X-posted in Single Parenting
Ds is almost 18 months. I am in the midst of a divorce/custody battle. Stbx is pushing for 50/50 physical custody - he wants ds for 3.5 days a week at a time. I have made it clear that I am nursing him, and I dont intend to wean until ds shows some sign that he's ready. So far, he has shown NO signs of giving up his nursies. He nurses at least 5-6 times in a 24 hour period. This is typical:
5am: wake-up, nurse, then goes back to sleep for a couple hours
7am: *usually* nurses before getting up for day
12pm: nurses before nap
3 or 4pm: quick nursie snacks in the afternoon
7pm: nurses before going to bed
10-11pm: wakes (at least) once to nurse before I come to bed
3(?)am: *usually* wakes sometime in the wee hours to nurse. I think these are becoming more infrequent, though sometimes I dont wake up, so its hard to tell.
In the last 6 weeks, the ex's visitation has been:
Monday: 8 hrs (10am-6pm)
Wed: 21 hrs (2pm - 11am Thurs morning)
Sat: 9 hrs (9am -6pm)
Ds has NOT done well w/this schedule, and I have been powerless to change it so far. When he comes back to me, he nurses non-stop, around the clock (all-night too). He's also had other behavioral issues. Stbx, his lawyer, and my lawyer all have expressed the opinion that its time to wean, so that these visits get easier for ds. I think weaning him would be all that much MORE traumatic/devastating for him. At least right now, when he comes home to me, he takes comfort in being able to nurse and reconnect with me. One of my arguments for not sharing 50/50 is because ds is nursing, but because he is over 1 year old, the courts don't "take it into consideration" (much to my disgust).
So my question is this, if stbx insists on sharing 50/50 physical custody, can a judge really order this, knowing full well that I'm nursing? Essentially, he would be ordering that I wean my son. Can stbx/his lawyer insist that I wean (legally, I mean)? They have already stated that I should wean because somehow my nursing relationship interferes with stbx's relationship w/ds (which we all know is crap, but you know...). Stbx is pretty adamant that I wean. And I'm wondering, am I arguing w/him for no reason? Should I just say, "you're right, I should wean him", then ignore them all and continue to nurse?
We have mediation coming up in 2 days, and I know this is going to come up, so I'm trying to figure out how much of a platform I have to stand on. They (stbx/lawyer/a judge) cant FORCE me to wean, can they?
Thanks for any input.
Ds is almost 18 months. I am in the midst of a divorce/custody battle. Stbx is pushing for 50/50 physical custody - he wants ds for 3.5 days a week at a time. I have made it clear that I am nursing him, and I dont intend to wean until ds shows some sign that he's ready. So far, he has shown NO signs of giving up his nursies. He nurses at least 5-6 times in a 24 hour period. This is typical:
5am: wake-up, nurse, then goes back to sleep for a couple hours
7am: *usually* nurses before getting up for day
12pm: nurses before nap
3 or 4pm: quick nursie snacks in the afternoon
7pm: nurses before going to bed
10-11pm: wakes (at least) once to nurse before I come to bed
3(?)am: *usually* wakes sometime in the wee hours to nurse. I think these are becoming more infrequent, though sometimes I dont wake up, so its hard to tell.
In the last 6 weeks, the ex's visitation has been:
Monday: 8 hrs (10am-6pm)
Wed: 21 hrs (2pm - 11am Thurs morning)
Sat: 9 hrs (9am -6pm)
Ds has NOT done well w/this schedule, and I have been powerless to change it so far. When he comes back to me, he nurses non-stop, around the clock (all-night too). He's also had other behavioral issues. Stbx, his lawyer, and my lawyer all have expressed the opinion that its time to wean, so that these visits get easier for ds. I think weaning him would be all that much MORE traumatic/devastating for him. At least right now, when he comes home to me, he takes comfort in being able to nurse and reconnect with me. One of my arguments for not sharing 50/50 is because ds is nursing, but because he is over 1 year old, the courts don't "take it into consideration" (much to my disgust).
So my question is this, if stbx insists on sharing 50/50 physical custody, can a judge really order this, knowing full well that I'm nursing? Essentially, he would be ordering that I wean my son. Can stbx/his lawyer insist that I wean (legally, I mean)? They have already stated that I should wean because somehow my nursing relationship interferes with stbx's relationship w/ds (which we all know is crap, but you know...). Stbx is pretty adamant that I wean. And I'm wondering, am I arguing w/him for no reason? Should I just say, "you're right, I should wean him", then ignore them all and continue to nurse?
We have mediation coming up in 2 days, and I know this is going to come up, so I'm trying to figure out how much of a platform I have to stand on. They (stbx/lawyer/a judge) cant FORCE me to wean, can they?
Thanks for any input.