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#1 of 116 Old 03-10-2007, 02:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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STEP INSIDE, LETS CHAT!
I NEED TO HEAR SOME good THINGS AS I'M GOING A BIT INSAINE:

We just had our new one last week and it's been: with a toddler for me! I'd love to hear from other mamas how you cope
By bed tIme, I feel like I'm gonna die! esp.that EVERYNIGHT is SUCH AN ORDEAL TO GET DD WHO IS 23 MONTHS, to SLEEP! HELP!!!!!!!
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#2 of 116 Old 03-10-2007, 04:19 PM
 
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Wanted to send a . Life finds it groove again, but I remember well the topsy turvy roller coaster existence.

You will find your rhythm! Bit by bit, I found it got easier. Do you have help?
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#3 of 116 Old 03-10-2007, 04:57 PM
 
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I don't have a heck of a lot of time, as you can imagine, but I wanted to chime in and say that I'm right there with you. I have three week old twins and a two and a half year old, and it's ROUGH. I had help all day the first two weeks, but that's gone now and I have about six hours a day alone with this whole circus, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Fortunately, my older DD is still sleeping well, but she's a holy terror all day and looking for every opportunity to get under my skin; I know this is really hard for her too, and I'm trying to be patient, but geez I'm only one woman and I can only do so much, ya know?

I'd love to chat. I'll stop in later if I can.

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#4 of 116 Old 03-10-2007, 09:25 PM
 
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Tucker is 2 months old and Garren just turnned 3, and there are days I feel will never end. Garren is getting better but he really tries my patience somedays, usually when he's tired. We are also trying potty training but it is definitely hard. My 2 DDs that live at home both work part-time plus the 20 yr old is in college and we only have my mini van for transportation, so I'm also chauffeur at times, with a 2 month old that hates to ride because he only wants to be attached to mommy's chest! : My DDs do help with the boys because my DH works long hours and sometimes he needs to wind-down with the boys with a few beers and pool. : I just keep telling myself to enjoy this time because it flies by.
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#5 of 116 Old 03-10-2007, 10:38 PM
 
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I hear ya! My dd is 3 months now, and my ds 29 months. He is the challenge, as I find the baby to be much easier this time around. I do have to agree with PPs though - you will find a rhythm. It is already easier for me at 3 months post-partum, than it was in the early weeks...

Now TWINS - that I couldn't handle! LOL
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#6 of 116 Old 03-10-2007, 11:05 PM
 
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Hi! My ds1 was 21 months when ds2 was born. Right now they are almost 2.5 and 8 months. And we're expecting a new one when ds1 will have just turned 3 and ds2 will be 15 months old. DH works the night shift for four days on, four days off. So for four days, I'm essentially a single mom, as dh is only up and with us for two hours on work days, and then he's getting ready to go to work most of that time. But then I have dh all day for four days in a row. It was rough at first, but we hit a rhythm, my patience level grew a bit, and we're doing really well. A very happy family, in all.

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#7 of 116 Old 03-10-2007, 11:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks mamas!

Gald to hear I'm not alone at feeling insane at times! Whew!!!!!! Yes, I too agree taking care of a newborn is cake compared to dealing with a 2yr. old for me these days!

I almost had a break down tonight! I just cannot take fighting with DD to go to sleep when she is soooooo tired and I am too! I finally get the babe to sleep and she wakes him up, then I have to go throught the whole process of getting them both back to sleep which takes FOREVER by then I want to just die!!!!!!!! I know I'm over reacting a bit but holy mother this is hard!

And cheers to you mama w/twins and a toddler!
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#8 of 116 Old 03-10-2007, 11:52 PM
 
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I'm right there with you all. DD is 27 months, DS is a month and a half, and I'm really losing it. DH has been a great help, but I'm having to call on his help almost every day. Thank goodness he can work from pretty much anywhere that has a wireless internet connection!

I'm definitely subbing to the thread for support.
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#9 of 116 Old 03-11-2007, 01:43 AM
 
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Dd#1 is 3 years old and dd#2 is 12 weeks. It was really really hard the first 4 weeks. I was soo emotional and I cried every couple of minutes. I felt like I abandoned my beautiful toddler and made her life miserable while at the same time I felt horrible for not spending all of my time with a beautiful newborn dd#2. I was so torn between the two of them and sometimes still I am. By 5 weeks I got used to having two and got quite comfortable but there are moments or days when I am still doubting myself as a mother and the choices I make every day.
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#10 of 116 Old 03-11-2007, 01:43 PM
 
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Yes! Let's keep this thread going!

I have a 4 week old ds and an 18mo ds. My 18mo was a dream for the first three weeks. he had been a needy boy who wanted constant attention and entertainment, but totally grew up when the new baby came. He would play by himself or interact with me while I tended to the baby. Unfortunately the new baby has "colic" or something that we haven't figured out yet and cries almost all the time that he is awake. It is finally taking its toll on my toddler and he melts down when the baby cries for a long stretch or can't have my attention when he wants it. I don't know if I can take a few more months of the screaming baby/whiny toddler combo. I'm embarrassed to admit that I rely way too much on tv for my toddler, as it is the one thing that he truly loves to do right now. I know it's not best, but I hope when winter passes and this baby stops crying we can break away from the tube.

It's nice to know there are others out there who struggle with this too. You are not alone mama!

Heather-- I'm a <>< SAHM of two fabulous boys 8/05 and 2/07
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#11 of 116 Old 03-11-2007, 02:10 PM
 
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Oh, gosh, I feel your pain. In the early weeks I used to take a 15 minute "nap" while DH gave dd1 her bath. My two are 18 months apart.

My only advice is to grap snippets of sleep or just rest whenever you can, and that they'll stop waking each other up so much soon. In the beginning my toddler was so sensitive to her sister's cries that she could be two floors away and still wake up. I totally couldn't understand how people could colseep with more than one child.

Also if you can at all enlist your partner in getting your toddler down to sleep that will help immensely. We didn't do that so much and now 6 months later bedtime is still a 2 hour exhausting ordeal that I primarily deal with because DD wants nothing to do with anyone but me at bedtime.

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#12 of 116 Old 03-11-2007, 02:29 PM
 
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This is the worst part and you are in the midst of it! It truly does get better. It will be nice for them to be this close in age once you have 2 toddlers who can play by/near each other.

I would bf on the couch. Then the toddler could cuddle with me and we could read stories.

Put off what you don't need to do. Pawn off laundry/dishes/meal prep to others so that when the toddler is napping, you can also nap.

We would have someone take the toddler for an hour or two at least once a week. It's special time for them and a break for you.

Michelle: wife to J, mom to M (2001), E (2003), C (2005), S (2007) and O! (2009) And someone new in 2011!
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#13 of 116 Old 03-11-2007, 02:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Whew! so glad there are more of us out there going though the same stuff! makes me feel a bit better!

let's keep chatting and giving one another support & guidance please!
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#14 of 116 Old 03-11-2007, 03:18 PM
 
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just wanted to say, I'm so happy you posted this because now I've discovered your website and I think I'm in desperate need of some Mellow Mama! I'm going to order some today, hopefully you're taking your own advice and sipping away!

I wanted to ditto whoever mentioned napping while the toddler nap. I was VERY accustomed to using naptime as me time (mdc time!) but I now take a nap every single chance I get, every single day. It keeps me sane.

It has also helped getting dd in a mother's day out program so I can just hang with the baby that day. DD loves going to "school" so I feel good about and it's very nice even though it's just 3 hours a week.

mama to 3 girls: Abigail 2.12.05, Eliana 8.26.06, Willa 1.9.09
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#15 of 116 Old 03-11-2007, 11:29 PM
 
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I, too, can totally commiserate with you...I have a 4-month-old DS and a just-turned-3 DD. DD is VERY high needs, which has made this transition to life with a sibling so much harder on all of us. Those first few weeks were so, so tough. I remember how mad and frustrated and upset we all were during that time - it was so out of control and even though I knew it had to get better, it was not something I think I would want to go through again, frankly - it was that unpleasant. My DH was even home full-time for the first 8 weeks, too...I can't imagine how things would've been if I'd had to handle them both alone...I shudder to think! Now that I've been dealing with the two of them alone during the day for the past 2 months, things have gotten progressively easier and more pleasant, thankfully. But the days are still long, and I do bedtime alone, as DH doesn't get home until after 8pm.

Does your older DC nap? DD's last nap was the day before DS was born. I'm sure that had a lot to do with her major tantrums at the beginning, too...she was just SO overtired, but refused to nap because I'm sure she just didn't want to miss a thing. Once we figured out a new evening/bedtime routine (she used to go to sleep around 10-10:30pm while she napped 1-2 hours a day; now she goes to sleep between 7-7:30pm), things got a lot easier because she was no longer extremely overtired, and would totally crash at bedtime (we start winding things down around 5pm.) That's actually the easiest time of the day for me now (used to always be the worst - she's always been a total sleep-fighter) - she'll actually turn the DVD off and crawl into bed most nights while I'm nursing DS off to sleep and fall asleep within 5 minutes. And once she's out, she's out...this makes up for the fact that she never once slept through the night until she was 28 months old. Now, trying to orchestrate 3-4 naps for DS when DD doesn't nap (which, of course means I can't either, the major downside of DD giving up naps) and just wants me to play with or read to her, THAT's a whole other story...

Hope things settle down at your house soon - hang in there, things WILL soon get easier and better!
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#16 of 116 Old 03-12-2007, 01:07 AM
 
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Wow am I ever glad I found you girls! I have a 2.5 dd and a 9 mos ds. I agree with the napping whenever you can. If that doesn't work, sometimes I just lay down and close my eyes and they play around me. Other times I let my toddler put me to bed in her bed and pretend to sleep.

My moby wrap when ds was tiny and now the new native sling have made things so much easier for me. Also, I'm a huge advocate for early bedtimes and dependable bedtime routines. Those have really helped my little guy get a good, predictable sleep pattern and I can use his naps to spend alone time with my toddler.

I still have days of complete frustration and exhaustion, along with losing it! I know it will be better when I night wean, but right now I'm fried. Being a mom is so much harder than I ever imagined, not to mention the drugery of the daily cleaning, wiping, washing, folding!
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#17 of 116 Old 03-12-2007, 01:09 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avena View Post
STEP INSIDE, LETS CHAT!
I NEED TO HEAR SOME good THINGS AS I'M GOING A BIT INSAINE:

We just had our new one last week and it's been: with a toddler for me! I'd love to hear from other mamas how you cope
By bed tIme, I feel like I'm gonna die! esp.that EVERYNIGHT is SUCH AN ORDEAL TO GET DD WHO IS 23 MONTHS, to SLEEP! HELP!!!!!!!
Sorry, I forgot to say the good things! The ultimate best part for me is to see how they smile for each other. They already love each other in a way that I will never be a part of, nor do I want to be. They can make each other laugh on a dime and they just light up for each other. It's amazing!
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#18 of 116 Old 03-12-2007, 01:56 AM
 
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:

Subbing so I can get a head start on ideas. Dd will be 29 months when the new babe is born. I think I'm most afraid of bedtimes as it will be just me most of the time. We are already working on dh putting dd to bed when he is home at bedtime so she gets used to it. I don't think I'll be able to handle the whole waking eachother up thing.
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#19 of 116 Old 03-13-2007, 12:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey mamas!

You gals are great! I actually enjoy reading everyones posts,


AmieV "just wanted to say, I'm so happy you posted this because now I've discovered your website and I think I'm in desperate need of some Mellow Mama! I'm going to order some today, hopefully you're taking your own advice and sipping away!" LMK WHEN YOU ORDER YOU ARE FROM MDC AND I'LL INCLUDE A LITTLE SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YA


No I haven't had time to drink my own tea! I want/need to!
I'm all about naps too! I HAVE TO RIGHT NOW!: the little one is up at 2,4,6 am then Dd is up by 7 and I'm sooo beyond tired by 10 am I have to nap! hopefully things will smooth out soon so I can get some of my other work done
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#20 of 116 Old 03-14-2007, 09:14 PM
 
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Here's an article I found. Mamas, we definitely aren't alone! The suggestions offered in part 2 of the article aren't very useful, though, IMO.

Part 1:
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articl...ec/ai_14971130

Part 2:
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articl...an/ai_15264051
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#21 of 116 Old 03-14-2007, 09:26 PM
 
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here with open ears - i'm due in a month, and DS is 27 months. he naps pretty erratically, so i fear i'm in trouble there - he needs a lot of help to go down for a nap, and i'm already too tired some days to try to get him a nap. luckily DH has been doing bedtimes with him and will continue to be able to do so.

Rosemary & Gary :
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#22 of 116 Old 03-14-2007, 09:50 PM
 
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hi, chiming in too - havent yet gone through everyones posts.

lucien is..... great gotta go.

edit: im back. anyway just had my second on the 9th and im still getting used to it. actually i stumbled on this thread lookin for help regarding my sons more "pleasant" behaviours - primarily he does not take me (or my husband for that matter) seriously. i have to turn into this horrible monster and make him cry for him to listen to me. and it's always worse at bedtime when he's working himself into a frenzy and im already past my last nerve. like he starts thrashing about while im trying to get his night-time butt on and when i grab his legs/arms and say "no kicking/hitting. that hurts me." he laughs and does it again. it takes every ounce of my being not to just fly off the handle, ya know?

this was an issue for a while and whether or not the birth has changed it for him, it certainly has changed my ability to cope and im not sure if what i was doing was working to begin with.
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#23 of 116 Old 03-17-2007, 10:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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OMG! I had the worst couple days! I feel like I want to die: : : :
DD won't nap I can't get ANYTHING DONE BESIDES CHANGING DIAPERS! I'm going beyond insaine, I'm ready to break....... All Day DD is a terror, I just don't know what to do besides cry

At night it's the worst, By the time I get the babe finally back to sleep after nursing and changing she is up then it goes on this all night and then it's light out and she's up for the day! I can't take another 16 hours every day of this.........: : : :
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#24 of 116 Old 03-17-2007, 12:57 PM
 
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I'm so glad I found this thread! Avena I just ordered some teas and I'm really happy to find teas for kids, especially one for teething! That has been our biggest issue right now. My ds is 27 months and my dd is 10 weeks. It's been such a juggling act but we are making our way. But seeming them interact together is so wonderful at the same time.
I was nervous about bedtime too since we co-sleep and in the beginning it used to take my mom and I tag teaming the kids at bedtime. We foundly remember in the beginning when it took both of us two hours 3 diaper (2 for dd and 1 for ds) to get my oldest to sleep. Now most nights are going well. My husband works night shift 5 days a week and a 13 hr shift on sundays, so I only have him to help one night a week.
My moby wrap is a life saver- if you don't wear your baby I would give it a try, it was a challenge at first but we've got it down now and without I would NEVER get anything done. Does anyone have experience nursing with a moby? I would love any tips on how to be successful at it.
Before my dd was born our ds never really watched tv but I've found myself using "toons" as a bit of a crutch on hectic days. We try to not have it happen everyday so I'm hoping it's not too bad for him.

Has anyone else had sick kids a lot this winter. My son has been sick off and on since the birth of my second; it's just seemed really bad this year.
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#25 of 116 Old 03-17-2007, 01:09 PM
 
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Avena and Vegaenglit- I hadn't read the last two post before I posted. I'm sorry it's so rough I have those days too, heck I have those weeks.

Vegaenglit-We too had a period in time after dd was born where our ds basically just laughed in our faces when we asked him to do something like I don't know....eat or drink or sleep and when we would change his clothes or diapers. It still happens a but much less. The same will happen for you.

Avena- It can be soo hard to juggle nursing and having others to look after aswell along with your own sanity. Those never ending nights seem well...never ending. Don't loose faith.

Your both wonderful mamas doing the best you can. Hugs to both of you!

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#26 of 116 Old 03-17-2007, 01:36 PM
 
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My dd is 2.5 yo and my ds is 8mos sometimes I just cry. I nurse him while yelling at her. I totally feel like nothing is ever right. I have such guilt. I feel like this horrible human being. I feel spread too thin.

Sorry, feeling depressed today.
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#27 of 116 Old 03-17-2007, 02:10 PM
 
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I think we all could use some hugs
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#28 of 116 Old 03-17-2007, 04:02 PM
 
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Sophie is 27 mos and Jude is 3 mos and I have days where I just sit and cry off and on the whole time. Sophie just wants to hang off my boobs all day and gets upset when Jude needs to eat and it is really making me resent nursing her even though I am so committed to CLW. Believe me I have tried all the tips to cut her back or get her to respect me and she just doesn't give a rats @$$
She wants her way and that's that!

The only thing that helps us with naps and bedtime is the TV I hate using it like that but I don't know what else to do. I have a baby quilt I lay on the floor and a pillow and she knows to lay on her pillow when she is tired. Most of the time it works but not always. I NEVER lay Jude there so it's just her own special spot. She will watch Shrek or Cinderella 94 times in a row until she's too sleepy to stay awake. I just put a little tv with a dvd player in the girls' bedroom and she will go up with Bridgette to watch and fall asleep.

Sophie is also one of those that won't listen or do a thing I say unless I yell and she gets to crying and even that doesn't always work and I'm riddled with guilt constantly. I want to be a better mama and I just feel like nothing I do is working. If Jude wasn't such a content baby I would really lose it. I wish I had familyto help or even friends that have a clue. I don't know anyone well enough to ask for help.

It feels good to vent and know I am not alone. I honestly feel sometimes that I am the only one who gets so frustrated and that I'm the worst mother in the world.
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#29 of 116 Old 03-17-2007, 04:06 PM
 
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a big hug mama- it does get easier. My "newborn" is now 23 months and my toddler is now 4. so we made it through though it was difficult. It made it much easier that dh was helping but he does work alot so i was alone for most of the time. things are much better now
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#30 of 116 Old 03-17-2007, 11:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miguelsmom View Post
My moby wrap is a life saver- if you don't wear your baby I would give it a try, it was a challenge at first but we've got it down now and without I would NEVER get anything done. Does anyone have experience nursing with a moby? I would love any tips on how to be successful at it.
i nursed in the moby some when DS was new. in the cradle hold it worked ok but he didn't like having his head confined, so i would have to pop his head out a bit, and hold it with my hand or elbow instead. clothing-wise, it took some ingenuity to figure out what to wear that wouldn't expose my whole side from having to hike up my shirt so high. i found either a button down shirt over a t-shirt, or a t-shirt over a nursing tank were fairly comfortable and easy to deal with.

as DS got older, i occasionally nursed him in the upright inward facing cross-carry position. he had to be just at the right level - sometimes i had to retie the moby to get the positioning right... and a nursing tank or a shirt you can pull down from the top seemed to work the best.

my friend who was borrowing my moby just returned it a week ago... sounds like i will be getting good use out of it again!

Rosemary & Gary :
James 12/04 & Cecelia 4/07
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