survey: how many moms have never spent a night away from their toddlers? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
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#91 of 113 Old 08-01-2006, 11:15 PM
 
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We spent one night away from opur 7 year old when she was about 3.5 or so. She stayed at my moms. We went to a hptel room not too far away. We were so missing her that we sat up half the night. At the earliest time possible, I think it was around 5:30 or so, we got up, checked out, and hurried to mom's house sure that dd was going to be awake and freaking...we got there and they were alll fast a sleep..we were the only awake ones..

Having said that, we haven't ever left the other two alone over night...it's just to hard on US!! the baby is still nursing, so that's another reason.

We firmly believe that the kids go where ever we go...no matter where that is.

Mama to 14yo, 9yo, 7yo, and babe born 9/2012
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#92 of 113 Old 08-01-2006, 11:20 PM
 
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Well I get to do night shift at the hospital so I spend nights away regularly. DS sleeps at my mom's place those days cuz DH goes to work very early or very late.

its cute If you ask him where mommy works he says Hospital If you ask him where he works he says "nanni's house"
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#93 of 113 Old 08-01-2006, 11:25 PM
 
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I've spent 2 nights away from my daughter. Once when I gave birth to DS at a hospital overnight...my sister came out to stay with us and had been there for a week before the event, and DD wasn't phased by me being gone. I put her to bed that night, and was back by dinnertime. The other time was when she was just a month or two over 2 years old. I let her have a sleepover at my friend's house when she offered...we were having sleep issues with my son and were just too sleep deprived to deal really well with DD waking up early in the morning, and my friend's daughter was my daughter's favorite friend. She had a great time and did very well, even if it did take her a while to stop playing and go to sleep.

My daughter was not bf'ing or cosleeping for either of those times, and if she had been, I would expect much different results, for the worse.

SAHM to Melinda (Oct '03), Jacob (Aug '05),  Alex (Apr '08), and baby.gif Malcolm (Sept 29, '11)

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#94 of 113 Old 08-01-2006, 11:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kbchavez
I may be opening myself up for attack... but I'm surprised no one else has responded to this... IMO a week away from a 2 1/2 year old is not a good idea. I know your son will be with loved ones and with his daddy, but YOU are his primary caregiver and you still have an ongoing breastfeeding relationship. Perhaps I'm wrong about this as my son isn't yet two and I don't have direct experience in this area, but from my reading on attachment theory, a long absence, especially between the ages of 1 and 3 can do harm to a child, and to your relationship. A week to a 2 1/2 year old is a much longer time than it is to us. I don't want to sound judgemental or critical, but I think you may regret leaving your child for that long, and I feel it would be wrong of me not to say something. A great book to read is "Becoming Attached". I don't remember the author. It describes the despair of hospitalized children that were separated from their mothers. And how when reunited with their parents, they rejected them. Granted, they weren't with familiar family members (and daddy), so it was a much worse situation... I just don't think a 2 1/2 understands why Mommy went away and that she is coming back after a long absence. A few days I think would be OK, but not a week.

Sorry to be such a downer. I understand your desire to be with your sister when she gives birth.
I appreciate the honest but non judgemental advice, thanks. It is something I am ambivalent about too. And if I don't make a decision soon I will have to pay ridiculous amounts for a ticket as it would be right around Thanksgiving. Sigh. I have a lot of thinking to do. : (

Mama to my spirited J, and L, my homebirth: baby especially DTaP, MMR (family vax injuries)
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#95 of 113 Old 08-02-2006, 12:01 AM
 
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Nope, he'll be three in two weeks (WOW!) and we've spent every night by each other's side. I can't imagine it would go very well if I tried to skip out on him since he still wakes occasionally and needs his human pacifier.
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#96 of 113 Old 08-02-2006, 12:14 AM
 
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I've left DD twice overnight. Both times because I was in the hospital. She had just turned 2 at the time and was still nursing alot at night and co-sleeping. Neither night went well but the second night (an emergency) was much, much worse as I wasn't able to prepare her for it. We have since night weaned, she is now 2 1/2 and we are thinking about leaving her for a night sometime before this baby comes. Maybe our anniversary in September or a wedding that DH is standing up in this fall. We haven't had any urge to do so up until now, and even now are pretty iffy about it. But Grandma & Grandpa live a couple miles away and she has lots of fun with them. I think she would be fine now.

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#97 of 113 Old 08-02-2006, 12:43 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ericswifey27
I appreciate the honest but non judgemental advice, thanks. It is something I am ambivalent about too. And if I don't make a decision soon I will have to pay ridiculous amounts for a ticket as it would be right around Thanksgiving. Sigh. I have a lot of thinking to do. : (
Look at the big picture...

your child is in the hands of people who love him. Call him every night, even if is baby talk. and as I am learning with my DS, children are amazingly resilent. My DS has adapted to me working shift work, and being away from me for days at a time. Will he have huge abandonment issues, will you ruin his life.. its doubtful. Children have gone through so much worse out there, and yet we survive.... l
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#98 of 113 Old 08-02-2006, 12:55 AM
 
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I haven't spent one night away from ds (15 months). Actually I have never been away from him in the evening except to go to work...and I am home by 10. I just am not ready.
I told my ex that I would night wean him around 18 months so that it is easier for ds to stay at his house. So I guess I have a few months to go yet.

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#99 of 113 Old 08-02-2006, 04:23 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kbchavez
I just don't think a 2 1/2 understands why Mommy went away and that she is coming back after a long absence. A few days I think would be OK, but not a week.
They are resiliant creatures though. I have sadly been away from my 3 1/2 year old more than probably anyone on these boards. I was hospitalized for a week when she was 20 months. and then spent 92 days in and out of the hospital from 22 months through 30 months. Then a week inthe hospital away from both girls at 36 months and 5 months, and another week at 39 months and 8 months. Obviously this could not be avoided, but lots of phone calls, visits and support form daddy, grandparents, aunt and uncle, and the absolute best AP babysitter int he world has allowed them to come through it all great. Nursing continued for Maia after the 1st hospital stay, though the month long stay at 24 months was too much, I was pregnant, had emergency surgery, and was facing not being allowed to eat until the baby was born (I was 10 weeks at that time). Sage is still nursing despite my 2 week long stays. The only lasting effects I have noticed are that Maia is very compassionate to her two friends who's mommies had babies, she assured them that mommies always come home when they have to go to the hospital, and that she does get a little freaked if I mention that I am not feeling well. She always asks if it means I have to go back to the hospital.
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#100 of 113 Old 08-03-2006, 05:22 PM
 
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I haven't been away from DS for more than 8 hours. I had to take a class and my mom flew in to take care of him. She filled him so full of ice cream and crap that he didn't miss me. I DID get tackled at the door for my boobs, though!
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#101 of 113 Old 08-03-2006, 05:25 PM
 
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DS will be 4 in a few weeks - I've never spent a night away from him.
DD will be 2 in a few weeks - I've never spent a night away from her.

Canadian mom to Boo (Aug '02), Bug (Aug '04) and Bear (Dec '06).
Jesse (July '09)
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#102 of 113 Old 08-03-2006, 10:32 PM
 
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Ds1 is almost five, and the only night we've slept away from him was the night his baby brother was born at home (and I was even tempted to call his grandma to have him brought home that night since his brother was born early enough in the evening!).
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#103 of 113 Old 08-03-2006, 10:45 PM
 
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my 2 year old spent quite a few nites out with my parents (not in a row) but i think she really enjoyed herself and the change once in awhile, we cosleep and when she sleeps at my parents she cosleeps with my mom whom she adores. she is totally comfortable with my mother because me and my mom are really close and she spends most of her days at my house to help out with the kids.
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#104 of 113 Old 08-04-2006, 12:41 AM
 
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DD just turned two, and we've never spent a night away from her yet. We haven't had a reason so far, but possibly when we have baby #2, she might stay at my sister's for 1 or 2 nights, but we'll see.
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#105 of 113 Old 08-04-2006, 12:56 AM
 
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DD is nearly 3 and I have never spent a night away from her, or DS2 who is 8mo, I tandem nurse and can't imagine not nursing someone in any given hour! Having a teenager as well makes me aware of how short this sweet time is in their lives and how quickly it all passes.

Laura
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#106 of 113 Old 08-04-2006, 01:04 AM
 
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I never spent a night away from my first son, now 6 1/2 until we had to take the baby to the hospital at 5 days old. Ds1 was 4. He thought I was never coming home. It was very very sad. Since then ds2 has been in the hospital many many times, so I have spent many nights away. But I miss him very much....

Lately, he's been wanting to spend the night with a friend, but I'm not sure if he would be able to stay the whole night.

mv
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#107 of 113 Old 08-04-2006, 01:35 AM
 
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my daughter's 2 and a half, and I never have. I can't imagine it happening ANYtime soon, either.:
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#108 of 113 Old 08-04-2006, 09:00 AM
 
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never at 21 months and wouldn't any time soon.
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#109 of 113 Old 08-07-2006, 03:14 AM
 
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DD is just about 13 months and she spends one or two (usually just one) night a month with MIL.

They love the time together and dp and I get to go out to a late show and then sleep in till 10 or so. DD apparently sleeps better up there (don't get me started) and is always happy when I pick her up.
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#110 of 113 Old 08-07-2006, 03:16 AM
 
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nope, never. DS is 29 months and I have no plans to be away from him overnight.
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#111 of 113 Old 08-07-2006, 03:16 AM
 
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My DS is 2 years 10 months and has never spent a night away (longest has been 3 hours with his dad). I don't see it happening anytime soon either.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#112 of 113 Old 08-07-2006, 11:41 AM
 
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ds was 11 months when he started sleepovers with the grandparents. that was pre-mdc and he was on cows milk. :
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#113 of 113 Old 08-08-2006, 12:18 AM
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I spent my first night away from Katie when she was 3.5 years old. I was staying wtih Emily in the hospital after her cleft palate surgery. My MIL took care of her during the day, and DH was with her in the late afternoon and for the night. I have never been away from either Emily or Abby. Out for the evening, yes. Overnight, no.

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