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vegetarians toddlers at birthday parties??

821 views 17 replies 15 participants last post by  Sandra Dee 
#1 ·
what to do when your toddler is offered sausages at birthday parties?

The first time I wasnt aware of what the children were being served as they were in another room. Adults had buns with assorted toppings. I went in to check on my child (there were adults supervision there) and I was so horrified she was happily muncing away on sausages. THe mother informed me that she liked it so much that she asked for naother one. I was furious and boiling inside (we had been vegetarian for 2 years) and couldnt believe that my friends still refused to accept it. THey keep 'forgetting'.

I didnt know what to do. My daughter looked happy and was eating her first meat ever. I kept a close eye on her to make sure she wasnt sick due to intolerance of meat. Luckily nothing. (my neighbor children are 4th generation of vegetarianism) and told me her older son who is 8years old got terribly sick from eating meat at a birthday party.

Again a few weeks ago, we were at another party, again the kids were offered sausages. First my daughter reached for the cucumber and munched on it...then she reached for the sausages. I thought about taking it away from her...but how would I explain to her that we dont eat meat when she sees her friends eating it. (the same thing with sweet we didnt give her sweet for 2 years...no matter how often people would offer her sweet...stange how strangers always want to give small toddler sweet! now she occassionally eats it...mostly when she sees her friends eating it. Peer pressure!
)

The main reasons we became vegetarian was due to health reasons from contaminated meat, and secondly my daughter was approaching solid stage and I couldnt imagine giving meat to her (seemed so disgusting).

My parents also tried to give pieces of lamb meat to my daughter when we were visiting them last spring even though they knew 'my husband and I' were vegetarian they didnt think my daughter would be. Geesh.

I am looking for support for others how to cope with this and how can I prepare my daughter too so she understands that we dont eat meat what others eat. Perhaps if I bring soya sausages but then they will look the same andw ill confuse her??

Thanks for your tips

P.S. In Germany where I live it is not so easy being a vegetarian as it is back at home in N. America. Harder to find supplies and substitution...restaurants have limited choices etc. Also not many are vegetarians, beside being an Extended Nursing Mom (and now Tandem Nursing mom)...already seen as the 'wierdo' in the circle of friends...also being 'Vegetarian', Cloth Diapering and Baby Wearer... I am sure my friends are not sure what to make of me. THey probably think all 'Canadians ' are wierd (Since I am from Canada).
 
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#2 ·
Hi there,
I usually just lurk and learn on mdc but for this topic I absolutely had to add my 2 cents!
Dh and I are raising our toddler son as a vegetarian and also restricting all refined sugar from his diet. I would absolutely flip if anyone gave my son meat or any non-vegetarian food!!! I can also relate to living in a region that is not very vegetarian-friendly - not all areas of the U.S. are. I guess that just makes us more vigilant and watchful of what he is offered to eat.
Anyway, as for suggestions...
I would contact the host of the party in advance and make sure to emphasize that your dd should not be offered meat and let her know that you will bring alternatives for dd (so that she doesn't feel she has to come up with any). Then pack food you know dd will enjoy, even something that might be considered a treat - so she isn't "missing out" by not eating the sausages.
I would do this anytime you take her to anyone's house who isn't cooperative with your diet choices. This will lessen the possibility that meat will be the only option for her.
If your dd is old enough, explain why you don't want her to eat meat. Your reasons for going vegetarian are valid and pretty easy to understand - "it might make you sick and it's just plain gross!"
HTH. Good luck to you on keeping your family vegetarian and happy!

Meg
 
#3 ·
Thats a tough situation, I'm sorry I can't help.

The only parties my son has been to, the kids sat down and each parent went to get a plate of food for their own child.... (such a good idea)
We're not vegetarian, but I like to avoid excess SWEET, so it was nice to be able to choose what he could eat......

Chelly
 
#4 ·
gee I couldn't figure out what everyones obsession with sausage was until i read the end of your post:LOL i thought it was so strange. No serves birthday sausages here.

Anyway, Definitely contact the hostess ahead of time and make them aware and bring your own subsitution. I also saw a button (pin) once that said "I am a vegitarian, no meat please!" I know dd loves to wear stuff that and absolutley doesn't care or even notice most of the time what it says so I don't think your dd will feel bad about wearing it for now. Although while it may help you will still need to keep a close eye o her because you can't trust people to respect your wishes about anything these days.

secondly you said you saw her with it but you didn't take it away. If you are going to make this choice for her then you need to make it and deal with her feelings. Either you don't care if she occaisionally has meat or you do and then you have to take it away when people give it to her. No it is not fair but is part of raising your child this way. She is different, will be different and needs to learn to accept it and understand it if you want her to be able to say no for herself. Your other option is to just not feed her any meat let her know that you and dh are vegiterians and why but to let her decide herself if this is the way she wants it. That means when she is out and about she may get some. But it also quite loikely that when she is old enough to understand she will choose to be veggie just like you especially if you never give her meat. It would be awfully hard for a seven year old to get nby herself
 
#6 ·
I have been there. Thankfully now at 6, dd is so ingrained in her own vegetarian identity that she would turn down meat if offered. Of course, in the states, parties are easier, since pizza is usually on the menu!!

I have gone the route, when RSVPing, of asking the hosts what they are thinking of serving, and if appropriate, I will bring a substitute, like, as you say, soya sausages or tofu hotdogs...something similar to what is being offered. If your child was allergic to an ingredient in the menu, you would want to know and plan accordingly.

Delia would love iti if the menu was sausages, because she just loves soya sausages!!
 
#7 ·
A very complicated subject, indeed. My veg dd is only 19 months so it hasn't come up yet but I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. The biggest problem I see with allowing veggie kids to eat meat is they get the idea that values are relative. "If other people are doing it, then it's okay." Or, "If my values make other people uncomfortable, I should accommodate them." I think bringing similar food is a very good idea. In general, I never expect people to accommodate my veg lifestyle. A lot of people do, but I never expect it.

Regarding the friends who forget: I think a lot of people find vegetarians threatening. Non-vegetarians could easily think vegetarians are judging them for their eating habits. They know you think meat is wrong. I don't think they're intentially in-your-face, I just think they're threatened and (hopefully) acting out-of-character for that reason. I would have a serious discussion with them, explaining that you feel disrespected (or whatever else you feel). If, after you've made it VERY clear, they still "forget", then you'd probably want to take a closer look at the relationships.

Good luck. I hope it all works out for the best.
 
#8 ·
I was raised vegetarian, and I have a clear memory of a birthday party when I was 6 where the parents 'forgot' my mom having told them I didn't eat meat, and served me a hot dog. I reminded them I was vegetarian. They seemed very confused, and gave me a plain bun instead! It was so not fun being a veggie child in 1980!

We still don't quite know what to do with dd, as I'm veggie and dh isn't (although more so now we're together). In fact, he's Italian, so proscuitto et al are pretty meaningful for him. I've backed off a bit, but right now it's a moot point since dd (18 mos) boycotts meat of her own volition. He has served her a meaty soup on offer at playgroup a few times, and she'll have none of it. Right on, babe!

Seriously, though, if you're committed to raising your child vegetarian, you will need to bring yourself to intercede when people give her stuff you don't agree with: folks do push the envelope (I don't know if it's because they're stupid, well-meaning, pushy, or what). I know there were times when I was a bit embarrassed in front of friends when my mom wouldn't let me eat something they were all having, like jello (becauase of the gelatin), but on the other hand I am still vegetarian to this day.
 
#9 ·
Hi there Marchmom19,
I did not read the other replies so hopefully I am not repeating what someone already wrote. I am a vegetarian and so is my 21month old. I bring food with me wherever I go, especially for this very same reason. Pack her lunch and you know exactly what she will be eating. You may want to buy veggie hotdogs and bring some of those to your next birthday party. Then she will be eating food that looks like her friends food. I would have an absolute heartattack if someone fed my child meat. First I would KILL then I would scrub her mouth clean...JMO from a major animal lover and vegetarian for 16 years! Geez~People are soo dense
!!!!!!!
 
#10 ·
Whenever I have thrown parties I have always asked if there were dietary needs or if people eat Kosher. If you are good friends or neighbors with the people hosting the party, you could laways offer the information about being a vegetarian and they provide something else for your daughter to eat.
I dont feed my children meat until after the age of two and just told whomever, no they dont eat meat. Often my daughter at 6 choses not to eat it on her own.
I think it is important that if eating meat is a big issue to you and you want that for your children you have to teach them early that eating meat is not something your family does. My neighbors eat Kosher and they have taught this to their children early on and the children have learned to respect it and even speak up at events when they are offered non kosher foods.

Goodluck!
 
#11 ·
Quote:
Originally posted by bellamama
Hi there Marchmom19,
I did not read the other replies so hopefully I am not repeating what someone already wrote. I am a vegetarian and so is my 21month old. I bring food with me wherever I go, especially for this very same reason. Pack her lunch and you know exactly what she will be eating. You may want to buy veggie hotdogs and bring some of those to your next birthday party. Then she will be eating food that looks like her friends food. I would have an absolute heartattack if someone fed my child meat. First I would KILL then I would scrub her mouth clean...JMO from a major animal lover and vegetarian for 16 years! Geez~People are soo dense
!!!!!!!
This is an excellent idea.
When my daughter was 9 months old, barely on solids, my inlaws tried to feed her oil sausages, the worst possible meat product next to chitlins. I about DIED!
 
#12 ·
I also bring my own food. It would be nice, but I don't expect the host to provide something vegan for DD so I just bring my own. And everyone I know *knows* me and dd are vegan, and if I ever saw them letting dd eat that sausage or any meat crap, there would be absolute hell to pay. "THe mother informed me that she liked it so much that she asked for naother one" OMG I would have a few words to say to that person in private!
 
#13 ·
Thanks everyone for your honest replies.

I think I need to be more clear with myself too about my values and also learn to step up and be more assertive (which is my weakest area). When choosing to become vegetarians I didnt think about issues like attending parties with other kids and how my daughter would react. I dont think she really understands a lot about our family not eating meat as she will spend hours standing by the meat section in the food store staring in the glass window. (not sure what it is that fascinate her). I try to encourage her to come to the cheese section and stare at the various of cheese on display.


Thanks for sharing your opinions and suggestions with me.

My friends who are more aware of our recent vegetarian diet (almost 2 years now) are so good and try to incorporate meals to include non meat products when inviting our family for dinner. (it was funny...we were with a family camping for a whole week this past summer, then at christmas invited for supper and they had no idea we were vegetarian or just 'totally' forgot. It was so surprising as we spent the summer holiday together.)

Thanks again everyone.
 
#14 ·
I like the suggestion of bringing your own food. I know they make boca sausages so if she likes them that much, make it a special treat for her. I tell people we don't eat meat for religious reasons and they seem to accept that a lot more than other times when I don't give a reason at all. Tough situation though! Glad most of my friends are veg or at least considerate enough to keep in mind that we are when they have parties.

Our family was pretty skeptical of our diet but 5 years later Grandma is now buying a tofurkey for Thanksgiving for us, and making veg. gravy too! As time goes on people will take you more seriously.

Darshani
 
#15 ·
Its hard for a non-veg. to understand how you guys feel so strongly about it........... But reading through your posts gave me a better idea, I guess it would be like if someone handed my son cooked RAT on a stick or something like that..... I'd totally FREAK out.

SO I'm understanding where you're coming from!

Thanks for the insight.....

Chelly
 
#16 ·
Saturday night we went to a neighbor's house for dinner. They have 3 kids. I brought Dd's own food; I told her ahead I would be doing that. I didn't explain, I just said "don't worry about feeding my Dd."

I would be furious if anyone fed Dd something I did not approve of. I've had people offer all kinds of stuff, I just say no thank you and smile.

We are vegetarians, I did not give my hostess details on that we also eat organic food whenever possible, and that Dd and I don't eat sugar. I didn't think all that detail was necessary and would just turn off someone trying to make friends. She can find out more about me as we get to know each other; after the dinner I like her and will probably get more friendly.

Dd happily ate her own food even while the other kids ate macaroni and cheese, blue popsicles, klondikie bars, and jello. She never showed any interest in their food. The mom was in shock as the sight of Dd digging into brown rice and broccoli, totally ignoring the ice cream. I wonder how long this good luck will last.

I want to give Dd this base to start from. I think taste is developed by age 2, so Dd will have a good sense of healthy food if I continue this diet at home, even after she ventures out and gets food elsewhere. As long as she can be distracted, I'll distract her.

But when the time comes when she asks for something one of the other kids is eating, and cannot be distractd, I'll probably let her have it rather than create a food issue. I hope that she will be guided by what Dh and I plan to instill - a sense of what healthy food tastes and feels like, and a sense of wanting to eat food that is cruelty free.

Dh is not as strict a vegetarian as I am, and more worried about offending people. He thinks that when I don't eat people's food, I'm saying I'm too good for their stuff. He did want to make sure that I was going to eat some of their food. I said yeah, but she asked if we had any special diet restrictions and I did tell her we're vegetarians. I'm not sure Dh is right in all cases, but it might explain why some people have a hard time dealing with us, and why I decided I would speak gently but bring my own food.
 
#17 ·
2 stories on related topic:

We are not strict vege, but we have lots of vege friends, eat very little meat and don't eat 'junk' meat. I serve vege-dogs at my sons birthday parties. I have a friend who's son is allergic to soy, so although she hates them, she brought regular hot-dogs for him at our party. It was kind of a switch.

Also, my my mom (and me) became vegetarian when I was 5yo. Shortly after that, I was at a friends for dinner and they served me meat. I knew we weren't eating it anymore, but didn't say anything and ate it anyway... feeling a little guilty. When my mom found out she got really mad. She yelled 'If they put shit on a plate would you eat it?!' That was a bit traumatising.
 
#18 ·
We've had this experience for the past few years being veg*n with our girls. My youngest has never eaten anything from an animal. My three year old says "Meat is STUPID - I HATE meat!" (Not from my prompting - she tried a bite one time and spit it out). My five year old, on the other hand, is a bull head. She tries to sneak meat whenever possible - especially pepperoni (YUCK - is that even real meat???). We buy her veggie pepperoni at home, but on occasion at a family party she'll ask Grampy for a piece. It used to really tick me off - that he wasn't honoring our wishes - but then I realized he was just trying to make his Granddaughter happy, so I know his motivation was in the right place.

My family is not supportive of our vegetarianism either - we get a lot of eye rolls when we bring our own food and have started not attending family parties lately - it just gets old, yk?

I definitely agree with bringing your own food. At barbecues we bring Boca burgers in sauce and pop them in the microwave (only in a pinch). We actually have gotten some family members to eat them, and they ask for them when we come, so we make sure to bring a lot.

If we are going to a big party where I don't know a lot of people (and wouldn't feel comfortable bringing my own main dish and trying to warm it during meal time) I would offer to bring a side dish. Typically, this is pasta salad with lots of fresh veggies...or, a big plate of cut up veggies and veggie dip or hummus - that's always a hit even with omnis.

Just remember one important lesson we learned - bring enough for everyone else to take a spoonful and more than enough for your family to each eat it as the main course. Those omnis who are so quick to judge change their tune when they taste "OUR" food.
 
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