Rejected in favor of Daddy - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 04-01-2008, 09:17 PM - Thread Starter
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I am at a loss and would love some advice and insight. My dd will be 3 in June. She has always been very bonded with her father, especially since the birth of her brother a year ago. For the past few months she seems to hate me when her dad is around. We have no problems when he is not home, but the minute he gets back she gets mad when I try and do things for her, talk to her, even look at her. When I try to say goodnight she screams "No Mommy!". When I try to brush her teeth and get her jams on she screams "I want Daddy". It's beginning to wear on my mommy ego. Actually it really, really hurts my feelings and makes me so sad. DP was out of town for all of last week, and although it was a lot of extra work for me I loved having dd all to myself. She was wonderful, warm, cuddly and I was able to comfort her when things got tough. She wanted me to snuggle her in bed (which she never lets me do) and although she missed her dad, she stopped trying to push me away all the time. I had high hopes that it would stay this way, but as soon as he got home, it was back to the same old routine.

My dp and I have been trying for weeks to figure out what the problem is. I tell her that it's OK for her to prefer daddy but I would still like her to talk nicely to me. I've even told her it's OK for her to be mad at me, but that screaming at me is not alright. I wonder if she has trouble being parented by both of us at the same time. It seems like she can only deal with one parent at a time, and when DP is home, he's the preferred choice - I can understand her choice, seeing as she gets me the other ten hours a day.

He normally puts her to bed at night and is the primary parent throughout the night as I'm nursing the little one. I think that a lot of her preference has to do with the fact that he's been the one looking after her in the evenings for so long. I would like to change our bedtime routine so that we all read stories together and then dp and I take turns laying down with her till she falls asleep, but she doesn't seem interested in a change. Should I just suck it up and let her choose daddy for everything, or should we try and change things? I don't even know. I know that this is mostly about me, as she has found the best way she knows to get her needs met. I'm sure in her mind it's better to be number one with daddy than (as she may see it) number two to mommy. I just wish she wasn't so angry with me when dp's around.

Diane, SAHM to DD (June 05) and DS (April 07).
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#2 of 3 Old 04-01-2008, 10:24 PM
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This is completely normal. Children change who they want to help them with what regualarly. Next month, watch out, you may have to do everything and you will be wishing for "daddy do it".
I kinda know how you feel though. I am ds's custodial parent and he is with me at least 5 days a week. When I pick him up from dad's he screams for daddy all the way home....he is never happy to see me. It breaks my mommy heart.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#3 of 3 Old 04-02-2008, 12:28 AM
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My DD just turned 3 and is doing this also. I think it is a normal stage of them starting to try and gain independence, but not really ready to be REALLY independent. So she's distancing herself a bit from me (previously a mammas girl) but clinging a bit to Daddy. Don't take it personally!
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