17 months. What to do? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 8 Old 04-28-2010, 04:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
FondestBianca's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 2,592
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not sure how to phrase this, especially given the breastfeeding tone of mothering.com. A wonderful tone might I add... but, leaning heavily toward BLW.

For medical and some personal reasons I would like to begin the weening process with 17 month old ds. We've had a very healthy, good breasfeeding relationship. Despite latching issues, chronic pain, mastitis more than once, thrush that left me having to nurse through open wounds on my nipples 3 seperate occasions, and exclusive baby to breast feeding (in other words, no bottles and no break) we've had a sucessful run at this thus far.

While ds has cut back some he isn't showing any disinterest for breastfeeding. In fact, he often drags the pillow he always lays his head on in my lap for feedings over to me and insists I feed him. I do of course. He also still wakes up once or twice during his nighttime sleep and requires to be fed. More so for comfort than intake.

I've been quite sick for a long time and getting worse. I won't go into detail but there is a chance that drinking my milk could make ds ill if indeed I have what it appears that I do. There are also some personal issues that I'd rather not get into but, having an older child continue to breastfeed may become difficult for me. We're not at that point yet but I don't want to wait until I get there.

I do feel bad for wanting to slow and eventually take away something ds clearly benifits from both nutritionally and emotionally but also understand that at some point he will stop (by his choice or mine).

Here is what I'm having trouble with. He's never had a bottle or sippy (even with breastmilk) and I don't want him to start now. He hasn't used a pacifier since 3 or 4 months old and he's not going back to them. He will drink from a cup with straw and I've been able to replace some daytime feedings this way. However, I can't replace the comfort sucking that he still asks for 4-6 times per day when refusing his cup. Without a bottle, sippy, or pacifier how do I manage to further the weening process? The night feedings seem especially impossible. I've tried holding him, rocking him, singing to him, laying down with him, etc... but even if he does fall asleep he usually wakes a 1/2 hour to an hour later wanting to breastfeed. I NEED sleep and that routine is not possible for me for any length of time. Falling asleep while BFing ds isn't possible for me (causes of chronic pain won't allow).

How do I..... I don't even know where to start. I don't want this to be a tramatic process for either of us but, I don't know that I can or should wait this out much longer.

~TRACY, wife to loving dh, mommy to dd (10/05), ds(12/08), 3 kitties, & 2 pups.
FondestBianca is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 8 Old 04-28-2010, 04:37 PM
 
justKate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Gloucester Point, VA
Posts: 3,549
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Your post makes me feel selfish for my post about wanting to wean my 15 month old because she drives me batty when she nurses.

With all due respect to the UA, I think MDC acknowledges that CLW isn't for every family. We're here about natrual FAMILY living, not about CLW at all costs. IMO, and I know it might not be shared by everyone here, babies are born into families. For a year life revolves around the baby. After a year, baby starts being (gently) demoted from dictator to family member, and his wants get balanced against others' needs. You've given your son 17 months of breastmilk, which is a great gift. If weaning or partially weaning is right for your family, do what's right for your family. Other than that, I can't give you much advice, except to say that you've done a great job and you should give yourself some credit. Good luck with your decision and don't be hard on yourself.

justKate is offline  
#3 of 8 Old 04-28-2010, 05:03 PM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry you're feeling torn about this. It's really hard to make the conscious decision to start the weaning process. But, the truth is a lot of moms feel like it's time to start making steps towards weaning during the 2nd year. I personally would like to be done nursing DD by the time she's 2 and we've been working together on it.

There is a Mama-Led Weaning support thread that I sometimes post on. It's helpful to know you're not alone. It's not all or nothing either. Slowly work on eliminating one nursing session at a time, and be flexible. I'm not sure how much time you want to allow, b/c of your health, but there are definitely gentle ways to encourage weaning.

W/my DD, we've so far nightweaned and eliminated morning (wakeup) nursing sessions and mostly afternoon sessions. We now only nurse to sleep (nap and bedtime) and *sometimes* between lunch and dinner. And of course, if she gets hurt or something, and asks, I still let her. We're moving slow, lol.

It's ok to be sad about it but want it too. s

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
#4 of 8 Old 04-28-2010, 05:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
FondestBianca's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 2,592
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by justKate View Post


Your post makes me feel selfish for my post about wanting to wean my 15 month old because she drives me batty when she nurses.

With all due respect to the UA, I think MDC acknowledges that CLW isn't for every family. We're here about natrual FAMILY living, not about CLW at all costs. IMO, and I know it might not be shared by everyone here, babies are born into families. For a year life revolves around the baby. After a year, baby starts being (gently) demoted from dictator to family member, and his wants get balanced against others' needs. You've given your son 17 months of breastmilk, which is a great gift. If weaning or partially weaning is right for your family, do what's right for your family. Other than that, I can't give you much advice, except to say that you've done a great job and you should give yourself some credit. Good luck with your decision and don't be hard on yourself.
thank you for the kind words. I guess my guilt over it has something to do with the 2 extremes being forced on us moms all the time. One half telling us breastfeeding too long is weird and wrong and the other side tisking if we don't let our babies do it for as long as they want to. The in between seem to be less vocal. I started having thoughts about weening when ds was around 15 months but haven't started to actually TRY to cut back until just recently. I don't really know what other steps I can take from here without making it a bad experience.

Again thank you for the perspective and relating.

~TRACY, wife to loving dh, mommy to dd (10/05), ds(12/08), 3 kitties, & 2 pups.
FondestBianca is offline  
#5 of 8 Old 04-28-2010, 05:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
FondestBianca's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 2,592
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post
I'm so sorry you're feeling torn about this. It's really hard to make the conscious decision to start the weaning process. But, the truth is a lot of moms feel like it's time to start making steps towards weaning during the 2nd year. I personally would like to be done nursing DD by the time she's 2 and we've been working together on it.

There is a Mama-Led Weaning support thread that I sometimes post on. It's helpful to know you're not alone. It's not all or nothing either. Slowly work on eliminating one nursing session at a time, and be flexible. I'm not sure how much time you want to allow, b/c of your health, but there are definitely gentle ways to encourage weaning.

W/my DD, we've so far nightweaned and eliminated morning (wakeup) nursing sessions and mostly afternoon sessions. We now only nurse to sleep (nap and bedtime) and *sometimes* between lunch and dinner. And of course, if she gets hurt or something, and asks, I still let her. We're moving slow, lol.

It's ok to be sad about it but want it too. s
Thank you for the link! I didn't know such a thread existed here. I knew there had to be others in the same boat. It seems those are much less vocal unfortunatly. Leaving people like myself feeling like they can't really go to anyone for advice. Seems like theres the, "BFing isn't nessesary and is weird once baby is over 1" camp and the, "babies should be allowed to BF as long as they want to" camp. Nice to see another group in the middle. I will definatly head over there and do some reading.

I have tried to eliminate feedings and thought I was sucessful at that for awhile but, soon realized that he ended the day with just as many feedings.... just a different times. Little bugger. He has really been wanting to nurse more frequently the last couple weeks. If we're out and about away from the house he doesn't even hint at it but, at home he always seems to be trying to crawl in my lap. Just an hour ago he asked so I put him down on his special pillow in my lap, got him cuddled up in a blanket, and tried to get him to drink from his cup instead but, he just stared at the cup then poked my boob while saying, "eh?" until I gave in. I'd have to find some new activity, game, or toy for him everyday to try to distract him at home.

Thank you for the suggestions.... and hope!

~TRACY, wife to loving dh, mommy to dd (10/05), ds(12/08), 3 kitties, & 2 pups.
FondestBianca is offline  
#6 of 8 Old 05-03-2010, 07:09 PM
 
crunchy_mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 6,460
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think there are way more moms in your shoes than you realize!!! I want to say I am firmly set on CLW but I also feel I need to give myself an "out" when the time comes. For now I'm CLW but I reserve the right to change my mind at any time! Like you, there are personal reasons that may make it difficult for me to continue to BF an older child. I'm not sure I'll feel comfortable with it, & I won't know 'til I get there. I also have been dealing with a chronic illness for 4+ years and am trying desperately to get a formal diagnosis & *hopefully* treatment. I will be heart-broken if treatment involves me having to wean DS but at the same time I cannot go on living like this & I am not the best parent I could be, because of this untreated illness. I think it is totally OK for you to feel conflicted & for that reason I would encourage you to take it as slowly as you can (if possible) to give YOU time to adjust too. You are a very crucial part of the nursing relationship & weaning may be hard on you & you may need to learn whole new ways of parenting. I am terrified of weaning because NOT BF'ing him seems to difficult; BF'ing is the easy answer to a lot of our day-to-day struggles. So I just want to remind you to consider yourself in this process, not just your DS.

I have never weaned a kid since I only have a 15mo so I'm not sure how great my advice will be!! But I notice the same thing, that he will go quite a while without BF'ing if we're out & about, but wants it constantly when we're home. Often I can distract him (when necessary) by reading his favorite books over & over, he loves that & he still gets his cuddle time & his 'down time'... you could also try taking him for walks, wearing him while you do stuff around the house, playing music & dancing together...

Do you offer him just his cup or also a snack? DS is usually not at all interested in drinking from his cup (I'm sure it's partly because like you we never did bottles or sippy's but we did just recently give him a straw cup & he's been drinking from an open cup since 2mos old but only very very tiny amounts) but if we give him a snack that helps postpone his BF'ing quite a bit.

Also, silly question, but do you cover up after nursing him (like at night while he's lying right beside you?) I notice if I don't pull my shirt back down, or even better, roll over, he smells or senses the nipple & wants to BF more often during the night.

Can you spend most of your days out & about for a week or two? And maybe have your DH take over the evening/nighttime parenting? If that's possible it might help him get in the habit of not BF'ing and then slowly add in more time at home, more evening/nighttime with you again, but not BF'ing... maybe taking baths, cuddling, reading, etc.

Co-sleeping is really wonderful when your child actually SLEEPS!! familybed1.gif
crunchy_mommy is offline  
#7 of 8 Old 05-24-2010, 01:07 AM
 
asoulunbound's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: MD
Posts: 719
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DD is 19 months old, and I am physically and emotionally tired. I want to keep nursing her until 2 bc she's unvaxed, but Im really unhappy nursing her constantly- I feel like I have a newborn. BTW, I work outside the home and just stopped pumping about two weeks ago (which feels great at work), so sometimes it feels like she is nursing the whole time I'm home (making work look really nice lol!)
asoulunbound is offline  
#8 of 8 Old 05-26-2010, 10:50 PM
 
tanyam926's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,508
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think that most MDC moms would agree to do what's best for the whole family above all else and IME here there is so much advocating for choice, respecting the choices of others and expecting respect for our choices.

One valuable lesson we teach our children is how to get their needs met while respecting the needs of others. The weaning process, no matter at what age it takes place is one way this lesson is learned.

Your son will not be traumatized by weaning, even if it is hard for him at first, bc you love him and he knows that.

I agree w/advice from pp about weaning as slowly as possible, cut out one nursing session every few days, find something fun to do that will distract him (kiddie swimming pool outside, sand box, art projects, etc), and it should all work out.

Wife to dh, Mommy to ds1 12/2002, ds2 9/2005, and ds3 9/2008.
tanyam926 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off