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"I don't like boys. I don't want to play with them."

628 views 7 replies 7 participants last post by  JBaxter 
#1 ·
How do you deal with this? I watch my almost 4 year old sister 5 days a week and am having to deal with this and have NO idea what to do (as my ds is more or less nonverbal so I've never even considered what I'd say). She (the almost 4 year old) does not like to play with my ds. She doesn't want anything to do with him. If he touches her (even just in passing) she goes ballistic and starts screaming at him. Today they were having a picnic lunch outside on the deck. He took his plate and sat down next to her, and she got up and screamed "No Owen. I don't like boys" and went to the other side of the deck. My ds was so sad
He just got a big boo-boo lip and came to sit on my lap
I have tried sitting the almost 4 year old down and explaining to her that she hurts peoples feelings when she says that, but she either doesn't get it or doesn't care.

Not only is she hurting my ds's feelings, but mom is having a baby next month and it's a boy. The 3 year old is fine with mom having a baby, but she's insisting that mom's having a girl, not a boy. She says that she is never ever going to like boys and she is never going to play or talk to boys.

Please help! I don't want to see my ds hurt by this again.
 
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#2 ·
Wow I'm not really sure what to say but I didn't want to just read and not respond. I guess the first thing I would try is to figure out WHY and WHERE she got this idea about not liking boys? Has this just come up with the new baby on the way? If that's the case than that could be her way of possibly dealing with the jealousy factor. Has someone been telling her that she shouldn't like boys? Whether it be a real person or a book or movie? Or did a boy hurt her feelings perhaps?

I think figuring out the root cause could help you solve the issue. Of course I have no idea how you convince a 4 yr old to tell you the info
Sorry I couldn't be of much help but keep us updated!
 
#3 ·
Other than her dad, I think my DS is about the only boy she's around (she doesn't go to daycare or anything like that and never has). Oh, I take it back, we also have a 20 year old brother who watches her for a couple hours a week while I take my DS to his speech therapy. I know it has nothing to do with him, because she LOVES it when he comes over (another of her famous phrases I hear every day is "Is Bryan coming over?" If I say yes then she responds with "Then I love everyone!". If I say no she gets a grumpy face and says "Then I don't love anyone today!"
). I've tried explaining that Bryan is a boy, and she likes Bryan, but she just won't admit that he's a boy
She's been doing this probably for a good year or 1 1/2 years (since ds was really starting to get mobile. Before that she didn't really care about him, he was just *there*).

I've tried talking to her about it and the only thing I can get out of her is that when my DS was "really really small" (her words) he "took my blankie and I had to take it away"
Yes, it more than likely happened (when ds first learned to roll over he thought it was HILARIOUS to roll across the room to grab her precious blanket). He also did it with her toys, but the blanket upset her the most. I taught her to keep the blanket where he couldn't reach it, and he doesn't bother her blanket now, but it apparently scared her for life. I tried explaining to her that Owen was just a little baby back then and he didn't know any better. We talked about how we had to teach Owen what was right and wrong and she agreed that he doesn't take her blanket anymore. But she still won't "like" him
I'm sure in 20 years we'll all be laughing about this, but for now I don't want her to hurt my ds's feelings
She's actually said this many times to him but normally he doesn't seem to care/understand so today was the first time it really hit hard.
 
#5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan
"you don't have to like boys, but you do have to be nice to them"?
Yep, that.

My dd went through a phase like that at age 4. And that was fine, I respected her feelings on it. What "cured" her was enrolling her in a PE class at the Y. She's the only girl this session and the other boys are nice and well behaved. She has to partner up with them sometimes. Today she told me that "some boys are alright and nice."


I think it's a normal developmental phase as they start to embrace their own sexuality. To a 4 year old the world is very black and white. So as they are embracing their own gender they start to reject the other gender.
 
#7 ·
does she go anywhere there are boys her age to play with? my dd1 has never said she doesn't like boys, but she does say they play too rough sometimes. maybe it's something like that that's part of the reason your little sister is saying this stuff? my dd1 does have one boy friend that she likes to play with more because he's not as rough and tumble as the other boys. he likes to play imaginatively and do a lot of pretend play that's not as physical. maybe that's a factor for your little sis, too? i'd just continue to tell her that saying things like that hurts people's feelings. you could point out that when she said "i don't like boys" that your ds got a poky lip and looked like he might cry and ask her how she might feel if somebody told her they didn't like girls. i do agree it can be developmental, too, but that's still no reason to hurt feelings.

hth
 
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