Catching a lot of flac for nursing 19mo - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 25 Old 02-05-2011, 07:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My LLL meeting (the one place that I feel accepted as a mom) is still almost a week away and I am feeling like it is me against the world in terms of nursing.  I am sick of all the when will you wean or shouldn't she be weaned or worse comments.  I am sick of hearing she doesn't need it.  And worst of all my husband also thinks I should wean and gets angry if I nurse in public instead of in a bathroom or our car when we are out and about with him.  I personally would love to wean, BUT it is very clear to me that DD still needs nursing, it is important to her, so total weaning is out of the question.  I do place limits like when we do xyz then we will nurse but she still is an avid nurser.  I guess I am just looking for some encouragement and maybe some catty retorts to the rude comments and some informational responses for the kinder remarks.  

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#2 of 25 Old 02-05-2011, 09:05 AM
 
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Just stopping by to say clap.gifnursing for 19 months!  you rock!

 

and nursing for 19 months in the face of adversity - you totally rock! thumbsup.gif  partytime.gif joy.gif

 

keep going, Mama. Your baby needs it and just about every medical association supports you.

 

And your mdc mamas support you too love.gif

 

i'm sure someone will have helpful advice.  i'm in a nak state of bliss, so i'll supply the encouragement orngbiggrin.gif

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#3 of 25 Old 02-05-2011, 10:56 AM
 
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HUGS MAMA!  Good for you for nursing your baby for 19months AND in the face of adversity!

I've had a couple of issues with pple giving me unsolicted advice on no longer nursing my DS (18mos).  Grrr.  People are so quick to remark on parenting and babies.  I wish everyone would keep their opinions to themselves.  I'd NEVER make a comment about bottle-feeding, even tho I do think breast is best.  So why should others be able to comment on me?

Anyhow, I'm not so great on the snappy comments, but one DH as said totally in jest before is, "When I want your opinion, I'll tell it to you."  I think it is kinda funny.

 

kellymom has some good comebacks. 

 

Like the previous poster said, WE SUPPORT YOU!  You are doing a GREAT JOB.  Your baby is VERY LUCKY to have you as a mom.  YOU know what is best for your baby, not some dummy on the street, and not even a well-meaning friend.  Good luck!!!!

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#4 of 25 Old 02-05-2011, 11:54 AM
 
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I tend to be in your face with my husband when he has the nerve to say or act that way.

 

As far as others go, I don't know..I am the sort who tells people I am going to nurse until they go to college. Then they get off on that tangent and stop ragging on me for nursing now.

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#5 of 25 Old 02-05-2011, 11:56 AM
 
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Oh, and next time I serve a meal, I would set my dh up in the bathroom. Then when he says something about it, I would just say quite as sweet and kind as I can "well, I figure since you keep wanting the baby to eat in the bathroom, and I KNOW you only want the best for our child, that it must mean YOU want to eat in the bathroom." Be very serious about it and try to walk away quickly.

 

((((hugs))))

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#6 of 25 Old 02-05-2011, 04:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

Oh, and next time I serve a meal, I would set my dh up in the bathroom. Then when he says something about it, I would just say quite as sweet and kind as I can "well, I figure since you keep wanting the baby to eat in the bathroom, and I KNOW you only want the best for our child, that it must mean YOU want to eat in the bathroom." Be very serious about it and try to walk away quickly.

 

((((hugs))))


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#7 of 25 Old 02-05-2011, 04:19 PM
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"oh my god you're a boob doctor?"...Replied with the appropriate amount of sarcasm necessary for the moment.

I don't have any advice except to say I am right there with you. DD is 20 months (although my signature still says she is 17, gotta get that fixed)...I find that if you talk about it in a matter of fact way as though there isn't any room for discussion people tend to drop it. 
Your DH though needs a kick in the @^#*$^. 

 

He should be your number one source of support! Have you asked him why exactly he wants you to wean? I find now that DD is getting older and we aren't weaning any time soon DH sometimes complains that he wants my boobs to himself again. I get that, I really do. They were his to enjoy before DD came along and now they are pretty much DD's (someday I might own them myself!!) but your DH has got to be supportive! I think just gently asking him questions about why he feels the way he does might get him to maybe share a deeper issue about why he wants you to wean.

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#8 of 25 Old 02-05-2011, 09:33 PM
 
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I just want to say, I'm nursing my 20 month old. I even got surprise from one of the pregnant mommies at my LLL meeting last month because I'm also 8 months pregnant. I think I'm having an easier time dealing with the nursing through pregnancy reactions than I would be if it was just age-related. 


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#9 of 25 Old 02-05-2011, 11:22 PM
 
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I nursed DS until 28 months. You go for it momma!

I always use the phrase " I don't feel like I have to justify my decision." I say it firmly & repeat it if they continue to ask questions. It works on the doctor when they push shots too. It seems like if people continue to question about it, then you defend yourself, they gain control of the conversation. You can take the power back by refusing to engage on the subject. Don't get me wrong, I'd give the benefit of the doubt at first, but if someone were trying to convince me that extended nursing was wrong or unnecessary then I might be pretty chilly pretty quickly. "Oh, I'm so glad YOU know what's best for MY child. Can I call you for advice ANY time?"

Many cultures nurse until the child is 5. I've also heard that long term nursing reduces the chance of breast cancer. I hope you feel better soon & get Dh's support.


~Manjari~ crafty lady, momma to DS Prahlad (3/07) and DD Daisy (7/10). Happily married to my Boo.
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#10 of 25 Old 02-06-2011, 01:12 PM
 
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Great job nursing her this long!  You are doing an awesome thing for her development and your parent-child bond!

I am nursing my 1 year old and get all the same things.  My husband kinda thinks I should wean too, but neither of us are ready.  I tell him and my mother who also discourages me that if I was not nursing her, she would be drinking cows milk which costs money, has hormones, antibiotics, etc, is pasturized(killing all of its beneficial properties) and is homogenized(dangerous!).  I tell them that the breast milk is much better for her, even if she was drinking raw organic cows milk because breast milk was made especially for humans.  It helps her immune system, her growth and development, etc(you've breastfed this long, I'm sure you know what a great thing it is by now lol)

Once again, great job!  And no one can force you to do something that you dont want to do.  Stand up for youself!  And, if someone is really nagging on you, simply tell them to mind their own business.

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#11 of 25 Old 02-06-2011, 01:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the support.  My husband is embarrased because nursing an older child, especially in public, is so far outside the norm.  Where as I feel like I am doing a public service by nursing in public, he feels mortified.  In private he waffles, one moment it is "wean her, she doesn't need it" other times it is "give her the boob".  He is not at all interested in me right now, so he certainly doesn't want them back!  I wish we were on the same page, he was the one that kept me nursing through all of the problems we had when we started out and now it hurts that I don't have his support, especially when everyone else seems to be harassing me.  

 

Thanks for all of the comebacks, serious and funny.  I couldn't help but laugh at the mental picture of serving my husband a nice candelit dinner in the bathroom.  Hey Valentines Day is right around the corner right?

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#12 of 25 Old 02-07-2011, 12:44 PM
 
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O I am so sorry to hear that things are not the best between the two of you.  That must be very hard for you and I am very sorry.  I commend you for sticking it out though.  I am happy to hear that you have not quit BFing to get his approval or to get him to want you, BFing is not the issue I wouldnt say.  One thing that you might have to compromise on in order to make your lives a little easier(although you shouldnt have to!) is agreeing not to nurse her in public to keep the peace between the two of you.  I know that you shouldnt have to do that, and it is totally up to you and how strongly you feel about it.  It would be so nice if he could and would support your decision.  Maybe reminding him of how important it is to you and your daughter?  I'm sorry I'm not much help.  I live in a town where it is abnormal to even BF at all, so I pretty much keep the fact that I do to myself.  But even my closest friends and family are constatly asking me when I'm going to wean and reminding me that she does not need it.  I just say the cows milk thing "If she was not nursing, she would be drinking cows milk, its milk either way".  If that is not convincing then I go into why cows milk is bad lol.

Once again, I am sorry about how things are going for you, I hope they get better.  Could you maybe convince your husband to do couples counseling with you?  Or maybe try sitting down with him and explaining your feelings, and if you do have any compromises, mention them then?  Hope this helps, and hope things start going better.  My heart goes out to you

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#13 of 25 Old 02-07-2011, 05:30 PM
 
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The folks at WIC and the WHO and my daughter's doctor have drilled it into me: nursing on demand for at least 2 years is what's best. The whole "she doesn't need it" thing just doesn't fly, because, yes, she does need it until at least age 2 for her optimal health.

Children who are nursed longer are healthier. These health benefits extend into adulthood, for example, nursing at least 2 years may protect your daughter from getting diabetes as an adult, it may even prevent her from getting Alzheimer's when she's elderly. Some reasons to keep nursing- like an IQ point for every month you breast feed- will show benefits for you right now, like fewer ear infections, less vomiting, less diarrhea, and fewer cases of pink-eye.

As for your husband, I see a lot of issues there...maybe couples counseling or something? Because he doesn't seem to be being a very good husband or father right now. He wants what's best for him, not what's best for his family. It ain't all about him anymore, it is about his child, and you are doing the best thing for her, despite his interference.

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#14 of 25 Old 02-08-2011, 06:55 AM
 
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My stock response is, "and breastmilk from a cow is better than breastmilk from her mother in WHAT way?" I don't know that it makes people think, but it usually shuts them up....

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#15 of 25 Old 02-08-2011, 07:15 AM
 
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Good for you mama!  I can say I am in the same boat.  DS is also 19 months and nursing strong.

 

I second the serving in the bathroom.  That just cracks me up!

 

PM me anytime you need support! 


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#16 of 25 Old 02-08-2011, 08:29 AM
 
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I extended nursed my dd.  I read lots of books on breastfeeding and AP.  The Baby Book By Dr. Sears and The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding were my faves.  When I was pregnant with her I wasn't sure about breastfeeding but when I read those books I decided to nurse until she was ready to wean.  She is almost eleven now and I look back on our nursing relationship with pride and joy.  And I can answer all the negative comments cause I know the benefits.  My dd was only sick a few times over the years..she only started to get sick when she had weaned and was in school all the time.  People said it wouldn;t make a difference to her immunity past a few months, well it sure did.  People said she would be clingy and too afraid to leave me when she got older.  When she started Kindergarten she gave me a wave and walked confidently to her teacher.  And as far as nursing in public I once got into an argument on the radio with a talk show host who saw a segment on extended nursing on tv and wanted to complain about how gross it was.  I think he thought I was calling to agree and I let him have it lol.  Then he said women should nurse in the bathroom and I said that is disgusting and unsanitary and he said "I didn't mean in the STALL" and i told him to go eat his lunch in there since it's so clean and comfortable.  I'm actually quiet in real life lol.  Anyway, sorry to rant but YOU GO GIRL!!! YOU ARE A GREAT MOMMY!!!!

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My favorite comment from an MDCer that I heard once-  When someone asked her how long she was going to nurse her DS, she said "it depends on whether he goes to college in state or out."  HAHAHHA.

 

I am still nursing my 22 month old DS and will continue as long as its good for both of us.  I try not to nurse him in public mostly because it bugs me and I don't think he needs to.  But I think I probably did NIP longer with my DD.  I can't remember at this point.

 

DD nursed until 2.5.  At that point, I was pregnant with DS and getting to where it was uncomfortable.  She weaned with my gentle promise and the bribe of a "big girl party."  our friends were all so incredibly supportive.  She had a cake, and they brought presents.  it was really great.  most were mainstream and didn't breastfeed or only for a short while, so it was such a wonderful  thing to see their support. 

 

Keep proudly nursing your little one.  It is so wonderful for them and their attachment.  DD is so strongly and healthily attached to me.  She has no problem "sharing" me with her little brother and I think extended nursing helped her develop the level of security in herself and her relationship to me.  In fact, there are times that she suggests her brother might need "mamoos."  I got on her about saying that, because if anyone drops the M word, he immediately wants to nurse and I am happy to if he initiates it, but I don't want her initiating it :lol  So now, she says "umm, mom.  I think he needs those things...on the end of your nipples." HAHAH. 

 

Yay for extending nursing!

XOXO

B


mama to Milena Anjali (4/26/06) and Vincent Asher (4/13/09) ~ married to the love of my life since 2002.
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#18 of 25 Old 02-08-2011, 11:13 AM
 
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While reading about vaccines this morning, I came accross this quote, dont know why it was on a vaccine site, and dont know who said it, but I loved it!

If breastfeeding in public disturbs you, please feel free to put a blanket over your head or go finish your meal in the restroom.
 

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While reading about vaccines this morning, I came accross this quote, dont know why it was on a vaccine site, and dont know who said it, but I loved it!

If breastfeeding in public disturbs you, please feel free to put a blanket over your head or go finish your meal in the restroom.
 


Oh weird...I just thought of that(while pumping at work for my five-month-old lol) and came here to post it...great minds think alike 1love4ever!
 

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#20 of 25 Old 02-08-2011, 11:46 AM
 
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Lol I was going to say about WIC, here in Montana WIC takes away all of a mom's benefits that she was getting for BFing when the child turns 1 year old, whether or not you are still BFing.  They then give the 1 year old benefits, which includes whole cows milk.  So, as a BFing mom of a 1 year old on WIC, I am now drinking whole cows milk  :/

 

They neither encourage me or discourage me from BFing past 1 year, but just how they handle their benefits discourages it, as well as the fact that they offer lots of advice on weaning starting at like 6 months!    It is very frustrating.  Anyone know how to go about getting this changed?  I have written to our governor about WIC not allowing any organic food(besides milk) to be purchased, but at the time I did not know about the 1 year old thing.  I dont know what he thought of my letter either, because I accidentally checked the box that said I did not require a response:(

 

Thanks!

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This is pretty common throughout the WIC program. Annoying yes. My WIC counselor gave me a funny look when I told her no he hasn't had cow milk he's still breastfeeding. What just because his birthday was a week away?

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Originally Posted by 1love4ever View Post

Lol I was going to say about WIC, here in Montana WIC takes away all of a mom's benefits that she was getting for BFing when the child turns 1 year old, whether or not you are still BFing.  They then give the 1 year old benefits, which includes whole cows milk.  So, as a BFing mom of a 1 year old on WIC, I am now drinking whole cows milk  :/

 

They neither encourage me or discourage me from BFing past 1 year, but just how they handle their benefits discourages it, as well as the fact that they offer lots of advice on weaning starting at like 6 months!    It is very frustrating.  Anyone know how to go about getting this changed?  I have written to our governor about WIC not allowing any organic food(besides milk) to be purchased, but at the time I did not know about the 1 year old thing.  I dont know what he thought of my letter either, because I accidentally checked the box that said I did not require a response:(

 

Thanks!



I am more of the type to keep breastfeeding in public just to make a point. Although I do remember avoiding it once while waiting for a table at a restaurant in the crowded lobby when I felt like a guy was leering at ds(who was also 2.5 yrs at the time) and I. The only time I ever bf'd in the bathroom and I still remember ds asking why we were nursing in the bathroom.

 

As for your dh, I'm sorry he's not being more supportive. Have you tried talking to him about his discomfort with it? My dh was super supportive until ds turned 2. He wasn't giving me a hard time but kept asking when I was going to wean him. I told him that I wasn't and no offense to him as the father but our nursing relationship really was between ds and I and neither of us were ready for it to stop. He came around a bit more when I talked to him about all the benefits of nursing a toddler/preschooler.

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I am nursing my 19 month old and thankfully most of the confusion/opposition has been not from family.

I do keep a copy of of a Kellymom Extended Breastfeeding Fact Sheet (http://www.kellymom.com/store/freehandouts/extended_bf_factsheet.pdf) in my diaper bag at all times since I encountered a confused/misleading doctor at my son's 1 year well child visit. Thankfully I haven't had to use it, but I feel better knowing that I would have all those facts about fewer illnesses, higher IQ, etc. handy.


I have one wonderful husband and one wonderful little toddler boy!
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#23 of 25 Old 02-09-2011, 05:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ctrygirlatheart View Post

Thanks for all the support.  My husband is embarrased because nursing an older child, especially in public, is so far outside the norm.  Where as I feel like I am doing a public service by nursing in public, he feels mortified.  In private he waffles, one moment it is "wean her, she doesn't need it" other times it is "give her the boob".  He is not at all interested in me right now, so he certainly doesn't want them back!  I wish we were on the same page, he was the one that kept me nursing through all of the problems we had when we started out and now it hurts that I don't have his support, especially when everyone else seems to be harassing me.  

 

Thanks for all of the comebacks, serious and funny.  I couldn't help but laugh at the mental picture of serving my husband a nice candelit dinner in the bathroom.  Hey Valentines Day is right around the corner right?


This post stood out to me, your husband was the one who helped you through difficult times in the beginning - can you maybe say to him how much you appreciated that and you'd love to get that support back again, quoting the WHO, AAP and UNICEF may help as well, just another thought that you are not nursing an older child - an older child to me is someone of say between 5 and 8 years old before getting into the tween years, a toddler for me is when our babies start walking and moving around which, for me is around 1 - 2 years old and a child is 3 - 5, does this make sense, seeing your toddler as exactly that can help take the image away of a child, one of the things that I do in my meetings is hold up a measuring tape - in inches normally from 0 - 60 inchs, every inch equates to a year, if we nurse our babies for 2 years and look at that time in comparison to the persons life it's such a short time - why would we want to make it shorter - this sort of image may help your dh and mother understand what you are trying to achieve.

 

Loved the comment about the bathroom too, I'll keep that one for some of my mothers if it comes up, and about your LLL meetings - you can contact either your local leader or helpline when dealing with this sort of thing, they are there for all sorts of support.


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#24 of 25 Old 02-09-2011, 07:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the love, went to LLL yesterday too and feeling better and more informed, although I think I need a cue card with facts and witty comebacks so that I don't just sit there with my mouth open next time another comment comes my way.  DD and I will be out and about all day today library, beach, muesum, and a couple of meals out so it will be a good day to practice.  I am just now remembering that people made some pretty rude comments when I was pregnant too, what is it with people?  I am sure even after weaning my parenting will always be up for public comment.  

 

DH and I have many issues to work on and started counseling a couple of weeks ago.  The LLL leader gently reminded me that perhaps he just needed some education on why BFing is still important and that I might ask him what about NIP specifically bothers him, if he is worried about someone catching a glimpse of boob, maybe using a nursing cover would placate him.  So I will bring this up at our session this week as that seems to be the only place we can talk about things without yelling or him being too tired.  Who knows maybe the therapist will get an education too!  

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#25 of 25 Old 02-09-2011, 08:35 AM
 
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I am grateful you received the support you wanted.  LLL to the rescue!

 

I once read a post here on MDC from a mama whom was being attacked about her decisions.  Instead of getting back in their face, she just didn't say anything and just kinda raised her eyebrows in disbelief.  It leaves the person attacking (from lack of knowledge) feeling like an ass and hopefully they will think about it before they open their mouths the next time.  I actually have tried this and it really worked on a day that I just didn't give a shit. 

 

I think people say stupid things because they are scared of what they do not understand.  There are times when I am not interested in educating others, which is not often... mainly when super tired... especially the ones that are just plain rude.  I will however get on my soap box when asked respectfully.  I decided awhile back that I cannot convey all our beliefs to people that really don't care.....  sad really.  I decided to chose my battles, KWIM?


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