Fear of Poop - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 11-26-2002, 01:50 AM - Thread Starter
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Violet initiated potty training about a month ago. I was really surprised by the whole thing--for some reason I thought it would happen closer to the age of three. Anyway, she is in underware for the entire day except for naps and nighttime.

When she is home, she will tell us she has to pee or poo but poo seems to really frighten her. I know this is normal and that BM's take longer to master than pee in most cases. I guess I am looking for ideas/reassurance that we are going about it in the right way.

She will say "poo poo" and we will go to the potty five or six times with no luck. Sometimes she will get a terrified look on her face and ask to get down. We get her down when she asks but I try to stay in the bathroom and occupy her if I sense the time is close at hand. I've also given her bubbles to blow on the potty when she has to poop--she only gets them when she is trying and on the potty.

She cries and screams, looks pained and hugs me. I sit very close to her and rub her back or hold her tight in my lap, always returning her when she makes signals she is about to go. Eventually (sometimes it takes nearly an hour!) she has to go so bad she poops--during the event she lets it happen and is very proud of herself. It just seems so traumatic getting there.

Another thing: when she has an BM accident, she freaks out. Completely. Won't let me touch her without a fight, says NO NO NO and YUCK YUCK. Obviously, I have to touch her to clean her. She stops freaking out as soon as the BM is off of her body. She does the same thing with diapers as well. We don't tell her she is yucky if she has an accident, but in the past we have told her poo is yucky so that she won't eat it/touch it, etc. I wonder if we went about it in the right way as she is now quite obsessive about the whole thing.

Her BM cycle has changed since she has started going to daycare in underware. She used to poo in the morning and now she saves it up until she gets home (not so unusual, I guess--so do I). She is not constipated; she is having regular BM's.

Am I doing this right? I really don't want the potty to be traumatic. She has initiated every step of the way and seems to like underware.

Thanks for reading this if you have gotten this far!!!
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#2 of 6 Old 11-26-2002, 02:00 AM
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I just can't think of anything useful to say.
My son did this too and would always hold it till he got the diaper on. If I remember correctly the first poop in the potty was a kid potty next to the big one. I think maybe he was just afraid of all that space between him and the water where it lands.
I need a memory pill.
I hope your dd gets over her fears.
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#3 of 6 Old 11-26-2002, 12:44 PM
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A few of possibly helpful suggestions that seem to work for us:

When she poops somewhere besides the potty ("accident") and starts to freak, we say in our sweetest voices...oh, honey, it's okay. It's just poop. Sometimes we review who poops (the cat, birds, our dog friends, lizards, etc...)

When she's straining to poop on the potty, we grunt with her like women in labor.

We invented a song to pass the time and enjoy ourselves. Any tune will do: "Thinking our pooping thoughts, thinking our pooping thoughts, sitting on the potty early in the (morning, afternoon, evening) thinking our pooping thoughts." As you may have guessed, we also think our peeing thoughts.

Ours finds it easier to poop if holding a wad of toilet paper.

When I get poop on me during a wipe up, I *laugh* and say oh, look I got poop on me. Can you help me wash it off?

These all seem to help mellow ours out a bit during this fastidious time.

Edited to add thought: How is daycare handling the whole poop/pee thing?
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#4 of 6 Old 11-27-2002, 04:08 AM
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My DD had some poop fears when she was starting to toilet train. She pooped on herself while standing naked in the kitchen. She freaked that this stuff came out of her and onto her leg and the floor. It was a hard couple of days as I remember.

Now she regularly poops on the potty and I've not had any poop "accidents" since. I "breathe" with her like chfriend says, like a woman in labor and I even open her mouth a little by gentling nudging her chin and opening her mouth. An open mouth is an open bottom (Spritual Midwifery).

I grunt with her and I am praise her a lot. DH has led the way in giving her privacy and she is at the point now when she tells me to go away! She still asks for me, though most of the time.

I just am very positive with her about it, smile and use my voice to soothe her. She's doing a great job.
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#5 of 6 Old 11-29-2002, 08:56 PM
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I didn't know you could toilet train this early? My ds is 2 mo. older than your dd and I can not imagine sitting him down yet. Wonder if that is late? He was scared and cried when he had to poop when he was younger but not anymore.
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#6 of 6 Old 11-30-2002, 08:03 PM
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I don't think your DS is late AT ALL!
Boys take a little longer, that's all. And every CHILD male or female, is different.

I never forced the issue; she just seemed ready. And she is no way near fully toilet trained yet. She will only use the toilet half of the time while we are out.
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