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#1 of 8 Old 12-11-2002, 05:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, we try not to yell "no." but there are sometimes when a NO is loud. but a lot of times it is just a strong "no" rather than a loud "no.". Anyway, loud or soft, I notice a lot of times when he gets a no, he kind of runs away like he is ashamed or he runs up to me like he needs my approval. this saddens me because my husband and I are just setting boundaries and a lot of time it is so he doesn't hurt himself, but I get sad when he takes it as disapproval. It is like a major co-dependent reaction. I usually hug him and tell him again, why he got a no...but it is still such an odd reaction.
I know I have my own approval issue but criminey, I'm old and I grew up with crazy parents... this is one is just so goofy to me.
I'm a SAHM and he's been taken care of like a first class guest on a cruise ship. He's not even had one case of diaper rash.

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#2 of 8 Old 12-11-2002, 07:08 PM
 
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I know what you mean...my two always seem to take 'no' as a personal affront. The little one (19 months) will sometimes burst into tears.

So...I try to avoid it, whenever possible. Generally it works to rephrase things to offer an alternative (i.e., 'knives are not for Bobby, here's a spoon instead'...that kind of thing). Somehow mine always took the 'not for you' better than a plain 'no'. Funny, huh?

Might be worth a try.
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#3 of 8 Old 12-12-2002, 12:02 PM
 
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My "no" problem is a little different. My 16 month old son just laughs when we say no. The other day, my husband said "no" to shaking the lampshade, and my son looked at him and said "yes."

Yikes.
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#4 of 8 Old 12-12-2002, 05:42 PM
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My son does the same thing! He takes it very personally when we reprimand him. And we hardly ever say it sharply and never meanly. If it's something he's about to hurt himself with it can come out a little sharply and he covers his face and cringes. It's heartbreaking because I swear he's never been hit or anything. Anyway, it's getting better (he's 2.5), I guess he's getting thicker skinned or something but still, as I said, if it's a sharp no because you're a bit panicked he'll physically cringe. I've always comforted him right away and tried to explain why he can't do what ever it was he was doing and why the no might have come out a little sharply. Of course I don't remember being this young but I do remember being reprimanded by a friend of the family when I was 8 yrs. old and how much it hurt so I guess he gets it from me. We're just very sensitive to criticism!
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#5 of 8 Old 12-13-2002, 03:37 PM
 
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my 21 month old dd does this too, she crumples when we say it. We try not to say it too much but sometimes it comes out in a very stern way. I too think the best thing is to try to use alternatives and explain yourself/myself more... such as... Knives are not for children, knives are dangerous... or ...here play with this spoon instead of the knife... instead of just no. DD reacts much better if she has some reasoning why she can't do or have something.

But of course toddlers also just have their moments sometimes, no matter what we as moms do. I think at times it must be very hard for toddlers to reconcile all those emotions within them.
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#6 of 8 Old 12-15-2002, 07:06 PM
 
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I think it's a personality thing. I still cringe if someone says "no" to me and I'm thirty something. If they say it sternly, I think about it for a long long long time. Some of us are just more sensitive....
I like the approach of rewording the phrase- so it tells the child what he or she should be doing, rather than not doing. I like it that way as an adult too.
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#7 of 8 Old 12-15-2002, 08:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you so much for all your input.
even after starting this thread I found myself monitoring how i use "no." And definitely doing it softer. And yes, considering others words. He is truly a sensitive soul. My husband was yelling at me an answer for something...like an answer to what do you want for dinner. And just yelling out "speghetti" or whatever his answer, and he was upstairs so he yelled hard and it scared my son....who came running to him.

so sensitive.

thank you much

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#8 of 8 Old 12-15-2002, 10:23 PM
 
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That makes sense.

My son doesn't mind NO but does respect it. I usually give a reason like "no, that isn't nice to ..." or "no, that gives ... an owie." ALso, I try to always say please. He knows that's the "magic word."

INterestingly, along the lines of what you just said, I had to yell at the dog the other day and it scared my son. He's never heard anyone yell but instinctually he knows it's not "right."
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