My mom wants me to stop nursing my child. help. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 27 Old 09-09-2011, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi, everyone

 

I'm 19 and mom to a beautiful 14 months old, River.

I'm still breastfeeding  and want to breastfeed for at least 2 years or longer,and my mother says that a day I will regret it, because:

 

1) Other children will make fun of him because of that at school (and dont say homeschool, I cant and wont)

2)Even they dont, he will notice sooner or later that most children are bottle feed and the ones who arent usually are nursed for just a few months...and that will make him feel different and weird, and he wont care that brestfeeding for 3, 4 or even 7 years is actually more natural.

 

 

 

I'm really starting to doubt myself :/

 

 

So mamas, were ur kids made fun of because of that?

If you have teens/grown up children, did they ever asked you why you breastfed them for years?did you talk about that?

were they resentful or ok

 

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#2 of 27 Old 09-09-2011, 03:35 PM
 
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My kids breastfed until they were both around 2 years old.  They've never been made fun of for it because it's just not something kids talk about.

 

Every child is different from other kids in some ways.  My kids didn't drink from bottles.  They've never looked at a bottle and felt uncomfortable about it, just as they don't look at kids with dark hair and feel uncomfortable about that, because they have light hair.

 

Honestly, your mom's reasons for you to wean before you and your son are ready are pretty silly.  Just keep doing what you are doing and be confident that you are doing the right thing!


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#3 of 27 Old 09-10-2011, 11:18 AM
 
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I like to focus on the positives:

 

By continuing to breastfeed your little one, you are reducing his chance of getting sick, making sure he reaches his full IQ potential, and meeting his emotional needs.

 

You are also saving money that could go towards his college fund!

 

You are also reducing your chance of getting breast cancer, and ovarian cancer.

 

And you are helping the environment by feeding him a really good local food that has no metal or plastic or cardboard packaging and doesn't require lots of oil to manufacture or ship it to the store.

 

Somehow I can't see him being upset with you for doing all those things!!!

 

Congratulations on breastfeeding this long, Mama, and continuing to do what you feel is right for your little one.

 

(I'm breastfeeding my 16 month old too!)

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#4 of 27 Old 09-10-2011, 01:21 PM
 
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My mom nursed me for 2 1/2 years.  I am actually really, really proud of her (and grateful!) for doing it.  My older sisters teased me for it, even when I was a teenager, but they have issues that constantly made them want to belittle me even into adulthood, so they don't count.  Other than that, no one even KNEW I nursed that long.  If one of my friends had found out and made fun of me I would have just said "hey it's good for babies!".

 

My DS nursed for 3 1/2 years, and again, no one even knows he nursed that long, besides immediate family and a few close friends.  His friends don't know or ask.  He has no reason to bring it up.  He doesn't even remember nursing.  It's just not a topic of discussion. Kids don't TALK about it!

 

I think the issue here is that your mom feels uncomfortable with it (probably due to ignorance of what is normal and healthy) and so she's coming up with absurd reasons to get you to stop.  Nurse your baby and don't worry about it!

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#5 of 27 Old 09-10-2011, 01:39 PM
 
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One of my children was breastfed 6 years! I have 3 adult sons and the other were breastfed 3 and 4 years. No one ever made fun of them. I don't think they tell people how long they were breastfed but they support breastfeeding whenever possible. My son that nursed 4 years is a father and his son nursed 2.5 years until his mother got pregnant. She weaned because she has a horrible diet and she didn't want to hurt the developing baby.

 

If I was a mother now I would worry that my children would be upset with me when they grew up if I didn't breastfeed them. How can a mother today with all we know about breastfeeding not breastfeed for at least 2 years.


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#6 of 27 Old 09-10-2011, 02:11 PM
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Tell your mom that the World Health Organization (WHO) recommends breastfeeding for at least two years. 

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#7 of 27 Old 09-10-2011, 02:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by power to pandas View Post

1) Other children will make fun of him because of that at school (and dont say homeschool, I cant and wont)

2)Even they dont, he will notice sooner or later that most children are bottle feed and the ones who arent usually are nursed for just a few months...and that will make him feel different and weird, and he wont care that brestfeeding for 3, 4 or even 7 years is actually more natural.

 


If you take your child to Disney Land every single month, that's pretty different that what other kids are doing, and he and other kids are probably going to notice that he's different. But do you really think your son is going to feel resentful to you for letting him go to Disney Land so often?

 

I mean, I know a lot of people are super into conformity and little kids will tease each other about dang near anything... but c'mon! orngtongue.gif

 

And it's quite likely almost all of his friends get spanked or worse. Are you gonna start spanking your kid just so he doesn't feel left out?

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#8 of 27 Old 09-10-2011, 02:52 PM
 
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My little brother was breastfed until he was three and I don't think it was an issue that ever really came up with his friends and I certainly don't ever remember him being teased about it.  He's twenty now and ridiculously well adjusted, gets along with everyone and has absolutely no over attachment to our parents (if anything I think they wish he was a little more attached).  To be honest every person I've ever talked to who can remember being nursed as a child has wonderful memories of it, not embarrassment or shame (except for maybe a little bit in the teenage years, lol).  Not that you have to nurse your son until he's an age where he'll remember it, but I basically see this as a non-issue and I imagine once he's old enough to learn about all the health benefits he'll appreciate the fact that you breastfed him.  My philosophy about parenting is to do what works for your family until it doesn't work anymore.  If breastfeeding your son is working for you and him right now than that's what you should do no matter what your mother says about it or vague fears about him being uncomfortable in the future. 

 

I have to say also, I love breastfeeding a toddler.  It instantly stops tantrums, it's wonderful for keeping them healthy or helping them feel better when they are sick or hurt, it's a nice way to connect.  The only people I know who regret breastfeeding as long as they did are the people who felt like they were doing it because of outward pressure or ridiculously high expectations they held for themselves (and those people nursed really long, both their kids weaned at five).  I think you should do what's right for you and your son and you owe no one an explanation or apology for doing that.

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#9 of 27 Old 09-11-2011, 02:10 PM
 
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My ds was breastfed until 4, dd still is at 2. I would suggest not to argue with your mom about how your kid will feel at 4 y/o. Who knows, maybe he'd want to stop at 2!

 

1) if your kid starts school at 4 or 5, chances are no other kid will know or care who else was breastfed / bottlefed and for long. Also, chances are that by that age your child will only nurse once or twice a day, it's not like he would need milk every three hours like a 14mo does.

 

2) I completely disagree with that. No school aged kid drinks milk from a bottle (at least not in public) and no, your son will not know the other kids were bottlefed and he won't feel weird.

 

My ds remembers nursing, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't remember exactly at what age he stopped. I can assure you, the subject of breastfeeding versus bottlefeeding simply doesn't come up in conversations between 4/5/6 year-olds.

 

If I were you, I would stop defending myself. It's not your mom's business how long your son nurses. I will just say, mom, we'll see when we get there. I think there is no point in trying to convince her what is best for your son, seeing that her argument is that you need to give in to peer pressure.

 

Good luck.


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#10 of 27 Old 09-11-2011, 06:34 PM
 
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My DH was breastfed until he turned 6 with no negative results.  He was surprised when his mom told him, because he doesn't actually remember nursing- probably because it was just a normal part of his day.  No one ever made fun of him, and he knows it was great for his health.  

 

I think sometimes parents have a hard time when they watch their adult children make different parenting choices than they did...maybe it makes them feel insecure about their choices, and start to wonder if they were "good enough." Its just a guess, but perhaps your mom is trying to pressure you into quitting nursing/bottlefeeding because that is what SHE did, and she feels stressed out about you making a different choice with your son. 


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#11 of 27 Old 09-11-2011, 08:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by power to pandas View Post

Hi, everyone

 

I'm 19 and mom to a beautiful 14 months old, River.

I'm still breastfeeding  and want to breastfeed for at least 2 years or longer,and my mother says that a day I will regret it, because:

 

1) Other children will make fun of him because of that at school (and dont say homeschool, I cant and wont)

After I had my first, I started knowing that a few people that I knew nursed for long time. I know I complete family, where all siblings nursed for at least 3 yo and the youngest until 8. All of them, are now regular and well adjusted people. They talk about the amount of time that each one nursed because  we all have kids and chats about parenting stuff. For them breastfeeding is just normal, something as normal as breath. Like you don't talk about how or how much your breath.. 

My youngest nursed until past her 6th birthday and she never had a conversation about breastfeeding. Yes, we homeschool, but we see many other kids in a regular basic and  it never been an issue. Anyway, it's something that she'll never be ashamed, but the contrary.

2)Even they dont, he will notice sooner or later that most children are bottle feed and the ones who arent usually are nursed for just a few months...and that will make him feel different and weird, and he wont care that brestfeeding for 3, 4 or even 7 years is actually more natural.

 

Since we had my first we start to making more like minded AP friends and families. So many of our friends families out of the homeschooling spectrum have kids that nursed for at least a year or two. Really, I don't see why bottle feeding or breastfeeding has to be an issue for the point of view of the kids. My kids are been seen me bottlefeeding some elses babies. Each one to their own. For us is not a Tabu topic in either way!

 

 

 

 

I'm really starting to doubt myself :/ Don't doubt!, you're doing just fine. Look at your child, not somebody else personal issues with it!

 

 

So mamas, were ur kids made fun of because of that?

If you have teens/grown up children, did they ever asked you why you breastfed them for years?did you talk about that? All the adults and teens that I know are very proud of themselves and their moms. The ones are parents now nurse their little ones or support of  their significant ones to.

were they resentful or ok. Not at all. It's like your rise your child to eat real food, of course they'll less like to eats over processed food in the long run.

 



 


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#12 of 27 Old 09-11-2011, 10:55 PM
 
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I dont see how other kids would even know that he was BF for that long!  I have seriously never heard that argument before, even with 4yr olds who are BF.  I also dont think that young kids even pay attention to how long other kids are BF for, or who is bottle fed vs breast, or which is more common or anything!

I was only BF for 6 months and I wonder what it would be like if I was BF for a year or more, and I wish that would have been the case.  I was only able to nurse DD for 16 and a half months, and I wish so much that I could have done so for longer.  This is your baby and your choice.  It obviously makes both of you happy, I loved BFing DD and no one understood that, but no one thankfully was too negative about it either, except a friend who only BF her son who was the same age for 6 months and she was very jealous or resentful or something that I did it for so long.

Anyway, if you do something because someone else wants you too, not because it is your choice, you will likely regret and it wonder what it could have been like if you had followed your heart:)

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#13 of 27 Old 09-11-2011, 11:08 PM
 
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Ditto to the pp who said your mom is uncomfortable with it and is making weird excuses.

 

I'm BFing my almost-3-yo and no one would know if if I didn't tell them (which I sometimes do so that I can promote the idea that BFing beyond infancy is normal and natural!) My DD nurses 0-3 times a day now- usually just when she wakes in the morning and when I put her to bed at night. I love these nursing sessions and so does she. But it's not something that comes up in our daily life with others unless I choose to bring it up- why would it? And who's going to make fun of a 3yo?

 

My son is 5 and he was also breastfed, although he hasn't nursed in a long time. I giggle at the thought of he and his friends sitting around discussing who was breastfed and who was bottlefed. More like who burped and who farted, if they talk at all inbetween jumping on the couch and bonking each other with balloons.


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#14 of 27 Old 09-12-2011, 12:51 AM
 
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Our dd is slightly envious of her little brother who nursed for a year more than she did!!  It's how we as people conceive breastfeeding, your mother may need help resolving her issues with breastfeeding, I helped my mother and the more I studied and found out the more I understood that she really did want to do it, it's just sometimes (even today) we can be given completely the wrong advice and things don't work out, when you are feeling stronger and more confident in your choice having a bit of a heart to heart with your mum may resolve some of the issues.


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#15 of 27 Old 09-12-2011, 06:19 AM
 
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My husband was actually embarassed over NOT being breastfed! He had always assumed he had been until we were expecting and were talking about breastfeeding..he couldn't believe it (my mil had issues after birth that prevented it)! That just goes to show how little these things get brought up in general conversation. The only way i think your son would be embarassed is if he is like 4 or older and out of habit, goes to breastfeed in puvlic or while a friend is over and they make a comment. If another child associated bf with babies and then actually saw your son doing it they may be surprised, but even then usually all that little kids need is a little more information to help them understand, most kids are very open minded!
I definately wouldn't let those issues worry you because you will know if it becomes 'wierd'for u or him and that really is just for the two of u to decide!
I find it odd that your mom is comfortable enough to talk about breastfeeding to come up with issues, but not comfortable enough with it to just respect your and your sons wishes..
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#16 of 27 Old 09-12-2011, 09:50 AM
 
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Many toddlers nurse only a couple of times a day but there are toddlers that nurse 8 times a day or more and it is normal. There are children over 3 that nurse more than 2-3 times a day. Most but not all children over 3 only nurse at home or in private.

 

Since we don't see these the children over 3 nursing our society assumes children over 3 (or over 6 months or 1 or 2 depending on the area of the country) don't breastfeed. Since society believes babies/children of a certain age don't breastfeed then there must be something wrong with people that breastfeed over that age. They are sexual perverts. They are extremists. The child is going to be damaged. They usually mean well. Thay usually can't be swayed by facts, they have their minds made up.

 

My ex-husband thinks Sarah Palin should be president. My adult sons and I see him several times a year. We don't bring up the subject. How can any well informed, educated person think Sarah Palin should be president? (Sorry if I offend Sarah Paling fans) We make sure we keep the conversation away from politics. There is no way we are going to change his mind about Sarah Palin and we are just going to get upset if we talk politicst. Sometimes we just have to keep the subject away from topic we know are going to upset us when we are with family.

 

If your mom brings up breastfeeding you could thank ther for her opinion, change the subject, go in another room, or tell her you don't want to talk about it. How you handle it depends on your relationship.


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#17 of 27 Old 09-12-2011, 10:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanx Mamas!!!

now i really know that im doing the right thing!

 

 

If your mom brings up breastfeeding you could thank ther for her opinion, change the subject, go in another room, or tell her you don't want to talk about it. How you handle it depends on your relationship.


I tried that, but she keep bothering me.

 

If I go to another room, she just follow me and start to yell at me.

 

 

She behave as she was River's!!!. She says that I cant really know how to take care well of my kid, since I had him at 18. And that me not following blindly her advices (more like orders, actually) proves that I lack common sense and I'm not mature enough to be a mom.

 

 

=_=''. 

 

reeeeeally annoying

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#18 of 27 Old 09-12-2011, 11:27 AM
 
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I was still nursing my last baby at 16 months, when my Mom made some comments to me about it being too long, etc.  My brother and I were FF, so she has never been very supportive or understanding of breastfeeding.  Anyway, I did wean my daughter shortly after that, and I have always regretted it.  My son is now 13 months and still nursing, and I am determined to keep going as long as he wants to.  I just don't bring it up anymore with family or friends.  I really think that your Mom is just not aware of how beneficial nursing a toddler can be for both of you.  If you are both still enjoying it, then I would try to ignore her comments and continue nursing.  It is still such a short time in the grand scheme of things, so enjoy it while it lasts.

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#19 of 27 Old 09-12-2011, 03:43 PM
 
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I had my first at 18 too.  Thankfully my mom didnt try to give me too much advice.  The best advice I ever got while pregnant and those first few difficult months when your trying to find your way as a new mom was this- Follow what your heart and your instincts tell you.  My yoga instructor told me that.

Obviously you are doing the right thing, and it really does sound to me like she is just uncomfortable with you BFing him for some reason.   Maybe she even feels like you are being a better parent than she was because she did not nurse that long?  That is how my neighbor is- she is unsure of herself/her choices as a parent so she has to nag at mine that are different than hers, such as that I BFed for so long, dont vaccinate, use cloth diapers, feed organic food and lots of fruits and veggies and no candy, co-sleeping, etc.  She knows that at least in some of these things I am making a better choice than she, so I think it makes her feel better to act like I'm doing the wrong thing, and if she can get me to change, then she would feel better becaue I would be doing the same things as her.

Anyway, moms can be tough.  My mom did tell me that  I should start punishing my DD when she was 7 months old if she'd cry when I'd take something away from her that she wasnt supposed to have.  That was pretty ridiculous, punish a 7 month old!!  But, anyway, good luck and follow your heart, it is your child and no one knows him better than you and no one loves him more than you do.

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#20 of 27 Old 09-12-2011, 09:15 PM
 
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I haven't read the answers but knowing the usual answers to this type of posts I'm pretty sure I agree with them all. lol.gif

 

My DS nursed for 27 months. He's 5 1/2 now. He has no issues. I doubt anyone at school knows because it's not really something that comes up, I doubt he'll ever bring it up (maybe when he's grown up and having his own kid, it'll probably come up in discussion then). It's not a big deal. My niece was nursed until she was 2 1/2 and she's 12 now. Same thing as my son - no issues, she's fine with it, she could honestly care less. All it did was benefit the both of them in every way possible. My daughter is only 7 months but if she wants to nurse until she's 4 years old, so be it. I won't make it a big deal and anyone who tries to make it a big deal will be told to either shut their mouths or GTFO (in a nice way of coursewinky.gif).

 

Just tell your mom that it won't be an issue unless SHE makes it an issue, in which case SHE is solely responsible for that, NOT you or your boobs.


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#21 of 27 Old 09-13-2011, 11:08 AM
 
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Well OP, if it makes you feel any better, I had my first DS at 29 and my mom tries to tell me how to raise him too!  Super annoying, I agree! ROTFLMAO.gif

 

I deal with it by arming myself with information.  Something studied or from a parenting book, such as one of Dr. Sear's books.  I purposely leave the book out when she comes over to babysit so that she'll at least read a few pages.  Or, if she disagrees with something I give her specific information as to why I am doing it and why I feel it is right.  (for example, how can your mom say that breastfeeding so long is wrong when the World Health Organization says to do it for 2 years minimum?)  Be very specific and don't make it about your opinion.  Make it about following an expert's opinion.  She can fight with you, but does she want to try to say that Dr. Sears or the WHO are wrong?  And if she does, is that credible?

 

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#22 of 27 Old 09-13-2011, 09:15 PM
 
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Women have always been having babies at 18. There is no reason an 18 year old can't be a good mother. If she is toxic enough you may have to tell her she needs to back off or you don't want to be around her and you don't want your baby around her. Your baby doens't need to hear her saying you can't be a good mother.


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#23 of 27 Old 09-14-2011, 04:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

Women have always been having babies at 18. There is no reason an 18 year old can't be a good mother. If she is toxic enough you may have to tell her she needs to back off or you don't want to be around her and you don't want your baby around her. Your baby doens't need to hear her saying you can't be a good mother.



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#24 of 27 Old 09-17-2011, 11:00 AM
 
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I didn't even notice that you mentioned your age. I guess I didn't because IT DOESN'T MATTER! smile.gif So many more young moms would do better if only they had REAL support from family and friends and society. I know many women who had their babies at very young ages (even one who had her son at 14, and one who had twins at 16) and they are incredible mothers! The 14-year-old nursed her son, cloth diapered, did all that stuff and the twin mom nursed hers for 6 months (which is a feat for twins when she's going to school too). 

It's about what the mom decides and what support she has and how those two mesh together... NOT about age. I was 20 when I had my son and I certainly don't think my age affected my ability to be a good mother. winky.gif


- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#25 of 27 Old 09-17-2011, 11:05 AM
 
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By the way - you'd be surprised just how many women nurse full term! (Full term = 2+ years.) Many women don't do it publicly or not often, and many women don't really talk about it publicly either. I have met MANY older women - think ages 60-80 - who nursed their babies 1-4 years! And for most of them, when they told me it was in a very hushed voice and only after they knew it was "safe" to tell me (i.e., I mentioned nursing my son for 2 years in the conversation, or something similar).... that's when I realized there are probably a LOT out there who just don't talk about it.


- Emy . Single mom to DS nut.gif Ezra (15.12.05), angel2.gif Thames (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD rainbow1284.gif babyf.gif Allora (11.02.11) and dog2.gif Hoppylactivist.gif  novaxnocirc.gif  waterbirth.jpg fambedsingle2.gif bfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#26 of 27 Old 09-17-2011, 11:16 PM
 
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My aunt nursed her DD til she was 6!  Everyone thought she was nuts, but they both loved it, and she didnt really talk about it in every day conversation because it didnt really come up!  The only people who knew was her family and close friends.  They both loved the nursing and were so in love with eachother that it didnt matter what anyone else said, they both enjoyed it so they did it. 

They are still in love with eachother and still so close and have an awesome relationship, and her daughter is now in her late 20s:)

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#27 of 27 Old 09-30-2011, 10:15 AM
 
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It can be so very damaging and hurtful when our moms don't support us.  They seem to forget how powerful their words are and how intensely attached we are to their approval.  Very, very sad.  I am so sorry you're going through this.

 

The thing I have found that helps me--even if I only ever say it in my head--is:  You are entitled to your opinion.  I would just continue to say that to her.  "You're entitled to your opinion."  It validates her point of view without acceding your own.  

 

I read a really good book about family relationships recently that helped me a lot.  It's called: Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward and it was easy to see both myself and other family members caught up in this toxic pattern of behavior.  

 

http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1317402748&sr=8-1

 

Good luck to you.  Don't try and convince her that she's wrong, you'll never get anywhere.  Your age is immaterial.  The fact is, you ARE a mom whether she wants you to be one or not, and you are doing a great job.  The worldwide weaning age is 4.  There are many, many reasons why you are right and she is wrong.  Don't let her bully you into doing less than what you feel is best for your baby!


Loving wife to a wonderful and Godly man, hug.gif  and SAHM to two beautiful boys, DS1, natural hospital birth (2/2010) and DS2, beautiful homebirth (10/2011) cd.gifnursex2.gif

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