I am losing it. Officially. I am turning into the mom I never wanted to be. I recently gently weaned DD-she did great- no direct resistance, but the whole time I was second guessing myself because a few weeks prior to cutting out the 2nd to last and last sessions (We've been slowly cutting down since April) she started cutting her 2 year molars, started fighting sleep more strongly than ever before (always has), screaming about her clothing being too "tight" all the time and started very sassy with dh and me. I'm glad we weaned. I needed to. But I was talking to another AP mama the other day who still nurses her DD (2 months older than mine)and she basically told me all of this craziness is because I weaned her.
I def. think my ability to maintain my patience level has gone down the tubes (hormones?) since weaning. (I'm prone to depression/anxiety.) But I'm not sure DD wouldn't be going through this if hadn't weaned her. I.just. sucks. DD is extremely bright and verbal. Her little brain rarely shuts off. I've been reading Sleepless in America, so part of me thinks this is all just chronic sleep deprivation, since she has been fighting sleep since 4 months old.
Today I layed in bed with her for 45 minutes to nap. (This is after she pitched a fit about her carseat being "too tight", wanted to be carried, yawn and asked for her blankie-she was actually tired.) Then I drove her for another 45 minutes. No nap. (Also no desperately needed workout or shower for mama
Tonight, dh and I took her to a restaurant- she started deliberately calling dh and I "bad dad" and "bad mom", then told us she needed a break. (Attention getting behaviour-yes, but we were engaging her in our conversation the entire time.)
She has also become incredibly demanding, raising her voice-repeating her self over and over rapidly and loudly if I don't do whatever she wants the second she wants it. Shreiking, and making inappropriate noises. Who the heck's child is this? We've taught her to say "excuse me, mama" if she wants my attention-she just can't seem to remember how to interact with people, including her friends-who she's been taking toys from, pre-meditating not sharing with (Mama, I not share this toy) and "tickling" (more like shoving, poking and throwing her body into said friends). We talk about feelings a lot, and how it makes other people feel when we do certain things. This has worked in the past, but now she seems not to care. I guess what I need is a hug, reassurance that this too shall pass, and coping strategies for myself so that "mean mommy" doesn't rear her ugly head- like today. I yelled. More than once.
Just when I thought I *might* want to have another baby....