Some ideas for potty training crisis - HELP! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 12-10-2002, 10:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Dd is 26 months. She's been wanting to potty train for ages, but the birth of the new baby stopped progress for a while.

Anyway, now we seem stuck. She hates wearing nappies, and takes them off at every opportunity when we're at home, but when we're out in the mornings she tends to forget them and keeps them on. But the moment she's peed or pooped, she tells me and wants it changed - and if I'm not fast enough, she's whipped it off and is running around, which is fine if it's a wet one, but if she's pooped, it can be messy.

I know all these things are good signs, but when I ask if she wants to sit on the potty, she either says no, or sits for two seconds then is off to play again. We did have one pee in the potty a few weeks ago, but no success since then.

I"ve held off on pull-ups as I'd read so many negative things about them, but I wonder if they'd be an answer? She likes to wear underwear, but it doesnt stop her peeing or pooping whenever she needs to go. However, she is upset by accidents and somewhat embarrassed.

So any advice is welcome, I'm finding it exhausting as I can't always keep an eye on her as (like this morning) I was nursing the baby when she needed a change, and before I got there, the nappy was off and she was running around the house naked, poop flying everywhere. Sorry for being so graphic. : Dh keeps trying to insist she puts on a nappy but I think this makes it worse, she waits for him to leave the room and takes it off again.

Incidentally, a lot of this is tied up to being independent. She can dress and undress herself completely now and never wants help for anything, let alone an adult doing her nappy. On the occasions she will wear one, she insists on putting it on herself and gets furious if I try to help. I'm tired and out of ideas........

: :
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#2 of 17 Old 12-10-2002, 11:23 PM
 
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Okay. Remind me. What is so wrong with Pull-ups? They sound tailor made for your situation. Is it the stigma of disposability? What?

Curious.

Denny
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#3 of 17 Old 12-11-2002, 01:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Iv'e been told that pullups discourage them from training as they just go in the pullup like a nappy. But maybe they are the answer in our case, but I dont want to start them if they are going to complicate matters.
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#4 of 17 Old 12-11-2002, 01:55 AM
 
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hmmm. We used pullups (particularly during naptime, outings, and overnight) for one transitional week--I think they helped, frankly. If I remember correctly she only wet them a couple of times and never pooped in them, but it was just better for my sanity. And just putting her on the potty every hour or so during the day helped. Sounds like she's almost there!
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#5 of 17 Old 12-11-2002, 04:36 AM
 
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Indeed, Britishmum. Just give it a go with the Pull-ups and see what happens. I am having trouble seeing what could go so terribly wrong at this late stage in the game. We used them with my stepson and it went just fine. We eventually bribed him with nice new underpants with characters on them. He did not want to mess them up.

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#6 of 17 Old 12-11-2002, 11:01 AM
 
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Britishmum.

No advice, but I am going through the same thing. My dd will be 2 in a couple of weeks and is driving me NUTS with this stuff. She hates diapers but is too busy to sit down and pee or poop. It is especially annoying when I am putting my 9 mo down to nap and I can't get up right away to catch her before she takes her poopy diaper off


She'll get there eventually.. I guess I should buy some pullups too.

Mel
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#7 of 17 Old 12-11-2002, 02:28 PM
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I have a problem with Pull-ps, too. I hear so often that once you go to Pull ups kids don't want to wear diapers anymore. And I think Pull ups are more expensive and less absorbent. And I guess I just feel like I'm being manipulated by the big diaper companies. I have this gut resistance to them, not really rational I guess . . .
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#8 of 17 Old 12-11-2002, 11:18 PM
 
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I never used pullups but could I suggest using the things called training pants? They are thick underwear and pretty absorbent for pee. They are tight on the leg for poops, too. Still, an accident is a big pain to clean up because the child has to step out of them.

Is your daughter regular with her pooping? If it is every single morning half an hour after breakfast, for example, it might help to let her watch TV while sitting on the potty.

Also, if you concentrate on one thing at a time, it might help. Try using diapers only for pooping, for example. Then she gets independence with the peeing and she can probably look after a lot of the tidying up herself if she has an accident. Give her a big stack of cheap washcloths for wiping and another big stack of underpants and pants for changes. One little girl I know had 18 pairs of undies and her mom still did laundry every day for a couple of weeks. Still, it was only for a couple of weeks.
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#9 of 17 Old 12-12-2002, 12:10 AM
 
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I think the issue with Pull Ups (disposable training pants, right?) is that they are pretty absorbant, like disposable diapers so they remove the element of discomfort from 'accidents'. Now I'm not advocating intentionally making your child uncomfortable, just not making them more comfortable than is appropriate. The unpleasant sensation of wet pants is a natural consequence of failing to get to the potty in time and can serve as a great motivation.

I have gotten the impression (from the manufacturers, among others) that these are not being viewed as a brief transitional tool but a long term solution to a non-potty user who has gotten too big for diapers. When I see folks at Costco buying two huge boxes of them at a time I have to figure it's not a stepping stone but a way of life. So, like with many things it can be a useful tool but can also become a really inappropriate, heavily overused addition to your home. Good luck!
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#10 of 17 Old 12-12-2002, 01:35 AM
 
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Rather than use Pull-ups, which to me is the same thing as putting her in a diaper, I'd let her wear nothing at all on the bottom, and warm stuff on the top, say a turtleneck and a sweatshirt (or whatever she usually wears).

I think it is part of the learning process to pee and have it run down their legs......I think that when they are in diapers they don't understand what is happening.

I did cloth diapering with my three girls, and then did EC with my son. He was in just training pants by the time he was four months old, but once he started crawling/walking he forgot to signal me and was to busy to bother. When he was 14 months (and this was in February in New England) I started letting him go bottomless, and within a week he was back to using the potty again......he NEEDED to feel that sensation of pee/poop coming out of his body without it being caught.

I know this sounds frightening, LOL.....but OTOH, at least it wouldn't be flung around the house with a diaper, right? And, I really think it will sink in so much faster. I would keep a potty right in the room with her, so that she can get to it as soon as she feels the sensation. When they are first starting it can be hard to make it all the way to the bathroom.

HTH!

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#11 of 17 Old 12-13-2002, 04:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, this is what we've done since I posted here. Thanks, btw, for the input.

I went out and bought a pack of pull-ups as she just wouldnt wear nappies at all, but also wasn't using the potty. She loves them, which is great. I'm managing to get a nappy on when we go out and for bedtime, but the pull-ups the rest of the day.

However, she is now blankly refusing to sit on the potty, even for a few seconds. I was trying to ask her if she wanted to sit on it regularly (about once an hour when we're at home) and also sitting her on it after she'd peed or pooped, just to give her the idea that that's where she was supposed to do it. But now she just says 'no' if I mention the potty. She is really strong minded, and I don't want to make it a negative thing for her.

She is telling me immediately when she's peed or pooped, and if I don't get there quick enough, removes the pull-off, but this is much less messy than the nappies were as she can do it easily herself. She also seems less embarrassed by the whole thing now. Tonight, she was running around naked before bed, then suddenly I saw her with the box of wet-wipes, cleaning herself after doing a pee, and trying to mop up the carpet.

So, should I now just forget the potty for a while, or keep on mentioning it? Is this a step forward, or will she now just go around using pull-ups instead of nappies and not get the idea of the potty?

The upside is that dh is much less stressed about it now she's in the pull-ups and not pooping on the carpet, which must be easing the tension for us all.

What do you think? Are we on the right track? :

(edited to add, no, unfortunately her pooping is not at all predictable. Probably because of her high intake of fruit and veggies. )
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#12 of 17 Old 12-14-2002, 02:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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bump - anyone been through this and used pullups - are we on the right track?????????
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#13 of 17 Old 12-14-2002, 05:15 PM
 
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I'm currently (and recently) using pull-ups.

My daycare provider isn't into V having any accidents (not sure about that one) so has requested Violet go into diapers at daycare even though she is trained at home--for the most part.

In our case, pull-ups are working wonders. For some reason, V isn't telling our provider when she has to go--most of the time she makes it to the bathroom but for those occasional accidents they are working great.

Now the problem is that she won't wear underware (training underware) at home!!

A suggestion: when V was having a hard time with BM's on the toilet, I got her a bottle of "poop bubbles" that she can only have when attempting to go poo (not made of poo, of course...lol misplaced modifer). It took a week of blowing bubbles and now she is a champ at pooing on the potty for us.

Maybe ease off the potty if she is so resistant? Do you have a portable one that she can use as a chair or something? V liked to have hers in the living room for a while and not have the pressure of having to go on it...just sit on it.

Also, she never really went when it was the child-sized potty (ours is a three-in-one). She only would go when the potty catcher (the bowl thingy) was out and the seat part was attached to the adult seat.

Hope some of that helps.

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#14 of 17 Old 12-14-2002, 07:13 PM
 
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our therapist advocates the "potty" that sits directly on the big toilet rather than the kind with a catcher underneath...he says most kids are more comfortable with that.
looks like the running around naked thing coupled with her being able to use the "big" toilet are good options....especially if you've been cloth diapering, pull ups will get expensive as a long term solution. Also, you seem to have a hunch that she was sending signals earlier, but that these signals had to be ignored because of the new baby...because of this info, I would say that you should keep reminding her about the potty even if she says "no", because somewhere back in time she wasn't getting enough potty attention....maybe you just need to show her that you are noticing (and commenting) on her transition....it seems to be a bit of a cry for attention (I'm not criticising here....I mean you are obviously a busy loving mommy of TWO babies with limited time naturally...you're squeezing a heck of a lot more into your day than me and I applaud you for it...I am just trying to get into your daughter's headspace...she's sending you comflicting messages....."I don't like the potty" and "I don't like diapers " at the same time...sounds like she just needs extra attention in this arena)
just be sure that whatever you do, your daughter starts to talk about what she is doing, and encourage her to do so....keep the communication open. Make sure that if she does transition to nakedness or adult potty or whatever, she is comfortable enough to actually go poop when it is time...I know kids that were ready to communicate about pooping that were not ready to go potty....so they ended up witholding poops and with constipation problems...this rarely happens if they are talking openly about what they are doing, though.....
you souund like you're doing a wonderful job of closely observing your daughter's preferences on this matter...keep up the good work and I'm sure she'll be fine!
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#15 of 17 Old 12-16-2002, 04:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Mountainbebe, I think you are right, that she is doing a lot of this for attention. Today she wore pullups all day very happily, and changed them herself when she was wet. I let it go and didnt mention the potty except in general terms - eg 'You know, when you use the potty rather than pee in the pullups, you will be able to wear the teddy bear knickers', and 'Next time you need to poop, if you tell me first, I'll get the potty for you." She said 'Yes' to both these things, so I'm hoping it will sink in.

However, because dh was home, after each time she took off a wet pullup, she then said "I want Daddy to chase me all around the house", and took off clutching the pullup, wanting him to chase her to make her put it on. I've told him not to chase, but to give her some alternative attention like grab a book and offer to read to her instead. He managed it well at dinner time, telling her if she put it on he'd sit with her while she ate, and she loved the attention.

It's so hard that she was ready at the point that I had the baby, and now my time is limited and she is in need of more attention from both of us. Dh has two weeks off over the holidays, so I'm hoping that she will make more progress wiht the potty if he is here to help out. And we'll go and buy one to go on the big toilet and see if she prefers that to the potty.

Thanks for the input, I hadn't thought of it being an attention thing, but I think you're right. Oh, having two kids is so challenging.
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#16 of 17 Old 12-16-2002, 06:08 AM
 
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You definitely have your hands full, Britishmum! Good luck!
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#17 of 17 Old 12-16-2002, 07:36 AM
 
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BritishMum - I second (or is it third?) Twelveducks' idea to let her go around with a bare bum. That's what I did with my oldest dd, and that is what it seemed to take to get her potty trained.

We just blocked off a couple of days to be at home and not go anywhere. Honestly - it only took a couple of accidents (with the pee running down her leg) before she was pee-potty trained (for the most part).

Poop took slightly longer, but not much. And...I used bribes there (she got 1 Skittle each time she pooped in the potty). But that didnt' last much longer than a couple of weeks. After that, she'd sometimes ask for a Skittle after going to the bathroom, but we just told her she could have one after her next meal, and that usually satisfied her (she generally forgot about it then).

We only ever used pull-ups at night...but they were great for that. DD1 was pretty much dry right from the start, but it made it much less stressful for us that she had a pull-up on! And she never really saw them as something to pee in. They were just her 'special night-time pants'.
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