gender bias - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 8 Old 07-24-2007, 08:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
Stinkerbell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: South of Boston
Posts: 1,773
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My niece (C) is 6 weeks older than my son (B). They are both turning 3. Hr parents are VERY mainstream, even conservative, while we are liberal and AP. Not a problem...they are family and we love them.

So we took my niece Sunday for the day....lunch, shopping for her to pick out her birthday gift from us, etc. She had on Dora shoes that my DH commented on. She got very sad and said, "I want Diego shoes" so DH said, "I'll buy you some Diego shoes if you want!" to which C replied, "I cant. Mummy said no because Diego is only for boys".


At lunch we had 2 sippy cups, one happened to be pink and one happened to be green. B asked for the pink one, which we gave him. C screeched, "he cant have pink! Pink is for girls! You're not a GIRL, B, are you?". She was really beside herself. First thing when we brought her home, she told her mother, "B wanted a PINK CUP!" to which her mother replied, "Pink is for girls, B! You're not a girl. You better not tell your daddy you wnted a pink cup!"
:

Luckily, DH was right there and said in his goofy voice to B, 'It's okay. You can have any color you want".

Basically this went on all day. In the toy store the poor girl wanted a Diego doll and then said, "Noooooo. My mummy and daddy will not like it. Maybe we should get it for RJ! (her brother)".

Grrrrrrrrr. :mad

So, now my B has been saying stuff about pink is for girls, he's not a girl, etc. Everything we see...."Is that for girls or for boys?". It makes me angry. YES, he would figure out these gender biases exist eventually but I cant believe FAMILY is pushing this on him.

I doubt it's worth discussing with them. I tried to give them gentle, persuasive facts about circumcision but they still went ahead because, "that's gross" and "he needs to look like his father" (which, by that logic, means my son needs rhinoplasty because he has an original nose).

Sorry, that was OT.

But MAN, I am so annoyed. I'm just hoping someone can share my annoyance and maybe throw some, "aaawww, poor mama....they're evil, horrible people" in for good measure.

Love,
Mama To 3 Boys: an androgynous lump of emo mush who wears eyeliner and nail polish, an energetic athlete with a Norman Rockwell face, and a toddler who loves trains, trucks and his sparkly purple watch with flowers.
Stinkerbell is offline  
#2 of 8 Old 07-24-2007, 08:20 PM
 
Equuskia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Puerto Rico
Posts: 3,259
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
aaawww, poor mama....they're evil, horrible people

But seriously, why curtail a child's creativity and imagination with silly gender bias? Boy wants pink, big deal. Girl wants Diego shoes or a truck, whatever. People really need to get up off their own hangups and stop projecting them to their kids. It's very sad.

Equuskia in with Nodtveidt DD1 : DD2 :
Equuskia is offline  
#3 of 8 Old 07-24-2007, 08:26 PM
 
the_lissa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 13,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
"aaawww, poor mama....they're evil, horrible people"

But seriously, I think those attitudes are very harmful for children.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

the_lissa is offline  
#4 of 8 Old 07-24-2007, 09:17 PM
 
speedknitter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Northern California
Posts: 719
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Maybe you can give them a copy of "Beyond Dolls and Guns: 101 Ways to Avoid Gender Bias", or loan them your copy maybe that would be more accepted by them

http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Dolls-G...5321979&sr=8-1

Our dd plays with tractors AND babydolls AND cars AND stuffed animals
speedknitter is offline  
#5 of 8 Old 07-24-2007, 09:30 PM
 
dawncayden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 4,338
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, that sucks big time. I would probably limit time with them if it were me.

I would probably say I don't want to limit ds to his gender of toys, colours, ways of life because that doesn't seem fair to him. I also love to tak about other cultures and how pink is a boy colour in a lot of countries, or if they are wierded out that your ds likes to cook, that most famous chefs are male, or if he likes to clean, that you are doing your future daughter in law a great service because she won't have to do everything herself

Thats a great book recommendation, thanks!

75% Crunchy 25% Smooth
Raising 2 peanuts. #3 due in June bellyhair.gif

dawncayden is offline  
#6 of 8 Old 07-24-2007, 11:57 PM
 
MOM2ANSLEY's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: S.C.
Posts: 1,054
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Some people don't get it.
Dd,4,once commented on a boy in a pink shirt...I used that as a time to discuss that pink is not commonly thought of as masculine in US culture, but if she can wear blue boys can wear pink....so yesterday she told me (after a visit to build a bear) that my ds could have bows for his bear even though he is a boy, but he didn't get them b/c he may choke on little bows lol
btw I picked ds up from mil sat. and he had on a floral shirt and dh didn't freak....surprised me
MOM2ANSLEY is offline  
#7 of 8 Old 07-25-2007, 09:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
Stinkerbell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: South of Boston
Posts: 1,773
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Im very thankful that DH is a loving, supportive, open minded daddy to all our boys.

So far, my kids have not been with ILs without us there. I'm generally the one with all the kids here.

It is very sad to project that onto your child. They decided from infancy she was going to love princesses and Disney princess stuff. They gave my youngest a basketball hoop for Xmas and she wanted it sooo badly. They eventually got her a little pink tabletop one she doesnt care for.

I dont mean to be bashing my family. I just get sad to see a little girl so down about something that is SO uneccessary
Stinkerbell is offline  
#8 of 8 Old 07-25-2007, 10:53 AM
 
dawncayden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 4,338
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh are they going to LOVE the rebelish teen years

75% Crunchy 25% Smooth
Raising 2 peanuts. #3 due in June bellyhair.gif

dawncayden is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off