Full on Tantrum after class - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 05-02-2008, 03:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi - I'm new here and am looking for some advice or atleast some commiseration.
My DD is almost 3. She is very spirited. We go to music class every week with both DD and DS (18 months). DS is the opposite of my DD - laid back.
After class the teachers bring a snack. DD usually goes and gets something for herself and for her brother only today she took 6-7 things and then went to sit down. I told her that she should only take one thing and to leave some for the other kids. She flew into a rage. She threw the crackers all over the room. I said. "it is time to go". I started picking up the crackers. She must have thought I had one in my mouth because she threw herself at my face and started scratching and screaming for crackers. I brought her to the coat room and started getting her dressed. Meanwhile DS was heading for the door and throwing his shoes around. DD started yelling, "I want more crackers!" She then threw herself on the ground and started flailing. Now - I usually carry DS to the car because he is a wanderer and DD is not but today I didn't know what to do because DD wouldn't budge from the floor. I scooped up DS who was throwing his shoes and coat all over the room and tried to get DD but she was not going to get up. We finally went outside and by this time I was exhausted from lifting both kids along with the diaper bag and I was trying to hold back tears. DD decided to lie in the middle of the parking lot after wrangling herself out of my arms. I picked her up and brought her to the car and she returned to the pavement as I strapped DS into the car seat. As soon as I got DD into her seat she continued to voice her displeasure at not having crackers all of the way home.
I had to pull over because I started to cry.
Can anyone relate to dealing with tantrums with 2 little ones to watch over? I should have asked for some help but the only thing I could think about was getting them to the car.
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#2 of 10 Old 05-02-2008, 11:22 PM
 
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Wow that sounds horrible, I am sorry. I would bring a stroller to class for the next few weeks so you can strap one of them in and carry the other.

Mom to Morgan 4-3-06 and announcing Baby Kelsey 4-11-10
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#3 of 10 Old 05-05-2008, 01:41 AM
 
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I am bumping this for you because you need more replies. That does sound awful. Why were the teachers not supportive?
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#4 of 10 Old 05-05-2008, 02:54 AM
 
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Wow! , and more for you. I have not had to deal with this with my little one yet (1 yr old) but I feel for you.

Hopefully another wise mama will have some advice for you soon....

Rebekah , single working mom to Micah (04.12.2007)
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#5 of 10 Old 05-05-2008, 11:09 AM
 
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im sorry nobody offered to help you, it sounds like you did a great job keeping your calm.. these moments have been my very embarrassing moments where I freaked out bc I was embarrassed and end up being very harsh with my kids.

I used to teach a play class and used to help moms of 2 get one of their kids dressed and ready to go. I would ask the teacher to give you a hand next time. maybe she was afraid that it would be insulting?? I dunno.....
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#6 of 10 Old 05-05-2008, 02:34 PM
 
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Wow that sounds horrible, I am sorry. I would bring a stroller to class for the next few weeks so you can strap one of them in and carry the other.
I agree and have done this.

If you can't have a stroller, I first put everyone in the car, not in their seats just in the car, and shut the doors so no one can get loose (in the back seat . . . or if one is not tantruming, I'll let them sit in the front for a bit). Then I breathe for three seconds. Then I open the doors and put them in their seats one at a time and go home. I just make sure I keep my keys in my hand so I don't lock myself out of the car.

It's hard. Hugs.
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#7 of 10 Old 05-07-2008, 04:14 PM
 
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wow! this is SO my life right now!! i am so sorry to hear we're going through the same thing (and also kind of glad i'm not alone!!). DD's tantrums in public are insane (she's also almost 3). DS is 11mo and crawling/walking, so wrangling one while trying to keep the other from hurting herself thrashing around is almost impossible.

i've started doing this process when she has a tantrum in public. once i see it starting, i
(1) deal with DS first. put him on my back in the ergo, in the stroller, occupy him with a toy. you think that you should deal with the tantrum first because it draws the most attention, but it's actually easiest to calm yourself by taking care of the one not going insane first! gives you a few moments to collect yourself before you deal with the tantrum. also, it keeps the other one contained so that you can give your full attention where it's really needed at that moment.
(2) i get down and ask her if she'd like me to help her obey.
(3) inevitably she says no, so i tell her she has one more chance to [blank] on her own before i will help her to obey.
(4) when she screams/cries/etc 'no' again, i pick her up and tell her i will help her to obey (which generally involves first exiting the center of the room/middle of the aisle/jungle gym, first).
(5) if our destination is the car, i ask her if she'd like to walk on her own or have mommy carry her. inevitably she repeats that she wants to do whatever we are leaving, so i tell her that i will carry her to make leaving easier. of course, it doesn't because she kicks and screams, but it helps me because by this time i am pretty frustrated and being required to carry her in a big bear-hug embrace (to keep her from squirming out of my arms) is actually a good adrenaline release for me. i'll talk quietly to her the whole way to the car even if she's screaming and by the time we've arrived at the car usually the tantrum has simmered down to just crying and clinginess.

i don't know how well this works, but at least it keeps me from screaming too!!

i'll agree that nobody ever offers to help me, not even hold DS or anything. maybe it's just the negative self-talk in my head but i feel like everyone is watching me and wondering "why can't this woman control this crazy child?"

i just want to know when this is going to end! will age 3 be easier? i feel like if i could just know it was going to be over in a few months i'd be able to hang on a little bit better. it's so much easier if you know the end is in sight!!

hugs to you from a mama whose daughter is probably having a tantrum at the same time yours is!!
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#8 of 10 Old 05-07-2008, 05:00 PM
 
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WOW, thats pretty intense.
I'm reading Sleepless in AMerica, she is making a link between sleep problems and meltdowns, she also wrote the book Raising Your Spirited Child which I hear is great.

75% Crunchy 25% Smooth
Raising 2 peanuts. #3 due in June bellyhair.gif

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#9 of 10 Old 05-07-2008, 05:52 PM
 
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I have only one, who is 3.5, but when he was 3 I was picking him up from preschool and -- picture this, ladies ---an absolute full-on-raging tantrum because he didn't want to put his coat on, in a church nursery crawling with people, and I was trying to run, catch and talk to him and my pants fell down.........no lie, girls, the pants down to the ankles!!! ...it was so horrible that I too pulled over and cried in the car.

I don't have two kids, yet, but I totally commiserate with you, mama!! But, he is now about 90% better and things are much, much, easier. If I keep him rested and well fed things always go much better, for us!! There will always be "those" days but I am finding as he gets older they are few and far between

Hugs and lots of happy 3-year-old vibes to you XXX
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#10 of 10 Old 05-08-2008, 01:31 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dawncayden View Post

WOW, thats pretty intense.
I'm reading Sleepless in AMerica, she is making a link between sleep problems and meltdowns, she also wrote the book Raising Your Spirited Child which I hear is great.
I'll have to check these out. Thanks so much!
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