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#1 of 37 Old 09-27-2008, 02:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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not sure where to post, but since ds (18 months) is a toddler and I'm sooo tired already, I'm wondering how in the heck i can talk myself into having another one. DH is ready. and most of the time I am too, we are coming off of being sick for a while, so maybe that's part of it. But i'm just wondering how in the heck i'm going to handle 2?! ds is pretty high needs/spirited, so maybe that's part of it. but i just really thought i'd be ready by now. And i know i have 9 months to prepare once i get pregnant. but what if i'm still not ready!! I think i'm going to have to get pregnant on accident, cause i'm just a little too freaked out. =) Anyone else just jump into it, and then everything just works itself out when the 2nd one gets here. I know the next one might be a lot easier than ds has been, but what if there not. I just don't know...
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#2 of 37 Old 09-27-2008, 04:34 AM
 
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I don't have two, but I do have one "high needs" little guy and have asked myself on several occasions why people have more than one!! I have always attributed it my single mommyness. I really love my son, but he is soooo exhausting sometimes. It is always nice to know you are not alone!

Rebekah , single working mom to Micah (04.12.2007)
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#3 of 37 Old 09-27-2008, 05:24 AM
 
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DS1 was/is very high needs and it wasn't until he got to be about 2 that I felt comfortable enough to start trying for #2. At least for us it really did start getting easier around then. We honestly just decided that we had to give a second kid a shot before life got too easy and we chickened out.

I can't say it's been easy but I honestly didn't feel that going from 1 to 2 was as hard for me as just getting used to parenthood the first time around. Our plan had been to space them closer to 2 years but there was absolutely no way I was ready when DS1 was in the 1 -> almost 2ish phase.

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#4 of 37 Old 09-27-2008, 09:15 AM
 
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How do I do two?...We dont have two yet but we are trying. That was my question too - and for us, the answer has been a larger age gap. We are shooting for 4+ years. For me this seems the best way for me to handle two. Ds and our relationship will be well established and growing for starters so I can start to establish a relationship with the new little one and work help them work on a sibling relationship. And I know for a fact it will be just plain more easy when it comes to the practical stuff because at least DS no longer really needs me for that kind of stuff! So I am sure it will have its moments and will certainly be something of its own making - but seems to be the best option so I can get the best of both worlds! hehe

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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#5 of 37 Old 09-27-2008, 11:16 AM
 
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DD1 and DD2 are almost 4 years apart just for this reason. She was 2 before I could even think of having another child without screaming in horror. DD2 is a much easier child and she will be 2.5 when #3 arrives. That is a spacing that I never would of thought of between 1 and 2.

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#6 of 37 Old 09-27-2008, 12:41 PM
 
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I would advise not to try until you are ready to take care of two.

Early pregnancy is hard for me and can be more demanding (fatigue, nausea, hunger, etc) of my body than a newborn. That said, once you have two (or five) there is no option. You do what you need to do and change some priorities.

You never know what kind of needs the next child could bring to your family.

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#7 of 37 Old 09-27-2008, 12:43 PM
 
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I've got two that are 22 months apart. My first born is super active, I wouldn't call him high needs but not easy, 2nd is an easy baby.

Newborns sleep alot the first couple months, so that part wasn't too hard aside from the regular pp recovery. It got a little harder when the baby was around 2 months because the baby was awake more and needing mama at the same time as the toddler. I tried to give my toddler lots of attention and energy while the baby took a morning nap. I woke the baby about 2 hours before toddler afternoon nap time. That way I made sure that I could have a few minutes by myself or take a nap with both of them in the afternoon. Of course, this didn't always work but most of the time it did. Then we would have an hour or two after nap before daddy got home. That was the hardest time of the day but we did it. The baby started sitting up and interacting more since about 5 months and now it is much easier because they can 'play' together. At this point that really consists of the baby watching and laughing a the toddler but they both like it.

Anyway, that is just an idea of our routine. You take it day by day, making adjustments, just like with one. You can do it! I SAH, don't have any family in the area and my dh travels for work.
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#8 of 37 Old 09-27-2008, 05:16 PM
 
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My 2 are 29 months apart and I think it's a good span. Don't get me wrong, they keep me very very very busy, so much so that I quit my job after having dd so I could give them all the attention they need 24 hrs a day. But ds, although a pretty high needs baby, has done very well. He weaned from the breast at 26 mo (I was 6 mo pregnant), started sleeping in his own room when he was 2 (on a twin bed so dh or I could lie with him whenever he needs), he potty learned just after dd was born and now does it all independently (except wipe his own bum), and he LOVES to be my big helper.

Oh yeah, and I COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT MY MEI TAI. If you don't already have one, invest in a seriously awesome babywearing device

I think there's a big difference between an 18 mo and the age that your dc will be when a new babe is born. Don't underestimate him, he'll probably be a great big brother But do wait til you're sure.

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#9 of 37 Old 09-27-2008, 06:22 PM
 
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You do what you need to do and change some priorities.
I would think about this as well. For me, there are some priorities that I am not willing to compromise on - that in having a small age gap I would have had to. There are some I am willing to compromise on so will just take everyday day by day when we get there though!

Quote:
Oh yeah, and I COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT MY MEI TAI. If you don't already have one, invest in a seriously awesome babywearing device
This is great advice! Slings!!!...They are great as they leave your hands free. So you can meet all the needs of your baby as all their needs are met right there in the sling and still have your hands free to be able to help meet your first borns needs as well when they arise! - I am already getting plenty of practice with this as I have a few friends with newborns and when we see eachother they give me the honour of wearing their little ones in one of my slings for hours! (broody or what! hehe)

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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#10 of 37 Old 09-29-2008, 02:33 AM
 
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you know you just kinda learn as you go. When I had one I remember one night I decided I had to get back into the swing of things and I had to make dinner ( well dinner was not served until midnight )

and now well, you just learn how to do 2,

and the neat thing is my older son plays with the younger one and they kinda entertain each other. Its really funny to watch.

Get loads of help in the begining, take breaks ( I go jogging regularly) and have fun!
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#11 of 37 Old 09-29-2008, 12:34 PM
 
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drinking helps lol!



Seriously, you just figure it out....really!

Mama to Zoe (8/00), Morgan : (10/01), Brooke9/06), Casey 20wks (2/08), and Riley : (2/09): She's really here!!
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#12 of 37 Old 09-29-2008, 02:12 PM
 
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I don't have 2, but your DS is still really young. My DD just turned 2, and it's only very recently that I can comprehend the idea of having a second. At 18 months, everything was still way too exhausting.

Sarah, mama to Miriam 9/26/2006 and Isaac 2/12/2010
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#13 of 37 Old 09-29-2008, 02:31 PM
 
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My husband and I were just discussing this yesterday! I am soooo not ready to have another. We agreed to wait till our son is 2 before we talk about it again. I can't imagine that having another before you are ready is a good idea.
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#14 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 04:31 AM
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my 2nd snuck up on me, I was pg again when my first was 14 months. I was exhausted and had JUST caught my breath, lost my weight, etc....the pregnancy felt very long and I had difficulty keeping a sense of order in the house b/c picking up stuff was hard!

you just adjust....but I would say TRY to be ready and let a little more time go by unless you feel like time is against you. I didn't want to stop the 2nd pregnancy b/c I was almost 35 and thought I should get pg w/ the 2nd as young as I could.

you adapt. you learn.you ask for help. now I KNOW I am done and have happily inserted an IUD!!
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#15 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 04:42 AM
 
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My DD's are 15 mo apart and it is VERY hard work. GET A MEI-TEI!!! It saved my life I think.....

However now that DD2 is approaching 1 things are getting easier and they love being so close in age to each other, they want to do everything together which is great so there are some positives to having 2 so close together... but being pregnant again when DD1 was 6mo... ugh!!!

sahm mama to dd1 08/08/06 and dd2 27/11/07.. dreaming of her own smallholding one day...
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#16 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 04:43 AM
 
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If you decide to have another baby it will all come to you. Mine are doing great and they're 2 years 3 months apart.
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#17 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 10:05 AM
 
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I went to can tomatoes at a mom's house yesterday while DD (20 months) was at daycare. I now know why people have more than one child, LOL. She has 3 kids (youngest 9 months) and the 9 month old was SOOOO Much more easy going than my DD ever was. She could put him on the floor and he would do his own thing, she sat him in the highchair and he happily sat there for an hour, she only had to nurse him a few times throughout the day.

My DD was the complete opposite at this age. Nursed every hour or so, had to be held or had to have my constant attention, hated it (and still does) when she sits in the high chair, etc. etc. At that age I had to learn to get work done while wearing her.

So I think it all depends on the temperament of the child. I would totally be ready for a second one if my DD was so easy going!
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#18 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 10:11 AM
 
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I just had our second, and IDK how to do it! This is ODDs last week of daycare and while I am not scared to stay at home with both (I've never been a SAHM with DD1) anymore I do know there will be hard days! The thing that keeps me going is knowing how much I love my sisters and how close we are still. It will all be worth it when I can hear them whispering to each other and giggling at night when they should be asleep.
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#19 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 10:32 AM
 
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Mine are 25 months apart. I love it for the most part. There are many difficult times during the day, but it is worth it. Now that ds is crawling and cruising, the 2 kids play together so nice. They share toys and really enjoy each other. They do so much together. If they are seperated, they always go looking for each other. : The most frustrating thing, is the older one will wake the baby from a nap b/c she wants to play with him. Frustrating, but cute! I was worried about meeting both of their needs, but it all fell into place nicely.
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#20 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 11:07 AM
 
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Personally I don't know how people decide to have another when the oldest is a toddler. I could never do that. My kids are 4 years apart and I love the age gap.
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#21 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 11:23 AM
 
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I think if you feel your ready for another one go for it...I think you know yourself better than other....
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#22 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 11:41 AM
 
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This is my question too.
I never wanted DD to be an only child. Both DH and my families are small and I want her to have the benefit of siblings. But I simply don't know how I could do it?!?!
I consider myself somewhat of a single parent because DH only live with us PT due to his work. I have no other support nearby.
It doesn't help that DD is high needs either.
But, I would prefer them to be closer in age than further apart and I'm not getting any younger either.
so, I'm just leaving it up to fate....
Ultimately I believe that human beings are highly adaptable and when faced with 2 you just deal with it. Life goes on...

and
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#23 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 02:30 PM
 
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DD is 14. DS just turned 2. So obviously I tend to gravitate toward the larger age gaps between siblings.

After DD was born, I think I would have been totally able to handle another baby when she was 2. I was young. DD slept. She was easy. It was my marriage that wasn't working out, so chose not to have #2 knowing that things were rocky.

Fast forward to now...DH and I have been married for over 4 years. Prior to getting pregnant we both thought we wanted two more kids. DS just turned 2. Now we've decided that we might not have any more children at all, but if we do it won't be until DS is probably 4. I might be too old by then. DS is a horible sleeper. I keep thinking/hoping/praying that one day he will turn into a good sleeper and I can experience a good night's sleep again. Only problem, I'm afraid that when that finally happens there is no way in heck I will be willing to lose it again by getting PG. There is no guarantee what kind of temperament the next LO is gonna have, so I have to assume the next one will be just as high needs/non-sleeping as DS...and three more years of not sleeping isn't something I think I can handle.
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#24 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 03:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
How do I do two?...We dont have two yet but we are trying. That was my question too - and for us, the answer has been a larger age gap. We are shooting for 4+ years. For me this seems the best way for me to handle two. Ds and our relationship will be well established and growing for starters so I can start to establish a relationship with the new little one and work help them work on a sibling relationship. And I know for a fact it will be just plain more easy when it comes to the practical stuff because at least DS no longer really needs me for that kind of stuff! So I am sure it will have its moments and will certainly be something of its own making - but seems to be the best option so I can get the best of both worlds! hehe
Yep, this is our plan as well. But both DH and I have siblings that are 5-4 years different in age, so this seems normal to us.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShyDaisi View Post
I don't have two, but I do have one "high needs" little guy and have asked myself on several occasions why people have more than one!! I have always attributed it my single mommyness. I really love my son, but he is soooo exhausting sometimes. It is always nice to know you are not alone!
Me too! Although, I have to say I was ready for #2 when DS was 12 months, but I'm glad that we decided to wait. Because now that DS is 2, I am completely exhausted just watching him and I know that it would have been a mistake to have another so soon. DS is very high needs and spirited. He needs a lot of physical closeness, and I don't think I could give that to him while prego.
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#25 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 06:12 PM
 
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I have always wanted lots of kids, ever since I can remember all I wanted to do was be a SAHM to lots of kids. But then reality set in after DS#1 was born, He was so high needs and the post partum depression was crippling! I decided then I would only have the one child and be done with it. So fast forward a year and oops here comes #2 and I was devistated! So they are 24 months apart and to be honest it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. DS#1 was so helpful and wanted to be around DS#2 - he actually loved him so much that it was adorable. It renewed my faith in my abilities to be a mom and handle life as it comes. Fast forward another year and DS#3 was on the way! Every child I have gets easier and easier and i love my children more and more and it makes me want to have more and more.

Like most things in life, there is a learning curve to overcome and then you move on and go on with life.

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#26 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 06:17 PM
 
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I have no idea how I do it! And some days I don't do it very well! I have a 3 year old and a 17 month old. They are 22 months apart. You just do what ya gotta do! It's all worth it when you see their love for each other.
I do a lot of this : in hopes for lots of God's grace, cause I need it!
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#27 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 06:19 PM
 
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As long as #2 is at least 2 years old it's not toooo bad. IMO 3 years would be ideal. I think it depends on how easy pregnancy is for you, what kind of birth you will likely have, and how easy/difficult baby #2 is.

For me, going from 1 to 2 was a nightmare, but 2 to 3 was a piece of cake! The baby's temperament made all the difference.

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#28 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 08:32 PM
 
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Going from one to two is the best thing ever, IMO... My oldest would be so lonely without his little sidekick... they are such good friends.
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#29 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 08:49 PM
 
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Are we ever truly ready?

I guess some people are but I think it is very normal to not ever feel totally ready.

I am 7 months pregnant with my second and I don't feel ready at all (and haven't even when we conceived). It was the same with my first son. But do I wish I waited until I felt totally ready? No way. He lights up my life!

And realistically, I probably still wouldn't feel ready to start a family if I hadn't just gone for it.
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#30 of 37 Old 10-01-2008, 09:46 PM
 
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We needed help getting pregnant with our first son. We were told that we could not conceive on our own and to call the fertility clinic back when/if we wanted to try for a second. We planned to call them when ds was two years old. Well, a week after he turned one, I found out that we could indeed conceive on our own because I was pregnant. My doctor was dumbfounded and had us come in for a sonogram early to make sure it wasn't a fluke or something strange going on. That's when we learned that not only can we conceive, but it was twins!! So our oldest was 20 months when our twins were born. It all worked out so well. The first few months are kind of a blur, and I honestly don't remember much. But the oldest was and is an amazing big brother. Would we have planned it that way if we had a choice? No. Would we trade this life for anything else in the world, even with its challenges? Not a chance! We decided that we would discuss another when the twins were two, but at two there was no way we were ready. When they were around three, we actually made a pro's and con's list of one more. I didn't want the age span to be much more than four years, so I knew we needed to decide quickly. The "logical" reasons in the con's made us decide not to have one more. Dh wanted one more but said that since I would be pregnant, breastfeeding and doing the evening bit by myself, it was up to me and he wouldn't be upset if I said no. I couldn't stop thinking about another one and the "heart" part of the pro's kept tugging at me. Finally I told dh that we should try for six months and if nothing happened, we wouldn't pursue fertility assistance. We got pregnant the second cycle of trying. I still remember so vividly when I got the positive test. That fourth little boy is so amazing. His three big brothers are awesome and love him to pieces. He is the easiest going little thing ever. I actually get teary when I think of how close we were to saying no just because the logical reasons told me that. And you know what? None of our fears came true.

I'm not sure that there's ever a perfect time. Obviously if there are things like someone out of a job or something huge like that, it would have been a no for us personally. I know stuff can happen, but if it's rough before conception, I would say no. Some people might feel okay though.
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