Does your toddler ever ignore you? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 08-01-2003, 04:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ds is 26 months, and sometimes he just totally ignores me when I am asking him a question, and it makes me nuts!

Today was a perfect example: We were eating a bowl of soup together - I was holding it and feeding him spoonfulls, and he was kind of playing inbetween. At one point I ask him if he wants another bite. No answer. I ask again, "Do you want any more soup?" No answer. So I get up to put it away, and he starts crying and yelling "no no no", chasing after me. I hate to then give it back to him, because I feel like it's giving into him throwing a fit, but then again I don't want to withhold food, or anything else actually, that he really wants. But I do think he needs to learn that he can't just ignore me without a natural consequence.

He does stuff like this all the time and it makes me want to scream. How do you handle it?
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#2 of 7 Old 08-01-2003, 05:27 PM
 
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Yes, both my boys did this as toddlers. I handled it by addressing it. I say, "Can I please have an answer? Please tell me Yes or no."

You could also change your course of action when he cries (after you have walked away) by saying with pleasant surprise, "Oh, did you still want this? You didn't give me an answer so I thought you were done." And then give it back...

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#3 of 7 Old 08-01-2003, 06:45 PM
 
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We do the same yes or no thing as Mamaduck. It usually works. On the off ocassion that he still doesn't answer and we get that 'no, no, no' thing or he starts crying or whatever, we usually say, "oh, can you ask nice then, instead of using that voice?" And he usually responds, "please can I have (whatever it was) back? I wasn't finished yet."
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#4 of 7 Old 08-01-2003, 08:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, I have asked for an answer, but it doesn't seem to prod him into answering. I think one of the problems is that he isn't talking yet. So when he starts to freak out, I can't really ask him to use different words. And I have to calm him down first before I can even explain to him that since he didn't answer me I thought he was finished.

But I'm glad to know that my ds isn't the only one doing this. I can't believe how angry it makes me! I really have to work on deep breathing when we go through this 4 or 5 times a day.
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#5 of 7 Old 08-01-2003, 09:56 PM
 
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oceanbaby -- I know what you mean about feeling enraged over this! My kids learned quickly to respond when I demanded a response. But I take care of my nephew and he just stares right through me indefinately, no matter how much I demand an answer. Frustration and indignation build in my chest until I think I'm going to explode sometimes!

I try to remind myself though, that he is not accustomed to verbal communication yet, and it takes time to learn all the rules. Its not that he is *trying* to control the situation or dominate me (as it would be if an adult was behaving that way.) Its more just an unfamiliarity of how to interact properly. He'll learn.
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#6 of 7 Old 08-01-2003, 11:38 PM
 
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The word, and concept of, "yes" is a lot harder to comprehend than "no". You might want to try rewording your question into something that requires a "no" answer to get what you think he wants. If he doesn't answer the first question try, "Would you like me to put the soup away now?" or something like that. He might be able to pull a "no" out to get what he wants, when "yes" takes more concentration.
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#7 of 7 Old 08-02-2003, 01:03 AM
 
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oceanbaby- oh yes! ds will do that! ds doesn't have much of a vocabulary either,so.... much of how I communicate with him is based on body cues and vocal guessing. what has been working for me lately has been to say to him,"ds, look at mama's eyes...." and *then*begin/finish my request or statement.

I manage to then word it so that he can answer me....."yeow"(yes ),or"no,no,no"(always answered in 3's)!!




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