court-mandated overnight for 23mo DD ... your thoughts? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy > court-mandated overnight for 23mo DD ... your thoughts?
happy_mama35's Avatar happy_mama35 05:42 PM 03-15-2005
I am nak and don't have a lot time, but I wanted to offer thanks to all who have had us in their thoughts and sent encouraging words for me to consider.

It was difficult sending DD off on Saturday morning, especially because she said she did not want to go.

The outcome from the weekend is that DD returned home pale, exhausted with swollen eyes (even bruised-looking) and a low-grade fever of 100 that broke by the time she awoke the next morning. She nursed and slept fitfully & on&off from the time she arrived home (5:40 pm Sunday) 'til about 8:15 Monday morning. I was happy she didn't have any night terrors. Just whining & fitful.

stbxh allowed her to talk to me Sunday morning (he never answered or returned my call Sat evening) but then hung up the phone without allowing any goodbye. DD was telling me she missed me and wanted to come home; the first time she said all this I reassured her with "soon" but the second time I told her to tell her father and then he hung up the phone. he is such a child.

I of course have no feedback from stbxh, but dd is dropping details -- she told me last night she was crying for me and her father told her she'd see me soon. I don't know how any parent can feel good about forcing his child into "quality" time with him.

dd also has shared details about who did the parenting -- her grandmother.

well, never of us broke from the experience. I just wish I could have helped her avoid it in the first place.

back to court this week to ""evaluate" the overnight. still aiming to put off overnights for now.

decoratormn's Avatar decoratormn 08:19 PM 03-19-2005
I hope this isn't too late for you...I am a single mom, my ex and I split when I was 5 months pregnant. I did not wait for court mandated visitation, sometimes you run the risk of an old male judge that arbitrarily gives 50/50 custody to replace what the man was robbed of. I waited until my son was 3 months old for overnights. It's hard to say, but they adjust. The same child that wakes three times to nurse slept through the night for dad (I have an older child to corroborate) He is extra clingy when he comes back and nurses more frequently, but he is 18 months now and it seems fine. I can't say the first nights were easy...We battle too, you have to let go though. He honestly believes that bfing past 6 months is a sexual thing. If we hadn't divorced because of his affair, I would have left him after he voiced that opinion. I don't think it's fair our nurslings have to leave us, but these kind of guys end up sabotaging themselves. My ex got a dui in the midst of our battle and lost any chance of custody. I still let him have visitation. I would rather explain to a child why dad isn't always there rather than why I never allowed him to be there. Please contact me if you want to talk about anything, and yes the single moms group is great, but fewer moms bf for extended periods. Hard to find compadres...
thismama's Avatar thismama 08:23 PM 03-19-2005
Hi mama -

Somehow I missed your update post. I'm sorry she had to go. Of course his mother did the parenting - no surprise. Have you taken any steps to get an evaluation done?
huntersmommy's Avatar huntersmommy 08:37 PM 03-19-2005
HI, I'd love to know too if you haev any new info on yoru situation?
I am so sorry you both have to go thru this righ tnow

you are in my htoughts and if you need to talk just PM me

bc1995's Avatar bc1995 09:59 PM 03-19-2005
Sending you hugs for this tough situation. I just wanted to chime in that she will probably do great with the nursing since she knows you are not there. My 32 month old still nurses to sleep for naps and bedtime and then several times during the night, but he has never had a hard time going down for a nap when we were seperated. We have spent a few nights apart for two hospital stays I had and he did great every night. It amazes me how well he can go to sleep not nursing when I am not around, but there is no way he would do it if I am. Good luck to you and your sweet baby girl.
happy_mama35's Avatar happy_mama35 02:45 PM 03-21-2005
Hi. My DD has been sharing tidbits of information with me all week (this past weekend she was with me). I keep hearing how she missed me and how she "cried" and "screamed" because she missed me. At one point last week she thought I was getting her coat on for her to go to her father's and she adamantly said "NO!" she didn't want to go and got clingy. Lots of reassurance and she was better.

We had to go through a bunch of court stuff last week; the stbx never showed up for our custody meeting. No penalty. I can't believe the courts; it is so discouraging.

Regarding the evaluation -- I have a really good psychologist who does lots of family matters (court evals, too) and has known my DD since birth. So, I think I've got it covered. We'd have to go to (another) trial to bring that up.

Our next court date regarding custody is in April. I'll keep you posted!
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