A few of possibly helpful suggestions that seem to work for us:
When she poops somewhere besides the potty ("accident") and starts to freak, we say in our sweetest voices...oh, honey, it's okay. It's just poop. Sometimes we review who poops (the cat, birds, our dog friends, lizards, etc...)
When she's straining to poop on the potty, we grunt with her like women in labor.
We invented a song to pass the time and enjoy ourselves. Any tune will do: "Thinking our pooping thoughts, thinking our pooping thoughts, sitting on the potty early in the (morning, afternoon, evening) thinking our pooping thoughts." As you may have guessed, we also think our peeing thoughts.
Ours finds it easier to poop if holding a wad of toilet paper.
When I get poop on me during a wipe up, I *laugh* and say oh, look I got poop on me. Can you help me wash it off?
These all seem to help mellow ours out a bit during this fastidious time.
Edited to add thought: How is daycare handling the whole poop/pee thing?