Wedding - WWYD? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-14-2008, 10:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
MrsMike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,904
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My brother is getting married at the end of August and they want Ds, who will be two, to be the ringbearer. I was very excited about it at first. They decided yesterday that they want him to wear a black tux, when all along they've said they'd probably just do a little light-colored suit or shirt and tie. Ds gets hots very easily and sweats like a man. I mean, last night he slept in shorts and a t-shirt and it was 40 degrees out. Anything else would be too hot. The wedding is going to be in Savannah, Georgia and it'll be held outside. I've never been to GA, but isn't it a bit warm down there in August? I'm thinking about pulling him out because I'd feel horrible stuffing him into a little tux and making him swelter like that. Plus, I think it's slightly ridiculous to rent a tux for a toddler, but that's just me. I'm torn because it's a special day for my brother, but I don't want my little dude to be uncomfortable. Does anyone have any experience with this? Have you had your LO as a ringbearer? Are tuxes awfully hot?

Jenn treehugger.gifmama to Monkeylearning.gifSquishyenergy.gif& Riverangel1.gif(8wks)Wife to Mikejog.gif See you at the rainbow1284.gif Bridge, Abigael cat.gifand McKenna dog2.gifgd.gifnamaste.giffamilybed2.gifbellyhair.gifcaffix.gifcrochetsmilie.gifom.gifknit.gifcomputergeek2.gif

MrsMike is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-14-2008, 10:33 PM
 
nighten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: A mountain in TN
Posts: 5,727
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Tuxes are very hot, I think.

Age two seems a bit young for a ringbearer, to me. My nephew was three and a half, and unable to stand still long enough (throughout the whole ceremony) to be our ringbearer. Your child may be fine though, but the heat thing would concern me. Savannah's a very hot town.

I'd ask my brother if he might reconsider about the tux, and explain that if your toddler were to get hot, he'd likely not be able to stand still very long throughout the ceremony.

If they are wanting a truly formal ceremony (which I'm assuming, given they're wanting the ringbearer in a tux) then they might not like the idea of an uncomfortable toddler up front the whole time.

Would something like that work?

SAHM to Guinevere (04/05/06) and Eowyn (02/13/09)
nighten is offline  
Old 05-14-2008, 10:45 PM
 
mija y mijo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,348
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would voice your concern about it again to your brother. If they really want your DS to wear the tux, I'd go and rent the tux. If it's too hot, I'd take off the jacket during the ceremony. And I'd definitely bring a change of clothes for the reception.

Good luck and have fun!
mija y mijo is offline  
Old 05-14-2008, 10:48 PM
 
zinemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: from the fire roads to the interstate
Posts: 6,298
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When the time came in the ceremony, our 2yo ringbearer stated quite loudly that what he wanted at that moment was his juicebox. So his father took over with the rings.

Everyone laughed and it was no big deal. But if your brother isn't the type to shrug off a typical 2yo situation, he might want to rethink.

And I do think a tux is over the top.
zinemama is offline  
Old 05-14-2008, 11:01 PM
 
franklinmarxmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Kentuckiana. Ugh.
Posts: 630
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just a word about ringbearers: I work with weddings all the time, and more often than not, either ringbearer or flower girl has a meltdown under the wedding pressure. Especially really young ones, like 2. Some revel in the attention, others don't.

I'd want to protect your LO from the pressure to perform, and make sure there is a backup plan if he can't do it, for whatever reason. Especially if you're traveling--you just never know if they get overtired, overstimulated, etc. It makes everything smoother to be able to make the last minute decision about what happens. Also, I advise against having toddlers hold the rings throughout the ceremony--I get them to walk up and give them to the best man, then go sit with mom. It works much better.

Best wishes for a happy wedding--I hope your DS enjoys being ringbearer! Feel free to PM me for more specific ideas about how to work him in (or out) in the moment.

Progressive working mom to one Delightful Son, 1/07
franklinmarxmom is offline  
Old 05-14-2008, 11:02 PM
 
SharonAnne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In NJ's farmland :)
Posts: 3,313
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think there's anything wrong with him not wearing a tux, really. I'm sure that your brother will understand your reasoning.

As far as his age wrt being a ringbearer; my daughter had just turned two and she was the flower girl in my brother's wedding, and my nephew was 2 1/2 and he was the ringbearer. I walked with them down the aisle, one on each hand, and they sat with my SIL through the ceremony. The ceremony was only 20 minutes long, and then SIL walked out with them, while I walked out with my groomsman partner

They did great and were totally adorable. Talk to him about what he's going to be doing, give him some chances to practice with you at home. And if all else fails, bring his favorite snack food to the wedding

Also, if your brother does insist on the tux, just leave it on for pictures, and take the tie and jacket off him when teh pics are done.

"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams." 
SharonAnne is offline  
Old 05-14-2008, 11:05 PM
 
jennifercp8's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Mass
Posts: 731
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Could he wear a more traditional boys' formal suit? Shorts (knickers) and tall socks, shoes, and short jacket? Like the boys in The Sound of Music?

I would also keep a pair of linen pants or shorts and a cotton button down for him to change into after pictures.

Jen, SAHM to Jamie and Alexandra and with #3 in May
jennifercp8 is offline  
Old 05-14-2008, 11:29 PM
 
snoopy5386's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,575
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
um yeah, savannah in August, Outside?? That is nutsy. My wedding was in NJ is July and it was in the 90s. I would expect Savannah to be the same, with really high humidity. I had a 15 month ringbearer at my wedding. His mom held his hand as he walked down the aisle and then he sat with her. Same with the flower girls, they did not actually stand up for the ceremony, just walked down the aisle and sat with their parents. My ringbearer wore an eton suit (with shorts, not long pants) which is actually the more "correct" form of formalwear for little boys.
here is an example
http://www.babyheirlooms.com/product...uit_shorts.cfm

Mom to Morgan 4-3-06 and announcing Baby Kelsey 4-11-10
snoopy5386 is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 12:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
MrsMike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,904
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for the feedback. I totally blanked and forgot that we're also travelling 16 hours (?? from PA) for this wedding, so I know he may be a bit on the cranky side. I'm going to talk with my brother. My brother is pretty laid back and wouldn't mind if David wanders zig-zag down the aisle or not at all. The best man will be holding the real rings, they'd just have a pillow with fake rings for the ringbearer. I'm going to find out if he can do a lighter suit or if he can take the jacket off once he's down the aisle and then back on for pics. If not, then he's out, because I'm not tormenting him. I still may not let him be the ringbearer anyway because I checked one of the formal wear sites and little kiddie tux rentals started at $70 bucks. Hell no.
I was excited at first because this started out as a semi-formal type affair. They were thinking suit-shirts and ties. I'm a bridesmaid and I was supposed to be wearing something flowy. Now that my SIL has really gotten into it, the men are all in tuxes and my dress is going to be a dark red taffetta ball gown (on.the.beach.). It's their wedding and their choice as far as attire, but I'm not letting my little dude suffer in the heat, even if it's just for 15 mins.

Jenn treehugger.gifmama to Monkeylearning.gifSquishyenergy.gif& Riverangel1.gif(8wks)Wife to Mikejog.gif See you at the rainbow1284.gif Bridge, Abigael cat.gifand McKenna dog2.gifgd.gifnamaste.giffamilybed2.gifbellyhair.gifcaffix.gifcrochetsmilie.gifom.gifknit.gifcomputergeek2.gif

MrsMike is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 01:00 AM
 
nighten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: A mountain in TN
Posts: 5,727
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh geez, it's on the BEACH, in Savannah, in August? Do they want people to pass out from heatstroke? I didn't realize it was outdoors, and on the beach too.

Yikes. Honestly, no way would I put my child in a tux, even with the jacket and tie off for an outdoor ceremony in Savannah in August. I think that's a recipe for a lot of discomfort and a big meltdown.

I absolutely understand why you're not comfortable with it.

SAHM to Guinevere (04/05/06) and Eowyn (02/13/09)
nighten is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 01:40 AM
 
kibba's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,161
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's only one day and it's a very important one.,I would just do it. He doesn't have to keep the tux jacket on after the cermony, let him just wear the dress shirt and pants. Can he wear a short sleeved dress shirt under the tux too?
kibba is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 01:51 AM
 
J's Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Chicago
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't do it. I was in a similar situation with my sister (getting married in June) and my DS (soon to be 2). I was excited at first too but the more I thought about it and took into account my son and his temperament (and he gets hot and sweats easily like your son too!) I realized that I didn't want to stress him out like that. Your first duty is to your child, not your brother. I needed to remind myself of this. Oh yeah, and the weather/location/outfit combo sounds torturous even for adults!!
Good luck!

Bilingual mama to DS J 6/4/06 and new DS C 9/27/10  homebirth.jpg
J's Mama is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 02:03 AM
 
KYCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Lexington, KY
Posts: 336
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When ds#1 was just 2 he was the ringbearer in my sister's wedding. He just walked down the aisle right to me in the second row, where he sat with me throughout. He was adorable. He was in a tux, in an air conditioned church! My son was a small to average toddler and we still have the tux if you need it, (I don't see a lot of use for it in our future!) but I can certainly see where you'd want to encourage something a little lighter. I guess he can't sit with you, since you are in the wedding, but maybe a family member? Good luck!
KYCat is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 02:17 AM
 
crazyrunningmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,451
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsMike View Post
I was excited at first because this started out as a semi-formal type affair. They were thinking suit-shirts and ties. I'm a bridesmaid and I was supposed to be wearing something flowy. Now that my SIL has really gotten into it, the men are all in tuxes and my dress is going to be a dark red taffetta ball gown (on.the.beach.). It's their wedding and their choice as far as attire, but I'm not letting my little dude suffer in the heat, even if it's just for 15 mins.
Big red flag here. Your SIL has lost it (as many brides do) and is very likely to be upset if your ds's performance does not match her wacky expectations. Two year olds are show stealers and brides do not like it. (I am not being mean here, I have seen it too many times and have had my own experience - every single one of the pictures of our first dance have some toddler that I never met before in it because everyone thought he was so cute. I was ticked off)

What would I do? Tell them you are really sorry, but you ds has become shy/rambunctios/whatever will work to make them think that they really don't want him to do it after all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by J's Mama View Post
I wouldn't do it. I was in a similar situation with my sister (getting married in June) and my DS (soon to be 2). I was excited at first too but the more I thought about it and took into account my son and his temperament (and he gets hot and sweats easily like your son too!) I realized that I didn't want to stress him out like that. Your first duty is to your child, not your brother. I needed to remind myself of this. Oh yeah, and the weather/location/outfit combo sounds torturous even for adults!!
Good luck!
Totally agree!

mama to two DD's, 7 and 3 (3 rounds of IVF and more FET's than I can remember)
crazyrunningmama is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 02:25 AM
 
EarthMamaToBe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Sunny, SC
Posts: 522
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
okay I must ask has your brother ever BEEN to Savannah in the summer? I was a wedding caterer in Charleston SC for many years and it always amazed me the number of people who schedule these middle of the summer outdoor weddings! It will be HOT, I mean REALLY HOT. Whatever you do don't let them put you LO in a tux! We have a saying here (ans it goes for Savannah as well) "The only thing between Charleston and H*ll in August is a screen door!"

You and DH should wear as little as possible too!
EarthMamaToBe is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 02:39 AM
 
LittleBirdie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 215
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sure you don't need this, but I have lived in Savannah and have lived in GA for 10 years. It is a beautiful place and I often daydream about the beach. But, the end of August? Beach? I start sweating thinking about it. It is hot and, more often than not, it is humid (though a coastal breeze sometimes makes it easier). You are all going to be hot and sticky and covered with sand, with or without the tuxes and taffeta!

I'd ask for a special outfit and consideration, especially if they are going to make a big fuss over wedding pictures which could be a lot of extra time in the tux. Still, if my family asked I would do it, but warn them honestly of the possible consequences and tell them they have to accept whatever happens!

Good luck to you all!
LittleBirdie is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 02:48 AM
 
LoveOhm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In Writing Mode!
Posts: 1,891
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have not read all the responses but I think it is very sweet that your brother wants his nephew to be part of this important day!!! And though a tux is more formal than I would have my wedding, I respect their choice.... this is their special day so I would honor their request with the tux and not complain.

What I suggest for your son is to walk in with the wedding party then a sitter / family member who is willing to miss the ceremony can scoop him up take him out of the ceremony.... maybe to the park or if the reception is at a hotel gwt a room for the kids full of toys.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
LoveOhm is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 05:16 PM
 
attachedmomto3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Michigan :)
Posts: 188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by homeschoolmama View Post
I would voice your concern about it again to your brother. If they really want your DS to wear the tux, I'd go and rent the tux. If it's too hot, I'd take off the jacket during the ceremony. And I'd definitely bring a change of clothes for the reception.

Good luck and have fun!
:

solo-student-mama to 3 crazy kiddos
attachedmomto3 is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 05:19 PM
 
lolar2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 6,403
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It is improper for a small child to wear a tux. They are supposed to wear Eton suits. Which, conveniently, are not as hot as tuxes.
lolar2 is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 05:32 PM
 
MeepyCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,679
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 56 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyrunningmama View Post
Big red flag here. Your SIL has lost it (as many brides do) and is very likely to be upset if your ds's performance does not match her wacky expectations. Two year olds are show stealers and brides do not like it. (I am not being mean here, I have seen it too many times and have had my own experience - every single one of the pictures of our first dance have some toddler that I never met before in it because everyone thought he was so cute. I was ticked off)
I lvoed having my baby niece steal the show at our wedding - I set it up so she could - but we had a pretty relaxed wedding. Niece wore a dress that her mom got on sale at the mall. Attendants wore dresses in four different colors that they picked themselves. You should not expect this level of cheerful nonchalance from someone so far off her rocker that she decided to put y'all in dark red ballgowns on the beach in August.

If the ceremony and reception were indoors, I would suggest that air conditioning might make the tux bearable. But it's on the beach.

If the ringbearer was expected to wear an outfit actually appropriate to a little boy, I would suggest that he could take off the more annoying bits of the suit as soon as the ceremony was over. But he's not. (Also, brides who want everything to match often also want pictures.)

It's nice of your brother to want him. Maybe he could wear light colored shorts and a cute shirt and pose with his uncle for some pictures. I wouldn't commit him to more than that.
MeepyCat is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 07:08 PM
 
Smokering's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 8,313
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Toddler at wedding--could go either way, joybells-wise. Uncomfortable toddler at wedding? Sure ticket to doom.

Kids do look cute in tuxes though.

If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

Smokering is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 07:42 PM
 
Ofwait's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Here
Posts: 726
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, I would point out that they don't rent toddler tuxes, you have to buy them. At least we did last month for my BIL's wedding, and if you are going to end up buying why not look at something like linen, which can actually be much cooler than tank top etc.

C wife to J, Mom to B, C and Jjumpers.gif Iblahblah.gif, and Pbabyf.gif

Ofwait is offline  
Old 05-15-2008, 07:52 PM
 
hibana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,582
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolar2 View Post
It is improper for a small child to wear a tux. They are supposed to wear Eton suits. Which, conveniently, are not as hot as tuxes.
Yes, an Eton suit is correct formal attire for young boys. (NOT a tux)

I don't come here anymore. MDC has become overgrown with ads & useless extra forums.
hibana is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off