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Old 01-02-2007, 06:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been taking DS to stroy time at the library for about 4 months now (weekly). He has yet to participate during the songs and activities.

he takes a long time to warm up to people. he's uncomfortable in new situations, takes a good hour to warm up to new people, so by the time storytime is over, he still is clinging to me.

I hate seeing him so uncomfortabel when he could be having a blast with the other kids.

Maybe I need to join something where he would be exposed to these situation more often? I was hoping once a week would be enough, but it's not working.

Any suggestions?
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Old 01-02-2007, 07:18 PM
 
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Oh, I don't think I would worry about it. Does he like going to the library? I mean, even though he sticks close by you, does he seem like he's having a good time? He's not crying to leave or anything like that? He's probably just more of an observer and he'll participate when he's good and ready. How old is he?

I'd say you could try something else if you want to or you really think he would enjoy it. Maybe find something completely different, like gymanstics? But I wouldn't feel like you have to do it.

My oldest was pretty quiet until about 1st grade or so. She's in 3rd grade now and her teacher still says things like "She's a student that I would like to hear more from." She's doing fine in school, just not a big talker or the first one to jump up and participate in things.
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Old 01-02-2007, 08:12 PM
 
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I have a 2 1/2 year old that sounds just like your little one. He is shy, and it takes a while for him to warm up to people he doesn't know well. My husband takes him to Kindermusic once a week. He didn't participate in any songs or games until the very last class! But he still looks forward to going. We call him "the great observer." He just takes it all in, and then shocks us with how much he knows about so many situations he's been in where there are lots of kids or people.

With family, my guy's a bubbly toddler, though! Is yours more open with family? I think our son is just hard-wired to be on the shy side--that's how he came to us. And if you know anyone like that, the more you push, the more shy they become. Just let that personality unfold (YOU be the great observer!) and see what happens!
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Old 01-02-2007, 09:05 PM
 
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alice loves watching kids play. most days at the park she just stands there and watches what they do. i think it's healthy.
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Old 01-02-2007, 09:50 PM
 
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You didn't say how old your little one was. Not that it makes that much of a difference. I think each child's temperment is very different about this sort of thing. I have one of each so far: a slow-to-warm-up observer and an instantly-active joiner. For several years I talk my son to the playground regularly with the same group of kids. He always needed time to sit next to me and just watch. When he was young [toddler age] sometimes he wanted to just observe the whole time. Now at seven you wouldn't necessarily think that about him if you watched him in a social setting.

If your ds seems to be enjoying himself -- then let him continue to do so on his own terms.

We're all so different -- what looks like fun to one person might be boring for another.
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Old 01-02-2007, 10:28 PM
 
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My 4yr old was and still is like that. She never participate at storytime or any kids event. I was a little worry but when she start singing to herself, i knew that she loved going to them even if she didn't participated.

It's part of her personality and i love it. Yes, i would love for her to be more out going but there is nothing i can do about it.

She's in pre-k and she has blossom and is becoming more social in her class. Still really shy but doing better and that's all i'm asking.

Sand, Mom to three girls and a new SON!!!!  babyboy.gif Born on March 7th, 2011  I get to do these again:   bfinfant.gifslingboy.gifcd.gif
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Old 01-02-2007, 10:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Sandrine View Post
[snip]... Yes, i would love for her to be more out going but there is nothing i can do about it. [snip]
I think it's great that you recognize your own feelings in the matter. I too had this feeling that ds "should" be having "more" fun by participating in the way *I* thought he should. Once I admitted that I felt this way, i realized how silly that was. Obviously, he knows what's fun for him!
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Old 01-02-2007, 10:36 PM
 
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I wouldn't worry, my youngest was like that, now at 12 he still prefers to be home or w/just one other person. He is really into reading and has gotten straight A's all through school. He doesn't like to join groups, but loves the youth group at church.
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Old 01-03-2007, 03:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies

He's 29 months.

I just started to question it because storytime was weird today. There was only one other child there, so the librarians really pushed DS to interact. The other kid was very outgoing, so it was a stark contrast.

honestly, i love that DS is cautious and thoughtful. I have no problem at all with him observing

He does enjoy storytime, will sing the songs at home and show off his craft when Daddy gets home.

I don't think he'd enjoy Kindermusic or gymnastics because he would be pressured to participate.

Just wanted to make sure I am ok in not pushing him. I think he's perfect the way he is....
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Old 01-03-2007, 02:18 PM
 
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My daughter (34 months) went to the library's toddler hour a little less regularly than you do (we have to drive a ways to get into town and it was not always happening, but I tried to make it as often as possible because I know she liked it.) I took her to "Rhyme Time for Tots" when she was an infant/young toddler. That group was 4 months-18 months, and it was perfect for her because she didn't walk until 16 months, anyway. It was a small group, all moms and babies and lots of lap bounces, fingerplay, and rhymes. A couple of short books read by the librarian. A circle dance (where we'd carry the babies and sing) and just a nice time.

The toddler hour (18 months to 3 years old) is more physical with the kids doing a lot of actions themselves, turning motions and songs, like "Wheels on the Bus." Lots of rhymes and ring around the rosie and several longer (but not long!) books. I knew my daughter knew the songs because she would sing them at home, but she mostly just sat on my lap or right in front of me, and watched. She watches the librarian intently, but never sang or participated. For awhile, I still had to carry her if I wanted her to participate in "ring around the rosie," and she finally started holding a hand and walking but never would fall down. Etc.

She also went to the preschool story hour just once (it's for older children, she was newly 2) when the librarian mentioned she was having a dental hygienist as guest and it might be good for reinforcing toothbrushing habits. That time was more structured, with the story, the guest, and a craft.

We have not gone as regularly this year (only once this fall!) because she's in a preschool program and on our days off I don't do a lot of trips to town. But that one time, she did sing and do motions. (Which she's been doing at school, after a lengthy period of just observing, then just doing motions, and finally singing+motions.) She also fell down during "ring around the rosie." Astonishing!! She has always sung in detail (all the words) at home, though, so we knew she was watching and picking it up.

The fact that your son sings at home and reports on the craft to his daddy sounds like he's taking it all in, enjoying it, and participating/processing on his own terms and at his own pace.

Though I delight in my daughter's seriousness and careful observation, and am happy that her reserve doesn't seem to contain fear or misery (I was painfully shy, with true pain involved), I definitely have noted the contrast to other young children. And as accepting of her as I am, I have questioned if she "should" be more of a joiner. It's part of paying close attention, noting differences, and being a little sensitive/protective, I think. I try not to suggest that I think she should be any different than she is, which means (among other things) that my husband and I don't discuss much of this type of thing in front of her (even just simply making observations about differences or communicating what she was like at an event.)

The irony is that she's quiet and self-directed at pre-school, but her teachers say she is a very central figure in the group. She's important to several children in her class, and they often invite her to join them, want her to pull them in the wagon or paint at the table with them, or whatever. They also take her word for things, if she says it's her turn to play with something right now or whatever. Her teachers say she calmly and quietly lays down the law, and her classmates seldom take issue with her take on things.
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