Nov. '05 Mamas, Marching into Spring! - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
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#91 of 250 Old 03-11-2008, 06:43 AM
 
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Off topic, but Monique...how ya feeling?
like s**t, quite frankly. between the exploding exercise ball injuries and all of us getting a round of wipe-out energy colds last week, I've pretty much no energy to do anything but let the kids do whatever and lay on the couch to "supervise."
I think I've "dropped" but the change in baby position is ripping apart the upper part of where my abs have separated on previous pregnancies. Searing pain, like someone has a hot iron inside my belly and is poking me with it.
I started having contractions on Sunday. Not heavy, but definitely not brx hicks either. they come and go and are never closer than 12 minutes apart. I'll be 38 wks tomorrow.

Still haven't gotten my birth pool and it's me off!!!




I need suggestions for pregnancy/nursing compatible mood enhancers because I'm falling into that inadequate/overwhelmed/apathetic cycle of emotions that has me a bit worried about PPD. Maybe I'm just tired of being pregnant. I can honestly say i haven't really enjoyed this pg at all. Sigh. I've GOT to get out of the house more than just dropping Willem off at preschool and going to my knitting group on Thursdays. I'm actually thinking ahead, way ahead, and wondering if daycare will be a viable option in the fall so I can focus more attention/energy on our business... it's the SAHM'ing that I can't take full time. It's too reminiscent of the years I spent being homeschooled and all the depression I experienced then.... a complete 'nother issue I don't feel like getting into again.
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#92 of 250 Old 03-11-2008, 05:33 PM
 
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Monique, big . I can't imagine what being injured, pregnant, and dealing with two little ones would be like. As far as PP mood enhancers go, I'd vote for a playgroup - either when Willem's at preschool or one that would take kids his age too. Kids can play, you can hang out with the new one, and talk to other grownups. The better playgroups have snacks, too and coffee

Mamas, I need some advice. Rowan's been having a rough couple of days, not feeling well, and with me being sick before her, and understandably she's developed a bit of a clingy thing. Yesterday I had to look after my neighbour's little girl and Rowan aborted her nap early (like 10 minutes in) because she was too snuffly and couldn't breathe while nursing, so I called in reinforcements - my MIL. She stayed with Rowan and put her down for a proper nap while I took little A. out for a walk to get her to sleep and exercise the poor neglected dog. Rowan cried when I left, but not too too much - I felt bad but not reeeally bad, y'know? I knew there were things she wanted to do with grandma and she'd remember them as soon as I was out the door. Sure enough, she'd stopped crying even before I closed the door and was sound asleep when I came back an hour later.

But this morning... this morning... I took her up to the IL's place as usual, and she had *hysterics* when I tried to leave. Screaming, physically grabbing on to me, kicking at grandma when she tried to lift her away... just awful. I nursed her, hung out for a bit - but in the end I left with her still crying. And I felt terrible. I stressed about it and very nearly went back several times, finally decided that she HAD to have some reason for being so upset with me going, some internal insecurity or something, and my need to get errands done and give the dog a decent run probably didn't outweigh her apparent need for mummy 24/7 and I would have to just tell grandma and grandpa that we'd still come visit lots but I wouldn't leave Rowan there until she was comfortable with it again.

And then... I got home, and there was a message from MIL telling me that she'd stopped crying literally in less than 30 seconds after I left, and she was playing happily. Like a little switch.

I just don't know how to handle this. I KNOW she loves spending time at the ILs - grandpa gets her new library books every week, she has WAY more toys there, she gets undivided attention as much as she wants, she doesn't get dragged out to the grocery store or anything... and she loves her grandma and grandpa and her uncle who lives there too. But is that bonding time with them - which they LOVE, they so enjoy having her there - worth the separation pain? This is completely a recent thing, like in the past two days, and might just be because she's still feeling a bit sick. She's never, ever had problems with me leaving her there before - usually I have to hunt her down to say goodbye. And it's not like I'm leaving her with strangers, she's with family who love her, and she's very attached to them.

I just don't know what to do if it happens again. Stay there til she goes to sleep, then leave? Just take her with me on errands? (I wouldn't get them done, she'd fall asleep in the car, and then probably wake up when I took her inside, crabbifying her for the rest of the day) Not even bother to go to the IL's in the first place? They'd be heartbroken.

To complicate things, my mom is coming to visit for nearly a week, arriving tonight. Although, it might make things easier because I'd have a legitimate excuse to keep Rowan with me for another few days...

Anyone been through something similar? Advice?

Postpartum doula & certified breastfeeding educator, mama to an amazing girl (11/05) and a wee little boy (3/13).

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#93 of 250 Old 03-11-2008, 08:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone been through something similar? Advice?
It's interesting this is coming up for you now. I was just thinking last night that Brynn seems to *finally* be getting over this; her phase lasted for close to two months. It was really bad too - *nobody* was allowed to do anything for or with her except Mama, including Jason. Our evening routine involves him taking over after dinner is finished and going through the whole bedtime routine with her, including bath, snack, brushing teeth, jammies, and reading stories. Well, she just got to a point where she'd get *hysterical* if he tried to do the usual routine, screaming, "Don't take me away from Mommy!" and "Daddy, I'm scared of you!" It was *REALLY* hard. For both of us.

Our strategy (and I'm not even saying this as advice, but just for your information) was to keep things as normal as possible; we stuck to our usual routine and I didn't really intervene unless the situation was dire. We also made an effort to have Jason spend as much time with her as possible during her non-tired times, so they go on dates every weekend while I stay home.

It wasn't just him though; it was my MIL when she came in February (Brynn did not want Grammy to take her away from me either, but she did fine by the end of the week when we stayed at the hotel), and when she stayed with Kavita about six weeks ago, she had a really rough time. Around the same time frame, she was really upset while we went to the movies and left her with really good friends, whom she *loves*.

But then - almost overnight, it seems, she went back to her usual evening routine without any fuss, and last week when I was sick, she slept with Jason in the spare bedroom one night, and then he completely put her to bed in her room another night, and she was *fine* with it. I was amazed. Oh and we went to a movie last weekend, and the same friends babysat, and she was totally happy to see them and didn't even fuss for a second when we left.

So, there ya go.

My guess is that because she's feeling sick, there's just no one as good as Mama! And if you're feeling like you need a legitimate excuse to keep her home for a few days, go ahead and do it! I mean, shoot, your mom is coming down from the North Pole and all.

I hope her phase doesn't last as long as ours did, but I guess I can say it will pass eventually!

Monique, big big Sorry you are so uncomfortable and in a dark place. I hope you see the soon!

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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#94 of 250 Old 03-12-2008, 04:25 AM
 
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Monique, try chocolate. Seriously, a good first place to start. Go read the PPD forum for suggestions on fish oil and whatnot, and make sure you keep cooking from scratch (or better still, Chris keeps cooking from scratch) every night.
The other thing I'll say from bitter experience is that you're near the end of pregnancy- and for me, week 36 is harder than week 38. More contractions, more mood fluctuations. You're transitioning into that "any time now" state, you know that baby is nearly fully grown and you've got all that worry about how you're going to cope with three. Just accept it- that your tiredness and the down feelings are how you are today, but tomorrow can be different. Then go and do something that makes you happy.

Spughy, I think she's just being two. I don't think she's deeply traumatised by being left with grandma, I think that she's moving away from her baby years and into life as a person independent of you and she doesn't like how growing up feels. Don't move the goalposts- don't introduce new changes like a preschool, but don't change the routine either. Keep it constant whilst she's changing.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#95 of 250 Old 03-12-2008, 11:58 AM
 
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You're transitioning into that "any time now" state, you know that baby is nearly fully grown and you've got all that worry about how you're going to cope with three. Just accept it- that your tiredness and the down feelings are how you are today, but tomorrow can be different. Then go and do something that makes you happy.
: I really needed to hear that. I am way too harsh with myself. And then I get so overwhelmed with my self criticism that I just give up. I need to learn to let go and just let be. Thanks. Big hugs to you too! I know I haven't said much about your situation in way of encouragement but it's mostly because it seems like you are living through what I'm afraid is about to happen here. So I don't have much to say about it.
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#96 of 250 Old 03-12-2008, 12:42 PM
 
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Spughy, we have been through times of screaming separation (though only until I'm out of earshot) and times of easy peasy separation from me. Could you make a deal that your parents will call you if she stays upset beyond a specific amount of time? Also a talk with Rowan when she's not upset might be insightful- just the usual reminders that you will come back, that you know that she's sad to have you leave but that you know she has fun with her grandparents. Some kids with cry with separations out of the confusion of missing their parents yet enjoying themselves separately at the same time. Or they think that being upset will reassure you of their love. Cause they're little and stuff like that makes sense. (Neela sometimes shows me how she is "mean" to her friends and teachers at daycare by refusing to greet them and saying "no hi's!" when we arrive. In her two year old reasoning it shows her fidelity to me as her number one friend.)

Monique, big hugs. And Helen, thanks for being here and having sage advice.

I'm being called away to join a wild rumpus. We've read where the wild things are too many times to count this week, and are now singing twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder where the wild things are...

"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
Madly in love with my 7 and 4 year old daughters

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#97 of 250 Old 03-12-2008, 01:42 PM
 
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Monique, things are getting better here. The babies are back out of the toybox and getting breastfed and whatnot, the screaming is stopping and generally, everyone is getting along and my serene yet chaotic home is that way once more. I even cleaned and that doesn't happen often round here.

So yes. This too will pass, and then the next bit will pass too. And then the bit after, and we'll be ninety and stressing out about all the living we missed out on whilst breathing deeply muttering "this too will pass." "this too will pass."

Alternatively, of course, you could have the Rocky Horror Show running in continual loop in the back of your head. I don't know why, but the Sword of Damocles is stuck between my ears and it makes me laugh whenever things get really bad.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#98 of 250 Old 03-12-2008, 02:13 PM
 
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I had to get up super early for an appointment at the vet and now of course everyone is awake except Jim. I got 4 1/2 broken hours of sleep and I am cranky. The good news is my poor cat will be spayed and I will no longer have the desire to strangle her because she won't be howling all night long.
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#99 of 250 Old 03-12-2008, 03:50 PM
 
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Big hugs to everyone!

Monique, an extra big one for you, to make it through this place. I can't offer more wise advice than our dear Helen, so I'll just keep it at a simple hug, and know that lots of good vibes are coming your way. Keep us posted, and I hope you are feeling yourself and happy again soon.

Helen, thanks for always having such wise words, and I am so glad to hear that things are peaceful (and clean!) at your house again. And I imagine the sweet smell of baking bread, too. I want to start into that. I have been loving this TF thing, and want to try my hand at sourdough. I'm about to roll out some cream cheese pastry (rugelah), and it's oh so fun.

Spughy, everyone else, again, has good advice, and I have a hug for ya. Finley did that a lot when he was younger, but has been okay with us leaving now for several months. I imagine it's coming from any or all of those places: growing up and mixed feelings, or being sick, or showing you she loves you. And I think a talk is a great idea, too, to perhaps clarify what is going on. Either way, I hope the separation anxiety passes soon. And I hope your garden is growing beautifully!

Amy, so glad things are easy with Brynn again. How amazing that she is going to sleep with Jason with no problems. How is weaning going?

DiD, I'm sorry you had such a hard night, and hope you make it through the day okay.

Finley has been nursing a lot less lately, which I am fine with, though do have pangs of sentimental passing, and then remember how great it is. And then he has a day where he nurses quite a bit, like yesterday, I think mostly because we were with friends who also nurse, a baby and a toddler, so he sees it and is "inspired" or reminded. But the days before that, he went all day with nursing either just once or not at all, and then, of course, needing it desperately at bedtime. And then he does still nurse in the early morning, draped over me, while I'm on my back, and a bit uncomfortable...but if the nursing is going down this much, I feel like I can handle the early morning bits better. And then it looks like just once in the day, before bed, and early morning. I can do that!

DH has Finley out right now at the train place, while I am doing some baking and cleaning and housework stuff, which I can do with Finley around, but it's that much easier and quicker without him. And here I am posting on MDC, cause I can actually do more than just read along!

Off to be a domestic goddess, and then tackle some show business work before the guys get home!

Wishing everyone a beautiful, peaceful day!
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#100 of 250 Old 03-12-2008, 06:19 PM
 
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It wasn't just him though; it was my MIL when she came in February (Brynn did not want Grammy to take her away from me either, but she did fine by the end of the week when we stayed at the hotel), and when she stayed with Kavita about six weeks ago, she had a really rough time. Around the same time frame, she was really upset while we went to the movies and left her with really good friends, whom she *loves*.
Heh heh, I can attest to that! (Although I think she was partly so cranky that day because it was for all intents and purposes nap time!) Ella tends to narrate a lot about various things that have happened in the past, and every so often she'll bust out with, "Brynn crying, because mommy go get haircut. She's sad. Don't worry, Brynn! Mommy back soon! Mommy come back and get you!"

Ella has been super duper clingy the last few days too, but I think it's partly due to the fact that she's been slightly sick, and our routine/schedule has been kind of off what with our one babysitter quitting and then me going to the dentist twice last week and her being with different babysitters at weird times, and then our gym/playroom routine getting off due to that as well. I think sometimes they just go through that when they are under the weather. I honestly think the time change and the change in weather are really affecting us over here too--naps and bedtime and waking up all "feel" different due to the different light, and it's actually kind of getting me a little whacked out too. I wouldn't worry *too* much about it, I would suspect that Rowan is just going through a little phase and she'll probably get out of it soon enough--maybe just the fact that you were taking care of another baby and gave her to MIL unexpectedly sort of upset her too? Maybe she is sort a little jealous/unsettled by that? (Probably not the right words but that's the best I can come up with at the moment.)
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#101 of 250 Old 03-12-2008, 06:33 PM
 
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I need suggestions for pregnancy/nursing compatible mood enhancers because I'm falling into that inadequate/overwhelmed/apathetic cycle of emotions that has me a bit worried about PPD. Maybe I'm just tired of being pregnant. I can honestly say i haven't really enjoyed this pg at all. Sigh. I've GOT to get out of the house more than just dropping Willem off at preschool and going to my knitting group on Thursdays. I'm actually thinking ahead, way ahead, and wondering if daycare will be a viable option in the fall so I can focus more attention/energy on our business... it's the SAHM'ing that I can't take full time. It's too reminiscent of the years I spent being homeschooled and all the depression I experienced then.... a complete 'nother issue I don't feel like getting into again.
Also chiming in to say that besides b-vitamins and fish oil and getting whatever sun you can and just having your baby and not being pregnant anymore, (and seconding what Helen said) I'd keep in mind that this is just the perfect time of year for feeling depressed and annoyed and impatient in this general climate zone--I'm feeling a little bummed too in similar ways and I'm not even hugely miserably pregnant!! All the good stuff about winter is getting to be pretty much over but it's still not quite early enough to get excited about spring and start doing spring things yet, and it just feels like winter is never going to end. It's sort of a weird in-between stage. (Last week we had 10 inches of snow, today it's like 68 degrees here.) I think that approaching the stage of "let's just get this pregnancy thing over with" is probably hard too when coupled with the "aaarrrgh let's get this winter thing over with" and yet you still have a little way to go (with both pregnancy and sprint!) so the anticipation of the baby and the desperation to get it out haven't completely overcome the concern and anxiety about how you're going to manage with three, those normal worries about the birth and the baby and your self, and the adjustment to a new season of your life as a family!!
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#102 of 250 Old 03-12-2008, 07:02 PM
 
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Finley has been nursing a lot less lately, which I am fine with, though do have pangs of sentimental passing, and then remember how great it is. And then he has a day where he nurses quite a bit, like yesterday, I think mostly because we were with friends who also nurse, a baby and a toddler, so he sees it and is "inspired" or reminded. But the days before that, he went all day with nursing either just once or not at all, and then, of course, needing it desperately at bedtime. And then he does still nurse in the early morning, draped over me, while I'm on my back, and a bit uncomfortable...but if the nursing is going down this much, I feel like I can handle the early morning bits better. And then it looks like just once in the day, before bed, and early morning. I can do that!
It's so funny how they go back and forth with nursing, isn't it?

Ella is in a phase of nursing a lot lately, and it's driving me a little batty. I think it's because we've been home a lot more this past week and she's been bored, and also gets irritated if I want to read or be on the computer or do anything but give her my undivided attention. So she has been kind of pushy lately with nursing and just in general--grabbing onto my legs, tackling me in the kitchen, jumping on my back for a piggyback ride, crawling all over me in bed, etc. I have this weird "milestone" thing with feeling like I *have* to keep nursing her until we get back from India. After that, I don't care if she stops, although I suspect that she won't stop anytime soon. it's hilarious though, she is quite fond of m&ms and we had a big discussion the other day over whether she preferred "num nums" or chocolate. And she declared that chocolate was better. I was sort of teasing her about that, that I couldn't believe that she like chocolate better and maybe I should just give her M&M's instead of nursing her, and so she got a little more reflective when she realized that her future as a nursing toddler might hinge on her answer so when I asked her what she liked better, she thought for a moment and then ingeniously declared that "chocolate num-nums" were the best!! She's so funny!

Her imagination is in full bloom these days--DH bought her a set of Duplo blocks and the box they come in is green--the other day she got on her hands and knees and was crawling around and put the box over her back and butt and declared that she was a turtle! It was so funny, because she really did look like a turtle too!! I have a digital timer that she really likes playing with--there is an LCD display with the numbers and the buttons beep when you push them, etc. Quite often it's a phone, but last week she was playing with a pile of blocks on the bed and started using the timer to "scan" items, like she was a grocery store cashier--she would take a block from the pile on the right, hold it and "scan" it by passing it over the block and pushing the button to make it beep, declare "rice" and then put it in a pile on her left side, then scan the next item, "beans", same routine, "tomatoes", etc. It was hilarious.
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#103 of 250 Old 03-12-2008, 09:35 PM
 
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Well, I rewrote my master list of things that still need to be done/bought etc today and tomorrow I am going to divide it up into more manageable chunks. I scrubbed the bathroom, swept all the floors, did a bunch of laundry, actually cooked dinner, AND went to a local mamas group meeting tonight.
I'm still grouchy but feeling better.
I saw babies at the meeting and for some reason I just can't believe I'm about to have another baby... and go through all that it entails. I know I'll be fine, I just don't feel like I did the past two times. It's a weird feeling, almost like I'm in some sort of denial. I am too familiar with the "freedom" of having kids that can use the potty on their own, can feed themselves at the table, can more or less entertain themselves (albeit for short periods of time) etc.

I am going to have a BABY that is going to be completely dependent on ME. : Why is that such a bizarre thought? I must be losing it

Taking fish oil ( I really should be taking cod liver oil though) and all my vitamins already and I plan on continuing after baby is born... I think you are right, Kavita, about the season. I've always been down in the dumps in these last months of winter, even when I was a kid.

Anyway.

Paypal refunded my money and I got my birth pool ordered. It should be here in 4 days. Then baby can come
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#104 of 250 Old 03-12-2008, 10:31 PM
 
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I've found more and more the last few years (especially since Ellie was born) that my mood is tied very closely to how much sunlight I get. I've been going through some major anxiety stuff lately (had my first panic attack the other night) and I'm just miserable. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't be un-busy for one second or else obsessive, worrying thoughts overwhelm me. I'm having to take OTC sleep aids to fall asleep at night... Anyone have any advice on how to deal with anxiety? I've decided if things don't start getting better in the next 1-2 weeks I'm going to go see my nurse practitioner to talk about some kind of medication. I'm just having trouble functioning without being able to eat or sleep regularly. This is how my eating disorder in college started, too, major anxiety that stopped me from eating, I got tons of compliments on my thinner physique, and the cycle just got more intense.

Sorry to be such a downer. I've thought about St. John's Wort, I took that in college and it seemed to help. But, it decreases the effectiveness of hormonal birth control and I'm on the Ring and definitely don't want to risk pregnancy. I take Fish Oil and a super-B-complex and calcium and kelp and a pre-natal... anything else I'm missing? Oh, and I take melatonin the nights I don't resort to a sleep aid.

Oh! Ellie has been clingy lately, her latest thing is to yell, "I want you, Mommy!" even when I'm standing right there, sometimes even when I'm holding her. I know she's really saying, "I want your full attention, Mommy!" but the constant repeating "I want you, Mommy!" when I'm freaking right there is super frustrating.

But, in nice news, Killian is doing wonderfully at preschool and his teacher just moved him up to the pre-K curriculum because he'd already mastered everything in the preschool curriculum. So, even with all the struggles I've had with him this year it seems I haven't totally screwed him up!!

Mama to DS (05/04) and DD (11/05), married to a wonderful DH.
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#105 of 250 Old 03-13-2008, 12:29 AM
 
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I've found more and more the last few years (especially since Ellie was born) that my mood is tied very closely to how much sunlight I get. I've been going through some major anxiety stuff lately (had my first panic attack the other night) and I'm just miserable. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't be un-busy for one second or else obsessive, worrying thoughts overwhelm me. I'm having to take OTC sleep aids to fall asleep at night... Anyone have any advice on how to deal with anxiety? I've decided if things don't start getting better in the next 1-2 weeks I'm going to go see my nurse practitioner to talk about some kind of medication. I'm just having trouble functioning without being able to eat or sleep regularly. This is how my eating disorder in college started, too, major anxiety that stopped me from eating, I got tons of compliments on my thinner physique, and the cycle just got more intense.

Sorry to be such a downer. I've thought about St. John's Wort, I took that in college and it seemed to help. But, it decreases the effectiveness of hormonal birth control and I'm on the Ring and definitely don't want to risk pregnancy. I take Fish Oil and a super-B-complex and calcium and kelp and a pre-natal... anything else I'm missing? Oh, and I take melatonin the nights I don't resort to a sleep aid.
My first thought intuitively when reading this was, "fish oil, b complex, calcium, good . . . aaack, stop taking kelp!!!" Then it made me wonder why you are taking kelp to begin with and if you have a preexisting thyroid issue. Anxiety, panic disorders, worry, insomnia, are all symptoms of hyperthyroid. And didn't you have a sort of weird heart palpitation/chest pain thing a while ago while exercising? That can be a hyperthyroid symptom as well. I'd stop taking the kelp and see if that helps matters somewhat, and bring this up with your NP and see if she can test your thyroid levels. (T3 and T4 and not just TSH . . . I'd have to look up the exact tests but a lot of times they just do TSH, and TSH doesn't give you the whole picture.)

The second thing I would consider is if there is some underlying emotional issue, particularly one which you might be suppressing. I think therapy can be very helpful for that and for helping to deal with anxiety if you find the right therapist. And I'm not trying to snidely or cleverly insinuate anything, I have no idea what--if anything--might be bothering you. I am basing that on my own personal experience of a point in time when I started experiencing serious anxiety to the point of some anxiety attack type symptoms--I was sort of suppressing some things and therapy really helped me work through that.

Hugs, hope it gets better for you soon!!
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#106 of 250 Old 03-13-2008, 12:55 AM
 
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I'm taking kelp because there was a big study a few years ago about contaminants in breastmilk and how part of the problem was a lack of iodine in mother's diets and therefore toxins weren't being filtered out of the body as well as they could be. At the time, I lived in the midwest where there was no good seafood to be had and use sea salt and/or kosher salt, so I thought it was possible I wasn't getting enough iodine. So... that's why. My exercise issue was that I had numbness in my right arm while running (but working on my form while doing crunches seems to have helped that). I had my thyroid tested after Ellie was born and it was normal, and my midwife was pretty dismissive of the idea that I might have an out-of-whack thyroid because both times I wanted to get pregnant I was successful within about 20 days - seriously. She said if I was having thyroid issues I wouldn't have been able to get pregnant so easily. So, I'd just dismissed my thyroid concerns. I'll try stopping the kelp and see if that helps - thanks for the suggestion.

Mama to DS (05/04) and DD (11/05), married to a wonderful DH.
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#107 of 250 Old 03-13-2008, 01:08 AM
 
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Oh, and not to ignore the therapy suggestion... but I really can't think of any major emotional trauma I've ever had. I've had a ridiculously easy life, overall. My home life was wonderful growing up, my parents have been happily married for almost 30 years, I never had any relative die until I was in college, I went to college on a full scholarship, married my high school sweetheart, got pregnant exactly when I wanted to, etc. I've always struggled with being a perfectionist, and always dealt with anxiety to some extent. (My family still teases me about the total breakdown I had on kindergarten orientation day when I was told to pick my coat hook for the year and I freaked out and couldn't handle the pressure. I was convinced that choice would make or break the year. We all breathed a sigh of relief when Killian happily picked his coat hook in about two seconds at preschool orientation!) So, I guess I've never thought about therapy because what would I say? I get anxious and expect a lot of myself, and that's prettymuch the extent of my problems. (Not to sound too flippant, I'm trying to be a bit funny to lighten the mood.)

I'm actually feeling a little better just admitting that I'm struggling with this stuff. I also talked to a friend about it tonight, and talked to DH about it, and overall I'm feeling like maybe its okay that I can't handle everything 100% of the time, and that "this, too, shall pass."

Mama to DS (05/04) and DD (11/05), married to a wonderful DH.
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#108 of 250 Old 03-13-2008, 01:11 AM
 
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I've found more and more the last few years (especially since Ellie was born) that my mood is tied very closely to how much sunlight I get. I've been going through some major anxiety stuff lately (had my first panic attack the other night) and I'm just miserable. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't be un-busy for one second or else obsessive, worrying thoughts overwhelm me. I'm having to take OTC sleep aids to fall asleep at night... Anyone have any advice on how to deal with anxiety? I've decided if things don't start getting better in the next 1-2 weeks I'm going to go see my nurse practitioner to talk about some kind of medication. I'm just having trouble functioning without being able to eat or sleep regularly. This is how my eating disorder in college started, too, major anxiety that stopped me from eating, I got tons of compliments on my thinner physique, and the cycle just got more intense.

Sorry to be such a downer. I've thought about St. John's Wort, I took that in college and it seemed to help. But, it decreases the effectiveness of hormonal birth control and I'm on the Ring and definitely don't want to risk pregnancy. I take Fish Oil and a super-B-complex and calcium and kelp and a pre-natal... anything else I'm missing? Oh, and I take melatonin the nights I don't resort to a sleep aid.
My first thought was St John's Wort
Have you tried Rescue Remedy? I have friends that swear by it, but I have not tried it. My partner has major panic attacks so I know from witnessing them how horrible they are. I'm sorry you are experiencing this

Helen - I'm so glad to hear that things are getting better with your littles!

Mommy to a wonderfully passionate little one
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#109 of 250 Old 03-13-2008, 05:01 AM
 
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Queen of Cups, I'd start with Rescue Remedy for the panic attacks and look at one of the other flower remedies to treat the underlying cause. I've got the school run to do now, but I'll have a quick flick through my books and see what I can come up with. Do you think it's your mind struggling to deal with the transition back to being an independent person as Elly grows and is less dependent though- you know, the whole "so what do I do NOW?" thing. I had it badly when Isaac hit nearly-3, especially when he started preschool. Ihave to say, having had the perfect life myself, it is unbelievably stressful not to have a reason to feel emotionally down sometimes. That's probably why I went so far off the rails with drink and drugs and dangerous men and ended up going cold turkey on everything at 17. Seriously. Parents : you up no matter what they do, it's the law. And in 30 years time, Elly and Skye will probably meet on an online parenting board and be complaining about us- hey, how cool will that be?

I'd also strongly suggest cognitive behavioural therapy- it helped Steve a lot last time round the whole anxiety treadmill.

Oh, and I'm going to kill him. Really. I'm just fed up of feeling like decorative wall art.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#110 of 250 Old 03-13-2008, 08:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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QoC, sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I want to come over to your house and make you a cup of tea and hug you.

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My family still teases me about the total breakdown I had on kindergarten orientation day when I was told to pick my coat hook for the year and I freaked out and couldn't handle the pressure. I was convinced that choice would make or break the year....I get anxious and expect a lot of myself, and that's pretty much the extent of my problems. (Not to sound too flippant, I'm trying to be a bit funny to lighten the mood.)
That story and passage made me think about being highly sensitive. Have you read the book The Highly Sensitive Person? I know we've talked about highly sensitive children, but I believe this author's studies began with adults. I think perfectionism and the resultant anxiety of being so hard on yourself are (or, can be) key traits of highly sensitive people.

Not to harp on the therapy thing, but I also think that your admitted perfectionism and your history of eating disorder are both *major* signs of needing to have control in your life (and by inference, the lack of control at at some earlier point). So like Kavita said, I'm not assuming anything, but maybe that's an area to ponder. I am a major perfectionist, sometimes to the point of neurosis, but I know exactly where mine came from. (Sigh)

I hope it turns out to be something simple like the kelp, though! Good luck with finding a solution, and keep us updated please.

Ever-evolving mama to my beautiful Brynn, and my little dimple-face Noah .
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#111 of 250 Old 03-13-2008, 01:14 PM
 
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Queen of Cups, I'd start with Rescue Remedy for the panic attacks and look at one of the other flower remedies to treat the underlying cause.
Definitely!
I had severe panic attacks for about 18 months after I broke up with my ex who stalked me and dh. Really really bad episodes. I didn't even want to go to school because I was afraid he was going to show up and shoot my dh and I (we were still just dating at the time).
The only thing that really helped was the bach flower remedies. There's one specific for unknown fears. I think it's mimulus or something like that. I also took sweet chestnut, olive, pine, hornbeam, and a few others. Within a week of taking them I was feeling so much better. I didn't even go to a practioner or anything, I just did the self questionaire and dosed myself up. Powerful stuff.


hope you can find something to help
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#112 of 250 Old 03-13-2008, 05:16 PM
 
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QofC, not to turn this into a analysis/diagnosis thread for you, but I was coming here to suggest flower remedies, too. The other thing that may help with depression/anxiety/sleep issues in the winter time is one of those lights that people use for SAD- I have a couple of family members who struggled with seasonal depression until they got one. It helps keep your circadian rhythm more in tune and triggers proper melatonin release for sleep times if you get enough light exposure during the daytime, and the light is a sub for the sun in gloomy winter weather (or northern latitudes).

Flapjack ~ Big hugs. At least you're decorative

I just traded a few shifts at work for next week, and we're going to California if all goes well. San Francisco, Sequoia park and Yosemite. We had the realization that we weren't going to be living in the US very much longer, and had not been beyond Oregon and Washington. So it's family road trip time!

"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
Madly in love with my 7 and 4 year old daughters

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#113 of 250 Old 03-13-2008, 05:54 PM
 
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Ya'll convinced me - I got some Bach Rescue Remedy today! And, got rid of my kelp supplement. And spent several hours outdoors. And sold off some maternity/baby stuff, which felt good. Both the extra cash and the extra space feel good, actually!

Thank you all so much for your support, I can't explain how much it means to me.

Mama to DS (05/04) and DD (11/05), married to a wonderful DH.
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#114 of 250 Old 03-13-2008, 08:27 PM
 
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Oh, and not to ignore the therapy suggestion... but I really can't think of any major emotional trauma I've ever had. I've had a ridiculously easy life, overall. My home life was wonderful growing up, my parents have been happily married for almost 30 years, I never had any relative die until I was in college, I went to college on a full scholarship, married my high school sweetheart, got pregnant exactly when I wanted to, etc. I've always struggled with being a perfectionist, and always dealt with anxiety to some extent. (My family still teases me about the total breakdown I had on kindergarten orientation day when I was told to pick my coat hook for the year and I freaked out and couldn't handle the pressure. I was convinced that choice would make or break the year. We all breathed a sigh of relief when Killian happily picked his coat hook in about two seconds at preschool orientation!) So, I guess I've never thought about therapy because what would I say? I get anxious and expect a lot of myself, and that's prettymuch the extent of my problems. (Not to sound too flippant, I'm trying to be a bit funny to lighten the mood.)

I'm actually feeling a little better just admitting that I'm struggling with this stuff. I also talked to a friend about it tonight, and talked to DH about it, and overall I'm feeling like maybe its okay that I can't handle everything 100% of the time, and that "this, too, shall pass."

When I am talking about suppressed issues it's not that I'm thinking that there is some horrible forgotten traumatic deep dark incident in your past that you need to dredge up, or anything like that. I guess what I am sort of thinking (based, again, on my own personal experience, take what you will and ignore the rest) is that sometimes you get to a junction in your life where you *have* everything you've always wanted. And you have a history of getting what you want. But sometimes you get to a point in life when you sort of hit the "end of the line" of the things that you have imagined for yourself, ie, you *have* the degree, the husband, the kids, the house, the body, etc., that you have always wanted. "So if I have the perfect life, why doesn't I feel so great right now?" and also, "So now that I have achieved this, what do I do now? Where do I go from here?" (And I'm also a super-intense perfectionist and very hard on myself, and can be extremely goal oriented.) For me, that point where things were going exactly according to plan and the things I'd been doing were coming to fruition was when the anxiety set in. Therapy was very helpful in dealing with that, and it turned out that for me there were some things that were sort of lurking below the surface that I had trouble really admitting because really acknowledging them would mean changing some aspects of my life, which was actually going very well according to plan! It's actually easier in many ways to work for your own happiness and/or change your life when there is an obvious problem, than it is to change things when your life is "perfect".
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#115 of 250 Old 03-14-2008, 03:31 AM
 
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OT, but does anyone else think that 2008 is turning out to be a total doozy of a year?

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#116 of 250 Old 03-14-2008, 08:11 AM
 
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In what respect, Helen?
Obviously for me, I don't think my perspective has much perspective at all. I mean, a quarter of the year is almost over and I've spent all of it (or about 99.9% of it) wishing it would go by faster.
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#117 of 250 Old 03-14-2008, 09:16 AM
 
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I mean, so much bad stuff all around. I have the baby that I spent so many months yearning so hard for- am I happy? No, because so much bad stuff is happening it feels like karmic retribution for killing puppies in a former life- and my other DDC seems to be the same way. Just- blah. No. It just seems to be a bit of an annus horribilis already.
BTW, I still feel cheated for missing out on two weeks of prodromal labour Stop wishing your life away...

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#118 of 250 Old 03-14-2008, 12:44 PM
 
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I just traded a few shifts at work for next week, and we're going to California if all goes well. San Francisco, Sequoia park and Yosemite. We had the realization that we weren't going to be living in the US very much longer, and had not been beyond Oregon and Washington. So it's family road trip time!
Ooh, I love Sequoia & Yosemite! Actually, I haven't been in more than 10 years now so I'm sure there are lots of things that have changed from what I would remember. . . enjoy your trip!

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Ya'll convinced me - I got some Bach Rescue Remedy today! And, got rid of my kelp supplement. And spent several hours outdoors. And sold off some maternity/baby stuff, which felt good. Both the extra cash and the extra space feel good, actually!
I hope something in there helps!

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OT, but does anyone else think that 2008 is turning out to be a total doozy of a year?
Yes. Can it just be over already? Please? (So much for your suggestion of not wishing your life away)

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I mean, so much bad stuff all around. I have the baby that I spent so many months yearning so hard for- am I happy?
Well I am definitely NOT an expert on any of this but I would think that it would be a HUGE adjustment to have another babe at this point (no matter how wanted and planned he was/is). I'd also imagine that a partner could be having a hard time about now with that transition of adding another. Add to that living with your FIL, young siblings having problems with a new little, and well, it just sounds really hard to me. And umm, have you considered that it could be PPD? I hate to be a downer here, sorry.

Mommy to a wonderfully passionate little one
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#119 of 250 Old 03-14-2008, 04:26 PM
 
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I don't feel more bad stuff has been happening than usual. It comes in spurts here and there but the victories seem to outweigh the dredges for now. My life seems in a bit of a glitch. Stuck at home with kids that I can't handle, and no financial resources to do anything outside of the home. Finances are frustrating in that we are mostly covering our expenses but still not getting ahead. We've only been in business for ourselves for 11 months so we're doing well, all things considered (esp. that I've been pregnant for the majority of that time!!!).
I am trying to gain perspective on the whys and the where it's all headed and trying to keep my head up. Affirmations help. Prayer helps. Knowing that I don't need to be in control of every little detail helps. My faith helps. Goal setting helps. Keeping in communication with my dh helps.

I feel very, very alone most of the time. I long for family and community but know that I will never have that in my life unless I create it myself (my IL's and my own parents do not support us emotionally like I feel they could and should and would like, church people aren't the type I really connect with on most levels, neighborhood moms are suburbanite yuppies etc etc). It feels like a huge chunk of my well being is missing and I try to make up for it on my own. If I really start letting myself dwell on all that I would be a very very depressed person. If I let my past (no matter how much therapy I've had about it) come back up and start thinking about it all, I literally would not be able to handle life. That's me in a nutshell.
2008 has been very exhausting so far. I'm looking forward to better weather!
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#120 of 250 Old 03-14-2008, 06:49 PM
 
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My annus terribilus was fall 06 to fall 07, I think. So far 2008 is kicking ass on all of that stressful time.

I could use some sunshine, though. It's a monsoon outside, and I have nothing planned for the afternoon besides a trike ride to buy vegetables.

"Guess what? It's a magical world. And when I sing, my songs are in it."
Madly in love with my 7 and 4 year old daughters

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