2.5 yo, patience, weaning, sleep fighting - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 08-22-2008, 11:54 PM - Thread Starter
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I am losing it. Officially. I am turning into the mom I never wanted to be. I recently gently weaned DD-she did great- no direct resistance, but the whole time I was second guessing myself because a few weeks prior to cutting out the 2nd to last and last sessions (We've been slowly cutting down since April) she started cutting her 2 year molars, started fighting sleep more strongly than ever before (always has), screaming about her clothing being too "tight" all the time and started very sassy with dh and me. I'm glad we weaned. I needed to. But I was talking to another AP mama the other day who still nurses her DD (2 months older than mine)and she basically told me all of this craziness is because I weaned her. :
I def. think my ability to maintain my patience level has gone down the tubes (hormones?) since weaning. (I'm prone to depression/anxiety.) But I'm not sure DD wouldn't be going through this if hadn't weaned her. I.just. sucks. DD is extremely bright and verbal. Her little brain rarely shuts off. I've been reading Sleepless in America, so part of me thinks this is all just chronic sleep deprivation, since she has been fighting sleep since 4 months old.
Today I layed in bed with her for 45 minutes to nap. (This is after she pitched a fit about her carseat being "too tight", wanted to be carried, yawn and asked for her blankie-she was actually tired.) Then I drove her for another 45 minutes. No nap. (Also no desperately needed workout or shower for mama Tonight, dh and I took her to a restaurant- she started deliberately calling dh and I "bad dad" and "bad mom", then told us she needed a break. (Attention getting behaviour-yes, but we were engaging her in our conversation the entire time.)
She has also become incredibly demanding, raising her voice-repeating her self over and over rapidly and loudly if I don't do whatever she wants the second she wants it. Shreiking, and making inappropriate noises. Who the heck's child is this? We've taught her to say "excuse me, mama" if she wants my attention-she just can't seem to remember how to interact with people, including her friends-who she's been taking toys from, pre-meditating not sharing with (Mama, I not share this toy) and "tickling" (more like shoving, poking and throwing her body into said friends). We talk about feelings a lot, and how it makes other people feel when we do certain things. This has worked in the past, but now she seems not to care. I guess what I need is a hug, reassurance that this too shall pass, and coping strategies for myself so that "mean mommy" doesn't rear her ugly head- like today. I yelled. More than once.
Just when I thought I *might* want to have another baby....

Heidi , wife to my DH , mama to Hope Isobel (4/3/06), Molly Grace (7/31/09): , furbaby Callie :
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#2 of 6 Old 08-22-2008, 11:58 PM
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Huge Huge HUGE (((HUGS)))

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...it is nothing like school, and we are never at home...so why is it called homeschooling?
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#3 of 6 Old 08-23-2008, 10:46 AM
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I can only say it gets better. :

For me, 2.5 - 3.5 was the most difficult stage so far. I LOVED 18 - 30mo (yup, I'm nuts). The next year really challenged me, and I didn't always rise well to the challenge. It's a learning experience, and I tried so many different techniques in this last year, read so many different books, was on this site way too often... You do the best you can with the information you have, and you move on from there. Don't beat yourself up, just apologize, and continue to improve.

And FWIW, I nursed my daughter (and my son at the same time) through this stage, and she still acted in ways very similar to those you describe, and very different to ways in which she'd acted the previous 2 years. I think its a big time of testing limits, because they are becoming increasingly verbal & aware that their words can effect those around them, but not yet having acheived true empathy, and certainly not having acheived impulse control. It's really a tough age for them, and us. Patience, mama. Just remember that not everything needs to be a lesson. Sometimes you can ignore behaviors without reinforcing them. Save your effort for the biggies and let the smallies go.

BTW, and I know you didn't ask, but telling someone their childs' very normal toddler behavior is because they are weaned, particularly at this age, is not appropriate and really not kind or fair. Frankly, I'd reconsider the friendship you have with this person.

Tweet me: @kellynaturally Working Mom to 2 Montessori-schooled kids. We're a vegetarian family! I blog at kellynaturally.com <--link in my profile!

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#4 of 6 Old 08-24-2008, 07:52 PM
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Don't blame the weaning. I am blaming the second kid, but I know it isn't the second kid. I still nurse my little self assured terror who can turn around one minutes later to say the most lovely things.

I think it's the age, I've yelled, it does nothing, I've put her upstairs in her room just so I can go outside get a breather and come back in, we have a baby gate near her room she can go about 2 feet out and yell for me. I've even, yes flame me, tried spanking and realized that it too, does nothing, in fact it just made me feel awful but I have done it a few times to see if it would work, nope. She spanked me later, so this is NOT a good idea. I just let her, I don't know what is more appropriate. I do want to be the adult figure so I am sure this wasn't the best approach.

Time-outs, yea she just does whatever she wants to do only to put herself in time-out. And I just don't think she gets it, but she does put her toys in time out. And this method we use, even if it doesn't SEEM to be working.

She also doesn't want to nap, she would rather just play in her room for the hour I try to see if she will sleep. I have done "the nanny" thing of putting her back in her bed over and over, to no avail, yes she will fall asleep this way, and it may have her go to bed for a few days but then I have to repeat it. Night time is the same thing she just wants to be up so long until she is just so tired. One night we let her, we did the nighttime ritual, she got up and we let her play in her room until she would sleep, I secretly thought it would be cute to see how she fell asleep, she put herself to bed.

I'm going to see a child psychologist because I apparently lack parental skills and some days I feel like I am going to lose it and I don't want to yell at her, or lose my temper, and I really don't want to discipline the way my parents did. So I need new ideas, lessons etc. If I get anything good, I'll PM ya!

Oh and on my bad days, I even tell her I'm in a bad mood, I'm sorry and then kinda joke about being mean mommy, I'll say things like please don't misbehave or I might become mean mommy, and I talk in a deep funny mean voice.
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#5 of 6 Old 08-24-2008, 08:15 PM
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I had a very wise LLL leader who always used to say "2.5 gives 2 a bad name". OMG was she right!!! And we're not weaned. So that's not it.

babelsgp -- have you read Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk? Lots of easy to use hands on skills for when you're at you're wits end!

Learning & growing & changing everyday!
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#6 of 6 Old 08-25-2008, 07:30 PM
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Ya know, I haven't. I have read their Sibling Rivalry book, well a lot of it. I should try this out too. Thanks!
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