"Do you want a boy or a girl next time?" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 03:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How do you mommas answer this question? I got it all the time when I was pregnant with DS (well, then it was just, "Do you want a boy or a girl") and always just used the standard reply of wanting a healthy baby.

Now that people are starting to ask what I "want" next time (or saying, "Oh, I bet you want a girl next time") I've started saying, "I guess it'd be neat to experience both as a parent, but it'd also be great for Jack to have a brother." But what I really want to say is, "There's no good way for me to answer that question that someone won't use against me later." I'm not going to have people saying, "You know, she wanted a girl" if we have another boy. :

So what's your standard reponse to that question?

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#2 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 03:53 PM
 
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I just say that it doesn't matter and I'd be happy with whatever God give us. Either way we'll be happy.
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#3 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 04:19 PM
 
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I say I would like God to bless us with a healthy child, I'm not going to be picky about gender...if you're not religious just say "A healthy baby, gender isn't important."

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#4 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 04:26 PM
 
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My usual answer is "oh, do I get to choose?"

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#5 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 04:38 PM
 
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I've been saying "It would be nice for Joanna to have a sister, but we'll be ecstatic with a boy or a girl!"
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#6 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 04:42 PM
 
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To be honest, I have two boys and one girl, and I don't find the question all that offensive. I just say, "I'd love another little girl, but obviously we'll take what we get and love them regardless!"

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#7 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 04:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Llyra
My usual answer is "oh, do I get to choose?"
Ooo....that's good! I'll use that when I'm 8-9 months and really, really annoyed with everyone asking "when are you due? Is it a boy or a girl?"

I got so sick of it last pregnancy that when a clerk at the grocery store started to ask, I told her I wasn't pregnant! You should have seen the look on her face. Ha ha! I feel bad about it now, but it's so annoying! I try not to even talk to pregnant women about pregnancy when they are obviously due at anytime.
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#8 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 04:56 PM
 
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I never minded that question personally. I didn't feel it was said with any bad intent. For some reason, DH and I had always pictured ourselves with 2 girls. Don't know why. So I always told people that but was then sure to say that we would take whatever we got (duh!!). We ended up with a boy and I can't imagine loving him any more than I already do!
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#9 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 04:56 PM
 
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I always answer healthy. All I ever want is a healthy baby.

During my pregnancy with dd, we didn't know if she was a boy or girl, so when people would ask what we wanted, I'd answer "Well, we really want a human, but we'd be happy with a puppy."

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#10 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 05:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jlpolzin
I got so sick of it last pregnancy that when a clerk at the grocery store started to ask, I told her I wasn't pregnant! You should have seen the look on her face. Ha ha! I feel bad about it now, but it's so annoying! I try not to even talk to pregnant women about pregnancy when they are obviously due at anytime.
I was told a long time ago never assume a woman is pregnant unless you see a baby actively immerging from her.

The happy and healthy answer I think is the most common but I bet the question does get a little old.
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#11 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 05:54 PM
 
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#12 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 06:32 PM
 
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This question never bothered me, either.

We knew we were going to be done after dd was born. I would tell people that a girl would be nice so we'd have one of each, but that I already knew what I was doing with boys so another boy would be great, too.
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#13 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 06:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elmh23
"Well, we really want a human, but we'd be happy with a puppy."
I used to say that I wanted a puppy, but I was pretty sure I was getting a baby- which ever kind would be fine!

Megan~ mama to Cecilia (9/1/04) Carl (11/19/06) Vivian (9/10/09) & spring 2011 baby.
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#14 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 06:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DoubleOven
The question doesn't bother me at all; I think it's just people trying to make conversation. I say "either way we'll be thrilled."
I don't mind the question when it's asked in a certain way either, but I've had people be relentless in trying to get me to answer one way or the other. If people would just let it go after I say, "I just want a healthy baby," that'd be one thing, but it starts to get annoying when people say, "Yeah, but if you could pick, which would it be?" or "Well, yeah, but I bet you're just dying to have a little girl." I just don't like when people try to pigeon-hole me like that.

But, I just keep repeating my original answer over and over, and usually after a while they realize that I'm not going to get more specific than that.

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#15 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 07:35 PM
 
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#16 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 07:59 PM
 
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I had the 'reverse' problem. My mom and grandmother kept saying how much they hoped I would have a girl. It drove me nuts (based on some info about their history, it was a sore spot for DH and me) Anyway, it got to where I almost wanted a boy, just to piss them off. (Not that I cared, either way.)

Anyway, we had a boy and I wonder sometimes, if my mom and grandmother remember their words in embarrassment. I doubt it. I also sometimes want to say something about it, but never have anything witty come to mind.

One funny thing, though. My mom is totally homophobic. One day, as she said, "Man, I really hope you have a girl!" for the umpteenth time, I replied, "Well, you know, it's already determined. So, if I have a boy in there and you keep hoping so hard, maybe you'll just make him gay." That weirded her out. Since I can't make her accepting, I can at least make her uncomfortable!!

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#17 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 08:14 PM
 
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heh...people don't even ask me. Even before I had DS everyone has assumed that I'm having another child and it'll be a girl. At my 6 week pp visit my midwife was saying to DH, "So, you guys have to come back when you give DS a sister!" You should have seen the look of horror on DH's face. I mean, we were still in the "getting no sleep: zombie" stage. Yeah...and my mom keeps giving me stuff "for when you have a daughter." She keeps having dreams about the daughter she's planning that I'll have.

I don't even know if I am going to have another child. DS is only 8 months old. But it doesn't really bother me when people talk like that. I like talkin' about babies.
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#18 of 30 Old 03-09-2006, 08:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elmh23
"Well, we really want a human, but we'd be happy with a puppy."

I used to say the same thing, but the animal I chose was a monkey. If the same people asked me every time I saw them (especially the in-laws), I would switch it around and say, "I'm hoping for a monkey, but a human baby would be ok too".

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#19 of 30 Old 03-10-2006, 01:52 AM
 
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Generally, I just tell them what I want... I DO want a boy because I have a girl. BUT last pregnancy I wanted a boy and got a girl and couldn't feel happier when I looked between her legs as she was resting on my belly immediately after birth! So, I know whatever I have I'll be completely thrilled with when it comes out!!! Most people don't really care, so they kinda go glazed by the end of the explanation. I LOVE this because it helps me understand who is really interested in me and who's just sort of asking to ask or whatever.

Also, just as a note about me... I generally go for TMI when people ask me questions that I think are either out of place or just generally unnecessary. (The question you mentioned falls in the latter category.)

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#20 of 30 Old 03-10-2006, 12:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Past_VNE
My mom and grandmother kept saying how much they hoped I would have a girl ... we had a boy and I wonder sometimes, if my mom and grandmother remember their words in embarrassment.
That's what I mean -- people never quite forget, whether it was the mom-to-be who said it or someone else.

I don't know, maybe I'm hung up on this because I used to work with a woman who, while she was pregnant, went on nonstop about "he" this and "him" that. Someone said, "What if it's a girl?" and she kind of stopped for a minute, like she was caught off guard -- like she hadn't even considered that possibility. Then she said, "Oh, I guess if it's a girl we can bake cookies together or something." (I know, first of all : at acting like a girl child would only like to do "girl" things.)

I never forgot that comment, and she ended up having a girl, and while she seemed thrilled, and I'm sure she *was* thrilled, I just always had in the back of my mind "She wanted a boy." I just would never want someone thinking that about me and my new baby, so I'm always careful never to say one way or the other.

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#21 of 30 Old 03-10-2006, 02:57 PM
 
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the whole thing sort of became a joke for us.my husband and i couldn't agree on any boy names so i would just tell be people it had to be a girl or else the baby would be nameless.i guess we were lucky in that way because it got people off the whole gender topic.i would also tell people i was taking applications for boy names and everyone likes to give name ideas and since we didn't have any i was happy to hear them.

i "knew" she was a girl though.i just felt it.i didn't tell anyone except people who were close to me for that same reason.i didn't want people to think some how i felt just a little bit jipped.especially because it wasn't even that i had a preferance.it was just a feeling.

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#22 of 30 Old 03-10-2006, 04:52 PM
 
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The question never bothered me, and I do generally have a preference. I will be happy either way, but I wanted my first born to be a girl, the second I didn't care either way, but the third I think I would like a girl. That isn't to say I would be at all upset with a boy in any way, but I am just leaning toward a girl.

As for the question, I usually just say something like 'I would like a girl, but I'm really happy either way', etc.

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#23 of 30 Old 03-11-2006, 02:44 AM
 
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I have one of each. I don't care what I am blessed with.
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#24 of 30 Old 03-11-2006, 10:08 AM
 
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girl...I want a housefull of girls other then dh...I see nothing wrong in hoping for a certain sex. I really don't care though boy or girl as long as its healthy.
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#25 of 30 Old 03-11-2006, 01:01 PM
 
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I got that question all the time when I was pregnant. I would always just say "as long as the baby is healthy...I'm happy". I didn't care either way what sex the baby was. What REALLY makes me angry is when Brody was younger and I had him covered up so people couldn't touch him they would say "OHHHHH what did you have???" and I would say "another boy!!" and they would say something like "Oh that's too bad, are you going to try for a girl??". Now WHY do I need a girl to have a happy family?
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#26 of 30 Old 03-11-2006, 03:19 PM
 
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I usually just said something along the lines of "Either one would be great. I know I'll be thrilled no matter what." I haven't had the misfortune to meet up with anyone so rude as to persevere with the subject, fortunately. It depends who the asker is a lot of the time. My best friend can ask me darn near anything without me taking offense, but for some reason, though I get along with my in laws for the most part, I get incredibly cagey whenever they ask me anything. I think part of it's the fact that they're just a close, touchy feely family that doesn't hold back with one another, and sometimes I feel like they invade my sense of privacy. The other part I know is that with DS1, they were all extremely vocal about how I needed to raise him, feed him, bathe him, wipe his nose, etc., and it was a total nightmare. I'm already getting my defenses up for this baby.

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#27 of 30 Old 03-11-2006, 05:07 PM
 
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"I don't care I want the same thing I wanted when I pregnant with DS, a happy and healthy baby." But seriously if I was 8 months a pregnant I'd probably look at the person and say "Now what the heck kind of question is that to ask a person?"
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#28 of 30 Old 03-11-2006, 10:38 PM
 
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I say a girl, because it's true. Of course I'd love another boy too though.

The annoying thing is when my mom keeps saying "You need to have a girl now!" She was set on me having a girl the first time and acted disappointed when she found out it was a boy. Of course that changed the second she saw him born, but still...it's rude. It's like she thinks I have some control over giving her a granddaughter! :
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#29 of 30 Old 03-12-2006, 02:29 AM
 
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It didn't bother me either. But, I found out with ds and next time I want to be suprised so, I think I would probably just tell them that It doesn't matter. It's my way of rebelling against those in my family who think I need a girl because I was the only girl in 6 kids, and those in dh's family who think that because he's an only child and grandchild and then we had ds.
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#30 of 30 Old 03-12-2006, 02:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Llyra
My usual answer is "oh, do I get to choose?"
This is my favorite!

I was fortunate nto to get asked that question (what do I want) I just got asked If we knew what we were having and it got dropped after that.

I've come to realize that most people lose all comon sence of whats appropriate and not appropriate to ask/tell a person when its concerning a pregnant women. I mean, you dont normally ask your co-worker if they have been puking alot lately or have bloated ankles or ask about thier bathroom issues if they are not pregnant do you? Why is it suddenly ok to broach these subjects with pregnant women? *sigh*

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