I don't deserve this, losing my mind - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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Life with a Toddler > I don't deserve this, losing my mind
GatorNNP's Avatar GatorNNP 12:08 AM 05-15-2007
Yeah, I have one of those kinds of babies. The very occasional overnight at work or night-off is a lifesaver. I have had to go to 2 different conferences that involved an overnight trip. I didn't sleep well of course but there was none of that incessant crying and stress combination. Of course we had the similar deal with baby not eating enough due to teething pain and then being hungry all night, those doggone molars took months of teething bouts to come in.

Finally at 17+ months DD has her bottom and top set and we have embarked on the no more nursing after tucking in until morning weaning. 3 long nights and now bliss. I found that giving her nutrition packed fruit/brown rice protein powder/ coconut milk/ juice smoothies really helped cut down on some fussiness and we did the occasional pre bed tylenol if the previous night was hellish. She also seemed to like the cold stuff over those gums.

Annabel_the_Sheep's Avatar Annabel_the_Sheep 07:22 AM 05-15-2007
Originally Posted by moondiapers View Post
I'm so sorry. My dd was the same way until she learned to walk. Then she was a new child.
Abesolutely same here. You are almost there!!! Hang on!
nighten's Avatar nighten 01:52 PM 05-15-2007
Does Hylands or Infant Motrin help? If so, then I'd say it's her teeth for sure.

Is she frustrated over not being able to communicate clearly what she wants? Have you tried signing with her maybe?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. No self-righteousness here, just a desire to help.

My baby goes through bouts where she's very fussy at night and wants to nurse more, but it's less about hunger in her case and more about comfort. We discovered that when it's really bad, it's her teeth, and Infant Motrin helps (it works best in our case at this point, buyt we use Hylands in the day). But when she's working on a skill it ALWAYS messes up her sleep and makes her cranky at night it seems.

That said, at some point those teeth WILL come in. At some point she WILL master whatever she's working on. And so at some point we WILL get some sleep.

I feel for you. And hope it gets better soon.
georgiegirl1974's Avatar georgiegirl1974 03:29 PM 05-15-2007
My DD had a week where she was completely unbearable right before she learned how to walk. She was 11 months. She has always been high needs, but I actually considered weaning for a little while because that one week was soooooo terrible. Then she figured out how to walk, and she has been MUCH happier.
NotTheOnlyOne's Avatar NotTheOnlyOne 05:28 PM 05-15-2007
my almost ten month old was doing this for a while and I finally stopped nursing him to sleep at all. Not for naps or nighttime. I will nurse him until he gets drowsy and closes his eyes and then I pop him off, turn him over and rub his back and sing until he goes to sleep. He cries a little bit, but he hasnt gotten hysterical. AND he IS sleeping better. He's sleeping SO MUCH BETTER. I can't believe it. He'll sleep up to 2.5 hours for a nap and at night he's only waking up once to nurse now......

I'd recommend trying this......
Hippiemommie's Avatar Hippiemommie 08:00 PM 05-15-2007
My thoughts reading your post were:

Nursing more often in the day time she might nurse less at night (Worked for us once)

Maybe she has an allergy to something your eating and it's causing reflux which is making her nurse more and be more irritable. My son had this and I quit drinking cow's milk and you wouldn't believe the difference.

Has she always done this or do you think it could be a growth spurt?
nighten's Avatar nighten 11:39 PM 05-15-2007
Oh, another thing I just thought of -- is the baby definitely wanting to nurse at night or just stirring? Try patting on the back and see if that works first, before you nurse. I realized a few months ago that sometimes Guinevere is just stirring in her sleep -- not needing to nurse, and a pat/rubbing her on the back worked just as well.

(Obviously if she needs to nurse though I let her nurse -- just saying I didn't realie that every time she stirred didn't necessarily mean she needed to nurse, if that makes sense.)
DandeCobb's Avatar DandeCobb 12:15 AM 05-16-2007
ACsMom, you talked about night weaning-please clue us (or just me ) in to how you did this. if you will notice this post is being made at 10pm on a work night (way late for me) i had to leave the bedroom because i was just done, done, done, i could not do it for one more second. my dh is up there and i heard the baby calm down after some crying, i'm rambling, anyways, PLEASE hook us up with your night weaning technique. and hugs to BSD, i think our babies are similar ages, i feel your pain.
Tishie's Avatar Tishie 07:30 PM 05-18-2007
Well hello there, Ms. Dog!

When N was 11 months old, that is when she started eating a LOT more food, and she actually weaned herself soon after (except for the before bed nursing), much to my dismay. But she just wanted to eat and move around and she didn't want to be stuck to a boob in the meantime. I also was babysitting a boy who took bottles and she stole those and preferred them in no time, because she could scoot around with one hanging out of her mouth. Poor me, but she was thrilled when I broke down and made her her own.

It could be anything, but if she is getting her molars, gah. It's just going to be kind of crappy for awhile.
Satori's Avatar Satori 08:13 PM 05-18-2007
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
My 11 mo old does nothing but scream and whine. "NANANANANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAMAMAMAAAAAAAAA AAAAAA!!!" She nurses all night except when she pops herself off and screams because she isn't nursing. I can't even shift position. I lay in bed until I can't hold it and try to quietly sneak to the bathroom and then get something to eat and she screams for half an hour no matter how I try to distract her.

I am LOSING it. I can't stand this. All my time since the day she was born has been spent nursing and catering to her every need. AP has NOT made her content and easy. It has made me burnt out and hateful.

Self-righteous people please don't post. I only want real support.

And to think you couldn't wait to get her OUT I'm only laughing becasue I've bTDT with #1 which is why it took 5 years for #2, was terrified #2 would be just as intense! I find when there constant nursers they often have reflux which was true in our case. Once we had dd on the right meds she stopped nursing so dang much. You can give her a little mylanta and see if it helps, I promise its not the end of the world to try it. Part of its the age too, Lilly is usually a pretty laid back baby but she turns 1 June 1 and the last 2 weeks or so she's been driving me nuts, nothing makes her happy it seems lately and she's teething which makes things even more fun. I'm not even going to tell yoou to hang in there becasue I know right now you can't see an end in sight and I wish I could tell you there was one but in our case there wasn't. Now #1 is about to turn 7 and were all in therapy for her intenseness which was pushing me over the edge after so many years with no breaks. I was left feeling burnt out as well
Black Orchid 09:49 PM 05-18-2007
My DD1 was the same way. For me I had to nightwean at 14 mos and DH stepped in to handle things. Things will get better whether you stick it out or not. We used to call DD1 "Samara" after the little girl in "the Ring" who never slept. Seriously, I totally, 100%, completely understand how you feel.

Very soon, two important thing will happen:
#1 Her molars will come in and she will finish teething. I am convinced that is a HUGE factor with these kids... they are more sensitive/lighter sleepers and they cannot cope with the pain. It feels worse to them than to other kids. Once those molars pop out it is all downhill.

#2 She will start to communicate better. DD1 did that "Uh-uh-uh-uh" miserable thing that really tries your mama-patience, too. It is infuriating!!!!! And I would just take a deep breath and try to put words to the grunts. And about 15-16 months the words just started flowing. They will for your DD also. I promise. Soon.

In the meantime, please try to give yourself a break. It is okay to feel frustrated. It is okay to feel negatively. Process those emotions, allow yourself to go through them. You will feel 100% better on the other side.

I think the majority of AP books are written about these mostly-happy, average needs babies who are easily soothed, etc. Therefore, those of us who are not able to soothe our babies dispite our best efforts, have our patience tried beyond its limits are made to feel that not only is there something wrong with us for not being able to soothe our babies... BUT ALSO we should not feel the negative things that we are feeling. Repressing this is not healthy and makes things worse.

I promise. It will get better! It probably is the hardest thing you will ever do. But it will get better.
BelgianSheepDog's Avatar BelgianSheepDog 11:45 PM 05-18-2007
I'm glad I went ahead and posted in my moment of despair, it's really helpful to hear that this is relatively normal.

Not much to update. She's still really miserable. I have been on MDC constantly this week because she has been either sleeping on me kind of half-nursing or sleeping in her stroller beside me at the computer. The rest of the time, other than an hour or so of playtime and meals and a walk, she's whining and signing to nurse because she's not feeling good. But I can definitely see the gums bulging and blanching now so I really, really hope the end of this part of the molar debacle is in sight.
Avena's Avatar Avena 11:58 PM 05-18-2007
Oh Mama! Sending you some love!

Is your Dd teething? When DD was teething she did exactly what your DD did, it DROVE ME CRAZY! UNTIL I gave her homeopathic liquid teething drops, rescue remedy and teething tea >We both had the teething tea it helped calm me too!

I know 1st hand how hard it is, hope you fell better soon!

Throkmorton's Avatar Throkmorton 11:59 PM 05-18-2007
I am right there with you! DD is 1 today, and is just a miserable little thing with her molars coming in.
Hippiemommie's Avatar Hippiemommie 12:13 AM 05-19-2007
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
I'm glad I went ahead and posted in my moment of despair, it's really helpful to hear that this is relatively normal.

Not much to update. She's still really miserable. I have been on MDC constantly this week because she has been either sleeping on me kind of half-nursing or sleeping in her stroller beside me at the computer. The rest of the time, other than an hour or so of playtime and meals and a walk, she's whining and signing to nurse because she's not feeling good. But I can definitely see the gums bulging and blanching now so I really, really hope the end of this part of the molar debacle is in sight.
All I can say is Hyland's teething tablets. All natural and life (sanity) savers!
BelgianSheepDog's Avatar BelgianSheepDog 12:19 AM 05-19-2007
Haha, thanks, but they don't do a thing for her.
Throkmorton's Avatar Throkmorton 12:21 AM 05-19-2007
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
Haha, thanks, but they don't do a thing for her.
Have you tried frozen washcloths? They have been a big hit around here.
MuesliMama's Avatar MuesliMama 02:04 AM 05-19-2007
huge hugs to you!

it's definitely worth trying an elimination diet for both you and your babe ~ maybe dyes, dairy, gluten, etc? it's difficult to be consistent with it and not feel deprived, so do it only when you're in a better place.

i'm sure you've discussed this with your ped, but have you tried a homeopath?

or is it not enough sleep??? can you try a different nap schedule? moving back by daughter's nap by an hour made her sleep better, nap and nighttime.

and around a year, my dd got attached to a blanket ~ how about a lovey?

thinking of you.
MuesliMama's Avatar MuesliMama 02:09 AM 05-19-2007
i forgot to add that if it's teething, and it sounds like it is, have you tried a babysafe feeder with frozen fruit (mango, peach, etc) or ice in it? my dd loves it still on those hard days. the molars are the worst!!!! so big and blunt.
alliallialli's Avatar alliallialli 09:48 AM 05-19-2007
We night weaned at around 15 months because of mother-hysteria... she was waking up for feeds 7 or 8 times a night. I had planned to work together with my partner on gentle, structured sleeping approaches, but in the end, I just said 'you can have boo at 1 o'clock, but after that, no boo til morning'. She was hysterical when we tried having her sleep with dad instead of me, so she came in with me, I wore a long nightie, and I just held her through her upset. It took about 3 nights, each night easier, for her to accept that there was no boo except for 1 o'clock, and then a couple of weeks of more calmly accepting things like a peanut butter sandwich or a drink of cows milk as a substitute before she just stopped waking up so much. We also sang, made up stories (featuring herself were the favourites) to help her get back to sleep. Eventually she was only waking up once a night (this has changed of course!).

I chose to feed her once during the night rather than not at all partly as an easing-in thing and partly because that middle of the night feed felt more like a hungry feed. 1 o'clock was a bit nominal - sometimes it was 11pm, sometimes 2am.

Hope it continues to get better.
Meikos's Avatar Meikos 10:00 AM 05-19-2007
When I was pregnant with my 1st dd, I got all the dr.sears books, and thought oh this is going to be sooo great...soooo easy...I'll just bf and pop that baby in a sling and my life will be practically the same I'll be able to do all the things I like and want to do.....HELLOOO was I in for a reality check....my dd, hated the sling, was a boobie monger that wanted to nurse for hours on end and generally a fussy demanding high need baby....and I felt shocked, let down and pretty much like a failure at motherhood, because here I was ..waited until I was 35 to even have kids, and I wanted her sooo badly, and I was with this baby that I didn't even know if I liked half the time and I was pretty certain she hated me....I wanted to throttle dr sears--and the whole premise that if I just carried her around on my boob she'll be soo happy and well adjusted...another mother and I actually liked to make fun of sears to make ourselves feel better, as we sat there pinned down by the babies on our boobs, we would say things like, oh dr s. says I should be able to be cooking dinner right now too and then cure cancer-maybe I should read that chapter again, dr s. says==insert sarcastic remark here...and we would always end it with, I bet martha can do it with a baby on each breast and 3 on her back...it made us laugh and oh how laughter is important...

now about your baby's age..I'm with the other posters about her age, she is just about to walk and getting molars most likely..huge events in a baby life...my girls were the same way at this time...well I hardly noticed with my first since she was/is so high maintenence but i have noticed in other babies too., right about the time they are just about to walk, they are soo grouchy and frustrated at everything..but when she gets to moving...you'll see she'll lighten up...good luck, and if you need someone to make snarky comments about dr. sears with feel free to email me....

and I am still an ap :

SAHM to DD (9-10-03) and DD (12-03-04) friend and partner to DH 6yr and counting
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