Dumb question about the park and other moms - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-25-2003, 03:25 PM - Thread Starter
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I warned you, this is dumb. But I need some help!

My DS is 14.5 months and just getting his walking legs going and trying to run, etc. He more hurtles himself through space, than walks! We go to a local park and play in the sand and he walks on the cement surrounding the park. B/c he is new at walking, I need to be there with him for safety. He also still eats most things so poisonous plants and dog poops - I need to make sure I'm not missing that he put something in his mouth.

My problem is that there are always other moms there with their older children (17 months+) and they are nice and want to converse with me but I'm running around after DS and can't really talk. I would like to but so far, each time I try to do both, DS ends up getting really hurt by falling in a split second I'm trying to look and converse, or he is eating something dangerous. Because the other mom's children are older, they are making sand castles or are able to walk without as much supervision and it creates a big difference in what the mom can do (like sit on the bench and talk or whatever).

I probably am not the best at talking and focusing on DS, I admit, but this is a real problem so far. I thought that it would be obvious and familiar to these moms that I just can't have a normal conversation (can anyone with a 14.5 month old???) but they don't seem to get it. they ask me lots and lots of questions that I have a hard time answering and then I feel obligated to ask them questions so I don't look rude.

Should I just blow it off and focus on my child? Explain that I can't talk right now, I'm so sorry? I know this is stupid but it's bothering me and it is so much easier to be there without any other kids or moms. Nothing negative happens when we're alone there.
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Old 04-25-2003, 03:47 PM
 
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i think your child at 14.5 mo and their children at 14.5 months may just be a lot different. you seem to be saying in your post that you think these moms ought to know from experience that you've got to be chasing around and supervising your little one. well, my dd at 14.5 mo was pretty different from the way you're describing your little one. it seems like the other moms could maybe get a clue from just taking a minute to observe your little one , but i don't think there's anything wrong with saying something like, "i'd really love to chat, but he's such a handful i've got to keep a close eye on him or he'll eat dog poop!" or "he's just started trying to run, and he'll fall flat on his face if i'm not there to steady him." everybody's experience is different and these other moms may just have different kinds of kids. i think it's fine to just give a quick explanation. maybe in a month or two your ds will want to build sand castles and you can sit and chat.

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Old 04-25-2003, 05:11 PM
 
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not a dumb question!

i think many moms are really aching for some adult conversation (i know i often am), and may be a little oblivious to your ds or his needs.

just let them know what's up. i think the explanation from your op is perfectly appropriate.

Trying to get my bearings...
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Old 04-25-2003, 08:57 PM
 
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I know where you are coming from. I have a 14 month old and a 3 year old and can't talk at the park unless it is with a mom I know well who is helping me watch my kids. The kids just come first. It is really hard to make mom friends at the park at this age unless the other mom has kids the same age and you can help watch all the kids together and not talk much.

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Old 04-25-2003, 09:13 PM
 
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I don't think this has anything at all to do with your son's age, rather his temperament and personality. I still have this issue- my kids are 7 and almost 4. My 7 yr old requires much more direct supervision than my younger one. I just say "Excuse me" and run off after him. After all- they are moms, and they will understand.
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Old 04-25-2003, 10:03 PM - Thread Starter
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Excellent points and advice - I'm so glad I went ahead and posted my question/problem! You're right, khrisday, it most likely is his temperment...he is a curious exploring dude and that should be a lifelong thing, I'm assuming.

I will use the quick explanation and 'excuse me' and that will help alot.

Another thing I've noticed is that my DS will walk towards home and any time I take him back to the park to finish a conversation, crap happens. I need to follow his lead that he's ready to go, as he falls more when he is tired and not wanting to be somewhere. Major duh on my part.

Thanks again everyone!
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Old 04-26-2003, 04:27 AM
 
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I am in the same boat right now. DD (almost 14 mo.) wants to walk all over the place at the park and explore but if I try to stand there and talk to another Mom and hold her she freaks and wants down and starts screaming. It takes 20 minutes to have a otherwise 5 second conversation. I often feel people avoid me at playdates for this reason. I kinda feel like they think DD is wild and unruly or something but they forget that their kids are 2 years old or older and can manage without their Mom's "right" there. We stray from these activities because it's too much for me to handle right now. I much rather in-home playdates where DD is comfortable and safe and familiar with our home so she is a lot more calm so I can socialize. Or we go do other things like lunch or the mall.
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Old 04-26-2003, 09:26 PM - Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally posted by RyleenColinsMom
Or we go do other things like lunch or the mall.
How do you do lunch? We ate in a restaurant once when DS was 4 months and got our food to go because it was impossible. I cannot imagine doing lunch...DS would be everywhere!

I hear ya on it taking twenty minutes for a five minute conversation. I see moms in a group talking as their kids play and I've never had that experience. Or moms of young babies standing and talking while babe is in the sling/stroller. I never had that experience either b/c I had to keep moving while holding him in the sling!

Good thing I didn't have any friends to begin with before entering motherhood. Cuz I could never do what it takes to keep up at this point. The telephone is a whole 'nother story...
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Old 04-26-2003, 10:21 PM
 
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I thought I woudl never be able to sit down on a bench at the park. It finally happened- when ds was 4. I still have to get up fairly often, but it has gotten better LOL
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Old 04-28-2003, 12:49 AM
 
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I also have a running/getting into stuff hyperactive little guy, who runs away from me like crazy in public places.

I would just very nicely tell her, that you can't really chat becuase you have to keep an eye on your kid.

Some kids just have some sort of boundless energy. I watch mine like a hawk, he's either running and falling, or trying to get into something. It's very hard to have a conversation when all that's going on!
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Old 04-28-2003, 12:55 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by frogertgrl
but they don't seem to get it. they ask me lots and lots of questions that I have a hard time answering and then I feel obligated to ask them questions so I don't look rude.

Should I just blow it off and focus on my child? Explain that I can't talk right now, I'm so sorry?
Absolutely excuse yourself and focus on your child.

"don't seem to get it" boy that rings a bell. I was at the park with my NOW very independent 3 year old and chatting with a mom to 2 year old twins.

She was TRYING very hard to stay focused on the conversation, but she was struggling because out of the corner of her eye she could see her DD running towards the street. "Excuse me, I have to chase after my DD." Boy, I felt like an idiot. I was completely oblivious to the needs of HER kids.

You don't have to feel bad. People do understand - they can see perfectly well you are not being rude. You just want to keep your baby safe.

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Old 05-01-2003, 03:23 AM
 
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i guess this runs along the same track as the original question, but being new to the whole playground thing, I seem to run across a lot of playground-mom cliques. Does anyone else experience this?
Are there some etiquette rules that I just don't know about? I sometimes start a friendly conversation w/ a mama, and she all but ignores me. Then a minute later, she is chatting with a a stanger like they are best friends... Maybe me and my Lulu are just too crunchy-lookin'!?
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Old 05-01-2003, 04:30 AM
 
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Hey I'm mama to a Lulu, too!
I don't think there's any particular ettiquite. Sometimes playgroups meet at the park, so maybe these people already know each other. Sometimes it's just finding that thing in common that sparks a conversation.
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