weaned 4yr old, but still asking for it - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 05-21-2009, 07:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I weaned my 4 yr old about 2 mo ago, and she seemed completely fine with it. I had tried to wean one or two times before, but she just wasn't ready. I've been ready since she turned 3.

The problem is that I still nurse her 20mo sister and I try really hard not to do it right in front of her, but sometimes that's just not possible. Just recently within the last few days my 4yr old has been begging to nurse, especially in the mornings when we get up. I just don't know what to do. I feel so guilty and I know she sees the hesitation on my face right before I tell her no, which makes things even worse. I really don't want to go back to nursing her. It's just really physically uncomfortable and has been since she turned 3.

Any advice? Anyone had similar problems? I just don't know what to do!

married to my sweetheart 12yrs, semi-crunchy mommy to three very attached girls (dd1-3/30/05, dd2 born at 28wks-9/20/07), and dd3 born at home-8/3/10)
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#2 of 7 Old 05-21-2009, 11:20 PM
 
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DD1 weaned herself when she was about 3 years and 2 months old. DD2 was born and nursing and one day it just clicked with her. She said "Ivy is a baby and sucks gees. I'm a big kid and I eat food." and that was it.

Maybe talk about how your other DC doesn't eat as much real food and needs the nourishment from mama milk. Also, try to find something that you can do in the mornings with just your daughter that is a special activity. I'd also weigh my own feelings. What's worse... the guilty feeling... or the not enjoying nursing your older child? YKWIM?

I hope you find something that works for you.

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#3 of 7 Old 05-22-2009, 04:21 PM
 
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Ds1 was really sad about not nursing about a month after we stopped. I just tried to listen to him and reflect his feelings and let him be sad about it with my support. One night he started really crying and him telling me he was afraid he would forget what it's like. I let him cry (while cuddling/consoling), told him I understood weaning was hard. Then I mentioned all the ways we spend time together now even though we don't nurse. Once his sadness was validated and heard, he moved on and he has not had a problem since. And he has two younger brothers still nursing frequently.

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#4 of 7 Old 05-22-2009, 07:09 PM
 
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This is what my friend tells her almost 3 yo who's weaned but sees his 13 mo sister nurse. She tells him (in a light, joking, fun way) "no, silly. You're a big boy, remember? This is for sissy."

If he persists, she'll let him put his hand at the top (not near the nipple) of her boob.
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#5 of 7 Old 05-23-2009, 12:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for the advice. I do try explain to her that she's a big girl now and she doesn't need "mama's milk" anymore, and how many different fun things she gets to do now that she's older that little sister doesn't get to do. It helps, but she is so stubborn sometimes. I will try more validation and just being there for her if she needs to vent. Today was much better, so hopefully this is just a short lived phase. Thanks again!

married to my sweetheart 12yrs, semi-crunchy mommy to three very attached girls (dd1-3/30/05, dd2 born at 28wks-9/20/07), and dd3 born at home-8/3/10)
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#6 of 7 Old 05-23-2009, 02:30 AM
 
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My 4 yo weaned easily, which was a big surprise to me. About a month later, she said a couple times, "I'm sad that I don't nurse anymore." I mirrored her, which she liked, but she said it a few times over a few days, and once she asked if she could nurse again. I let her, but only to a count of 5. She asked again another day, but I said no, and she was okay with that. I think the one time helped. I figure most of development isn't a straight line, I don't need for this to be, either. It was kind of a gamble, though. I don't know what I would have done if she decided she wanted to go back to daily nursing.
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#7 of 7 Old 05-25-2009, 10:42 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tonimk19 View Post
This is what my friend tells her almost 3 yo who's weaned but sees his 13 mo sister nurse. She tells him (in a light, joking, fun way) "no, silly. You're a big boy, remember? This is for sissy."
My daughter just weaned a little over a week ago and I've had good luck responding lightly too. If she's calmly asking for it, I can giggle and say "silly Phoebe! The mama milk went away, remember?" and she is just fine with that now. She doesn't have a younger sibling, so as far as she is concerned, there is no milk at all, for anyone. But you could take a similar approach sometimes, along with taking time to listen when she's feeling sad about it.

I know you are further into it than I am, but dd and I were having a tough time adjusting to having no milk. I think we've settled in pretty quickly, now--we seem to both be content with our new routines already. I think little kids can adjust pretty quickly to new situations with the right support.
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