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Old 05-01-2007, 11:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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how is everyone doing?

this last week has been a trial. i think lucien has an ear/sinus infection and has been, what i can only politely say, a handful. marcus is such a calm, easy baby, on the other hand i feel im neglecting him. i rush through diaper changes instead of talking to him because lucien's having a meltdown. when im not wearing him because i need to have my hands free for lucien, he's in his swing or bouncy seat cause all i want to do is sit on my butt and veg out.

i really thought we would try for 3 but lately im seriously reconsidering if i want to do this again. i feel myself regressing down to lucien's level. im cranky, tantrum-y. im ready to be an adult again.
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Old 05-01-2007, 12:58 PM
 
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no newborn yet but subbing again, I read with interest!

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Old 05-01-2007, 06:36 PM
 
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I would have to say I can relate. My dd #1 is not what I would say a problem child but she's a Mama's girl thru and thru and she wants my attention and when I am giving it to her, I feel like I am neglecting dd#2 and vice versa. And I am tired all the time it's alot of work!! But I guess it can only get better and I want a third, but I am going to wait a while. I want myself body included back first!!!

,,,,
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Old 05-14-2007, 03:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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now that the ear infection is gone, things have been infinitely better.

also, i re-checked out happiest toddler on the block and thank goddess i did. i checked it out when lucien was 18ish months and forgot to put most of the things to use. but listening to it (got it on tape 'cause getting time to sit and read rarely happens) was so reassuring. i dont have a crazy horrible monster. i have a perfectly normal, spirited toddler. despite what my ILs might think, im doing nothing wrong. in fact, i was probably doing more "wrong" trying to restrain and suppress his spirt than by letting him be a little noisey, nosey and physical. he's happier, and im happier, too.

it's warming up and we've been in the pool everyday for the last week which has helped give him something to do. he can jump and splash and wriggle all about as much as he likes. and we've been so busy, he's forgotten tv for the most part.

also, ive realised i need to respect his need for sleep. nap time needs to start at 11:30/noon, not 1pm. dinner needs to be on the table between 5 and 5:30 and sleep is right after. he needs to be in bed by 7. he's got the tiniest window of truely sleepy and his second wind. i dont care if he's covered in dog poop, if taking a bath screws up bedtime, it's not worth it. it may still take me an hour to get him to sleep from the time we go in and the time i go out, but it's nice to have him asleep by 8 instead of 10 or later!
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Old 05-14-2007, 04:03 PM
 
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: I have 2 boys, one almost 23mo and the other 7wks. Sometimes this smiley is so right for me: :

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Old 05-14-2007, 04:50 PM
 
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Old 05-14-2007, 05:12 PM
 
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We have good days, and not so good days, but mostly good...really. Dd1 is definately a mama's girl, but she also LOVES her brother like nothing else, so she has fun with him and doesn't usually mind when I am paying attention to him....until of course she all of a sudden does.: I get lots of playing done, lots of diaper changing done, and hardly anything else...poor house.
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Old 05-14-2007, 06:37 PM
 
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also just subbing because I'll be joining you shortly!
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Old 05-14-2007, 06:59 PM
 
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subbing.

Avena- how is it going? It sounded like it was getting easier...please say that it is!

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Old 05-14-2007, 07:20 PM
 
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Subbing, I will be back later to read and post. Hope everyone is doing well.
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Old 05-14-2007, 10:53 PM
 
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My newborn is almost 6 months already, yikes! DS just turned 2. Things are better now...those first three months, wish I could say it was a blur, but I remember every detail.
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Old 05-14-2007, 10:59 PM
 
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Old 05-15-2007, 02:11 AM
 
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Hey - joining you guys. I have a 32 month DD and 7 week DS. It's especially tough b/c DH commutes and is gone M-F, so I'm all alone for the week. (we're trying to re-arrange that, with the kids and I joining DH in his commute - I'd rather live crazy as a family than have this separation). DD is very independent, potty trained, and loves her brother, which are all big pluses. The biggest challenge is really my energy level, and DD's nap and bedtimes.

I have definitely found that DD, who has always been as much a mama's girl as a daddy's girl, has become totally her daddy's child since DS's birth. She misses him all week when he's gone (they talk on the phone) - she cries for him when she gets hurt or in trouble with me, she talks about missing him, etc. And on the weekends, they are running buddies. DH goes nowhere without her, and even around the house they are just in each others' pockets. I know part of it is natural - her dad is a lot of fun and takes her to fun places and has the energy to tease her into doing things (unlike me, who ends up raising my voice at least once a day : ), and part of it is a response to him being gone all week. But it's kinda bittersweet for me. We used to be such buddies, and now I'm feeling like the frazzled bad guy. I'm trying to find ways and times to make sure we have special times together. I'm doing a better job of finding my patience everyday - but it's still a struggle.

Anybody else having this issue? I share in the guilt about my poor neglected baby too - I know he's fine, but DD got so much more focused attention in her early weeks.
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Old 05-17-2007, 01:50 AM
 
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Hi All~

Welcome new mamas!

Life has been so insanely busy! Some days I feel like WOW! I got so much done and this is easy, other days I'm lucky to anything but change diapers and feel like I can't get anything done

No advice on how to keep the wild toddlers at bay while the babe are sleeping, because that's where my biggest challenge is right now.....Dd thinks it's so fun to scream or try to jump on DS while he tries to sleep.....I'm soooo frustrated! : : : : : :

ADVICE PLEASE~

Whew! I also feel like I HAVE NO time ALONE, not even to pee esp. w/ a 2 yr old and DS is now 8 weeks! Anyone else?
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Old 05-17-2007, 01:52 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vegaenglit View Post
how is everyone doing?

this last week has been a trial. i think lucien has an ear/sinus infection and has been, what i can only politely say, a handful. marcus is such a calm, easy baby, on the other hand i feel im neglecting him. i rush through diaper changes instead of talking to him because lucien's having a meltdown. when im not wearing him because i need to have my hands free for lucien, he's in his swing or bouncy seat cause all i want to do is sit on my butt and veg out.

i really thought we would try for 3 but lately im seriously reconsidering if i want to do this again. i feel myself regressing down to lucien's level. im cranky, tantrum-y. im ready to be an adult again.

I'M SOOO WITH YOU, THIS IS MY LIFE TOO!
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Old 05-17-2007, 02:59 PM
 
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Avena, I've been putting Griffin in a separate room to sleep, not in a crib, just on our big queen bed, although I'm going to have to start putting him on a comforter on the floor instead, since he's getting quite mobile now. He's the type to go to sleep, though, if I just lay him down when he's drowsy and lay with him for a couple of minutes. He also just plays when he wakes up and lets out a little squawk (not a cry, just a sound he does) to let us know he's up. He co-sleeps with us at night, but he seems to enjoy sleeping in the room much better than trying to sleep with his toddler sister around. He's always a bit on edge in the same room with her. I was very worried the first time I tried putting him in the room by himself for a nap (we've only been doing it a couple of weeks), but he wasn't stressed by waking up alone at all.

We've also discovered rather recently (this week) that taking long walks together with one of us either carrying DS (the infant) or letting him sleep in the stroller and with DD (the toddler) in the stroller is great. DD has always loved to look around in the stroller on walks (since about 6 months). So, she's totally occupied with nature, and getting us to pick her pretty flowers. Carrying DS in the Snugli or letting him sleep doesn't require much attention, either. So, DH and I actually get exercise and some adult conversation! Inside the house, it's very hard to talk to each other without DD trying to get us to listen to her instead and throwing a tantrum if we don't stop in the middle of our conversation.
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Old 05-17-2007, 07:41 PM
 
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I'm alone with both kids for the first time right now...well, mostly. I mean, DH works during the day, but now he's out of town for 5 days! And all of a sudden DS decided today that he would figure out how to open and unlock the front door, get out/over the gate, and climb out of his crib!

DD also decided that this would be a great day to not do her normal naps and now her schedule is looking to have her going to bed at 10 or 11pm instead of 8pm...so sad since I don't get to eat or shower until both kids are down for the night when DH isn't home. All this great time with the house to myself I was looking forward to and the kids have gone mutiny on me, LOL.
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Old 05-17-2007, 09:07 PM
 
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Wow do I ever feel your pain, and I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one! I have a 23 month old and a 6 week old and some days I feel like I'm having a total meltdown. DD is dancing on the table tops while DS gets his bum changed, or DS is crying in his swing because DD needs me to help her put on her boots, or take her to the potty. I feel like neither kid is getting enough attention and I'm feeling like I'm not being the mom I want to be. The week DH went back to work I thought I would die of exhaustion, but it is getting better, DS is not so fussy now (crying if not in my arms or CuddlyWrap), so it's a little easier, and now that the weather is better, we can get out more. Crying is not so loud when you're at the playground with lots of other kids.

Thanks for sharing, it's comforting to know I'm not alone!
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Old 05-18-2007, 02:41 AM
 
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Wow do I ever feel your pain, and I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one! I have a 23 month old and a 6 week old and some days I feel like I'm having a total meltdown. DD is dancing on the table tops while DS gets his bum changed, or DS is crying in his swing because DD needs me to help her put on her boots, or take her to the potty. I feel like neither kid is getting enough attention and I'm feeling like I'm not being the mom I want to be. The week DH went back to work I thought I would die of exhaustion, but it is getting better, DS is not so fussy now (crying if not in my arms or CuddlyWrap), so it's a little easier, and now that the weather is better, we can get out more. Crying is not so loud when you're at the playground with lots of other kids.

Thanks for sharing, it's comforting to know I'm not alone!
Love to you mama! I know what you are going through! My DD jus turned 2 and DS is 8 weeks~
I'm actually happy to read your post abt. your DD dancing on the table, as mine does the same

It's soooo hard right now with trying to take care of a new babe & wild toddler......

took me over an hour this am to finally get a chance for me to pee! I was back in fourth caring for DD then DS, then ds needed to be nursed, then DD needed food, Ds spit up, DD pooped and then changed DS again AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!: : : : : : : : : :


I've def. had to let more things slide by that DD does, I have to learn to breathe more and be at peace w/my hectic life! I can actually laugh now when DD is Freaking out, I think WHOA this is my DD!

I'm AMAZED at how much we can really do!
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Old 05-18-2007, 08:53 AM
 
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Hi ladies...I'm joining you all. DS will be three soon and DD is 4 1/2 months.

The napping thing - we finally put up a gate to the room where DD was sleeping. She doesn't like to sleep in the sling, she prefers to be in a bed and I finally put a gate tothe room where she was. I only had to put it up maybe three times and DS got the hint that he wasn't supposed to be in there. I don't need it now at all - he pretty much leaves her alone if she's sleeping.

I feel like things are getting much easier around here. I can get out and about and do all sorts of things and my house/life doesn't feel like such a disaster. Of course, it is, but it's kid disaster, nothing more.

I'm with whoever said they were rethinking having more...I always wanted a big family, 5 or 6 kids, but now, I'm feeling more and more content with two (and not ever, ever, ever having to make this kind of adjustment again).

*~* A * Mama to C and A * *~* I blog - PM me for the URL
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Old 05-18-2007, 10:34 AM
 
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I have a 23 month old and a 4 week old (as well as a 4 and 6 year old). The older ones are fine with the baby though it is busy with all 4 since someone always wants something. So hang in there for those who are thinking about more kids! It can be done!

Claire takes a good afternoon nap while the baby only cat naps. Somewhat annoying, but maybe she's figured out that she gets more mama time that way.

Wish me luck! I'm taking the two little ones today to Hobby Lobby and then to the food co-op with me today. I'll see how much we really get done.

I do have to say it is nice that the weather is getting better outside. It helps to be out there and let Claire run her energy out. She can be loud out there. The only issue I had was I stepped back into the house because the baby woke up and I had to get her. When i came back I couldn't find Claire and of course she is too little to answer back when you call for her. Fortunately the backyard is fenced and the latches are up too high for her to reach so I knew she had to be there somewhere. I found her happily playing in the dirt of the garden. Mud mustache too!

Michelle: wife to J, mom to M (2001), E (2003), C (2005), S (2007) and O! (2009) And someone new in 2011!
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Old 05-18-2007, 10:59 AM
 
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We're doing well here. Dd1 seems to have adjusted to life with a baby. She purposely woke up the baby once but seems to understand now that the baby needs to sleep. My biggest problem is that dd2 doesn't like any of my carriers. I have tried a ring sling, hot sling and mei tai. I felt like the mei tai didn't give her enough support either. DD2 prefers to sleep on our bed though I rarely have the time to lay down with her (she wakes up if I get her to sleep first and then put her down). She takes 3 naps that last 20 minutes or so and then 1 nap that last 2-3 hours. My good days are when I get both girls down for a long nap. It happens more frequently than I thought it would .

We are also enjoying the nicer weather. I love getting outside and letting dd1 get all her energy out. Well, both girls are happy so I better catch a shower while I can.
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Old 05-18-2007, 11:37 AM
 
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I've been pitying myself for being in a role-reversed marriage for over a year now. I was laid off just as wife was putting feelers out about getting in the work force. She succeeded so economic sense dictated I stay home with the 4+ DD and the 2+ DS.
So, I've been feeling blue about this "Mr. Mom." deal, but I feel lucky when I read these Moms that have two kids under 3. Eee-gads. How are you ever rested?
I've learned from wife's suggestion and practical application I've got to schedule not only so the young'uns' have something to depend on...but also so I get household chores done. Without my trusty schedule on the fridge, I'd be lost. The 4 year old has some semblance of being dependable to be quiet at times; creates rancor at time...but has a rythym...is that the right word?
The DS...the 2+ year old.....Chaos!
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Old 05-19-2007, 11:19 AM
 
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I don't have a newborn yet but constantly lurk on these threads to get ideas from you mamas who have BTDT.

mamabear, I wanted to suggest maybe trying out a Moby Wrap. They are much more supportive than MeiTai's (imo, of course) and there are TONS of postions the babe can be in. Easy to nurse in too. I used to work at an AP store that sold them and they were a huge hit. I'll be getting one for this babe when the time comes.
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Old 05-19-2007, 06:37 PM
 
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subbing!

i've got a 23mth ds1 and a 3mth ds2:

anne, mama to Isaak (6.13.05) Joe (2.24.07) and Eli (8.17.09) wifey to J since 2002 petparent to our retired racer "Under Rated" aka Jango.  help put an end to dog racing! 
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Old 05-19-2007, 08:46 PM
 
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I can sooooo empathise!!!
I have a 2 1/2 yr old ds and a 5 week old dd. Dd is fine, although I'm facing the usual exhausting newborn affliction, lack of sleep, crying fits etc.

But ds is driving me INSANE!!! The crazy non-stop tantrums for the tiniest reasons are getting to me. I'm really at the end of my rope with him
He won't let dd sleep, he's very rough with her (but he's very sweet and loves her, just doesn't know when to stop) and I feel like I'm continually telling him to stop whatever he's doing : I hope it'll get easier soon!!!

I'm just happy I'm not alone!!!
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Old 05-20-2007, 02:52 AM
 
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Having a really good day today, but the past month has been a blur of learning a new rhythm of life!
DS will be two mid-June and newDS will be five weeks on Monday. Whew.
Abe, DS2, is a nursin-fool. He likes to nurse a lot! I have one thing that seems to work, wear him and nurse lots in the morning and he surprises me with a decent afternoon nap and a slow-down of the constant nursing resulting in some one-on-one time with Taso, DS1.
Before Abe, I remember Taso would play on his own a lot and I got lots of knitting done! Now, Taso doesn't like to play on his own so much, could be the new babe, could just be he is done with that.
I am glad you are all here for support!
Hey, Avena, sometimes just thinking of your Mellow Momma tea in my cupboard reminds me to relax.
My mom gave me a great idea today. Arrange a small space, maybe tent-like, with sheets or silks, that is comfy-cozy with blankets and pillows, books or whatever your DC enjoys, and make that your peaceful-calm place. It was really an awesome suggestion as I was a bit turned off by her time-out mention. Time-out can seem sort of negative, but this peaceful thing was a nice spin on it. She said that I could start out by going there with Taso when he is frustrated, say, when things are hectic and DH has been gone all day, when dad comes home, hand off the babe and go into the tent or whatever with Taso. Or whenever, but you know, get him into the idea it is calm there. Then when he is being wacky, tell him that maybe he should go into his chill-out zone and hang out for a bit or that we could go in there. whatever works! I think it's the best parenting tip my mom has given me yet!

The thing that scares me most about getting used to two is the horrible anger I feel towards DS1 when he does something like hit or try to jump on DS2. The times when I have instinctively pushed or stuck an elbow out at Taso in order to protect DS2 just make me feel so rotten! I think I may have had a bit of ups and downs while my hormones regulated after the birth and I am feeling they are just about settled now, so that should help with remaining calm. Also yelled a bit at DS1 this first month and that just feels bad, too! One thing that helps is knowing not to carry guilt (so hard to just let it go, though!) and move on to better times.

Listening to NPR this morning I heard someone say, "...where I come from, emotions don't create actions, actions create emotions."
This sort of clicked in my head how I had let my angry emotions create an action such as yelling at my two year old, but instead I could stop, give him a big hug or do something otherwise nice for him, and let that action create the positive loving emotions that were hiding out under the anger. Make sense?

Just talking about the stress that has been the last few weeks has helped.

I hate it when I have a feeling of the new babe being a bummer because it takes away time with DS1. I am now working to replace that feeling with looking forward to all the fun times the brothers will have together. These first months are just going to be so hard because it will be harder to keep up with DS1s pace! Thankfully I have a full stock of slings

Sometimes I completely forget about food. The other day I thought nothing of buzzing around the house doing this or that and then going to meet my husband for "lunch" at 5:30pm (he was closing the store that day) with the boys. Sometime later that night, I realized that my DS1 had not eaten from breakfast - 5:30! Maybe a VERY light snack, but wow, did I feel bad about that.

Good thing since that day is that Taso now tells me when he is hungry!

I'll check back in here...
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Old 05-20-2007, 02:56 AM
 
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I can sooooo empathise!!!
I have a 2 1/2 yr old ds and a 5 week old dd. Dd is fine, although I'm facing the usual exhausting newborn affliction, lack of sleep, crying fits etc.

But ds is driving me INSANE!!! The crazy non-stop tantrums for the tiniest reasons are getting to me. I'm really at the end of my rope with him
He won't let dd sleep, he's very rough with her (but he's very sweet and loves her, just doesn't know when to stop) and I feel like I'm continually telling him to stop whatever he's doing : I hope it'll get easier soon!!!


I'm just happy I'm not alone!!!
I'm sooooo with you!
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Old 05-20-2007, 03:02 AM
 
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[QUOTE=ashleylesh;8170725]Having a really good day today, but the past month has been a blur of learning a new rhythm of life!
Hey, Avena, sometimes just thinking of your Mellow Momma tea in my cupboard reminds me to relax."

~Hey Mama!
Yeah I need to drink more of it and give some to DD

Have to share this cute one~
DS was hungry and starting to fuss...I had to pee, and DS was on the bed...when I came back DD went over to him and said "here ya go little fellow it's ok" and she lifted her shirt to nurse him! It was a sweet gesture take care of him: she then got all pissy when I picked him up to nurse him and got her bear to nurse!

I'd better get some zzz's while I can!

Rest well ye mamas!
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Old 05-21-2007, 03:31 AM
 
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ds1 tries to nurse ds2 all the time. he loves his brother so much and i'm so thankful that we haven't had jealousy issues or anything. just "over loving" at times. the biggest problem is when i was nursing and ds1 would start doing things he knows he shouldn't like hit the cat or throw his blocks because at first i wouldn't get up to stop him. after a few days of that though i just bit the bullet and set ds2 down to put ds1 in time out. ds2 quickly latched back on and ds1 knew that i was still paying attention to what he was doing and stopped acting up while i was feeding ds2.

anne, mama to Isaak (6.13.05) Joe (2.24.07) and Eli (8.17.09) wifey to J since 2002 petparent to our retired racer "Under Rated" aka Jango.  help put an end to dog racing! 
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