okay, baby is napping, daughter is, i hate to admit, watching a video
: it's clifford, at least.
cumulus, to revisit your experience:
"I've always tried to model the importance of parenting through attentiveness, being in the home, readiness to help etc.. I think it has affected them as I wished but I also think it gave them the sense that they were the center of the universe - they became "spoiled" too I think as they experienced me modelling parenting."
you mentioned that you've changed your parenting in response to this. what do you do differently now? i'd love to know.
here's the situation with us that seemed similar to me...
six months ago or so, in the middle of adjusting to a new sibling, we realized that maddie seemed to be dictating our every waking moment, wanting one of us to be completely attentive to her. i'm trying to be conscious of my wording here, because i can't say for sure what was going on with her developmentally. but it felt like she was ordering us around constantly and tantrumming when we resisted, sometimes out of control, sometimes more deliberate seeming. we were really getting frustrated and questioning our parenting approach.
we started saying no to her dictates, as we perceived them, and got a lot of meltdowns, exhausting all involved.
it didn't feel right but neither did letting her run the show.
what we finally came up with, and it felt much better, was to say no two or three times but if she seemed bent on losing it if we stood our ground, we decided to explicitly model flexibility.
we'd say, for example, "i don't want to keep drawing animals for you to cut out because i'd rather clean/make dinner/read/whatever, but i can see this is very important to you, so i'm going to go ahead and do three more."
this didn't produce an instantaneous change but things got much easier over the next few days and weeks. i can't say why with certainty (it's possible her behavior just played itself out and passed. i've noticed that happens without my having to do anything with certain behaviors) but i think this approach worked.
is this in anyway similar to what you are talking about?
also, i wanted to copy a post from robin-ma from the gentle discipline board, where i also posted this thread.
"I'm like you. You might find the Taking Children Seriously Educational Theory a refuge. I do.
Here is a copy of the intro to the site
TCS is an educational philosophy. Its most distinctive feature is the idea that it is possible and desirable to bring up children entirely without doing things to them against their will, or making them do things against their will, and that they are entitled to the same rights, respect and control over their lives as adults.www.tcs.ac
They also have a list serv which is great!"
i remember coming across this site a couple years ago and being really intrigued by it, briefly exploring it and wondering how it could possibly work, it seemed so out there in philosophy. i'm going to revisit it as soon as i get a chance. i wonder if my impressions will have changed.
peace to all,
edited to add:
emily, as i posted this i saw your new post at the bottom. welcome! what a beautiful way of describing parenting! it actually made me tear up... i can't wait to hear more from you!