SEVERE nursing aversion 9 months AFTER pregnancy - HELP ME PLEASE! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 12-22-2009, 01:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello, mamas. I have a 2 and a half year old and a 9 month old. My nursing aversion did not start until AFTER my second was born. I nursed all the way through the pregnancy with no issues. I had hoped to resume our nursing relationship when the baby was born - i did NOT expect this. This hit me like a sack of bricks. When I started tandem nursing, I had (and still have) nursing aversion to the 9th degree with my toddler.

Its BAD. I want to rip his hair out, throw him across the floor or claw at him while he nurses. Instead I claw at myself and my chest and back are full of scars and scabs. I do not want to feel this way. I HATE it. I don't know what to do about it. He is NOT ready to stop nursing so I don't want to force him to wean, especially since the baby is still nursing. I let him nurse once a day for about 30 seconds. Its the worst part of my day.

I do not have aversion with the baby nursing. But if they nurse together I have it SO bad - it doesn't help. It makes my next nursing session with the baby harder so I do not nurse them together.
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#2 of 15 Old 12-22-2009, 02:43 PM
 
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Hello, mamas. I have a 2 and a half year old and a 9 month old. My nursing aversion did not start until AFTER my second was born. I nursed all the way through the pregnancy with no issues. I had hoped to resume our nursing relationship when the baby was born - i did NOT expect this. This hit me like a sack of bricks. When I started tandem nursing, I had (and still have) nursing aversion to the 9th degree with my toddler.

Its BAD. I want to rip his hair out, throw him across the floor or claw at him while he nurses. Instead I claw at myself and my chest and back are full of scars and scabs. I do not want to feel this way. I HATE it. I don't know what to do about it. He is NOT ready to stop nursing so I don't want to force him to wean, especially since the baby is still nursing. I let him nurse once a day for about 30 seconds. Its the worst part of my day.

I do not have aversion with the baby nursing. But if they nurse together I have it SO bad - it doesn't help. It makes my next nursing session with the baby harder so I do not nurse them together.
I'm all for nursing but if its so bad that you do physical harm on yourself and think about doing it to your two year old then you should consider weaning him because those arent healthy thoughts or actions. I have a 9 month old and 2 1/2 yr old too. I only nurse the 9 month old though, good luck.

 Jess mom to 5!!! 3 boys 2 girls and another girl on the way edd jan 31st! I have a Disabled veteran husband
breastfeeding,cosleeping, non vax,no circ,and nature loving family!

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#3 of 15 Old 12-22-2009, 02:57 PM
 
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If its that bad you really need to consider weaning. Or not nursing them both at the same time.
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#4 of 15 Old 12-22-2009, 03:05 PM
 
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I agree with pp's. Honey, this is causing you anguish. You've stuck it out for nine months. Sometimes it's best to wean. Maybe you can find a new bonding activity with your toddler. A special song and cuddle, perhaps? A few minutes each day (or several times a day) that's just you and him that he can count on.

Wife to dh and mommy to dd1 (3/07), ds (1/10), and dd2 (any day now)!

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#5 of 15 Old 12-22-2009, 03:21 PM
 
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Better to wean that build negative feelings between you and ds. He'll take to no b'milk better than b'milk with all those feelings. Try cuddles and stories for closeness. No nipples

I persisted with one child, much younger than yours, and had a lot of work to undo the damage from how I felt towards him and vice versa. I went on and nursed other children 2 years longer....so enjoy nursing your little one and find other ways of loving your big boy

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#6 of 15 Old 12-22-2009, 03:43 PM
 
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You are not the first to post this by a long shot. I wonder if other primates tandem nurse and if not--is this why? Is it biological? physiological? anthropological--all of the above. You are not alone in these feelings by any stretch.

Wean--and be okay with it.

Luck and love in all you do.

Crunchy con wife with 1 DS and 1 lil DD born in Jan. I love breastfeeding, CDing and Friday night family bed.
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#7 of 15 Old 12-22-2009, 04:10 PM
 
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Could you have PPD? Does this aversion/wanting to hurt your child show up at other times or just when your little one nurses?
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#8 of 15 Old 12-22-2009, 04:27 PM
 
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What you are feeling is very common. Many mothers experience this especially while tandem nursing. I had the same thing while nursing my two youngest children. I could not stand to have him on me and just wanted to scream and scream. I've posted a link from the LLLI web site just to give you a little support. I did end up weaning the older of my nurslings. Good luck and be gentle with yourself.

http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVAugSep03p90.html
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#9 of 15 Old 12-24-2009, 11:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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PPD is possible. This only happens when DS nurses though. I think I have no choice but to wean. I think it'll be best for us. He is so not ready to though - it's going to kill him.

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Could you have PPD? Does this aversion/wanting to hurt your child show up at other times or just when your little one nurses?
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#10 of 15 Old 12-24-2009, 12:17 PM
 
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With all do respect, having an aversion to nursing your toddler is one thing but harming yourself is serious stuff. You need to see a doctor to discuss your feelings for doing this to yourself. I don't think it's normal to have these strong feeling towards yourself and your child and you really need to have support to help you through this.

"Breastfeeding is a robust, biologically stable activity so central to our evolutionary identity that it names the class of animals to which we belong" (Breastfeeding Atlas, Third Edition)
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#11 of 15 Old 12-24-2009, 04:47 PM
 
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PPD is possible. This only happens when DS nurses though. I think I have no choice but to wean. I think it'll be best for us. He is so not ready to though - it's going to kill him.
You know, he might handle it better than you expect. Employ lots of distraction and cuddles. It might piss him off for a while, but keep loving on him in a non-nursing way. If you decide to wean, you can always come back here and get support and ask questions.

Wife to dh and mommy to dd1 (3/07), ds (1/10), and dd2 (any day now)!

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#12 of 15 Old 12-28-2009, 06:52 PM
 
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With all do respect, having an aversion to nursing your toddler is one thing but harming yourself is serious stuff. You need to see a doctor to discuss your feelings for doing this to yourself. I don't think it's normal to have these strong feeling towards yourself and your child and you really need to have support to help you through this.
I agree. I would personally wean and then have some serious thoughts and talks about why you would put yourself through that. Why you would persist with something that causes you so much anxiety.

I felt that way during pregnancy (had images of flinging him against the wall) and weaned as quickly as I could.

I think it's worth examining what influences you have in your life that would lead you to harm yourself instead of just saying 'no'.


DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#13 of 15 Old 12-31-2009, 07:44 PM
 
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PPD is possible. This only happens when DS nurses though. I think I have no choice but to wean. I think it'll be best for us. He is so not ready to though - it's going to kill him.
I believe you that he's not ready. But it really isn't normal to harm yourself when nursing to avoid hurting your child. Tense, squirrelly feelings are totally normal....can you have some warm, not hot, tea during nursing. Or put a hot pad on your back...or a foot vibrator...or something that distracts you from the freaked out feelings? Can you read a magazine?

Are you getting anything like enough rest? Any way to get more? Drinking enough and getting yummy food? Any regular exercise?

You are very wise to reach out for help.
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#14 of 15 Old 12-31-2009, 08:27 PM
 
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Nursing a child for 2 1/2 years is, I think, heroic. Your reactions are telling you that you've had enough. Who can blame you?? Honestly, I had that reaction before you did (I only got to age one with both my kids - and I remember feeling like "I've had enough. I want my body to myself now.")
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#15 of 15 Old 01-03-2010, 03:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I believe you that he's not ready. But it really isn't normal to harm yourself when nursing to avoid hurting your child. Tense, squirrelly feelings are totally normal....can you have some warm, not hot, tea during nursing. Or put a hot pad on your back...or a foot vibrator...or something that distracts you from the freaked out feelings? Can you read a magazine?

Are you getting anything like enough rest? Any way to get more? Drinking enough and getting yummy food? Any regular exercise?

You are very wise to reach out for help.
Unfortunately I've tried distractions of all kinds - tv, eating, watching the baby, reading - and nothing works.

Fortunately I do get enough rest because I co sleep with the baby. I also try to nap with the kids most days. I could probably get more water in my diet - especially now that I'm exercising more. I'm working out a curves several times a week these days.

I've learned my lesson - we are not having any more babies until this one is weaned and sleeping in her own bed. Having the 4 of us in a bed is a little tight. (Although the toddler occasionally will sleep in his bed.) Ah well - live and learn.

I'm starting to wean - I think I'm going to set a date that will kinda be my cutoff point. That way I will know how to phase it out every day until then. I'm not sure but I know I have to do this. It breaks my heart but I have no choice.
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