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#1 of 14 Old 12-31-2001, 02:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My daughter is 25 mos. and I am expecting #2 anyday. We have a family bed but, she will not go to bed without me, and will not fall asleep just anywhere...only in bed. When in bed it takes her upto 2 hrs to finally go to sleep, where I can sneak out, if I need to. While she is trying to go to sleep I lay there thinking of the million and one things I could be doing. Also, wondering what is going to happen when #2 arrives. I can't be spending 2 hrs. in bed if the baby needs me. My hubby is a chef and is rarely home at bed time, therefore it is just me. I know some nights we will all just be able to go to bed together, but what about those other nights? Any suggestions?
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#2 of 14 Old 12-31-2001, 02:37 AM
 
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Good luck with everything! Hope you have a wonderful birthing experience!

About the bedtime thing-- my dh doesn't get home until 7 PM and I was trying for awhile to put Abi to bed at 8. I figured that was the time that babies should go to bed. Finally I just stopped fighting it and we all go to bed at the same time now, around 10 PM and everything is much better. We figured when she was old enough to understand what bedtime was, then she could have a set time to go to bed.

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#3 of 14 Old 12-31-2001, 04:16 PM
 
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I know that alot of folks here won't agree with me, but I consider myself an AP parent and I had exactly the same situation as you.

My dd was 25 mos. when ds came along. Claudia was sleeping in her own bed in her own room, but she had never been able to go to sleep by herself. Like you I was spending 2 hours getting her to sleep usually by laying down beside her or sitting in a rocker beside her bed, but I COULD NOT leave the room until she was absolutely asleep or else she would scream. When my dh started working late and it was just me in the evening with the kids I decided that something had to change.

For a few days I prepared dd by telling her that it was time for her to be a big girl and go to sleep by herself. We read books about kids going to sleep by themselves. And finally one night I tucked her into bed, said goodnight and walked out the door. Of course there was much wailing and many times that I came back in to talk to her and get her settled down. I guess that this is essentially a CIO method, but I felt that I had no choice. After about a week of this, one night I put Claudia in bed and she smiled, said goodnight and rolled over and went to sleep! It's been more or less like that ever since. While we never had a family bed, I think that this can be the same for you.

There was a thread a while back along the lines of "are some kids easier to AP than others?" I think that this can be true. With my ds, from the time he was 9 months old I have been able to put him down awake and he will roll over and fall asleep by himself. I never had to go through all the drama that Claudia required. I think that they are just very different kids.

With your daughter you may be able to get her to sleep with you sitting on the bed instead of laying beside her.

Good luck
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#4 of 14 Old 12-31-2001, 04:47 PM
 
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Congratulations!

What works for us is to put ds to bed in his own room-attached to ours. We have a futon on the floor for him and if he's not ready to conk right out after a story or two, then I lay on the futon and read a book (or whatever) and ignore him as he unwinds. When he's ready, he crawls up next to me and I cuddle him to sleep in a couple of minutes.

I know it's still frustrating, but I actually enjoy this time as my own "downtime."

I agree about the bedtime issue-if you don't have daycare, then who cares what time they go to bed as long as they sleep long enough.
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#5 of 14 Old 12-31-2001, 06:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the advice! I have been trying to prepare her, by telling her when the baby comes mommy will need her help showing the baby how to go to sleep. I don't want to give her to much pressure or "rock her world" with every aspect of this new life of ours. I am sure things will all work out, just trying to get some feedback from the pros out there. Once again, THANKS!

She will probably adapt fine to this change and freak out about something I didn't even think of!
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#6 of 14 Old 01-03-2002, 04:03 AM
 
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Hi there. I had the same problem with dd #1. When dd #2 came along betime changed alot for her, I could not do a long betime ritual w/ her any more. So what I started doing was setting boundries on bedtime. For example- she got to pick out only 3 bedtime books (instead of many...). When 3 books were read I would roll over and nurse dd #2 while she would cuddle up to me. I would tell her that when her sister was asleep (which usually took 10-15 mins) I was going to get up out of bed and then I would go get her "mama bunny" (a very large stuffed bunny) to go to sleep the rest of the way with. This worked great, it even got to the point were the "mama bunny" was no longer needed and as one 1 week now she has been falling asleep in her own bed! (By the way this whole transition has taken place over the past 20 months). Hope this helps. Hope the birth of your new baby is a great one!
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#7 of 14 Old 01-03-2002, 07:06 PM
 
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I don't have any experience with this but I heard of a method which sounds like it could work. It was the "I have to check on something" method. You sit with the child and then say, "I have to check on something, I'll be back in a minute" then you go out and make sure you come back in a few minutes. YOu sit for a while and then do it again. As long as you always come back the child begins to trust you will and at some pt, hopefully, falls asleep before you return.

Good luck,
Anne
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#8 of 14 Old 01-07-2002, 04:52 AM
 
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The above method works, only I say "mommy has to go potty" Sometimes she falls asleep before I get back. Good luck, you will figure out what works for you. I've been surprised how quickly my 2 1/2 yo has adjusted to her new brother. I try and time it so when the baby falls asleep I begin my night time routine with my DD. Sometimes (like tonite) we get interrupted by his waking, so I bring him into her bed, too. And nurse him. She did not like this at first, but understands that he's just a baby and he needs me too. When she's asleep, I take the baby and go back into my own bed. Tonite it was sweet as I lay nestled between both my sleeping babes. Let us know how it goes. (or how it's going!)
gina
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#9 of 14 Old 01-07-2002, 01:49 PM
 
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Does anyone have any ideas an getting a child to like going to sleep? Our three year old Matthew does not like going to sleep and will fight it until he is absolutely exhausted. He does not need much sleep as it is and never has. Over the years, we have learned to let Matthew pick his own bedtime since he will fight it if we recommend that he goes to sleep.

Currently, we have cut his nap down to 15 minutes. He can't make it through the day without a nap and waking him up after 15 mintues works well - he is a little groggy but snaps out of it pretty quick.

I usually go to sleep before Matthew does at night (10:30/11 pm) and Matthew will not go to sleep until 11 to midnight and still gets up at 8 am. My dh is a SAHD and would like have some alone time during these late hours.

Any suggestions (outside of CIO!) would be helpful.

Teri, mama to Matthew and Jacob
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#10 of 14 Old 01-07-2002, 11:49 PM
 
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I'm sortof in the same boat as you.....My ds#1 has never needed much sleep (compared to peers and family).

My ds is almost 4 and he has now done away with naps. Occassionally he will nap, and then he won't go to sleep until about 11:00. If he doesn't nap he will fall asleep about 8:30....which is good compared to your ds!....but he fights it until the bitter end!!!!

We co-sleep..so we used to lay in bed with him until he fell asleep but that would sometimes take up to an hour! Now we let him play, read books, whatever until he is ready to "settle down." Then we lay on the couch together and tell him stories or watch Discovery Channel until he falls asleep.
It was much less stressful doing it this way, escpecially when we added ds#2 into the family over a year ago.

I'm sure you have a good "routine" down....maybe....dinner, bath, quiet play, books......something like that?

IMO~some kids just don't need as much sleep as other ones! My ds#2 goes to bed around 7:30 and wakes up around 8:00.~~He gets several more hours of sleep than his older brother and he still takes 2 naps a day....go figure!
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#11 of 14 Old 01-08-2002, 01:39 PM
 
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Thanks for responding! It is nice to hear someone else out there has a similar issue with a similar parent style. Our sons seem to have a lot of the same habits.

I used to have a elaborate bedtime routine prior to Jacob being born. From start to finish it would take me 1-1/2 hours (after bath time) to get Matthew to sleep. We turned all the lights off, phone off, and then I would turn on some slow soothing music and do a combination of dancing and nursing Matthew to sleep. It was nice to have a little couple time. After Jacob was born, I didn't have the time and dh doesn't have the patience at the end of the day. We've tried the laying on the bed with him. Not a very good experience and not one of my prouder parenting moments since he did not want to stay on the bed.

Now we just explain to Matthew that it is quiet time after his brother goes to bed. We usually don't play with him (gets him stimulated), don't read to him (he really gets active when you read him books) and don't allow any food since that keeps him awake. He will either come to our bed after we both go to sleep or fall asleep on the couch with one of us while watching tv. Dh gets very frustrated since he and I don't get much couple time.

Is your son really intense? I often theorized that Matthew has a hard time going to sleep because his brain won't quit.

Like you, our second little guy sleeps well. He goes to sleep everynight between 8 and 9 no matter where we are or what we did during the day.

Teri, mama to Matthew and Jacob
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#12 of 14 Old 01-08-2002, 05:32 PM
 
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Rather than setting a bedtime, can you set a bedroom time? Set a time at which he has to go to his own bedroom (or a designated playroom) until he is ready for sleep. He can play, look at books, do art activities, whatever.... When he is ready for sleep, he can either join you two or camp out in his own room, whichever he prefers.
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#13 of 14 Old 01-08-2002, 07:28 PM
 
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We haven't tried that. It is worth a try. Thanks
Teri, mama to Matthew and Jacob
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#14 of 14 Old 01-09-2002, 06:22 AM
 
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My 2 1/2 year old does this, but hes up untill 3-4am.....I've tried everything I can think of and Ive gotten to the point where I can do no more, we have an appointment with a ped on Friday to see about getting my DS into a sleep clinic...I'll pass on everthing I learn
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