How Often are You and Your DP/DH Doing "It"? - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: How Often do You Have Sex, and Who (Usually) Initiates?
Two to three times a week, initiated by DP. 29 14.80%
Once a week, initiated by DP. 32 16.33%
Every 10-14 days, initiated by DP. 24 12.24%
Twice a month, initiated by DP. 18 9.18%
Once a month or less, initiated by DP. 31 15.82%
Two to three times a week, initiated by me. 15 7.65%
Once a week, initiated by me. 9 4.59%
Every 10-14 days, initiated by me. 7 3.57%
Twice a month, initiated by me. 8 4.08%
Once a month or less, initiated by me. 23 11.73%
Voters: 196. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 06:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I was laying in bed last night, feeling guilty (as I often do) for not having the energy to molest my husband, who is by all standards very hot and who loves and desires me. But I'm just so tired when I go to bed! I'm a SAHM to a 2-year old which keeps me busy literally every moment of the day, other than her nap. I'm sure most of you can say the same.

So, Mamas of toddlers - how often do you manage to get freaky with your partner? And are you initiating, or is he/she? And if it were *totally* up to you, how often would you actually want to have sex?

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#2 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 07:15 PM
 
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I suppose that depends on your expectations. If it's cool with you that it only lasts 5 minutes, say so, and ask him to initiate. If you're tired, say "I hope it's cool with you if I just lie here" (you won't); but if he knows your tired, he can help with that (and I'm sure he'll be more than willing).

Also, find your "time"...for some, night is best, after the kids are asleep; and other times mornings are best (perhaps you can set your DD up with a bowl of cheerio's - or some other finger food that she won't choke on and that has easy cleanup - and put a movie on to keep her entertained for a few minutes). You have to find solutions that work for you.

ETA: I can't vote in your poll...it doesn't apply to me. Sometimes it's DP who initiates, and sometimes it's me. Sometimes it's once or twice a day and we have a "good streak"; then sometimes it's once or twice a week for a little while. Depends on a lot of things.

WARNING: The comments and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the community in which I reside; or those of the internet parenting network.
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#3 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 07:22 PM
 
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I'm so relieved to see the results of this poll. I'd love to show it to dh so he sees he's not alone.
We have three kids... a 5 yr. old, a 2.5 yr. old and a 4 month old... all who share our bed. I'm exhausted!
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#4 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 07:24 PM
 
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I didn't vote, no option for us. 5-7 times a week initiated by dp for the most part. Ds sleeps 7pm to 7am no wakeups.

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#5 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 07:24 PM
 
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I would vote - but we both initiate.

How often depends on our moods and when DD sleeps. We try to average once or twice a week. But normally that means a dry spell for a couple weeks and the a really good weekend. We've gotten good a finding times. Sometimes DD will fall asleep in the car after running errands on a weekend morning (not a normal nap time) - she will stay asleep for maybe 5 minutes once we are in the house - and we just make good use of that time.

Neither of us like to DTD when we are tired.
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#6 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 07:30 PM
 
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Lately DH just hasn't been meeting my expectations. Ahem. So although it used to be a couple times a week, it's been more like once every almost two weeks.
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#7 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 07:35 PM
 
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How funny you ask this....after 22 months of not much interest, I finally feel more into it now. 2 times in the last 5 days....that is a new record for us (at least since ds was born). Woohoo!

With that said, I'm not sure how to answer the poll....

Carrin Mama to Sawyer 4/06 and TTC #2 I am a WAHM!
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#8 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 07:36 PM
 
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You left out OTHER, which was what I would have voted.

I am astoundingly lucky! Mother to my beloved child since 01/06/07. Fighting cancer since 09/06/07.
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#9 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 08:44 PM
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I vote that DH initiates but im lying lol as i didnt see an "other" option, as we both initiate and we do it 5 or 6 times a week.
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#10 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 08:55 PM
 
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i said 2-3 and he initiates but i'd say we initiate equally!!

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#11 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 09:01 PM
 
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My option isn't there. We both initiate and its pretty often but I don't feel like "telling the whole world". It was not as often when dd was a toddler though.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#12 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 09:22 PM
 
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I voted 2-3 times a week DP initiates, but thats not true. I initiate as well, (all though not as often) and its usually more than 2-3 times.

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#13 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 09:28 PM
 
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We're usually 2-3 times a month :. I wish it were more, really, I do, but like the OP, I'm exhausted. I initiate a couple times during my fertile period : (even though we're currently TTA), and DH usually initiates at least one other time during the month.

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#14 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 09:52 PM
 
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We're at 2-3x/week and we both initiate, in phases-- the past couple months it's been me initiating but then they're will be months where my partner initiates. We have two kids who generally cosleep but we can put them in their bed or move ourselves to their bed.
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#15 of 35 Old 01-03-2008, 09:56 PM
 
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[QUOTE=hottmama;10179320]We're at 2-3x/week and we both initiate, in phases-- the past couple months it's been me initiating but then they're will be months where my partner initiates. QUOTE]

True of us, too.
I didn't vote.

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#16 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 03:12 AM
 
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I did vote (for initiated by me, 2-3 times a week) but I have no idea who initiates really. It just kind of happens, y'know?

Feeling frustrated now, the man of my dreams is asleep my bed and my 2yo is in his arms instead of me I'm jealous

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#17 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 01:11 PM
 
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I don't think mine is a fair vote either to help you see any sort of norm...but then I'm 31 weeks pregnant..so you know we DTD at some point....It is a vague and distant memory now though.
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#18 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 01:23 PM
 
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I dont have a DH or even a boyfriend right now, but I had to reply. It will be 4 years in May since I've had sex. Seriously...I've got cobwebs!!!
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#19 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 02:05 PM
 
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Our option wasn't there. But I voted for < 1x/month, initiated by me. It's definitely a lot < than that.
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#20 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 02:10 PM
 
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You might find this thread interesting. It's in the Traditional Foods forum, a discussion of child spacing and natural/cultural influences. The sex stuff starts around post #25.

Postpartum doula & certified breastfeeding educator, mama to an amazing girl (11/05) and a wee little boy (3/13).

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#21 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 04:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artgirl View Post
I'm so relieved to see the results of this poll. I'd love to show it to dh so he sees he's not alone.
We have three kids... a 5 yr. old, a 2.5 yr. old and a 4 month old... all who share our bed. I'm exhausted!
I am also relieved to see the results. I have an almost 7 yo and almost 1 yo in our bed, and it is making things extremely difficult! Things were definitely easier to "arrange" when we only had one toddler, and not an older child as well.

It looks like we are well within "normal"...but dh and I would still both like more . I voted that I initiate, although it is mutual (we'll both take whatever we can get). But since I am the one sleeping between 2 children, it takes me getting up and going to dh after they are both asleep (if I am still awake!) for anything to happen.
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#22 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 06:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This has been *really* interesting - I am so glad I started the poll! I am definitely going to show it to DH, too.

Sorry I didn't put an "OTHER" response, and that the responses I did create don't cover everyone. I felt like I had too many as it was, so I tried to keep them as succint as possible. I'm glad that people are posting their replies even if they don't vote, though!

Spughy, going to check that out. Thanks!

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#23 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 06:53 PM
 
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I voted once a week initiated by me as it was the best fit. Really, I'd say lately we average every 3-4 days or so... though we have some stretches of every day and some of every 7-10 days. I pretty much always initiate and pretty much always have. That's a reflection of our personalities. Periodically it bothers me, but not lately.

Usually we do late at night after managing to get my sweet little night nursling settled in bed for awhile. Sometimes she wakes up and interrupts us. Sometimes on weekends/vacations, we use nap time. We always use the guest bed. It's nice to have comfortable space not associated with DD and a closed door. It helps me turn off mommy mode a bit.

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#24 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 10:05 PM
 
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Sometimes he initiates it, sometimes I do. Usually he initiates on weekends and I do on weekdays. He works absolutely grueling hours (0- -40 *and* it's outside) -- he's in construction and is just "too tired" to DTD during the week. I have a higher sex drive. Also, we're totally off on being "in the mood" at the same time...he's always ITM in the morning, and me at night. And I don't like being woken up while I'm sleeping--by anyone.

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#25 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 10:30 PM
 
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I put once a month, initiated by me. It's so pathetic because we're a lot hornier than that. We are currently living with my parents and just do not have the opportunity to get it in. It's initiated by me because I'm the one who figures out when everyone is asleep or out of hearing distance and then I jump him. It would be more if we lived on our own (which will be soon, cross your fingers please). :::sigh:::

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#26 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 10:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Flower of Bliss View Post
Usually we do late at night after managing to get my sweet little night nursling settled in bed for awhile. Sometimes she wakes up and interrupts us. Sometimes on weekends/vacations, we use nap time. We always use the guest bed. It's nice to have comfortable space not associated with DD and a closed door. It helps me turn off mommy mode a bit.
I could have written this post! It's a pretty good system, no? Though I suspect as the wee ones grow, there's less time/room available!
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#27 of 35 Old 01-04-2008, 10:39 PM
 
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How about once every 6 to 8 weeks, initiated by me. He just has no drive.
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#28 of 35 Old 01-05-2008, 02:55 PM
 
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my poor DH he is such an attractive man and he desires me constantly. if it were up to him we would dtd every night, more than once. but its not up to him, therefore hes considered lucky if its once, sometimes twice, a week

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Wife to Thomas (03/05) Mama to Tommy (04/06) & Emma (01/10)
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#29 of 35 Old 01-05-2008, 04:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JustVanessa View Post
I didn't vote, no option for us. 5-7 times a week initiated by dp for the most part. Ds sleeps 7pm to 7am no wakeups.
wow. seriously, that's awesome, both the sex and the babes sleeping habits!

for us, it goes in streaks but i've lost alot of my drive since bfing and dd (17 mos)is showing no signs of weaning. we both used to initiate pretty equally but now sadly, it's mostly him. once we get going though, i have no problem getting into it and having MO's.
i'm counting on my randiness to come back here pretty soon so we can get back to doing it more but right now i'd say about once a week sometimes every other week. yikes. at least i'm being honest!
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#30 of 35 Old 01-05-2008, 05:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hottmama View Post
We're at 2-3x/week and we both initiate, in phases-- the past couple months it's been me initiating but then they're will be months where my partner initiates.
: but insert month for week.
but our dd seems to have her romantic mood radar set on search and destroy.

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