MIL took nude pics of ds!! - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 01:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
chiro_kristin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Noblesville, Indiana
Posts: 1,914
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How can I handle this?

MIL came to visit a few weeks ago (her first time seeing ds, at 13 months). She took lots of pictures of him. Apparently she took some pics of him when he was having nakey time, because she sent us copies of some of them.

Now I have some naked pictures of my son, and I don't really mind her having one, but she lives in Seattle and I don't really want her having lots of them (I don't know how many there actually are), and I really don't want her showing those pictures to people! She doesn't understand this. She thinks it is fine. After all, she gave us a whole album of dh from infancy to about age 4, and there were pictures of him in the album at about age 4, peeing into the toilet, and you can see his penis. Apparently, that's cute to her.

How can I express to her how important it is that she keep these pictures private?

Prenatal/Pediatric Chiropractor (Diplomate) , raising the next generation drug-free!
DS - CJ :, the love of my life
chiro_kristin is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 01:31 AM
 
ellacy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 429
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yikes! I'm fine w/ dd having nakey time or even taking pics if she's being cute (oh wait, that's always ) but, I, too feel uncomfortable sharing that outside the family.

Maybe you could just be honestly blunt - I'm sure you didn't know we are uncomfortable with naked pictures of Child being shared, but we think that type of picture should stay private. Would you please consider putting them away (or returning them to you)?

Seems like some humor or lightheartedness would be good, but I tend to just say it how it is. Maybe end with a comment that you've got some recent pictures of Child doing such&such that you'd love to send her way.

ellacy
ellacy is offline  
#3 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 01:57 AM
 
Joannarachel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ware, MA
Posts: 1,452
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Send her an email telling her that the naked pictures are not to be shared and that she should refrain in the future from taking any further unclothed pictures of your son.

It's one thing for a parent to take tubby pictures, and quite another thing for anyone else to do it.
Joannarachel is offline  
#4 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 02:00 AM
 
BelgianSheepDog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: unemployed in Greenland
Posts: 6,878
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think this is such a generational thing. Our generation lost our innocence in a way. I'm totally with you, though. I'd be pissed as hell if I found out mil had naked pictures of my kid. I just think that their generation doesn't understand why we feel so upset and appalled by this stuff. I don't know how to explain it, though.
BelgianSheepDog is offline  
#5 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 09:26 AM
 
nonnymoose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,271
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Be careful with this one!
My parents have taken quite a few naked photos of my sons, as they spend quite a bit of time watching them for us and there's always bathtime, running around the backyard in and out of the wading pool, those sorts of situations. I feel comfortable because A) the photos are digital (so no pervert at the photo developer's can get hold of them) and B) they're not posting them on the internet. In your situation, it sounds like something similar - sounds like she thought they were cute photos and wanted to share them with you. I agree with the PP that it's a "times have changed" thing. I wouldn't come down too hard on her.
nonnymoose is offline  
#6 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 09:44 AM
 
Marsupialmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 9,039
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would be honest with her and show her some of the freaky things people do with baby photoes, like the diaper fetish site. Then ask her for her grandson's privacy and safety make sure no one else gets a copy of naked photos. Also you might want to mention that people get really touchy about this and sex abuse. She might not be aware people have been harrasses for nursing photoes as sex abuse much less other simple pictures.
Marsupialmom is offline  
#7 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 01:31 PM
 
wifty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kansas City, KS
Posts: 796
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
And maybe mention to her that now-a-days, showing them to people that even she trusts, could make them feel uncomfortable. She might think they are cute, but people are so guarded about naked children photos that she could be sending out a bad vibe to others unintentionally.

I think its also a generation thing, but I would feel uncomfortable knowing that there were naked pictures of dd in anyone elses possesion. Hubby and I are even very careful not to have very naked pictures.....limited exposure.

Its also about privacy of your child. We teach children that they have a right to their body and keep it private, but then take naked photos that they have had no say in. I think that sends mixed messages.

I know a baby can't consent.....but it is our duty as parents I believe, to keep their privacy intact.

with smiles
wifty is offline  
#8 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 01:36 PM
 
mamaverdi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 12,572
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would ask her where she is getting them developed because she might get reported to the police. I agree: it's a generation thing...
mamaverdi is offline  
#9 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 01:43 PM
 
indeospero's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 612
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, I feel really out of it. I've never thought twice about taking naked pictures of my dd, and I can't imagine it bothering me if her grandmother did.

Not trying to contradict *at all*, just honestly a little baffled.

Meg, BFARing mama to two spirited daughters, born at home June 05 and April 08.
indeospero is offline  
#10 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 01:45 PM
 
hottmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 5,203
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, personally, I don't have an issue with naked pics of my boys being shared with others, and I don't think it's a generational thing (I'm 22). But if it bothers you, just tell her that it bothers you.
hottmama is offline  
#11 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 01:46 PM
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: ct
Posts: 2,874
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by indeospero View Post
Wow, I feel really out of it. I've never thought twice about taking naked pictures of my dd, and I can't imagine it bothering me if her grandmother did.

Not trying to contradict *at all*, just honestly a little baffled.
it doesnt bother me at all. that being said, you need to do what feels right to you!

Mom to two perfect kids earth.gif  surrogate to two sweetpotatos heartbeat.gifheartbeat.gif born 4.21.11  

I love someone with ataxia telangiectasia http://www.atcp.org

homemademomma is offline  
#12 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 01:54 PM
 
myhoneyswife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Montana, Zone 4 :)
Posts: 1,406
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, this must be a generational thing. I was thinking that we were totally off the wall, but DH and I have decided no nakey pictures of our kids, because we really don't know what their wishes will be when they're older. If they want to do nakey pictures as adults, so be it but for now we're trying to protect their innocence as much as possible. My parents think I'm nuts for sure, there are all sorts of nakey pictures in my baby book, up til maybe age 5? And my grandma had a picture of me, age 3 or so, nakey on the toilet and reading a book framed in an 8x10 in her bathroom!

We've actually taken it one step further and don't allow anyone to change my babe's dipers or give her a bath besides DH or I. Just the same thing, when she's 12 will she be embarassed that grandma or grandpa saw her nakey? I guess our generation (I'm 23) has really been stripped of innocence, isn't that sad?

Well, I guess I'm glad to know we're not the only family paying attention to this.

Cara
myhoneyswife is offline  
#13 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 02:04 PM
 
AugustineM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Whidbey Island, WA
Posts: 3,123
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think anyone has taken nakey pictures of DS (other than us) but it wouldn't bother me if my mom or MIL did. Anyone further than the family from that might bother me.

Then again nakedness in general doesn't bother me at all really. DS runs around naked, even when other people are here, and we shower and bathe together all the time as a family. I don't know if that makes a difference, but it sounds like a comfort level thing, not necessarily generational.

Mama to 3 kids. We live in a yurt!
AugustineM is offline  
#14 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 02:10 PM
 
Ambyrkatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 430
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by indeospero View Post
Wow, I feel really out of it. I've never thought twice about taking naked pictures of my dd, and I can't imagine it bothering me if her grandmother did.

Not trying to contradict *at all*, just honestly a little baffled.
Me either. I do take naked pics of my son from time to time, but not all that often. I know that MIL has also taken a few when he's been at her house. Neither of us post them to the web and they are all digital, so they aren't being developed where someone can keep copies for themself. I don't see what the big deal is.

There were naked bath and pool pictures of me when I was little (under 2) and I was never embarassed by them. I wouldn't take nakey pics of a kid older than about 2, though....then it starts to get a little odd, IMO.

Of course, if YOU are not comfortable with it, then by all means, let your MIL know that it's not ok with you. She needs to respect your wishes since you are the parent.

Wife to Brian , mother to Xander 10/26/05 and new squishy, Claire 9/26/10 .
Ambyrkatt is offline  
#15 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 02:19 PM
 
runes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,933
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
even if you mil thinks it's fine to share naked photos of your ds with others, she needs to respect your wishes on the matter. it is not up for debate. i think it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask her not to share the photos with others, and you don't even have to give her a reason for it if you don't want to. however, it might compel her just a little bit to know about child pornography and fetish sites. it's horrible. as pp's have mentioned, our generation has definitely lost our innocence, there are so many things that we as mothers nowadays have to consider that a few generations ago weren't even given a thought.

so sad.
runes is offline  
#16 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 02:38 PM
 
hottmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 5,203
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, and I just remembered that my friend took naked pics of my 3.5 yr. old and my friend's 3 yr. old when they were running around at his house (after they played in the backyard fish pond and got tossed in the tub!) He emailed me the pics, which I found adorable. It was our friend's birthday party and none of the 10 or so adults there (from 20-45) had an issue with the naked boys running wild.
I think this is a personal issue, not a generational one. I love naked babies!
hottmama is offline  
#17 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 02:43 PM
 
afishwithabike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Third rock from the sun.
Posts: 4,962
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't do it because of the respect factor for the children. Does that make sense?
afishwithabike is offline  
#18 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 03:09 PM
 
jstar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: portland
Posts: 2,895
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i must be really relaxed because it wouldn't bother me at all. there is a huge difference between sexually explicit photos and naked babies running around. (most photo developers have a policy against sexually explict child photos by the way....not run of the mill naked kid photos) our society is getting so paranoid it kills me. and we wonder why our kids end up anorexic and have horrible body image :

this is a major case of 'each to their own.' if it bothers you you should communicate that to your mil.
jstar is offline  
#19 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 03:21 PM
 
TripMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: California
Posts: 1,420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
at 13 months?? Don't understand the concern at this age?

Also - don't understand why its OK to have a few pics - but not many?

TripMom . . . . . loving mom : to DS (7) and BBG (4.5)
TripMom is offline  
#20 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 03:45 PM
 
kwren23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: down the rabbit hole
Posts: 316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jstar View Post
i must be really relaxed because it wouldn't bother me at all. there is a huge difference between sexually explicit photos and naked babies running around. (most photo developers have a policy against sexually explict child photos by the way....not run of the mill naked kid photos) our society is getting so paranoid it kills me. and we wonder why our kids end up anorexic and have horrible body image :

this is a major case of 'each to their own.' if it bothers you you should communicate that to your mil.
:

my 16 month old spends a lot of time trying to get out of her clothing so she gets naked pics taken. i dont ever want her thinking there is anything shameful about her naked body! it might perplex me if it was a male friend taking random naked pics of my daughter, but it wouldnt bother me at all if it was MIL or my mom.
kwren23 is offline  
#21 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 03:53 PM
 
roisin84's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's sad that people are so afraid these days that even cute family photos of naked babies are such cause for concern My kids spend as much time as possible naked, and it would never occur to me that family or friends taking pictures of them would be a problem. I really think the mass-media have a lot to answer for, for instilling in parents this fear of the paedophile-bogeyman hiding round every corner (and in every photo developers). We live in a culture of fear.
roisin84 is offline  
#22 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 03:56 PM
 
nznavo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 283
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Exactly. It wouldn't bother me at all, and it's kind of depressing that it's an issue.
nznavo is offline  
#23 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 03:58 PM
 
Wolfmeis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Pugetopolis
Posts: 3,292
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't see the problem with nakey baby pictures?
Wolfmeis is offline  
#24 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 04:04 PM
 
LionTigerBear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Northern California
Posts: 6,455
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think the only problem is what could happen if they got out of her hands.

I don't have a problem with naked baby (and toddler) pictures, but I would guard them closely. If you just tell her of your concerns about weirdos that are out there these days I can't imagine her not being understanding of that concern. Especially if you own it as your concern and not so much her mistake, yk?

♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

LionTigerBear is offline  
#25 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 04:30 PM
 
becoming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 11,592
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm totally fine with nakedness BUT I have heard stories (and actually watched a true story movie about it) where parents have had their children taken from their custody after taking naked pictures to be developed. So we only take digital nakey pics that we can process ourselves.

I agree that this is a comfort level thing, not generational. I am 23 and the product of very conservative parents who barely let me be naked in the bathtub, and my little family runs around the house naked and takes family baths together all the time.
becoming is offline  
#26 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 04:30 PM
 
TripMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: California
Posts: 1,420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caitlin320 View Post
I think the only problem is what could happen if they got out of her hands.

I don't have a problem with naked baby (and toddler) pictures, but I would guard them closely. If you just tell her of your concerns about weirdos that are out there these days I can't imagine her not being understanding of that concern. Especially if you own it as your concern and not so much her mistake, yk?
Its a baby? 13 months old?

TripMom . . . . . loving mom : to DS (7) and BBG (4.5)
TripMom is offline  
#27 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 04:59 PM
 
OriginalGirlGamer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Hayward, CA
Posts: 113
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by roisin84 View Post
It's sad that people are so afraid these days that even cute family photos of naked babies are such cause for concern My kids spend as much time as possible naked, and it would never occur to me that family or friends taking pictures of them would be a problem. I really think the mass-media have a lot to answer for, for instilling in parents this fear of the paedophile-bogeyman hiding round every corner (and in every photo developers). We live in a culture of fear.
i agree, we have nakey pics of our son, he won't keep his clothes on! MIL has video of DH's nephews running through the yard, nekkid as can be, and I was shown the nakey pics of DH when we started dating. Every time you turn around, Dateline is showing child pervs and the rest of the media as well, so everyone is freaked out, depsite that a kid is more likely to get molested by someone they know than Mr. Weirdo Waldo down the road. Don't get me wrong, we love watching Dateline and cheering when they get tackled.....

if it bothers you that much, sure, talk to her and tell her no nakey pics on the net, and no showing nakey pics to her tea time friends. if she's a good person, she'd respect your wishes. you are the mom after all.

dunno about getting them developed, but in most places, there's a sign that says any innapropriate pics will not be developed. i have a digi-cam now, so i haven't been to a photo place in a while.
OriginalGirlGamer is offline  
#28 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 05:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
chiro_kristin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Noblesville, Indiana
Posts: 1,914
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't have a problem with him being naked. At all. I don't have a problem with her having naked pictures of him.

I do have a problem with strangers seeing my son naked. I am also concerned about what my son's preference would be if he were old enough to make that decision for himself. I think about what if I knew that strangers looked at pictures of me as a baby with full on leg-spread, touching myself. I wouldn't be too cool with that. I have no problems with my son exploring his body. There is one kind of funny picture where he is sitting on the couch with legs splayed, yanking on his penis with his tongue sticking out and sort of a wild look in his eyes. It's funny. But I don't think strangers need to see that.

It's home nakedness versus nakedness for the world to see. I want him to make his own decisions about what he wants to keep private, and I want to protect his right until he can make that decision himself.

Does that make sense?

Prenatal/Pediatric Chiropractor (Diplomate) , raising the next generation drug-free!
DS - CJ :, the love of my life
chiro_kristin is offline  
#29 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 05:34 PM
 
maylea_moon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: stuck in idaho
Posts: 679
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by indeospero View Post
Wow, I feel really out of it. I've never thought twice about taking naked pictures of my dd, and I can't imagine it bothering me if her grandmother did.

Not trying to contradict *at all*, just honestly a little baffled.
me too.

Alia + Brian proud parents to Rowan (9/8/04) Lila (9/3/07) and Rhys (6/11/10)
maylea_moon is offline  
#30 of 46 Old 10-11-2006, 06:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
chiro_kristin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Noblesville, Indiana
Posts: 1,914
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't have a problem with her taking pictures like that. I don't see a need for a bunch of them. I just don't want her showing them around to everybody.

MIL is also Korean so sometimes it is hard to communicate with her too.

Prenatal/Pediatric Chiropractor (Diplomate) , raising the next generation drug-free!
DS - CJ :, the love of my life
chiro_kristin is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off