what would you do? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 12-03-2002, 04:50 PM - Thread Starter
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i need feedback from you attached mothers. i think you will understand.

here is the situation:

my friend gave me a membership to a fitness gym for christmas--it is a One Month Membership.

They have onsite daycare there. I would be working out for about one hour--three-five times per week.

ok. Here is the problem.

My 16 month old SCREAMS and cries in terror when I leave him for any time at all. He started crying the moment I walked away--and put him in the care of the babysitter.

I am only one room away, but I can't stand to think of him crying.

So, what do i do?

Let him cry and work out?

Not use my membership?

What should I tell my friend? She seems to think that he will "get over it", but I am not really ok with it.

What do i do??

ps. i could use to loose 5-10 lbs or more. i could use time alone.... but i dont want to make my baby sad.
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#2 of 11 Old 12-03-2002, 04:56 PM
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is he okay being left with your husband? if he is, i would work with my husband to find a few hours a week where i could use the gym and he could spend time with baby.
if not, i would see if the membership is transferrable or if you could postpone using it for a few more months.
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#3 of 11 Old 12-03-2002, 05:00 PM
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Is there someone else that could watch him (that he likes being with) while you workout?? Dad maybe??

If not, then I would not feel guilty about not using your friends gift. If you want to avoid a possible disagreement because she thinks that you should just let him cry, then you could let her assume you made other arrangements for him and that the timing doesn't coincide for you to go with her (if that is what she wants). Or just tell her the truth.

I've found that when telling people something they don't agree with, the best tact is to just explain that this is the way it is, no debate.
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#4 of 11 Old 12-03-2002, 05:31 PM - Thread Starter
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we are remodeling our house, so when my husband gets home in the evening--he is working on the house.

also, i take night classes two nights per week--and my husband watches him then--so--that doesn't leave any open nights.

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#5 of 11 Old 12-03-2002, 05:41 PM
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You might try taking him a few times and NOT leaving him. Just stay with him, and let him get used to the daycare and the staff with you there. That also lets you see how the staff interact with the kids.

Then maybe try leaving for just a few minutes here and there and see how he does...then take it from there?

This is what I did (do) with my youngest daughter, and it generally works well. As long as she is comfortable with a place and the people, and I am not walking in, dropping her off, and leaving right away, she usually transitions pretty well (she's almost 19 months).

Just another thought...
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#6 of 11 Old 12-03-2002, 05:53 PM
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We put our kids in Sunday School and had a similar situation when my daughter first started going a bit after she turned 1.

When it came time to leave her in the classroom, I did not go in. I didn't try to get her accustomed to the place with me in it. We DID ask a nursery volunteer to come visit with us outside of the class for a while. Then we went to the class, signed in, and the volunteer took Becca into the room. Becca, of course, started crying and getting a little panicked-looking. The nursery had a 10-minute cry rule (after 10 minutes of crying they would page a parent) but I told them to call me after 5. I have never been called; she always stopped crying just minutes after I left.

Looking at her when I first left I wouldn't have thought she'd quiet down so quick, but she did. If you've never tried it before, I suggest you see if your boy would calm down after a couple of minutes or if he would continue to panic.

I do work in the 2 year old classroom at my church every couple of weeks. Some of the parents there (who didn't have their kids in the Sunday School until they reached this age) employ the approach someone else mentioned; they will play in the room with their child, and extend the amount of time they are gone from the room a little each week. It works for some toddlers and not for others.

With our second we started him in the nursery pretty young, and he has never had problems going in there. Hey, it's a familiar place with lots of toys and cool friends, what's not to like ;-).

Um, to make a long story short; I think you should see if you can find a way to adjust your boy into the daycare setting so you can get your exercise time. It is probably worth a little fuss and hassle to see if you can get things transitioned.

Mama, homeschooler, midwife. DD (13yo), DS (11yo), DD (8yo), DD (3yo), somebody new coming in November 2013.

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#7 of 11 Old 12-03-2002, 05:54 PM
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Is the membership for a specific month, like the month of December and then it expires, or can you start it any time? Maybe if you call the gym and explain to them that you are really busy right now, going out of town, etc. then maybe they will let you use it later.

Don't go into the whole explaination of the REAL reason, because most people don't get it unless they've lived it.
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#8 of 11 Old 12-03-2002, 08:32 PM - Thread Starter
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thanks everyone. i will try and see if they will let me change the dates to the future.

alexander cried for the entire hour i was there.

if i were there for eight hours, i think he would cry for eight hours.

he does NOT forget, he is very smart and willful.

crying it out isn't going to work...even if we let him for a long time.

(tried failed)
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#9 of 11 Old 12-03-2002, 09:08 PM
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sleepies: I went through the exact same thing when DD was younger. She just could NOT adjust to the Y's babysitting room. It drove my DH crazy to have me spend money for a family membership and not use it, so now HE goes!

Eventually, she got older and better able to handle the separations. And then my WAH job got busy, and I never have time now (she's in kindergarten!)

But I think if you could put off using the membership for awhile, you all might be happier. Meanwhile, to work on getting in shape...Could you get exercise with him? I can't remember if both of your boys are still home with you during the day, but maybe you could take a mom and kid class or just take strenuous walks/hikes with him?

I rode my bike everywhere with her on the back, and we love taking hikes in the woods. I figure climbing one hill is plenty of exercise for both of us!
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#10 of 11 Old 12-04-2002, 05:54 PM
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i doubt this helps, but i wanted to share that i am going through something similar w/ dd. she reached a point around 18 months old when she simply would not tollerate being w/ babysitter while i ride my horse. screamed the whole time, we tried several times, it only got worse. it was horrible for all four of us- me, dd, babysitter, my horse. so i am going to wait untill she feels differently. she's 2, now- hoping she'll feel better about it soon.
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#11 of 11 Old 12-05-2002, 02:44 AM
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I don't have anymore suggestions for your situation now, but wanted to offer hope for the future. My dd would not have stayed at 16 mths, but now she is 27 mths and it is getting much easier to leave her. I have never left her anywhere against her will- she only has to tell me she doesn't want to stay and I dob't leave her. She has stayed with her beloved uncle since she was 4 mths old while I go to school, and with her Grandma occasionally (uncle plays more of a Daddy role since her sperm donor isn't around much, and we used to live with Grandma), and a few times she has stayed with a friend of mine. Luckily she has always been willing to stay when I had something I aboslutely had to do.
I do not leave her in the nursery, though I am going to give it a shot pretty soon since she is getting better.
So, my point is that I think that after trying the suggestions and he is still unhappy, you should respect that (sounds like this is what you are doing anyway!) and give him a few months. When he is older and can understand more you may find that he is excited to stay away from you (my dd is usually ecstatic!) for a little while b/c he knows you will not force him to stay if he doesn't want to. Good luck! and hang in there!
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