We're not allowed to touch each other - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-07-2008, 11:15 AM - Thread Starter
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DH and I, that is.

Whenever DH and I touch either (I'm not talking casual touches), DD freaks out. If we hug, kiss, cuddle, etc., DD starts crying, and says "no no" over and over again. Yesterday, DH and DD were playing together, DH was tickling DD, and then started tickling me. I laughed, and DD immediately started crying-- real sobs, that took me about 10 minutes to calm down.

What's going on? Does anyone else's child do this? DD is fine if DH or I touch others...DS, the dog, our parents, etc. Just not each other.

Any thoughts?

ETA: DD just turned 2, if that makes a difference.
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Old 01-07-2008, 11:25 AM
 
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Dd1 was like this, and dd2 is now. If my husband and I give each other a hug, it is bound to be broken up by a toddler squeezing in between us and clinging to me...
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Old 01-07-2008, 12:04 PM
 
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I have three kids and my oldest still acts like that. (She's five.) She doesn't have quite as strong a reaction as your dd but it has always been an issue with her when dh and I show affection. When she gets upset we just bring her into the hug/kiss. Obviously we're not making out in front of her so it's just basic affection that's kid and adult friendly. Dh will make kissy noises or growl and turn it into a bear hug and she usually ends up giggling instead of upset.

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Old 01-07-2008, 01:48 PM
 
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DH and I sometimes get into tickling matches, and then DS thinks we're hurting each other and starts freaking out, hitting DH to make him stop (even if he's the one being tickled) So far he hasn't started freaking out at other times, when we're hugging, etc. To get DS to stop thinking we're hurting each other, we try to include him. We pin him down and tickle him too until he giggles, in the hopes that he will eventually realize we're doing the same thing to each other... It seems to work sometimes. he just has a hard time realizing that shrieks with smiles are not the same as shrieks without.
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Old 01-07-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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DS 17 months reacts but not a severly. We usually scoop him up and givehm a sandwich hug being squished between the two of us usually diffuses things
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Old 01-07-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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My 2 year old DD gets really upset, too. She's been known to tell DH to "stop touching my mommy". Especially if we sit together on the couch, which is her place for nursing. She gets really jealous of DH. We try to include her, but often she freaks out and tries to push him away If she's in a better mood we can joke and do family hugs, but other times we just steal quick hugs and kisses when she's not watching.

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Old 01-07-2008, 02:18 PM
 
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This has been a real problem for us for over a year now. DS is nearly 2.5, and he has major fits if DH and I show affection at all. He can't be calmed down until DH and I separate. It makes us angry sometimes, to have our son not "allow" affection between us. DS immediately insists on nursing, or dragging me off somewhere else whenever DH and I touch. It doesn't work to hold DS between us, or to try to make him laugh. It's frustrating b/c there doesn't seem to be any way to get him to stop freaking out.

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Old 01-07-2008, 02:22 PM
 
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dd used to do this, and ds still sort of does. It used to be worse. He would also freak out if dh tickled me, and would run up and hit him, or stand with clenched fists

Due with number 5 in August. We do all that crunchy stuff.
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Old 01-07-2008, 02:25 PM
 
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I think it's a pretty normal sibling prevention behavior. DD started this about a month ago (at 12 months) and it's getting a bit worse. We try to respect her - so we don't do it alot when she's awake. But if we do hug and she sees us - then we include her. We will do 3 way hugs and stuff.

Everyone I've talked to IRL says that it happened to them too.
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Old 01-07-2008, 02:29 PM
 
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DD does this as well, and has been for a while (she turned two at the beginning of Oct.) I try not to give in to it, DH and I do have a right to cuddle, kiss, etc. My DD isn't too dramatic about it, just shouts NO MOMMY DADDY! We do try to do lots of three way family hugs as well, those are so nice.
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Old 01-07-2008, 04:34 PM
 
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I keep wondering if this is going to kick in at some point. Dd is almost 22 mos, and right now, she does the opposite. When she wants to lie down, she goes and gets both me & dh and has us lie down with her. When dh & I hug or kiss, sometimes she'll come over and instead of pushing us apart, she pushes us together to see us kiss or snuggle! And, of course, lots of 3-way kissing and hugging, which I think is so cute.

I do wonder, though, if at some point she'll start to be more territorial about it and not encourage us to touch. I think I'd prefer what she does now, but believe it or not, having your toddler push your dh's head in for kiss is actually not the most romantic thing ever (at least, not the 4 billionth time).
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Old 01-07-2008, 05:39 PM
 
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We've referred to my DD as the "hand police" for over a year now. She's 2.5 yo. It started with her throwing fits if DH and I held hands in the front seat of the car with her in her seat in the center back.

The "NO MY MOMMY!" stuff followed. She was also insanely jealous of any other babies I carried while helping my neighbor out with her daycare kids.

Totally normal as far as I can tell.
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Old 01-07-2008, 11:07 PM - Thread Starter
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I figured it was normal, but thanks for the reassurances. We've tried including her in a group hug, but she doesn't seem interested. She just wants daddy to get away from mama.
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Old 01-07-2008, 11:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kessed View Post
I think it's a pretty normal sibling prevention behavior.
haha, i love this! ds is 15 mos and will stop what he's doing to come separate us anytime we hug. i recently read this is instinctive to prevent another baby like you said here, so it's our little joke that he's just doing his job. so cute though.
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Old 01-07-2008, 11:35 PM
 
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My DD can literally sense a hug or kiss between me and DH from another room and usually shouts, comes running or starts crying! Usually she wedges herself between us and we have a "family hug."
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Old 01-07-2008, 11:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kessed View Post
I think it's a pretty normal sibling prevention behavior.

LOVE this. Didn't work for ds though, check my siggie

Ds was doing something similar about a month ago. When dh would touch me or hug me he would say "No Daddy" but he didn't get too upset or go too far with it. When he did we just told him that Daddy was allowed to hug Mommy. Dh did NOT like the idea of ds telling him what he could and couldn't do with his wife- ha! But we also told him that that Mommy and Daddy still had lots of hugs for him (ds) too and would include him a family hug. He hasn't done or said anything like that in a while.

April thankful mommy to my boys Big Red 3/06 Little Z 9/08 and happily awaiting the arrival of 10/10 :
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Old 01-07-2008, 11:57 PM
 
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Group hugs are a big thing around here. If we hug the girls always want in on it. Everyone goes, "Awwwwwwwww" while we all 4 hug. It's fun

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Old 01-08-2008, 12:39 AM
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lol
loved the sibling prevention thing...

my son gets angry though when my DH says that Im his to DS as a joke becuase he gets mad. He will even pinch!!! He says(my ds) that im his, and then if im holding another baby or telling another baby how cute he/she is, he will totally explode, he loves to pinch and his new victim was a 5 month old baby...
It was so embarassing
not want to stole your thread though...
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Old 01-08-2008, 12:51 AM
 
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Originally Posted by saturnine25 View Post
Dd1 was like this, and dd2 is now. If my husband and I give each other a hug, it is bound to be broken up by a toddler squeezing in between us and clinging to me...

Same thing at our house, only with dd and ds2! Hey, I figure...the kid isn't old enough to truly understand sharing his toys...why in the world would he understand "sharing" his parents?

A happy woman
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Old 01-08-2008, 02:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MommaMoo View Post
This has been a real problem for us for over a year now. DS is nearly 2.5, and he has major fits if DH and I show affection at all. He can't be calmed down until DH and I separate. It makes us angry sometimes, to have our son not "allow" affection between us. DS immediately insists on nursing, or dragging me off somewhere else whenever DH and I touch. It doesn't work to hold DS between us, or to try to make him laugh. It's frustrating b/c there doesn't seem to be any way to get him to stop freaking out.
I hear ya. this is our situation too, except ds is not yet 2. Poor dh misses out on a lot of affection these days.
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Old 01-08-2008, 07:46 AM
 
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DS does this too. Usually DH and I will either pick him up and have a group hug, or we tell DS that Mum and Dad love each other and we like to cuddle each other just like we like to cuddle him. We really only started doing this because sometimes when we were tired etc we really needed those cuddles from each other!

It's complicated.
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Old 01-08-2008, 08:00 AM
 
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This is mine when dh and I touch, "No! No daddy! Go away, daddy!"

Same when dd1 wants a hug.

Totally normal.

Oh, and I would continue touching, explaining why you're doing it. Just don't mock or tease her with it.
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