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#121 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 01:03 AM
 
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What DOES "special friend" mean in this context???

Blessed, I'm glad you found a better place for your daughter. I had to go to a daycare like this crappy one when I was about 6 and it was HORRIBLE. My parents weren't as on top of things are you are though.
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#122 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 01:03 AM
 
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#123 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 03:39 AM
 
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I can't beileve someone could treat a 2 year old that way! Just thinking aboutt it makes me hot under the collar. Good for you not just letting it slide.

-Melanie
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#124 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 03:41 AM
 
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my heart aches for the poor babies left in that woman's class...

I know you are thrilled to be done with it, but please send something to the liscensing board to help out the others who can't leave for the wonderful Montessori.

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#125 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 03:47 AM
 
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Thank goodness you've found a solution so quickly - you are a fantastic mom , what Ms B has done to your daughter is UNACCEPTABLE, it just makes me SO mad, please still report this teacher/school to the licensing board, with this sort of person she's just going to start picking on another child and make their life intolerable. I am delighted for you and your superbabe, you'll notice an immediate change I am sure.

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#126 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 04:14 AM
 
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Geez thats sad, I hope she gets fired as clearly she does not like kids nor need to be around them. Sounds like your DD is a good judge of character and good for her for telling her to 'shut up' what a nut your poor DD.

Who stole my signature!
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#127 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 04:29 AM
 
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So Miss B starts going on about how inappropriate dd is (in front of dd, remember), and how she has no idea where dd could have possibly picked up on such language because "we certainly don't talk that way here, Mr. blessed! We asked dd to tell us who taught her that, but she refused!" :

Around this time dh looks down at the paper, and he sees that it is signed by the preschool director on one line and 'signed' by dd on another (a sad little pencil squiggle on a line marked 'signature of child' ) !!

Un-freakin' believable!
Someone would've had to hold my mule! :
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#128 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 04:45 AM
 
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I just read through all of this and now I have a O_o expression on my face.
2 years old?? My kid is almost 2 and I feel sorry for the human that would treat him like that. I gave up fighting years ago, but I do think I would regress. WOW. O_O
What kind of freak makes a 2 year old 'sign' a confessional?? I'm glad you got her out of there, that's insane. I hear 2 year olds say WAY worse than 'shut up' when we're at the park, and what 2 year old can sit still? I'm still shaking my head.
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#129 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 05:55 AM
 
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Oh, blessed, reading this thread, I was getting so heartsick, and quite literally sick to my stomach. When I started reading the nametag story, I was getting that about-to-vomit feeling. Then, you swooped in and saved your little girl, and I had super hero music playing in my head. When you said she starts at Montessori in the morning, you officially became Super Mama. It was like you had put on your cape and flown in! Oh, how my heart swells to think of it!

My dw is a professional Preschool Teacher. I truly have a great deal of respect for her and her work. It is hard, hard work, and she isn't perfect, but she is amazing.

She works in a great childcare center ("daycare" is a term no longer accepted within the field of early childhood education and care..."childcare" is the appropriate term, or "preschool" if it is a more educational setting) with a play-centered but educational, preschool approach. It is unionized, which I think overall is really much better for the children because the staff turnover is low and staff are well taken care of. For example, the teachers take sick days when they need it and can go to the doctor because they have medical benefits, which ultimately reduces the spread of illness. The teachers also receive more support in advancing their education.

However, even in this wonderful environment, there are some lemons. Because it is unionized, there is one teacher who has seniority and thus is ever-more difficult to fire. But she really should not be working with children. She is completely inappropriate, very similarly to the so-called "teacher" in your dd's class.

dw and I previously alternated our schedules, and ds came to work with me, so that ds didn't need to be in childcare. However, eventually we decided to have him go to my dw's childcare very, very part-time. But as soon as he aged into this woman's classroom, we withdrew him. Because he is at an age where I can't find a way to have him at work with me and still do any work at all, I have temporarily started working nights. It is really hard, but we can't find another center in town we are comfortable with, and I wouldn't let that woman near my child. I won't even let him in the classroom right next to hers, as there is too much interaction.

I have the advantage of inside information about this woman because my dw is in the same building (though down the hall). If I were a parent who didn't have this info, I'd have some concerns, but might be inclined to write them off. Folks, if there is anyone else out there struggling with this type of issue, trust your instincts. People that messed up can't be trained, though they might find a way to look good in front of you. I know this because the bad teacher at dw's school is under work-probation due to a bad evaluation, and whenever the director's boss is around, she acts like a completely different person. She totally puts on a show.

Also, my dw has a co-teacher who had a temp position in another licensed preschool in town. It was a religious preschool, and lots of folks in town used it because they assumed it was thus trustworthy. We were over for dinner at this teacher's house the other night, and she told us she lasted exactly one week there because she couldn't stand to see the way the children were being treated. They were constantly being yelled at. During prayer, if one made any noises, a teacher would slap her hand over the child's mouth and hold it there to keep the child from talking. They even hit a child in front of this teacher. It is absolutely illegal stuff in terms of licensing, etc. I was horrified and asked if she reported. She was a lot younger then, and can be quite timid as is, and she admited that she did not report but did spread the word...and then a few years later the preschool was sold. Report, report, report! For the sake of all those other little children. What you see is way less than what probably is happening behind closed doors. And since the "sad puppy" report itself originated from the director's office, you have little reason to trust that proper action will be taken.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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#130 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 06:07 AM
 
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Today when I dropped her off, I sat with her for awhile as usual. They brought the breakfast snack and the kids went over to their table. All of the little chairs had kids' names on except one. Dd went to the chair, pointed at it and said 'where my name, mama?' I pointed it out to Miss B and said that dd's nametag must've fallen off.

She said "No, I took it off yesterday because she wasn't listening to me."

Oh mamas. I can't even tell you...I can't even describe...

I said "That is the most cruel and inhumane thing I've ever heard. I am not leaving this room until that nametag is back on her chair." She said "I'll have to make her a new one."

I said "I'll wait."

She walked over and pulled her nametag out from the top of a bookcase and angrily stuck it to her chair. Dd stood there with her head down, just too sad to know what to do.


This woman is an abonimation.

I don't care that Ms B. "only" has a B.A. in early childhood education. I have met hundreds of people whom have no degree yet understand and have the ability to empathize with children. Advanced degrees and offspring do not necessarily add up to equal a quality early childhood teacher/care provider; helpful, yes, but not required.

Yay Momma Blessed for getting your DD out of there. But my heart still aches for the poor sad babies that are left behind.
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#131 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 09:00 AM
 
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Wow, I just read through this. Great job getting her out quickly!
I just started to cry thinking of her standing there waiting for her name tag!
Deb

Deb, Mom to Madeleine 8/2005 and Maia 11/2009 Nick: and Chris
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#132 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 09:28 AM
 
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Childless people should not be given degrees in ANYTHING regarding children or the education of children. :
I'm sure this has been responded to already, considering there are 7 pages of posts between this comment and my reply, but...

I am very offended by this statement. I know many excellent teachers and childcare providers that were excellent right from their first year out of college, with or without children of their own. I think I have done a pretty good job myself during the first 8 childless years of my career, as do the parents of the hundreds of students I have taught and the principals and school boards I have worked for. And the teaching awards have been a pretty good indicator of my success too.

Anyway, I'm rambling because i'm annoyed... Carry on!
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#133 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 09:45 AM
 
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Childless people should not be given degrees in ANYTHING regarding children or the education of children. :
And perhaps a gay man should not be allowed to be a couples' counselor/therapist for straight couples until he's had a relationship with a woman? Or maybe African-American teachers shouldn't be allowed to teach in predominantly white schools, because they can't possibly understand Caucasian kids? So I guess we just require that all the childless people who are working hard to become teachers go out and copulate immediately? Or what if you have an infant...but you want to teach 5th graders? I guess you should be barred.

There are plenty of wretched teachers out there who DO have children, and plenty of good ones who don't. :
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#134 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 09:53 AM
 
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Now that I've read the whole thread, I'll respond to what it's really about! I seriouly got goosebumps and breathed a sigh of relief when you said she was starting Montessori. I hope that woman either gets her act together or finds a new profession. I wonder how the other kids are responding to her? Good luck with the new preschool!
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#135 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 10:55 AM
 
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It's scary that the director didn't get rid of Miss B herself -- it may have something to do with the bachelor's degree, I don't know. When I worked in early childhood, directors had a hard time finding "degreed" teachers, because the centers I worked in didn't have good pay or benefits -- yet the licensing authority required a certain number of staff in each center to have degrees. That's no excuse for allowing such a sicko to be with kids.

Blessed, I'm so happy you got your darling out of there!

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#136 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 01:00 PM
 
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My heart broke when I read the name tag story. You don't cease to exist simply because you might have a hard time listening to someone (who is being mean to you, no less), and that is exactly what her actions said to your daughter. "You are not worthy of existence, so I'm taking your name off the chair to pretend you don't exist."

What a hateful, mean-spirited woman.
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#137 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 01:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you mamas. This has been so difficult and I have second guessed myself every step of the way. The unwavering consistency and the fervor of all the support I've received here have helped me to stand firm and know that I was doing the right thing .

We had an exit interview with the assistant director (who we like better anyway, and who is more likely to actually hear and learn from our reports) on our way out last evening. She was sad (she's known and cared for dd for the past 18 months), apologetic, appropriately shocked at the nametag incident, and *cautiously* acknowleged that Miss B probably had been given a classroom too early in her career, without appropriate oversight and assitance from more experienced teachers. She stated that there had been some recognition of the problems we refered to, and that they were in the process of implementing a more active supervisory policy for Miss B and the other new teachers.

Dh wrote a wonderful 2 page letter to the director, detailing the events and squarely implicating their "placing of all new teacher in the 2's and 3's classroom without significant oversight as the major contributing factor to the experiences we have had and our eventual decision to withdraw."

I didn't get the chance to mention that during our phone converstation yesterday morning, the Montessori director had gone on to say "blessed, if you want to go and get your daughter right now and bring her here, that would be fine. You need to feel that dd is safe, and obviously you can't feel that way right now given the present circumstances.'

She also ended by saying 'I don't presume to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but I'd like to strongly encourage you to consider making formal complaints about these concerns. I'd be happy to provide you with contact information if you need it.'

Wow.

Finally, dd is currently at Montessori. I took the day off to help her transition, and stayed with her for about 3 hours this morning. What a difference! The place is filled with laughter and joy. We walked around stiffly at first, and dd was afraid to touch anything. I was too . The other place was so rigid with rules about everything. Here, if a child wanted her breakfast biscuit on the playground, well sure. Why not? If a child wants to curl up and nap during moring session, well, she must be tired, sweet thing. I think dd and I both felt like liberated prisoners walking outside in the sunshine for the first time after spending years inside a dark dungeon.

Thank you again, everyone. Your support made it possible for me to see straight and true, and to do what I needed to do to protect my precious dc .
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#138 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 02:25 PM
 
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Finally, dd is currently at Montessori. I took the day off to help her transition, and stayed with her for about 3 hours this morning. What a difference! The place is filled with laughter and joy. We walked around stiffly at first, and dd was afraid to touch anything. I was too . The other place was so rigid with rules about everything. Here, if a child wanted her breakfast biscuit on the playground, well sure. Why not? If a child wants to curl up and nap during moring session, well, she must be tired, sweet thing. I think dd and I both felt like liberated prisoners walking outside in the sunshine for the first time after spending years inside a dark dungeon.
Thats wonderful and made me cry, I am sure your DD will be fine, and has so much love and support she will soon move on in a happoer environment. Lucky she DID say shut up and not just give up like some of the other sad kids left in the class, more power to you to empowering your DD and hope she will always speak up for what is wrong, whether she is 2 or 22.

I had to laugh at what she said though, my DD is also 1/04 and it sounds exactly like something she would say!

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#139 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 03:03 PM
 
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I'm so happy you found her a new place
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#140 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 03:06 PM
 
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You are a good mama.

Jenn, future midwife, mama to 2 sweet girls (6/05) and (5/07). 
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#141 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 03:33 PM
 
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he other place was so rigid with rules about everything. Here, if a child wanted her breakfast biscuit on the playground, well sure. Why not? If a child wants to curl up and nap during moring session, well, she must be tired, sweet thing. I think dd and I both felt like liberated prisoners walking outside in the sunshine for the first time after spending years inside a dark dungeon.

Thank you again, everyone. Your support made it possible for me to see straight and true, and to do what I needed to do to protect my precious dc .
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#142 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 06:52 PM
 
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I am so sorry you and your family have had to go through this...Just absolutly unbelievable and so sad.

Cheers to amazing Moms (blessed) and Dads out there that just won't allow their children to be treated like little monsters instead of the amazing, pure Lightbeams that they are. Here's to new begininings all around (hopefully you can "help" dd's former (YAY!!) teacher on her way to a new career that she may actually enjoy!).
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#143 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 07:19 PM
 
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blessed, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for getting your dd into the Montessori school! Your dd is the same age as mine, and I have been crying for her, reading these posts. I know your fears about daycare transitions, and I agree, daycare hopping can be bad for kids. BUT this place is over the top. The fact that they have not immediately fired Ms. B screams that the entire place is dysfunctional. All other instances aside (any of which would have made me pull my dd, in all likelihood), the fact that the children just stood by the toys quietly, that your dd was afraid to get a book, that just really makes me think there is some abuse going on. It's just wrong. That is not in any way normal 2 year old behavior. Please, please, please contact the licensing board. I would be appalled if I was a parent at the school and didn't know about these things and discovered them. I'd be a bit angry to know another parent knew and didn't report. PLEASE for the emotional wellbeing and safety of the other children, report all of those things. Ms. B should never work with children again. So proud of you for making that difficult decision to move your dd! Congrats on the new school!
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#144 of 183 Old 10-11-2006, 07:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just an update:

I spoke to the case worker in the state licensing bureau. She took down all of the information, stopping me to ask focused questions, and seemed to have an appropriate grasp of the impropriety of the events (e.g. "she had a two-year-old sign a confession ??")

She said that she'd review the information with her supervisor, but that she wasn't sure if it reached proportions to classify as a violation since discipline being 'shaming' or 'intimidating' was so open to interpretation. However, she assured me (off the record) that regardless of whether it was handled as an 'official' violation, she intended to perform a site visit and investigation, as she was concerned enought by what she was hearing that, at the very least, there undoubtably needed to be some education and enhanced supervisory accountablility.

I picked up dd during naptime. She woke up, grabbed me around the neck, looked up at me and said "I got in trouble today! I'm sorry, mama. " Her teacher was sitting with us and said with surprise "No! No she didn't! She had a great day. She was no trouble at all!" I told her that dd was just so stigmatized that she didn't even know who she was anymore. I'm pretty sure her teacher had tears in her eyes .

We definitely have some healing to do. Thanks for your help, mamas.
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#145 of 183 Old 10-12-2006, 01:29 AM
 
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Oh your poor DD! I'm glad you got her into a different center though. The new center sounds much better! You are a great mama for moving your DD so quickly!
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#146 of 183 Old 10-12-2006, 02:40 AM
 
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I'm so glad your dd is in a better school. I just read this entire thread, hoping that would be the end result. Good job, mama!

Now my one comment on the whole "shut up" thing... if that had been my ds I probably would have been praising him : He's 3 and has a severe speech delay. He's never said "shut up" (though he did just learn *up* the other day!) so I am always thrilled whenever *something* comes out of his mouth

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#147 of 183 Old 10-12-2006, 03:01 AM
 
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I picked up dd during naptime. She woke up, grabbed me around the neck, looked up at me and said "I got in trouble today! I'm sorry, mama. " Her teacher was sitting with us and said with surprise "No! No she didn't! She had a great day. She was no trouble at all!" I told her that dd was just so stigmatized that she didn't even know who she was anymore. I'm pretty sure her teacher had tears in her eyes .

We definitely have some healing to do. Thanks for your help, mamas.
I wonder if she'd had a dream about the other school, or if she was just disoriented from napping and forgot she was in the new school the moment she woke up.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#148 of 183 Old 10-13-2006, 11:58 PM
 
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However, she assured me (off the record) that regardless of whether it was handled as an 'official' violation, she intended to perform a site visit and investigation, as she was concerned enought by what she was hearing that, at the very least, there undoubtably needed to be some education and enhanced supervisory accountablility.
That's good - it will keep them on their toes. Even though DD is not there any longer, you should follow up with the investigator and see if you can get a copy of that report when it's completed.
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#149 of 183 Old 10-14-2006, 12:54 AM
 
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Just an update:

I spoke to the case worker in the state licensing bureau. She took down all of the information, stopping me to ask focused questions, and seemed to have an appropriate grasp of the impropriety of the events (e.g. "she had a two-year-old sign a confession ??")

She said that she'd review the information with her supervisor, but that she wasn't sure if it reached proportions to classify as a violation since discipline being 'shaming' or 'intimidating' was so open to interpretation. However, she assured me (off the record) that regardless of whether it was handled as an 'official' violation, she intended to perform a site visit and investigation, as she was concerned enought by what she was hearing that, at the very least, there undoubtably needed to be some education and enhanced supervisory accountablility.

I picked up dd during naptime. She woke up, grabbed me around the neck, looked up at me and said "I got in trouble today! I'm sorry, mama. " Her teacher was sitting with us and said with surprise "No! No she didn't! She had a great day. She was no trouble at all!" I told her that dd was just so stigmatized that she didn't even know who she was anymore. I'm pretty sure her teacher had tears in her eyes .

We definitely have some healing to do. Thanks for your help, mamas.
I am so happy you found a better situation! It sounds like a wonderful place. This whole thing seems like it was so HORRIBLE for both of you. The above makes me so sad your poor DD. I'm really glad you followed-through with the State ... it would have been so easy for you to just wash your hands of the whole thing and put it behind you, but you persisted for the sake of other children. That is a really great thing. Thank you.


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#150 of 183 Old 10-14-2006, 05:16 AM
 
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I can't express how much in awe of you I am - you really are a fantastic mother, your dd will thank you all her life for your persistence and courage in taking this situation forward. Really I only have admiration for you, well done.

ewe + dh = our little lambs + we and have many just : and : life .
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