Would you send your 1 yr old on vacation for a WEEK with your parents w/o you? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Would you?
Yes 12 2.93%
No 393 96.09%
We already did it 4 0.98%
Voters: 409. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 11-20-2005, 01:06 AM
 
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I wish I could've voted h*ll no! But I couldn't so I simply voted no. At one a baby is still nursing for most of his nourishment. What a harsh way to wean them, sending them away from you for a whole week. Babies at that age don't understand why they are being left without their parents either. Also I just don't trust that my parent's/IL's would feed him to my satisfaction and I am also pretty sure I would come back to a fully vaxxed baby, which I do not want. So no on all sides of that ? .

Non Practicing Midwife, going back to school! Mamma to my 3 loves, living each day to the fullest.
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Old 11-20-2005, 01:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by joandsarah77
I wish. I never made enough milk. And yes that was with pumping, fenugreek (herbal) and Motilium (medication to boost milk) So he's bottle fed. I'm probably not as crunchy as some around here as my kids are not clingy, man there so social that they would go off with a one eyed green hairy thing. Thank God there are none around here . Plus they pretty much sleep anywere, and we don't co-sleep. Ok you can all shoot me now.
Please, don't think I was judging you because of that, I was truly curious. to you, you tried to give you little one mama milk, you should be proud of yourself for that! You worked a lot harder (from what you told us) than most moms today.
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Old 11-20-2005, 09:44 AM
 
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Thanks. I'm probably over sensitive, but I don't like to think about my breast feeding failure, it's too depressing.
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Old 11-20-2005, 04:09 PM
 
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OMG! There is NO WAY in h*ll I could send my BABY on vacation without me. My parents don't raise dd, I do! A week is FOREVER. That is my initial response, and I know that I am a bit over the top. Everyone does not raise their dc like I do, but come on a whole week?

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Old 11-20-2005, 04:27 PM
 
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Would never work, my ds still nurses and has never spent a night without me in his life, and is not ready to either. He wakes at least 4 times a night and only I can get him back to sleep, since he still nurses. Sometimes I wish I could leave him overnight w/my parents, but I probably would sleep terribly w/out him. Can't get good sleep w/him, but can't sleep w/out him.
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Old 11-20-2005, 04:37 PM
 
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uhhhh - NO
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Old 11-20-2005, 06:13 PM
 
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What I don't get... and maybe someone has said this, I only read the first page of responses... is WHY would they want to take my 1yo on VACATION?? I don't get it at all... it makes sense for the question to be, "Would you go on a one week vacation and leave your 1yo with your parents?" My answer would still be no, but what grandparents take a 1yo on vacation?

I left my 3 year old at home with dh for 4 days, while I took our 1yo with me out of state to see a friend. Things were fine while I was gone, but when I got back, it was REALLY hard. It obviously had a big effect on her and her trust of me for a while. I don't think I'd do it again. And she was 3!!
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Old 11-21-2005, 12:27 AM
 
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Absolutely not. At 1 yr DS was nursing 6 times a day, including twice at night. But beside that, he was still very much a baby.

He is nearly two and we are just getting ready to perhaps have him spend the night with his grandparents - ONE night. I'm trying to figure out what we're going to do when little tupelo comes along - DS will be 27 mo - and I will likely need to be in the hospital for at least 2 or 3 nights.

I cannot imagine being away from him for a week. I can't imagine any mama, nursing or no, thinking that would be ok?
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Old 11-21-2005, 01:08 AM
 
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Even if somehow I knew my 1 year old would be OK without me for a week and that my parents would be OK with the situation, I could not bear to be without my child for a week. I could not be without my 3.75 year old for a week. I would not want to be without my dh for a week.

No way. Not in a trillion years.

~lisa~mama to 3 boys (1/02, 5/04, 12/06)
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Old 11-21-2005, 01:19 AM
 
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Even if somehow I knew my 1 year old would be OK without me for a week and that my parents would be OK with the situation, I could not bear to be without my child for a week. I could not be without my 3.75 year old for a week. I would not want to be without my dh for a week.

No way. Not in a trillion years.
Exactly what I was going to post. My parents want to take my 2.5 year old for a week, around Christmas time. I was shocked that they would even ask (they have a very AP style, and should know better!) My daughter loves them, and would probably have a great time. Probably. It's the small chance that she would break down and miss mommy or daddy, with us being 3 hours away, that keeps me from allowing it. I'm sure I could cope, if it was something she truly wanted to do. But I don't think she'll be ready for an "alone trip" for a few more years, at least.
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Old 11-21-2005, 01:43 AM
 
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DH and I just left our 2 y.o. with my in-laws for *one night* for our fifth anniversary. By breakfast the next morning we were ready to go get him. No way could I do a week, even at 2. I'm not sure I could do it by 3. At age 1, forget about it...
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Old 11-21-2005, 01:52 AM
 
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nope I'll still be bf'ing and honestly I don't see the advantage on either side. DD doesn't need to be separated from me for that length of time, I'd be traumatized to be away from her for that long, and her grandparents are certainly welcome to visit with us, there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to accompany any trip that they would desire their grandchild to be with them on.

it bothers me when people want time with the baby without me present. it just gives me an annoyed feeling. guess what people? I'm the mama!

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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Old 11-21-2005, 01:52 AM
 
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I wouldn't leave my kids anywhere without me or dh for more than a few hours (perhaps for the day if it was w/one of us). My oldest dd's first sleepover was at 7 for one night,thats it. she is now 11 and my il's are planning on taking her on a cruise when she turns 13 for a week. That will be the first time she will be away from us for more than a one night sleepover and we have to plan it years in advance so that we can warm up to the idea
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Old 11-21-2005, 02:13 AM
 
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I wouldn't have a problem with it. My parents live near me and we see them daily. Overnights are not a big deal. If I don't mind, my kid enjoys it, and my parents are happy - why not?
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Old 11-21-2005, 03:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pumpkinsmama
I'm with the minority on this one. I vote yes, but maybe that is because I am thousands of miles away from my parents and we only see them once a year. They did a great job raising me so I feel confident they would take great care of DS. Of course I would go nuts, but I think that my parents love DS so much, and it makes me sad that they do not get to spend more time with him.

But, I would go with them if at all possible. The only way I would send him with them by himself is if there was no way DH or I could go too.
So if he was only a year old, he would've met your parents only once. How do you think HE would feel, not you, not your parents, but a 1 yr old baby, about SUDDENLY being without his mama, and left in the care of people who are strangers TO HIM. The fact that they are thousands of miles away and would've only seen him once makes it seem harsher to me, than with grandparents who a child sees often enough to "know" them somewhat.

I voted no! I think 1 yrs old is way to young to be taken away from home and parents. If the family lives with the grandparents, I can see the parents going away, since the baby would still be in the familiar place with familiar people, but being sent away from home and parents at such a young age, would be cruelty to a baby, imo, regardless of how much the parents trusted the grandparents.
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Old 11-21-2005, 04:13 AM
 
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Y'know, my parents live thousands of miles away too, but my ds has had a strong bond with them right from birth. I'm thinking that my mother and I sound and smell very similar? Leaving ds with them (for an evening) has never been even a slight issue, whereas he has sometimes been sad when I left him with a nonrelated caregiver or my ILs.

Anyhow, I voted "yes" since ds was on goat milk by 12 months (breast surgery, turned out I was cancer-free) and he slept through the night in his crib, but I think he was a pretty unusual baby and has an unusual bond with my folks. When I had to wean and he went on a cosleeping strike and moved to the crib, we discussed going on a vacation around 12 mos., but decided that WE wouldn't enjoy it, even though we enjoy the heck out of a night out and don't worry about ds at all if he's with my folks. If there had been some compelling reason to travel, though, we would have done it and he would have been just fine.

We are expecting #2 in June, and I assume that she will nurse much longer, so leaving her will be a moot point. I am seriously thinking about a vacation when SHE weans, though. My cousin has her folks come to her house and stay for a week when she vacations, and the kids LOVE it. No unsettling trip or new beds or unfamilar potties, just special time with the grandparents.
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Old 11-21-2005, 12:45 PM
 
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I said nope, NEVER. I have left my DS for the evening about 3 times, everytime with my mother. HE LOVES HER. Any time I am on the phone he has to have the phone to make sure it isn't her on the other end. He's only 16 months old and gets excited when I talk about her coming to see him. They only get to see each other about once a month, but even with this bond there is NO WAY i'd leave him for a week.
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Old 11-21-2005, 07:34 PM
 
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No.
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Old 11-21-2005, 08:08 PM
 
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I've never even spent a night away from DD and she's 2-1/2.

We still nurse (nak, in fact) and we co-sleep. I don't think any of us would be OK with that. My MIL was disappointed because I wouldn't let DD spend one night at her house without us.

DD loves her grandparents though and they all live out of state so when she's older, she might want to have some time with them.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 11-21-2005, 10:09 PM
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So if he was only a year old, he would've met your parents only once. How do you think HE would feel, not you, not your parents, but a 1 yr old baby, about SUDDENLY being without his mama, and left in the care of people who are strangers TO HIM. The fact that they are thousands of miles away and would've only seen him once makes it seem harsher to me, than with grandparents who a child sees often enough to "know" them somewhat.

I voted no! I think 1 yrs old is way to young to be taken away from home and parents. If the family lives with the grandparents, I can see the parents going away, since the baby would still be in the familiar place with familiar people, but being sent away from home and parents at such a young age, would be cruelty to a baby, imo, regardless of how much the parents trusted the grandparents.
Ok, I am trying not to overeact, but...You know nothing about me or my family. I stated my opinion, unrealistically thinking I would not be personally flamed for that since this was a poll based opinions requested thread.

As it happens I work and DH is SAHD. I had to leave DS for two weeks before he was 12mo. and I hated every minute of it. He however, did just fine. My parents love their grandson so much that they would be over here constantly if they could be. However, they work for FEMA and have been a little busy IYKWIM. I am proud of them, they do a lot to help people rebuild their lives.
I cannot quit my job, My parents cannot quit theirs. I love, respect, and trust them. If in the future it comes up with the next GC I would not offer, but if they asked I stick to my original gut feeling. My DC will not suffer with his GP's and it would not be "cruelty" to let them spend time with him.

***edited to add: I try not to judge any one here, I state my opinion and am interested in reading about others. It irks me that someone here would accuse me of being willing to be "cruel" to my son.
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Old 11-21-2005, 10:54 PM
 
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Nope.
I left ds1 with my mom and stepdad for one night because my ex and I were going cross-country skiing and they were babysitting (the ski trip and the babysitting for it were a Christmas present). DS1 was 11.5 months. I was going crazy with missing him by the time they brought him back...

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Old 11-22-2005, 12:29 AM
 
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Adding to my OP that MIL lives next door to us (and we lived together for 6 mo)- DD sees her every single day and they adore eachother. MIL is super cautious, eats healthy, respects all of our parenting choices and DD has NEVER slept over, not even once (she is 2.5). We have talked about it, just to sort of see where she is and she always says, "not now, soon." LOL
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Old 11-22-2005, 12:46 AM
 
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No Way! We would be able to do it. The longest I've even been away from Ds is 4 hours...and that was only twice.

When my mom comes to visit, DH and I go out for an hour --- and by then, DS is ready to see me (us) again.
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Old 11-22-2005, 12:59 AM
 
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No way, no how.

My baby is three-and-a-half months old, and I've never left him with anyone but DH, and that's only for an hour or so. One time I was stuck at the grocery store for almost two hours and I thought I was going to have a panic attack.

One of my sister's friends left her daughter with her in-laws so she and her husband could go on a trip. Her daughter did fine, didn't seem traumatized or anything, but then when she and her husband came to pick her up, her daughter looked at her with huge eyes, and she realized that her daughter thought she'd never see her mama again.

My SIL and her husband, OTOH, left their six-week-old with my in-laws so they could go on a cruise. And then they pretty much left her regularly so they could go on vacations after that. Their little girl (now nine) is a total brat...but I understand why.

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Old 11-22-2005, 01:41 AM
 
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So interesting to read the responses here!

If I were responding when dd1 was a year old, back in a different life, I would have been a heck no mama!

But now life's changed. The court has ordered a one week exclusive visit for both dds when dd2 will be 21 mos old. And to work up to that, we've been doing some overnights. (probably won't be a one week exclusive visit, ex and I are trying to work out the details, but you better bet I cried my eyes out for months after the B!tch of a judge did that! It was more than he was even freaking asking for! She had it in for me because I was an ap/extended breastfeeding mom...grr...profanity done.)

So actually last night dd1 4yo and dd2 19mo went camping w/ grandma, they had a blast and I finished a paper that was due this morning! So yea's were heard all around!

I would never have thought about doing it with dd1, but now I've learned a little more. Shhh...secrets ahead...babies who nurse a lot when co-sleeping with mom often don't need to nurse with others, they just roll over and go back to sleep. Toddlers who are busy and interested can have some independence, not too much! but some, and grow and learn from it... Little sisters sure want to do EVERYTHING that big sisters do, and are actually pretty okay with doing it when there's self-imposed peer pressure involved.

Anyway, long story! So my dd1 has been away 5 nights now total, 1 night with dad, then later 2 nights with dad, then 1 night camping with grandma 2x. I think she could handle 2 or 3 nights with no problems (and lots of EBM! I'm still pumping away to make sure there's enough for her!) And she seems to adjust fine when she gets back, actually my 4yo has a little more trouble almost, gets teary eyed, like today said, "Mama, I'm about to cry because I'm so glad to be home with you. Are you about to cry because you're so glad to have me home?" And later, "Yea! I get to sleep with you tonight mama! I'm so glad to be back in my own bed!" I think she's hamming it up a little, but she's a cancer, so sensitive.
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Old 11-22-2005, 11:41 AM
 
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Originally Posted by New Mama
No way, no how.



My SIL and her husband, OTOH, left their six-week-old with my in-laws so they could go on a cruise. And then they pretty much left her regularly so they could go on vacations after that. Their little girl (now nine) is a total brat...but I understand why.
This is soo true- our friends leave their 3 kids (1 is a baby! ) for 2 1/2 months every summer to go stay w/their grandparents in another country-(this was the 1st summer for the baby obv.) This started when the oldest was a baby. Every chance they get they leave them w/sitters or have them spend the night at aunties house. They have serious behaviour problems as well, and nasty attitudes, I hadn't thought about that correlation, I had assumed it was because they spank! So sad...
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Old 11-22-2005, 02:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by chandraj
They have serious behaviour problems as well, and nasty attitudes, I hadn't thought about that correlation, I had assumed it was because they spank! So sad...
Maybe it's the whole "detatchment parenting" lifestyle that attributes to their behavior. Poor kids, I can't imagine sending my baby away. As a wedding present DH's brother and SIL offered to pay for a hotel room and babysit dd for the night (one night), but we politely refused and explained that it was much too early for dd to be away from us. The next day was her first birthday. That's not to say it wasn't tempting to spend my wedding night alone with DH, it was extremely tempting, but I knew it wouldn't do any of us any good.
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Old 11-23-2005, 09:54 AM
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My parents used to ditch us on our grandparents all the time. We watched a home movie once in which they were a plane ride away with my older sister (who is 1.5 years older than me); she was a toddler at the time. I would have been only 6 months old. I asked where I was, and of course, they had left me with my grandparents. A person would have to actively hate their parents to be less attached than I am to mine. I don't dislike them (though I dislike plenty about them), but I don't know them and there is just no real attachment there.

Would I leave Simon with anyone at 1? NO NO NO. I wouldn't leave him for an overnight with dh now -- he's 20 months old -- and can't even imagine doing so until I give birth to #2. When that happens, it will have to be with someone I trust a million percent and who Simon feels a million percent comfortable with. No such person other than dh fits that bill at the moment. Actually if it were for more than a few hours even dh doesn't fit that bill because Simon is still a frequent nurser and shows no signs of slowing down any time soon. Hopefully we'll start to build a great network soon.
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Old 11-23-2005, 10:29 AM
 
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i voted no, i had a hard enough time leaving them for the day.
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Old 11-23-2005, 11:10 AM
 
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Not a 1 year old, no way. she wouldn't understand why we had left her and it is an interminable amount of time for a young child. I would happily eave her for weekends when she was much older (say 5 and up) but a week would ahve to wait until she was about 8 or 9 or so I think.
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