matter what - I am not trying to make myself a special case - but I'm really needing some support from other moms of high-need or spirited kids.

My 14 month old was colicky (although, I hesitate to put that in the past tense) and continues to be firey, highly sensitive, and he cries much more than other children his age (I know we may all say this, but I have to say I really believe it).

Last night at dinner, I was with a friend and my son in a restaurant and ds kept screaming, wouldn't eat, wouldn't nurse, so finally we went outside and I just held him and let him cry out his frustration. We went back in and had about 10 minutes of dinner, then more crying and screaming. I know this is terrible and that comparing does not help, but I kept thinking, "why me? why me? all of the other babies in here are sitting quietly. I give and give to him all day and I just want to be able to **** eat!" Sometimes I just start to resent ds for being so over-sensitive, demanding and clingy.

Why oh why does he cry so much? Is there something wrong with him? He wakes up and cries, makes screaming fits many times throughout the day, cries in the bath, cries in the car, cries in the sling, cries in the stroller. I spend the majority of the time just trying to find what makes him happy. I admit that my self-confidence as a mother is shot, it was a year ago when he cried for 10 hours a day. Dr. Sears says to not take it personally, but I have not yet mastered that skill.

Oh, and in case somebody mentions food allergies...I have done elimination diets while exclusively nursing and noticed no effect, and I very carefully introduced solids over the course of 6 months and have not noted any connection with what he consumes.

It doesn't help that I'm in a foreign country and have only 2 friends - one who works full time and the other who is so negative that I can't bear 5 minutes with her.

Sorry this is such a negative post! Like I said, I really need some support!
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#2 of 29 Old 11-18-2002, 07:39 AM
 
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I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for you but I did want to give you a big
It sounds to me like you are a wonderful mother.
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#3 of 29 Old 11-18-2002, 11:36 AM
 
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hey ramona quimby,

i hear you! it's really hard, isn't it? i have one of those kids.. he's almost 3 now, so doesn't cry so much anymore, but now he's in a *very* contrary stage, and most everything seems to be a battle. like yours, he screamed all day long for the first year (and still does -*loudly*- when he's unhappy) of his life. nothing seemed to satisfy him, and my confidence as his mama was also quite low as a result. he's a very sensitive boy, so i am very careful to try to be empathetic.. but it is hard when the angst seems directed toward mama, and it's hard not to take that personally. it sounds like you are doing a great job. i don't have any super advice, as i have struggled with it too, and never did find the magic button to his lasting contentment.. i just comfort myself with knowing his intensity makes for an exceptionally creative and determined personality.
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#4 of 29 Old 11-18-2002, 12:02 PM
 
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Hi:

I can't answer why he crys so much but I wish you had more support. We had a colicy one that cried it seems for months. Only a ride in the car would settle her down. It's really hard, especially when all the other parents are telling you how good and easy their child is. If it helps I think a good baby in this country really means one that's easy to take care of and ease of care has nothing to do with the child and the adult the baby will grow to be. I recently read that in Italy each baby usually has been held for a period of time by everyone in the village by the time they're 48 hours old. Sounds like support is built in - different here. You sound like a wonderful mother to me too. One facing a difficult, but temporary, phase.

"Here is this baby and he refuses to eat his solid food. ("Solid" in this case is a euphemism for "squishy.") Are you a failure as a parent? Is he a failure as a baby? Is the pediatrician a failure as a pediatrician? Would the baby rather have a hot pastrami sandwich? This brings us to the primary rule of baby raising, which is the solution to this and all subsequent problems. This rule must be followed faithfully, and practiced regularly, and you should make it a habit to repeat it to yourself ten times a day. It is the _Golden Rule_ of raising babies. LIE. Lie to your mother, lie to your sisters and aunts, and above all, lie to all the other mothers you meet on the street. When a newer mother than you asks for your help. tell her you never had the least trouble. Your baby just loved his mashed bananas on the first try."

~ Elinor Goulding Smith, The Complete Book of Absolutely Perfect Baby and Child Care (1957)
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#5 of 29 Old 11-18-2002, 12:53 PM
 
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Here's a big hug for a hard time!! I think we moms sometimes just have to do whatever works. I dealt with the family and friends who all thought I was doing things that were going to spoil my child when he cried, but you know, its about coming out with your sanity on the other end. We are here for you!!

You mentioned you are in a foreign country. Have your checked the "Finding your Tribe" part of this board? Maybe there are some moms in your neck of the woods??

Deep breaths and Big Hugs,
Kellie in NC
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#6 of 29 Old 11-18-2002, 01:58 PM
 
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I am right there with you! I have a 16 mos old that had colic for his first 5 months, and is HN to boot. I know exactly what it's like to listen to your toddler scream all day, I just went through a week of it non-stop and was ready to be committed! He is working on his molars and eyeteeth, it has been pure he@#! I dont mind his temper tantrums so much, as at least I know why he is screaming, but the screaming for no apparent reason really drives me nutso!

The only thing I can recommend is try to get your dh to give you a break, even if it's just to get in the shower and not have to hear his screaming. Or to run to the grocery store, or take a 15 minute walk.

I'm like you, and wonder "why me?" quite often. Everyone I know IRL has these easy, LN babies who never seem to cry. I wonder what I did to deserve such a hard, hard baby. It is sooooooo hard dealing with it day in and day out, that I'm actually thinking of going back to work full time so that I dont have to any more. He goe's to a family member's daycare 1 day a week, and every week without fail we get the "he was an angel" report. That really makes me feel like it is something I'm doing wrong, KWIM? I know it's most likely just the interaction and busyness of the other kids there, but sometimes I feel like such a failure at motherhood.

I was ready to run away when out of nowhere yesterday was a good day. He seems to know when I've had enough and cant handle anymore. LOL

Hang in there and hopefully you'll have a spurt of good days. Vent away if you need to, I know it really helps just to vent!
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#7 of 29 Old 11-18-2002, 02:25 PM
 
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i have noticed that my son is more noisy when he is hungry or his teeth hurt. i try to feed him before we eat out and i try to put that "ambisol" medicine on his gums if we are out and he is noisy.

he was REALLY whiny a few weeks ago. that is when we stopped using bottles. i figured if he was crying with a bottle he could cry without. he actually got BETTER and hasn't really been whiny or crying since.

he NEVER cried as a baby, but he whines/cries sometimes as a toddler. only when he doesn't get his way. so, i have to admit i give him his way.

hang in there, it could be just a phase. as they get older it is easier to teach/talk to and make them understand they must be quiet and "good".

you aren't alone though, i have a clingy toddler
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#8 of 29 Old 11-18-2002, 06:16 PM
 
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Been there done that!!!I am sorry to say that I really can't offer advice but I just want you to know that I went through it and feel your pain. When Em was born the comment most made about her was that she was "so alert". What an understatement.This girl cried constantly the first 6 months of her life.She rarely slept and was incredibly needy.I even bought a book about needy children. The first time we took her out to dinner with friends was incredibly traumatic for us!!!She cried the entire time almost, it was awful. I don't think we went out to dinner for months after that! A group of us who took birthing classes together would get together with our babies every few months. Emma was always the one crying, needy and never happy. Each time we would take a group shot of all the babies she would be the only one crying in the photo. I mean, we finally just had to laugh about it. I would say the worst of it lasted about 8 monthsand then she started to mellow some
She is now 2 1/2, still very active and busy, but very bright, social and happy.
Though I am terrified about going through infancy again with another child, I wouldn't change anything if it had to sacrifice her personality and the way she is now.
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#9 of 29 Old 11-18-2002, 06:48 PM
 
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ME AGAIN


i think that some babies really hate to see their mom eating for some reason. mine had been this way since birth. it did help me to loose weight (as i didn't eat much so he wouldn't cry). but as he gets older it makes me more and more upset.

do you notice he does it more when you eat?

i TOTALLY RELATE. I totally feel like you do somedays.

my son is much worse in public for some reason.
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#10 of 29 Old 11-18-2002, 07:11 PM
 
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I'm so sorry! My son cried continuously for his first eight months. Then he cried only half the time, until about 18 months. Now [he's 2] he seems needier than his peers, but is generally happier than he was. I think the biggest thing that helped was his increased ability to communicate- now that he can talk, he has other ways to express his needs than throwing fits. This may not be the main issue with your kid, but have you considered/ already tried teaching a few signs? My son only learned a couple, but just being able to express "more" when he was a year old made a big difference to him and to us. I know the possibility of it helping seems slim, but I know you reach a point where ANYTHING seems worth a shot.

Is there anything that reliably makes him happy? Being outside/ watching people in the street/ playing in a sandbox/ jumping on a bed/ reading a book/ playing at the sink/ antagonizing a friendly dog? If so, let him do it as long as he wants- and when that gets old, jump into something else that usually works. You need a day or so with reduced crying to keep up the energy and commitment for the OTHER days, and remind you that being a mom IS rewarding and worthwhile.
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#11 of 29 Old 11-18-2002, 11:48 PM
 
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I am so sorry you have to go through this!!! My DS is now 17 mo old and he is either REALLY happy or REALLY upset. He also cried for the first year or so. Even when we were still in the hospital one of the nurses commented that she was glad that we were a loving family bc she worries about excessively loud babies and abuse after they are released to go home!!!

People (even small children) used to come up to me in stores and ask me what was wrong with my baby. Clerks offered to push my cart for me or hold him so I could shop. Friends wondered how I could talk over his screaming in the car. We only left him with a babysitter about 3 times in the first year bc we didn't want them to have to put up with the crying.

But now that he has matured some, like I said, he is often REALLY happy instead. I think that things that have helped us have been baby signs so that we can tell what is wrong, and also, I have had to learn to just pass him off to DH and take a break from him sometimes, knowing that he will cry (although he will be in loving arms).

I guess my point is that this may pass as his communication skills increase. I certainly hope so. Mommies need breaks sometimes!!!!

GL
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#12 of 29 Old 11-19-2002, 01:19 AM
 
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Ramona_Quimby- I'll tell you one thing you could try. It probably won't cure it, but it might help!
Have you tried a routine? My dd is 26 mths and I am not a routine kind of person, as in, it is hard for me to stick to a routine, but my HN dd does *much* better with a basic routine. I was amazed when I tried it.
Soem background- dd was not clicky, though some tried to label her that way. SHe was not in pain, just cranky a lot. She would have crying jags if she got tired. She fought sleep, hated the stroller, the sling, and the carseat. She liked the swing but mostly I had to sit in front of it and sing to her and turn on white noise. She had to be held a lot but was not snugly as a baby- she just wanted me to MOVE MOVE MOVE!!! All day, if I walked and bounced, she was usually happy (not always).
Anyway, in her toddler years I have worked on buliding routine into our lives, as she never settled into one as a baby.
I have to really work on making myself stick to it, as in not going out at night past 6:00 very often and having meal and sleep times about the same time each day.
Basically what we do is wake up about 9:00, get breakfast, start getting dressed, my hair wased,etc. If we have nowhere to be (which is usually the case), this and playing takes up most of the morning. We eat lunch at 11:45-12:00, then nurse. Then we eat dinner at 6:00, and nurse after that. Then we play some and off to bath at 7:00. Then to bed b/w 8-9:00. Lately Kodi has actually been *asking* me to go to bed, she does not want to stay up or even to read books! This has happened since we started the routine.
She is 26 mths, and she also nurses at other times during the day and snacks a lot. So, it is not much of a routine really, but my dd starts getting to her old grumpy self if we get off of this routine.
So, it may help- it's worth a try if you haven't tried already!
One thing is that you need to promise yourself that you will stick to it faithfully, with only the very occasional slip, for say 1 month. If it seems to be working then you can get mroe liberal about it, as in going out past 6:00 or whatever time, once a week.
HTH!!
It will get better with age!!!
Sara
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#13 of 29 Old 11-24-2002, 04:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You all are a godsend, truly. I get scared of telling people how frustrating it is with ds b/c I tend to get a shower of advice, but really, support was all I needed here and you gave it to me. It really helps a lot to know that we're not the only ones. I don't know what Taiwanese people do to get such easy babies, but it seems like everytime we're out, we see calm, quiet, or sleeping babies and it is enough to make my comparing mind insane!

I really like the idea of signing and hadn't thought of that. DS is getting more adept at pointing and grunting, and I'm getting better at understanding and responding with language to teach him. But signing is a great idea. I'm starting with 'nurse' and will move on from there.

The routine is also a good idea...we are actually pretty set into a routine. Maybe he just doesn't like it!

He's been pretty self-contained so far this weekend, and we even made a 3-day trip to Hong Kong last week in which he was very mild-mannered during all the sight-seeing, so I think it's good for me to remember that there's a balance to the rough times.

Thanks again. It's really nice to remember that there are wise, earthy women out there somewhere!
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#14 of 29 Old 11-24-2002, 10:50 PM
 
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everyone had some great ideas, but no one mentioned space.... maybe you could just give him some space.... at 14 months children sometimes just need to be frusterated, and its okay.... start when you are home and dont run to him every time he cries, kinda let him figure out what he wants to do first.. even just saying come here, do you need a hug??

sometimes i think toddlers do this crying thing when they learn it makes mom crazy... it really is okay sometimes to walk away, especially if you are frusterated..... let him cry it out, or let him know you are there, but dont try to get him to stop by offering him a million things all the time....

i think sometimes they learn to train us....

my 17 month old just started rolling on the floor when he is frusterated because we wont let him have something he's not supposed to or something like that.... he rolls around and makes a cry whining sound. so we just kinda laugh at him and ignore him, and he almost always starts laughing with us..... he's a big faker........but most importantly he has learned that he isnt going to get his way by doing that.... the same thing happened when he started throwing temper tantrums at 12 months, we never gave in or tried to pacify him by offering him anything, and he learned that it didnt work... we were always there for hugs, but like if he did spaghetti legs and throwing his head back, i would just lay him on the floor and let him get it all out and come back when he was finishing up to offer hugs again......
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#15 of 29 Old 11-26-2002, 12:53 PM
 
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Versions of "Why me" go through my brain soooooo often. I also have a HN child who is either happy or peeved with little in between some days. She is persistent beyond belief, fights sleeping and napping so is cranky a lot, and is very bright. The combination makes me think about going back to working outside the home, too, though of course in most ways I don't *want* to. It's frustrating because other than my mom and my husband, I really don't have anyone I can tell how much I hate some parts of my "job." Even with them I get advice thrown at me, which just compounds my feeling upset and inadequate. I never know if it's just me or if other loving parents also get so fed up with their children they are about to collapse or explode (or both).

I love my daughter dearly, but I am not equipped to keep up with her needs 24x7x365. I need breaks way more often than I get them. I need sleep uninterrupted by screams of "NURSE!" It is so painful to me to go out in public and see babies and children happily napping. Must be nice. I wouldn't know, even as an infant she didn't do that.

Why us, indeed!

Carol
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#16 of 29 Old 12-06-2002, 02:42 PM
 
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Oh, Ramona Q!!! You supported me so well in my 'need support' thread; now it's your turn...

I have done the 'why me' so many times... I rarely admit it (except to my partner) because many folks just don't get it - you mean you aren't completely totally happy blissful love every thing about being a mama? Traitor!!

My biggest 'why' is the 'why, oh why, did I get the baby who doesn't sleep????" Sure, Dr. Sears says not to take it personally. But, he also says that if you sling your baby he/she won't cry. And that co-sleeping is the answer to all sleep issues. I love the man, but I think sometimes he makes it sound too simple.

I really related to ems mom's comments about her babe being the only crying one... Our birthing class reunion photo is just like that! All the babies lined up on the couch, peaceful, except for the screaming Jackson on the end! A woman in a mama's group I go to was talking the other day about how she was able to get a massage recently while her 2 month old hung out in a bouncy seat on the floor!?! So not my reality!! Jackson would never, ever have allowed that. At that age I had to hold him and move constantly or he would scream (and a lot of the time he still screamed, just less urgently). I tried out a couple of mom/baby groups when he was little and had to quit because my baby wouldn't stop screaming, and being in that room full of content babies napping in their carseats was going to drive me over the edge. I would always leave there wishing I had a different baby instead of learning to love my babe more...

I especially feel for you, RQ, because of your lack of support. The suggestion to seek out others in the Tribe board is a good one, though I'm not sure what your chances are... The only thing that saves me is support - my sister, my partner, a good friend with a babe... I'm sending you friend-making vibes...

We are all doing incredibly hard work. It is remarkably rewarding sometimes, remarkably invisible and lonely sometimes. Hard, hard work. My admiration and love to you all...
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#17 of 29 Old 12-06-2002, 07:00 PM
 
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Hi Ramona. Hugs to you. It took a lot of courage tfor you bare your soul. I remember before you left you sought out LLLI and were encourage by the prospects of finding support through that route. Has it not panned out? Could you be comfortable laying it all out for them? I know it is hard because in reality your job is harder thn most of ours and sometimes those of us whose babies aren't so high need can't relate, but we do want to help.

I am sorry that your other friend is so negative. That is hard. Is it better to be alone or to endure that cloud of negativity?

Good luck with the signing.
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#18 of 29 Old 12-06-2002, 07:14 PM
 
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My daughter is like that and she is 15! as a baby, she was so high maintenance, so colicky, fussy, sensitive, whatever, that i can honestly say that i have not one good memory of her babyhood! I also felt, "why me?". all the other babies would quietly sit or sleep in mommies arms or in those bouncy seat things, and all i could do with mine is put out fires! Now, she is 15, and although i am not nursing or rocking her 24/7, she requires alot of maintenance. she is like an "orchid" and requires tending to. My other 2 are like "cactuses", they need very little watering. I mean there is always drama, be it friends, school, her period or that her breasts are tiny.....

still, now that she is older, she brings me joy and i am glad i have her, but honestly, i never had a happy moment when she was small. i always felt "ripped off". all the other moms were basking in the glow of mommyhood and all i wanted to do was put my head in the oven.....

he will soon be older and possibly in school, giving you a break. keep your chin up, get some rest and hold on for the ride of your life....
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#19 of 29 Old 12-06-2002, 09:10 PM
 
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I could have written your post, except that my DD is 26 mos now. We went through the colic too and, in retrospect, my DH and I feel that it never truly ended...it just changed form. I had a storybook pregnancy and a completely natural birth, so if yours was less than perfect, I'm here to tell you that your son's behavior is not your fault. And, my toddler is a female so it happens to both genders.

I can see that things *have* gotten better, although it's been in baby steps but I can feel better about DD's current state when I look back and see that it was worse. It takes us a couple of hrs to parent her to sleep, but she is sleeping better these days and DH and I can actually watch a movied on tv sometimes! I could almost say DD hardly slept at all the first year and naps were a crap shoot (2 naps a day--what's that like?). It's still hard for DD to settle into a nap and if it happens, it's an hour max. Then, about every 3-4 mos, she'll nap for a 2 hr stretch and I'll wonder how in the world that happened.

I have had difficulty accepting my DD's spirited personality and spent some time in therapy w/a counselor who helps new moms. I don't think I'll ever really get over the turmoil of our 1st year+. It bothers me to not know why she was horribly inconsolable for 4+ mos. I went through the elimination diets several times, saw a doc about reflux...Then there was cranial sacral (sp?) therapy, a homeopathic dr., holistic dr., etc. Recently, an acquaintance suggested that we see an occupational therapist about "sensory processing", so we're considering that. But if I get any Ferber-type advice, I'm outa there.

We don't have family or close, AP friends nearby so I feel your pain about the lack of available support. Thank God for the internet. I stay w/DD in the church nursery b/c she cannot tolerate being left alone nor have we been successful w/a sitter. I'm amazed when I see other moms having their 2nd baby w/a 2yo in tow while DH and I are somewhere between longing for a 2nd and terrified of another.

I remember feeling so resentful that I couldn't eat a meal w/o DD needing to be on my lap all the time and nursing; I was losing too much weight and was terribly sleep-deprived. Things started to get better at about 15 mos. I remember we parented DD to sleep, then she woke up screaming (as usual) about 20 mins later. We were downstairs trying to get some alone time (this stuff really tests your marriage). While we were walking upstairs, the crying stopped and we peaked in and she had fallen back to sleep! We were in shock b/c that had never happened before and that was the 1st glimmer of hope for us.

Shortly after, we transitioned her to her own bed and she loved having her own space. She was waking up every hour or so when she slept in our bed; I think she is very sensitive and has difficulty getting into a deep sleep.

Well, this has gotten a bit too long, so I'll wrap it up by saying that I thank God that our high-needs DD was born into our AP family, b/c I know that a mainstream parent would not have given her everything she needs. (Your DS is blessed to have you, even when you have days that you feel like an awful mommy.) We carried DD constantly, bounced her, rocked her, nursed her, cuddled her, slept w/her, sang to her and made her well-being a priority in our lives. We still do these things and I can see that they are paying off. We often get comments about how fun, giggley and full of life our DD is. Spirited babies require so much, but you *will* receive so much.

Hang in there. I know it's tough. Your rainbow will come.

Cindi and Sarah
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#20 of 29 Old 12-06-2002, 09:13 PM
 
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P.S. to Everyone:

Don't you think there should be a Spirited Children or High Needs Children Board?

Cindi
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#21 of 29 Old 12-07-2002, 10:18 PM
 
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Hi Cindi - I proposed the same thing a while back. Here's the thread:

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...spirited+board

I guess overall the answer was "no" but I still kind of think it would be a good idea. I get really tired of hearing people say how mellow, content, and fabulous their kids are because they breastfeed, co-sleep, etc. Umm, we do all those things, too, so don't go patting yourself on the back because the heavens granted you a child who loves to sleep all night and does nothing but smile and coo all day. Your child just isn't LIKE my child, okay!! (Can you tell I'm sensitive about this subject?)

Breathe...
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#22 of 29 Old 12-08-2002, 01:19 AM
 
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I've been reading these other threads on high-needs toddlers!

I can relate with the mommy frustration, though my little ds who is 17 mos, doesn't really cry that much, just screams for everything.

It's not like we wait for him to get to that point, he has always just screamed.

We have always truly immediately(w/in reason of course) responded to him.


He has always wanted the food that we have.

He wants whatever we have.


He is the worst shopper(oohhh, I'm so sorry to every parent out htere that I
ve ever judged!!!!) and the worst little one to take out to eat!!!!!


He has always woken up to nurse at least 6 times a night....usually around 8-10.


He is not our first. DD is 6 yo. Totally AP.

When we go anywhere, people will comment,"oh, it sounds like it's naptime or lunchtime...?)

Uh,NOOOO....this is who he is..do I look like a crazy person who'd take my kid out when he should be napping????(ok...I do look crazy, but that is because sleepy people look like they belong on another planet! Right?)

It seriously takes me 1/2 a day sometimes to reply to or even read a post...cause I'm interupted so often....it's 10:00 pm and he is awake for the first time tonight....usually I make it till 11!

He is also lovey dovey,smart, personable....but is just really a screamer and a hitter.

But the screaming is what turns heads....and is making dh and I (but really me!)...fantasize of Canyon Ranch in Tucson....which I know is a really relaxibg spa!!!!!!


This will pass....and I do feel blessed that ds is high need ....it's a tough world out there, and if you're only 17 mos and you only weigh 21 lbs....yet you can scream loud enough to make the 10 yr. old boy at the ST. NICK party to hand over his b-ball....and his cookie too...you've got something going for you. Don't you think?

I will surrender. I will treasure this moment....come on ladies, say it with me...he will go off to college and only call me on Sundays..... .....they are going to be this little for such a short time.






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#23 of 29 Old 12-08-2002, 03:24 AM
 
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Hah. My "ordinary" needs toddler broke my nose today while pitching a fit at the bookstore. Not only do I need support, I may need a new nose!

She points at my nose now and says, "Ow. Mama boo-boo. Nose. Nose."

Very funny, kid. I guess you takes the good with the bad here in Toddlerland and you hope you don't lose what's left of your mind in the interim.

Bleh

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#24 of 29 Old 12-08-2002, 02:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by mamapoppins
This will pass....and I do feel blessed that ds is high need ....it's a tough world out there, and if you're only 17 mos and you only weigh 21 lbs....yet you can scream loud enough to make the 10 yr. old boy at the ST. NICK party to hand over his b-ball....and his cookie too...you've got something going for you. Don't you think?
Amen, sister!
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#25 of 29 Old 12-09-2002, 01:54 AM
 
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dentente, I am so sorry!!! DD gave me a black eye recently, but a broken nose, that is awful!

What's interesting is that when I am not in the trying moment, and can reflect and think more, I know my DD loves me and there is a reason for whatever she's doing. But while it is happening I (with my equally fiery temper) am feeling something more like, "I BIRTHED you drug-free, I hold you when you cry, I let you sleep in my bed, I nurse you although you BITE me all the time, I basically gave up any semblance of a life in order to stay home with you and listen to you whine and scream 24x7x365, and THIS is how you repay me, you little bleepity-bleep?!?!?"

The good news is, it's not that way all the time. The better news is that my nose is not broken (yet?). The bad news is that we're all going through something that would try the patience of a saint (and I don't know about you all but I am so far from that).

-Carol
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#26 of 29 Old 12-09-2002, 02:33 AM
 
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dentente-

Now THAT is what I call earning a "Mommy Badge"!!!

Hope your nose feels better soon!!!



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#27 of 29 Old 12-09-2002, 10:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, you are all such lovely women! This is a great thread. Thanks again for all of your posts.

He's still high-needs (not sure, but I think I may have been hoping for awhile there that he'd wake up one day and NOT be, haha), but we're hanging in there. Still no friends yet, but I did find one woman who lives south of the city who extended breastfeeds her children. I begged her to hang out one day and was greatly nourished by her friendship. I don't see her much, but it's nice to know she's there.

LLLI is indeed here in Taipei, but they don't have any English-speaking meetings.

mamapoppins, I, too, am really tired of people saying whenever we go out that he must be hungry or tired. I'm also tired of trying to cover for him myself..."oh he's really tired right now" is one of the first things I learned to say in Chinese. Why do I do this? I think I am still learning to accept that he is just very sensitive.

The other day some Taiwanese girls started squealing when they saw his blond hair and wanted to take his picture. The squealing set off my little sensitive boy and he began this uncontrollable sobbing thing that lasted for 15 minutes. The girls felt terrible, truly awful. They just stood and watched him cry, then apologized profusely. I, of course, tried to be light about it and tell them he's just extra-sensitive when he's this tired. (Except that he wasn't tired...<i>sigh</i>)

naturalmama said, "I have had difficulty accepting my DD's spirited personality and spent some time in therapy w/a counselor who helps new moms. I don't think I'll ever really get over the turmoil of our 1st year+."

Yes, yes, I totally agree. I have said the exact same thing so many times. I am in counseling right now. I'd love to have a second child, but the thought of that first year spent trying to find just one thing to make him happy, trying to find out what is wrong, resenting myself and resenting other people with happy babies...it just traumatizes me, the horror of the possibility of going through this again.

Maybe someday...when my heart has healed a little more, when ds is at least a couple years older....
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#28 of 29 Old 12-09-2002, 01:41 PM
 
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Ramona, I am glad you are feeling at least a little bit better. Basically you can rely upon the notion that your second child will in no way resemble the first in personality. It just does not happen. It's hard work but it has it's rewards. My nose is feeling much better. Not too bad really. I just tell people I had a glamourous nose job Then I introduce them to my surgeon. Heh heh.

Denny
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#29 of 29 Old 12-09-2002, 03:26 PM
 
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Last night while I was nursing him down, mine forcibly shoved his finger up my nose! Ouch, ouch, ouch. It's not broken, though!

Healing vibes to all our hearts & noses!
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