am i being paranoid? - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 7 Old 01-08-2008, 02:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i'm heading back to work part time and my 17 month old will be going to someone 1 day a week. i like the idea of home day care but i'm a little skeptical since 2 out of the three i've talked to have husbands that are in the home at least part of the day. i have no history of sexual abuse in my family so i don't know why but this makes me nervous.
i think it's even more concerning since she is non verbal. i'd hate to try and find a independent daycare just for the supervision aspect since i'm not a big fan of them for other reasons. can you tell i'm a bit nervous to leave her anywhere?! we're a very attached mama and baby !

has anyone else run into this in their search for daycare and am i being a paranoid first time mom?
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#2 of 7 Old 01-08-2008, 02:23 AM
 
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Having a male around does not bother me. There are wonderful male caregivers in daycares and schools.

I would go on your gut feeling for individual situations. If it doesn't feel *right* by all means, listen to your gut.

-Angela
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#3 of 7 Old 01-08-2008, 06:41 AM
 
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I'm a little weird about this too...although partly because my daughter's father isn't involved and *she's* actually less at ease around males.
There's nothing you can do about the fact that you feel this way, so just make sure that whatever situation it is, you're completely comfortable with it. Make a point of meeting the husbands and seeing if you get a positive vibe from them. My daughter actually does go to a nanny's home where her husband is also there frequently. I was a little freaked at first, but after meeting him I felt completely comfortable.
Maybe another option for you is finding a SAHM(whose husband isn't home during the day) to watch your daughter?
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#4 of 7 Old 01-08-2008, 08:53 AM
 
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Go with your gut, definitely. I don't like the idea of male care providers either. I was never molested or abused in any way, but I still don't trust men in general. The funny thing is, my husband is awesome, and would be a great "nanny" but I still balk at the idea of another man taking care of mine. Go figure. I guess looking at the sex offender map of my area didn't help. The fact is, almost all sexual offenders are male. That obviously doesn't mean that all males are sex offenders (duh!) but since I have no way of knowing which ones are and which ones aren't, it seems better to err on the side of caution when I can.

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#5 of 7 Old 01-08-2008, 09:51 AM
 
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I take care of kids in my house. My dh is not here too often, but there are days here and there when he has off. The summer he is here a lot more, because he is a teacher. I tell people that he is a teacher and has had a background done on him when he started teaching.

If the in home is registered than everyone over 18 HAS to have a background check. If it is not registered than you do have to go with your gut. I am not sure if I would put my child in an in home, registered or not. I worry just as you do. No one else is watching over the caregiver. How do I know what is going on? On the other hand a big daycare center has problems as well. (High turn over, many very young caregivers, many very uneducated caregivers, will my child get lost in all those kids?)

Good Luck!
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#6 of 7 Old 01-08-2008, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i just want to make it clear that i have no problem with male caregivers but i think husband in the house is a completely different story, not much accountability there kwim? i'm definitely not implying that it's bad or that all men are rapists. dd currently spends one afternoon a week with our neighbor who happens to be male and i don't feel weird about it.
i'm meeting with this woman on friday so we'll see what the vibe is. i chatted with her at length yesterday and she's a teacher/waldorf inspired/family bed kind of lady so it feels good from afar. she lives very close to me so it would be convenient as well. we'll see how it goes, i'm a big believer in my gut feeling so i should probably just trust that.
i'm totally not scared by the news, just trying to be smart with my very precious child. we specifically abstain from news and most tv in general for just that reason.
i'm being a bit paranoid because it's a reality and she's a girl and she can't talk yet and i feel like you can't be too safe in day care situations. i've had many, many girlfriends survive sexual abuse and it completely f**cked them up so i just want to be smart about leaving her with strangers (for alot of reasons, not just abuse).
suprisingly, dp thinks the big daycare would be "safer" for the supervision factor but i think we'd be giving up alot to send her to one of those.
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#7 of 7 Old 01-08-2008, 05:20 PM
 
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I have the same issue with males...it is from being sexually abused as a kid...I try to judge men on their own merits and not on the fact that they are men...I know I'll be a basket case though once dd is born... :

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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