I also dread trying to go out with 2 children, I see other parents going out and doing nothing but watching a child. At least now we can pass Andrew between us and relax for part of the time we're out.
Give me your stories, good and bad. I want to hear your experiences!!
remember that it's nine months before #2 comes --sounds silly but about three months into my pg, i felt really ready for #2 to be here already! ds1 was changing to fast and getting easier every day.
#2 is easier in general b/c you've been through it all before. i feel so laid back this time and am surprised with how easy things have been with the adjustment of handling two kids.
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My best advice is to wait another year, at least. I've had 3 that were 2 years apart and then waited 6 years and then waited 5 years and let me tell you that it was SO nice to have an older child who could go potty by themselves, fix a bowl of cereal, turn on the TV - I didn't have to do everything for everyone and it made a big difference on how I felt about mothering and caring for my children - I actually got to enjoy my baby!
Luckily, my DH works from home and has a very flexible schedule so he's here to co-parent almost completely. That's why we decided to have another one just 2 years after our last baby, but I wouldn't recommend it for most moms who are doing the bulk of parenting all on their own all day long and into most evenings - it's just too hard.
Mama to Scott (USAF), Katie (18), Karlie (16), Kimmy (9), Klara (4.5), and Baby Khloe (2.5)
: for a this month!
Contrary to alllyssa's post, I do not feel at all like I am going to be doing my DS a disservice by giving him a sibling close in age. I also don't think I'll be neglecting my new baby. (ETA: You know, I haven't BTDT, and she has. I just want to acknowledge that. Nevertheless, I am quite comfortable with our decision, and I'm sure there are tons of MDC moms who have close spacings and are ok with it too. )
I know the first bit is going to be challenging, but I'm ready for it (as ready as I can be). It won't last that long.
I think every spacing has its advantages and disadvantages. That's why it is often regarded as a hard decision.
Mama to DS ('06), DD ('08), and DD (9.18.11).
mama to H. 4/05 and A. 9/08 and baby C. 10/11
I read something like 3-5 years is the ideal spacing, biologically speaking. That's just one perspective you might want to take into consideration.http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...30/ai_95105825
Personally I'm going to wait until I feel like she's less dependent on me, or when I just get that feeling that IT'S TIME... LOL
We will probably wait till ds is about 4-5 to have another one. This gives us both time to finish school (I'm a grad student, dh is an undergrad), and hopefully we will be in a position where I can take the first year off work to care for the child.
Ds will be fully potty trained, hopefully be sleeping in his own bed all night (this is important to me because I love co-sleeping but do NOT want to do it with TWO kids), and will be old enough to amuse himself at times and possibly even amuse his younger sibling. He will also be old enough to understand that he needs to be gentle with the baby (a friend has two that are not quite 2 years apart and she says the older one will try to hurt the younger one when he is tired and it's really hard on her because she wants to protect her baby, but the older one is her baby too : ).
Further, down the line....there will be a LARGE gap between when they can drive and go to college. This is important to me because I want to get my kids a car, but I don't think we could afford to have FOUR cars! Also, I would prefer to have just one kid in college at one time. I know that our money situation could change, but realistically, I don't think we'll ever be having tea with Mr. Monopoly and I want to retire with dignity and I ALSO want to be able to do the things for my kids that my parents didn't do for me, so thinking that far ahead helps me to be rational when I look at ds' itty bitty baby clothes (had to get them out for a friend).
I also have age on my side. I'm 27 now, so I will be about 30 when my next is born. If I were 37 now, I would be TTC right now. Further, because I'm only 27, even though I think I want just 2 kids, if I do decide I want a third I have time to do that.
Finally, I'm selfish. I really LOVE being able to go to yoga class, to occasionally go to movies, get a pizza, read a book, etc....all the things that require time and money. We don't have a ton of money right now, but we are able to do things like buy new running shoes or see Harry Potter because we only have one child. In our situation, if we had a second, we would literally not be able to do anything but care for those kids. Oh, and that reminds me that d/c is expensive, too, and having two kids in d/c at once is REALLY expensive but I want to WOH.
Just my .02!
Good luck with your decision!
Oh yeah: I adore this time with ds. I don't want to have to split my time between him and another dc. Although I haven't BTDT, I agree with the PP who said that it's hard on EVERYBODY to have kids so close together. I don't want my ds to have to wait for me to finish with his sibling for my attention. Not that if you choose to have two together you are a bad parent or anything....I think this comes back to my selfishness again. I want ds snuggles all to myself!
It's different for everyone, but I've found having two children very rewarding. It is a bit more challenging getting out with two, but it isn't impossible.
We wanted 3 years minimum inbetween siblings but we had an oops and they'll only be 2.5 yrs apart. Our reasoning for 3 or more was that I was hoping ds would be in preschool a couple mornings a week before we had a newborn-mostly to give me and the baby a little alone bonding time. We were also thinking ds would be on his way toward potty training by 3 and might be sleeping better in his bed than he is now. As for the going out with 2 kids, I am a little worried about handling that-especially when its just me running errands!
I already HATE going on errands with ds. I can't even imagine having TWO with me! :
This may all be moot, as I'm only on my second pp cycle, and I think I've only ovulated once since ds was born. But it's on my mind, nonetheless.
Ultimately we based our choice on the emotions of the decision, not the practicalities. The money and stuff we'll have to figure out now, but we just had to look deep down at what we wanted our family to be and here we are - third baby coming soon!
Laurie wahm (virtual paralegal) of 3 wonderful boys (11, 9, 5). 1st by c-section for breech, 2 by VBAC (one miscarriage between child #1 and #2).
no way no how am I gonna try tandem nursing! Too much for me I think.
Those #s are from Adventures in Tandem Nursing, btw.
Mama to DS ('06), DD ('08), and DD (9.18.11).
Because of a work assignment that I really, really want to take next spring, we'll start TTC next summer when DD is about 2.25 years old, which is going to put her around 3 if/when the time comes for a sibling. I'm pleased to hear so many here saying that 3 years is a good separation.
We have recently decided to go for #2, as we felt that a 3 year age difference was good, and we want her to have a sibling, and its kinda now or never for me as I'm 43 YO :
: for a this month!
Good Luck! :
Wife to M 4.04 and Mama to J the activist 5.06, Sammy Tsunami 12.09, and coming soon!
DH says it's like a switch in a woman's brain - one day you don't want more yet, and the next you can't wait.
I always thought it would be ideal to have kids close together like me and my sister were simply for the bonding issues. But, even though it seemed like the logical time to do it, we just weren't ready to take on another baby. Don't do it because of logic.
DD will be 3.5 when the new on is born and I can see the advantages of it. We are so much more ready - emotionally, physically, perspecitve-wise etc. DD is more independant, and I think she will handle not being the center of the universe a bit better now. I'm glad it's happening when it is.
As a side note: We "planned" for next-kid way sooner than he/she is coming. Months in the fertility forum is a humbling experience.
Canadian mama to A (C/S May 2004) and R (induced VBAC Dec 2007) expecting #3 in July. Currently obsessing over permaculture, photography and beekeeping.
Also, in terms of being close w/siblings, I am close with all four of my brothers, including my youngest brother who is 11 years younger than me.
Katreena, 39 year old Alaskan Mama to 1 and 1
Our ds is 3 weeks old and I have to say (knock on wood! LOL) that everything is going wonderful! DD has loved babies for awhile, and done great with me holding them, so that helped a lot. And we talked about every detail of him coming into our lives with her while I was pregnant. How he would sleep in bed with us (she wanted/wants him next to her... not quite!), how he would nurse, sit next to her in the van, etc. So, she was really ready. It was very rewarding because my family was convinced she wasn't going to handle any of it, especially the nursing, well since we are very attached and she was still nursing. She even helps undo my bra for him, and gets the other side ready when she decides it's time for him to switch sides. She was down to nursing just at night before bedtime before he arrived, and now it's maybe a couple times a week so far.
One of the first days we were home I was holding ds and dd came up saying "hold". I thought she meant that she wanted me to hold her and was a little jealous... nope, she was asking if she could hold her brother. It just melted my heart.
The tough part is getting ready to get out of the house. Making sure the diaper bag is packed for two, and that both are fed and dry! And our cd pail is filling up rather quick now since dd isn't potty trained yet!
There will be about 27 months difference between my two.
I know that it will be a bit difficult at first but I know that I will get through it and I know that it won't be for long as they grow up really quickly.
My g/f has 4 years between each of her children because she didn't want two babies in nappies at the same time.
She admits that that was one advantage but she also says that the disadvantage for her is that her children don't play together much and also the older one resents the next younger one breaking his/her things.
The way I see it there are pros and cons to each view of having children close in years together or far apart in years together. You just have to do what you think is comfortable for your family
Already my girls play together so well, they're so close. It's magical. I also grew up with siblings with about the same spacing and I loved it (except when they were beating me up, of course...
We decided it was time when our first was 2. When the 2nd arrived DS was 3 years and 4 months old. Old enough to get things for me if needed, old enough to be in his own room by his choice, old enough to play on his own more, no diapers, able to walk through a store holding my hand. For us if our first had been any younger it would have been harder. My sister in law has 3. The oldest and youngest my sons ages and then she has one in the middle, 1.5, 3, 5. Maybe its their family or their personalities but the children have never received the attention they needed.
Ds (27 mo) has been taking his time learning to eat, so he still depends on nursing for most of his nutrition. I am waiting until he learns to chew solid foods before I try to get pregnant again so that I don't have to be concerned about milk supply during pregnancy. We were planning for 3-4 years apart anyway, so this is fine with me. We thought 3-4 years would be best for better health (as mentioned in the article linked by a pp), and also so that the older one could become more independent in their own time (instead of having to become more independent because of the new baby, which I think is what happened with me).