Perfect child for everyone else, monster around me - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 12-29-2002, 06:25 AM - Thread Starter
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I cant figure this one out and its putting me at the end of my rope a lot. DD goes to daycare 5 hours a day, 3 days a week and loves it. She's a little angel there, when my mom watches her she says the same thing. She's a little angel! Happily plays alone or with other kids. Doesn't need to be held 24-7. Doesn't cry or throw tantrums, a great child! Now I figured they must all be lying because as soon as I walk though the door she instantly becomes this clingy, cranky, whiny, super hyper child that wont listen to a word I say! I've snuck in a few times to watch dd and she is the perfect child to them but as soon as i'm home... its getting to the point I sometimes want to walk right back out the door! Before 2 weeks ago she only went to daycare 2-3 times a month and this behavior started a couple months ago. Is this just a normal 2 yr old thing? Have I done something horribly wrong in parenting?
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#2 of 6 Old 12-29-2002, 07:21 AM
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It sure sounds normal to me! My DS is very similar, in that when I take him out and about he is so cheerful and easygoing. He almost never cries, never tantrums etc when we're at play group or at the playground or visiting friends and relatives. But at home with me alone it's a different story! I think he's interested and amused by all the goings on when we're out, so he doesn't have time to think of things to be demanding and whiny about. The other kids probably keep your dd so entertained that she doesn't have time to fuss. Plus, as everyone says, kids just feel safer with us. Like, I know I'm really nice and friendly at work, then I come home and blow off steam at DP. I feel safe to, kwim? I guess kids are the same. Don't worry - it sounds like she's a happy girl to me
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#3 of 6 Old 12-29-2002, 02:14 PM
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i've worked in daycares for the last six years and saw this happen all the time. i think alot of times, children have this huge emotional release when they see that you are back, they have so many mixed emotions, relief to see you, but then upset because you left them in the first place, etc. crying or whining is really the only way they can let out strong feelings, whether positive or negative. as for when you get home, no advice there. just wanted to say that it is very common for children to react this way!
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#4 of 6 Old 12-29-2002, 04:17 PM
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No, in fact you've done something "horribly right" in parenting! Obviously, your DD feels safest with mommy and is able to express her emotions and know that even if she is freaking out, mommy is the one who will always be there for her.

My DH asked me once (when we were both picking up DD at preschool) why she is fine and then completely breaks down when we walk through the door. I explained that she is not necessarily sad, she is just emotional. As Marisa said, there is a great deal of mixed emotion when mommy appears - relief, anger, joy, self-pity, etc. and it just comes rolling out.

The good news is that this is usually just a phase and will pass. She won't freak out forever!

Maddy Moo - 2.5
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#5 of 6 Old 12-29-2002, 05:57 PM
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This post helps me alot. My DSs are the same way. They are much more clingy and whiny when i am around. It makes me wonder if I have done something wrong.
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#6 of 6 Old 12-31-2002, 01:45 AM
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Yup, she's saving it all for you. She feels safest expressing herself with her beloved mommy. Think about you let yourself fall apart in front of anybody? No. You save that side of yourself for your best friend or hubby. Children are amazing, aren't they?
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