Oh eek, I just realized this post has gotten so long but I don't know how to shorten it so here goes:
I'm not exactly sure what I am posting about except that something is going on with my ds and I am at a loss. little background: he's 18 mos, my first child, a fun and very sensitive child, maybe an empath in the way he picks up on everyone else's feelings.
So in the last week or so, things have been changing. I think he is having some developmental spurts or something b/c he plays in a different ways and is communicating more etc. also we are still "recovering" from holiday craziness....all the excitement of travel and many many relatives and less sleep.
But there are a couple things that are worrying me about him AND about how I am dealing with it. For the last few days, he has suddenly gotten a better memory and wants me to carry him around to go "do something" very particular with him...like climb up the stairs to my parent's loft, or read a book long past the time that I know he is exhausted at night. And usually I have always tried to be very responsive to him and do those things. But lately his wants seem a little unreasonable to me, like for me to carry him somewhere that he can very well walk to himself or else they are for things that i kinda feel just aren't good in the long run ( like staying up and reading when he is pulling ears and falling down with tiredness). And I have NOT dealt well...started telling him things really sternly, gotten angry a few times and really let it show and been generally more bossy and demanding with him. Another example is that when he wants something, he wants it NOW and I think he is big enough he can wait a little sometimes, and he does, but sometimes he just starts flinging himself around (and trying to get in my arms), bending over backwards etc. Well the other night he did it and slammed his head into my mouth and I cut my lip and really lost it cause it hurts!!!!! and I know it will hurt for days. When he was a tiny babe and did that as he was settling for sleep, I was pretty good at just moving his body and not saying anything cause he really didn't know. But I am starting to feel like he is throwing a bit of a fit and he ought to know that he hurt Mommy.
See the thing is this: i don't know if I am responding appropriately or just out of anger and exhaustion. My parents are much more "I am the mom, you are the child and you will do what i say b/c I said it." I mean they are very loving but tough and not AP at all. So maybe all that time I spent at their house over the holidays is influencing me and making me act more that way just b/c I can't think of other options ( and well of course, it is self-validating in some ways, I am sure)
But then the last two nights have been so crazy. I suspect he is teething and he has a stuffy nose so he'll wake up and not be able to get back to sleep (can't nurse much either) and so here I am, so tired, have to go to work in the morning, great big swollen painful boobs and he is flinging himself around in our bed, pointing wildly for me to stand up and carry him out of the room to somewhere. What in the world? Night before last I kinda fought him, tried to say we are not going downstairs in the middle of the night but eventually gave him and carried him downstairs, made coffee, fixed my lunchbox and then he wanted to go back upstairs and nurse (in another room) and then go back to bed. Last night I just did what he wanted and we got up and went and sat in front of the computer where he immediately leaned against my chest and fell asleep as soon as I turned it on ( I swear, I don't spend that much time in front of it!) Part of me feels like he can't really know that he wants these odd things and is just open to suggestion and the other part of me feels like he knows exactly what he wants and I have to just keep guessing till I figure it out and then he will lie down and sleep or get on with life. Oh and both nights he insisted on taking off his jammies (though they are new and really warm and it has not been that cold here so maybe he was hot).
So please mamas, any advice will help so much. How can i deal with this behavior without just being a big old meanie? Last night when we went to bed, he didn't want to read books, just nurse (which we often do when I am late like I was) so i turned out the light and we lay down and bam! screaming , flinging fit. so we went to "his" room and sat in the chair there and nursed and then he pointed to our bedroom so we went back and read a book or two and then I said, Ok, how about you read and I'll read too and he was OK with that and we were pretty good till he started showing signs of being tired so i said we'd finish the one book and turn off the lights but when we did, he went wild and started hunting for the book and held it up for me to read and i said no, it was time for bed so he wanted to climb down and get it and i said no, we have to stay in the bed and so he gave up, crawled to the other side of the bed, flung himslef over a pillow and wailed, wouldn't let me touch him or rub his back or anything. i think he was really mad at me. I was so tired, I started to fall asleep and he did too. But I feel awful, like I broke his spirit and hurt his feelings and maybe for something totally arbitrary (except I was SO tired and he was too even if he didn't know it.)
I just want to know how I can deal with this new found demandingness or whatever you might call it, provide him with a stable environment that he can feel confident about, be loving and help him learn to cope. or maybe this is all too early??? or maybe something else is wrong with him???
help please???!!!!!
I'm not exactly sure what I am posting about except that something is going on with my ds and I am at a loss. little background: he's 18 mos, my first child, a fun and very sensitive child, maybe an empath in the way he picks up on everyone else's feelings.
So in the last week or so, things have been changing. I think he is having some developmental spurts or something b/c he plays in a different ways and is communicating more etc. also we are still "recovering" from holiday craziness....all the excitement of travel and many many relatives and less sleep.
But there are a couple things that are worrying me about him AND about how I am dealing with it. For the last few days, he has suddenly gotten a better memory and wants me to carry him around to go "do something" very particular with him...like climb up the stairs to my parent's loft, or read a book long past the time that I know he is exhausted at night. And usually I have always tried to be very responsive to him and do those things. But lately his wants seem a little unreasonable to me, like for me to carry him somewhere that he can very well walk to himself or else they are for things that i kinda feel just aren't good in the long run ( like staying up and reading when he is pulling ears and falling down with tiredness). And I have NOT dealt well...started telling him things really sternly, gotten angry a few times and really let it show and been generally more bossy and demanding with him. Another example is that when he wants something, he wants it NOW and I think he is big enough he can wait a little sometimes, and he does, but sometimes he just starts flinging himself around (and trying to get in my arms), bending over backwards etc. Well the other night he did it and slammed his head into my mouth and I cut my lip and really lost it cause it hurts!!!!! and I know it will hurt for days. When he was a tiny babe and did that as he was settling for sleep, I was pretty good at just moving his body and not saying anything cause he really didn't know. But I am starting to feel like he is throwing a bit of a fit and he ought to know that he hurt Mommy.
See the thing is this: i don't know if I am responding appropriately or just out of anger and exhaustion. My parents are much more "I am the mom, you are the child and you will do what i say b/c I said it." I mean they are very loving but tough and not AP at all. So maybe all that time I spent at their house over the holidays is influencing me and making me act more that way just b/c I can't think of other options ( and well of course, it is self-validating in some ways, I am sure)
But then the last two nights have been so crazy. I suspect he is teething and he has a stuffy nose so he'll wake up and not be able to get back to sleep (can't nurse much either) and so here I am, so tired, have to go to work in the morning, great big swollen painful boobs and he is flinging himself around in our bed, pointing wildly for me to stand up and carry him out of the room to somewhere. What in the world? Night before last I kinda fought him, tried to say we are not going downstairs in the middle of the night but eventually gave him and carried him downstairs, made coffee, fixed my lunchbox and then he wanted to go back upstairs and nurse (in another room) and then go back to bed. Last night I just did what he wanted and we got up and went and sat in front of the computer where he immediately leaned against my chest and fell asleep as soon as I turned it on ( I swear, I don't spend that much time in front of it!) Part of me feels like he can't really know that he wants these odd things and is just open to suggestion and the other part of me feels like he knows exactly what he wants and I have to just keep guessing till I figure it out and then he will lie down and sleep or get on with life. Oh and both nights he insisted on taking off his jammies (though they are new and really warm and it has not been that cold here so maybe he was hot).
So please mamas, any advice will help so much. How can i deal with this behavior without just being a big old meanie? Last night when we went to bed, he didn't want to read books, just nurse (which we often do when I am late like I was) so i turned out the light and we lay down and bam! screaming , flinging fit. so we went to "his" room and sat in the chair there and nursed and then he pointed to our bedroom so we went back and read a book or two and then I said, Ok, how about you read and I'll read too and he was OK with that and we were pretty good till he started showing signs of being tired so i said we'd finish the one book and turn off the lights but when we did, he went wild and started hunting for the book and held it up for me to read and i said no, it was time for bed so he wanted to climb down and get it and i said no, we have to stay in the bed and so he gave up, crawled to the other side of the bed, flung himslef over a pillow and wailed, wouldn't let me touch him or rub his back or anything. i think he was really mad at me. I was so tired, I started to fall asleep and he did too. But I feel awful, like I broke his spirit and hurt his feelings and maybe for something totally arbitrary (except I was SO tired and he was too even if he didn't know it.)
I just want to know how I can deal with this new found demandingness or whatever you might call it, provide him with a stable environment that he can feel confident about, be loving and help him learn to cope. or maybe this is all too early??? or maybe something else is wrong with him???
help please???!!!!!