Snappy comebacks needed for ignorant comments on nursing beyond infancy. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 02:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My son is 10 months old and it seems as though people are appauled that I'm still nursing him!! I can't believe that since *everyone* knows that babies need almost all of their nutrition from BM (or formula). Anyways, I'm already dealing with people at church talking about how much I am still nursing ds and I overheard a conversation while I was at someone's house and nursing him. A couple women were talking about how so-and-so nursed until their child was 2 years old and the reply was "Gasp! That's a bit long. Tsk tsk." And they also were talking about how I was nursing about 7 times a day and how that was just "too much" for his age. I know I'm going to come up against people telling me I'm nursing too long and I don't do well with disapproval from others, but of course my son is priority over what other people think. I'm planning on nursing until ds is at least 2 years and not looking forward to people telling me it's disgusting and weird and whatever, even though I know it's not. Before I came to this board I was hoping to have ds weaned by around 14 or 15 months, but now I realize that lucky children are breastfed until they are at least 2 and then I will re-evaluate. So I'd like some snappy comebacks or helpful facts that I can throw at people when they tell me I'm nursing too long. I know this is superficial and selfish, but I just want to be armed with ammunition when I'm bombarded with disapproving people. If anyone can think of anything that I can throw back at them, that would be great! Sorry for the long post....I was kinda venting.
I've heard the WHO recommends to breastfeed until 2, but when I tell people that, they just say, "Well that's because they are recommending for the whole world and nutrition in some parts of the world is poor. That doesn't apply to North America." Grrrrrrr.
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#2 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 02:57 AM
 
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Actually if you go to the WHO website and search for their stuff on breastfeeding, they say specifically that they are concerned about first world countries and they mention the US. (Like nutrition in the US is so great, that's why we have such a high infant mortality rate. ) Also, if breastfeeding is supposed to help people in parts of the world where nutrition is poor, how does it not help people in parts of the world where the food supply is adequate? Very confusing.

Anyway, you ask them if they've read the most recent guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics. They used to say one year but now they have increased the recommendation, noting specifically that there is no evidence that you can nurse "too long"!

Or just tell them, "I'm sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm nursing the baby."

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
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#3 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 10:45 AM
 
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Well, I am surprised I haven't got this yet as everyone always thinks lil' man is older than he is. My planned comeback- something about the AAP one year recommendation is for a MINIMUM of 1 yr- I don't want to just give my son the minimum I want to give him the best, don't all parents want to give the best to their kids? Who can argue with that.

Happily Married to my : 11 yrs- Mama to wild-eyed monkey boy 7-04, fiery little girl 4-07, and the happy smiley baby that sleeps 11-09!
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#4 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 10:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eli's_mom
I've heard the WHO recommends to breastfeed until 2, but when I tell people that, they just say, "Well that's because they are recommending for the whole world and nutrition in some parts of the world is poor. That doesn't apply to North America." Grrrrrrr.
No no no. They are wrong. It's a "GLOBAL goal"... for "ALL governments." See below. Please note that since this document was written, they have changed the recomendation for starting solids to 6 months (previously they said 4 to 6 months.)

Here is the updated link:
http://www.who.int/nut/inf.htm


Here is the original:
Quote:
WE THEREFORE DECLARE THAT:

As a global goal for optimal maternal and child health and nutrition, all women should be enabled to practise exclusive breastfeeding and all infants should be fed exclusively on breastmilk from birth to 4-6 months of age. Thereafter, children should continue to be breastfed, while receiving appropriate and adequate complementary foods, for up to two years of age or beyond. This child-feeding ideal is to be achieved by creating an appropriate environment of awareness and support so that women can breastfeed in this manner...All governments should develop national breastfeeding policies and set appropriate national targets for the 1990s.
http://www.usbreastfeeding.org/Innocenti.html

Also they are wrong about North America.

USA:
the AAP recommends nursing at least one year, new guidelines say 3 plus years is fine:

Quote:
Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child....
There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer...
USA: AAFP says children under two are at increased risk of illness if weaned

Quote:
Nursing Beyond Infancy
Breastfeeding should ideally continue beyond infancy, but this is currently not the cultural norm and requires ongoing support and encouragement.85 Breastfeeding during a subsequent pregnancy is not unusual. If the pregnancy is normal and the mother is healthy, breastfeeding during pregnancy is the woman's personal decision. If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned. Breastfeeding the nursing child after delivery of the next child (tandem nursing) may help to provide a smooth transition psychologically for the older child.61
Canada: 2004 Health Canada:
they recommend two plus years as well:

Quote:
"Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended for the first six months of life for healthy term infants, as breast milk is the best food for optimal growth. Infants should be introduced to nutrient-rich, solid foods with particular attention to iron at six months with continued breastfeeding for up to two years and beyond."
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/pre...tml#statements

More about dealing with criticism
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/criticism.html
http://www.geocities.com/mother2moth.../toddler3.html

Check out these COMEBACKS and RESPONSES links...they are a riot!! :LOL
http://www.rosenbaumcreative.com/comebacks.html
http://www.rosenbaumcreative.com/responses.html

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#5 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 11:01 AM
 
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Hmmm... I guess I am kind of lucky as this hasn't ever been too much of a problem for me. When people have asked me when I plan on weaning, I tell them about the WHO and let it go from there.

I don't know if this will happen for you, but once my ds was a little older than yours, he started mostly nursing at home. I think that he has been nursed twice at church in the last 6 months just because he doesn't normally ask in public.

Most people probably have no idea that I am still nursing my son, although if they were to visit me at home, they would probably find out. I guess I always just act like it is perfectly normal and no big deal (which is true!!) and no one says anything to me.

Probably the worst I had was a 15 year old telling me about how gross a NIP incident she had seen was, and I just laughed and told her she might change her mind when she was out with a starving infant.

The way I see it, the law and science are on my side, so if they chose to object to it, that is their own deal.

The best "comeback" is to be perfectly content and happy with your choices and let others see that when or if it becomes an issue.
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#6 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 11:23 AM
 
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i've had a couple of people close to me (supportive of bf, but felt 2 years was enough) say "when they start asking for it". of course, i reply, "ask for it? i'm raising gentlemen. they say please and thank you!".

now, i just ask the person to show me why i should stop. i don't have to use that one much, but i really think it makes people think because i never get a reply.

but, pp got the best idea. you know you are doing the right thing, just smile and keep on doing it.
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#7 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 11:26 AM
 
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I have done the following with great success...

State the WHO code happily and surely and drop the subject

Once my kiddos were about a year and a half we didn't nurse outside the home as much

But the best thing is not to care! 9 out of 10 times you are only going to get the whispering behind your back-IGNORE it. When someone confronts you directly, I always would start lightly with the ever-useful....
"How long are you going to nurse that baby????" (((Shocked, horrified look in their eyes)))

"Oooh, maybe 10 minutes on this side and then we switch sides" (beatific, angelic, look on my face like why on earth would you mean anything else???)))

or then the slightly snarky answer of
" Well, I probably shouldn't go to college with him, so we might aim for highschool graduation....."

People will usually drop it then! If not, please feel free to pull out the big guns with all your reasoning, but don't feel wounded if they haven't changed their minds by the end of the conversation. Alot of the times, the ones who are confrontational about it aren't out to be educated, they are out to make points, and make waves.

Congrats on EBF! It has been the greatest blessing in our lives!

Shelley, mom to dd 5/19/01, ds 9/06/02, and ds 4/01/07.  Lost babe 4/09

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#8 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 11:36 AM
 
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I just had to post this:

Found in several different places...answering breastfeeding questions...with matched attitude...

Question: "Are you still nursing?"

"What did you think breasts were for?"
"Yes, isn't it wonderful?"
"Yes, we're so lucky."
"Are you still asking?"
(peering at the child) "My god! You're right! I'd never noticed! I'll wean him immediately."
"I'm not nursing her, she's nursing herself."
"No, I'm not, my mother lives too far away. [My child] is, though."
"Of course! Nothing but the best for your grandson!" (or nephew or whatever)
"Yes, it's really been a life-saver, it is the only liquid he'll drink when he's not feeling well."
"Absolutely, isn't love a wonderful thing?"
"Yes!!!" (then hold up your hand expecting the other person to high-five you)
"Right now? No, he's over there playing. I need him to do it."
"I was never a nurse. I don't like needles! I'm an Accountant, remember?"
"Yes, his doctor is so thrilled. So many moms give up due to pressures of friends and family..." (hint hint)
"Yes, and he's a real pro at it. I am so proud of him!"
"Everyone asks that, it must be because he's so incredibly healthy." (not really answering, but it gets the point across that you aren't planning on answering)
"I get that question all the time. It is so great that people are looking out for him!" (again, not answering)
"Yes, he deserves the very best. He's such a good baby."
(for someone who continuously asks) "It is funny how people ask that, but then they don't really want to know."
(and another for someone who is hounding you to no end) "Do you really want to know this time? You didn't seem satisfied with my answer last time."

Question: "When are you planning on weaning?" or "How long are you going to nurse her?"

"Why do you want to know?"
"Till Thursday."
"Why don't you ask her?"
"As long as it takes to convert the entire western world to long-term breastfeeding!"
"Until he's done."
"What do you think nursing homes are for?"
"About 10 more minutes on this side."
"Why, do you want a turn?"
"Until she's in college- unless they can figure out a way to do it by email."
"We'd like to wean before university so she can attend out-of-state if she wants."
"Good question, I'll let you know when I find out."
"Until you poke your nose back into your business."
"I'm not. He'll wean me."
"Before he graduates"
"He hasn't told me yet."
"I haven't asked him yet. He doesn't really make plans for the future at this point. He just does things day to day."
"I don't know, I guess when my milk dries up" (confuse a person who has no clue about breastfeeding)
"I hope not for a while. We're both enjoying our time together."
"I don't know, when the puppies weaned, they were taken away from their mother. It doesn't seem like such a great thing to me."
(sometimes they ask, "when will you start giving him cow's milk?") "Not sure, maybe if he starts thinking he is a calf."
"What, and get my PMS back? are you crazy?"
"I don't know. He seems to still enjoy it and I enjoy those extra 500 calories I burn."
"It is so hard to plan anything with a baby. We're just doing things day to day."
"We're in no rush, he has time to make up his own mind."
"Thanks for asking. Everyone seems to need an answer for that except for me and my child."
(and another for someone who is hounding you to no end) "It depends, when are you planning on asking me again?"
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#9 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 12:40 PM
 
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Oh, didn't you hear? Colleges offer discounted tuition for nursing freshmen.


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#10 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 01:51 PM
 
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: : : : : :


These are hilarious!!!
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#11 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 04:13 PM
 
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My snarky answer is " there is a direct correlation between how educated a woman is about breastfeeding and how long she breastfeeds"

In other words - I know more than you do
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#12 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 04:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetest
My snarky answer is " there is a direct correlation between how educated a woman is about breastfeeding and how long she breastfeeds"

In other words - I know more than you do

:LOL I love it! I don't think I'd ever be brave enough to say it, but I love it nonetheless
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#13 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 05:02 PM
 
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I the comebacks! :LOL
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#14 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 05:08 PM
 
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My comeback: shut up, no one asked you.
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#15 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 06:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyBug & BabyBug
Oh, didn't you hear? Colleges offer discounted tuition for nursing freshmen.

:LOL :LOL :LOL
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#16 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 06:52 PM
 
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Why do you have to justify your decision to others? You don't owe anybody any explanation for your choice. Whenever I feel I have to explain myself to someone, I step back and take a look to see whether, by virtue of that explanation, I'm disempowering myself of the right to make my own choices. Much of the time, the most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to refuse to justify your decisions.
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#17 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 07:20 PM
 
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Question: "When are you planning on weaning?" or "How long are you going to nurse her?"


My son is 16 months old and I get this question A LOT, my favorite response is: When he finds boobs he likes better than mine!
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#18 of 36 Old 03-04-2005, 09:49 PM
 
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For church going people:
"I'm just following my role model...Mary. She breastfed Jesus for quite a long time!"
or, "But the Bible says I should breastfeed!!!"
I believe there is a thread on Support and Advocacy about breastfeeding in the Bible. You may want to read it!
Last year someone in the church I attend spoke with the Pastor (who totally supports me nursing my children!) several times about how "disturbing" it was to see me nurse my kids in church. No matter how much talking he did with the person, the person wouldn't change. I solved the problem by letting my pastor know that in this state, it is illegal to ask a mother not to breastfeed anywhere she has a right to be, including church. One of these days I'm going to make my kids t-shirts that say, "Jesus was breastfed and so am I!"

The most common answers I use are:
"Why do you want to know?" (They then have to justify their nosey-ness!)
"Yes, he's still nursing. Isn't that WONDERFUL!" (VERY enthusiastically. I haven't run into many people who felt they could argue with my enthusiasm! You can also go on to say things like, "Just think of all the benefits he's getting...nutrition, comfort, immunities, less chance of getting certain cancers and other diseases..........Not to mention the benefits for me: less chance of getting breast and certain other cancers, osteoporosis and other diseases ... "

Funny, I don't get asked when my kids are going to wean. Ever. I guess I just exhude (sp???) confidence or something (or maybe I'm really mean looking :LOL ). I'm currently tandem nursing my 4.5 year old, my 2.5 year old, and am 12 weeks pregnant. You'd think SOMEONE would say SOMETHING! I have so many good come-backs and no place to use them!

Mama to A (12), Z (11), H (9), C (5), A (3) and 4 angels. 

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#19 of 36 Old 03-05-2005, 03:03 AM
 
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I tell people (the sad truth) ... all the kids I know who were weaned at a year or younger are now addicted to a paci, blankie, or stuffed animal. My dd is still getting her natural needs met -- therefore, she isn't addicted to an artificial substitute. That's a big plus in my book!
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#20 of 36 Old 03-05-2005, 03:49 AM
 
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Quote:
I've heard the WHO recommends to breastfeed until 2, but when I tell people that, they just say, "Well that's because they are recommending for the whole world and nutrition in some parts of the world is poor. That doesn't apply to North America." Grrrrrrr.
My suggested response to this one:
Oh really? Can you explain to me how the biology of babies in North America is different from the biology of babies in poor countries? NOT technology, not water treatment, Biology.

Or
North American isn't part of the whole world??? what are we, another planet?

I had a good one for if it's someone who really needs to be made uncomfortable about the implied racism in the quoted statements, but I lost it. If I remember it again, I'll post it.:

"What will you do once you know?"
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#21 of 36 Old 03-05-2005, 02:35 PM
 
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I might consider for church purposes to go to a place like gentlemothering.com and print out one of their breastfeeding articles to keep with me. And if the need ever arises to hand it to the person with the big mouth.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#22 of 36 Old 03-05-2005, 02:52 PM
 
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I will never forget the time Jessica was 2 and someone at the mall asked me if I was pregnant and I was with Chad. The Jessica told me she wanted to eat, so i sat down to feed her and the woman said, "You are pregnant and nursing?" Jessica told her, "They are my boobies, go away." I loved it!!! My 2 year old would set people straight when they would try and comment. Now if you ask Jessica what are boobies for she will tell you, milk and Chad will tell you they are for babies. I love reading all of these replies.
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#23 of 36 Old 03-06-2005, 06:41 AM
 
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Jennifer, your dd's comeback was great! Who can argue with that?
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#24 of 36 Old 03-06-2005, 09:00 AM
 
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Here's the perfect t shirt for all the wise little ones who are saying
"no YOU are too old!!"
or
"my boobies, go away!""

:LOL

http://store.babyholder.com/merchant...ry_Code=KidsTs

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#25 of 36 Old 03-06-2005, 11:08 AM
 
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I got asked by every woman here yesterday why I wasnt weaning DD (her Bday party was yesterday) I just told them that the AAP recommends a MINIMUM of 1 yr and the WHO recommends a MINIMUM of 2. Then I asked "How do you feel about people who only do THE BARE MINIMUM?, I like to go above and beyond the bare minimum and I dont think that my child should be the first place I slack off."

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#26 of 36 Old 03-06-2005, 11:40 AM
 
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Quote:
I got asked by every woman here yesterday why I wasnt weaning DD (her Bday party was yesterday) I just told them that the AAP recommends a MINIMUM of 1 yr and the WHO recommends a MINIMUM of 2. Then I asked "How do you feel about people who only do THE BARE MINIMUM?, I like to go above and beyond the bare minimum and I dont think that my child should be the first place I slack off."
Sera, i would love to have been there when you said that. Anyone at that party respond to that? That is an excellent "comeback"!
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#27 of 36 Old 03-09-2005, 11:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GhabrielsMommy
Question: "When are you planning on weaning?" or "How long are you going to nurse her?"


My son is 16 months old and I get this question A LOT, my favorite response is: When he finds boobs he likes better than mine!


:LOL :LOL :LOL
I love it!!!

Tara--mama to Riley (9/01) Nolan (4/04) and Finnegan (11/08). Unschooling Rocks!!!
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#28 of 36 Old 03-10-2005, 12:53 PM
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I had a guy on the bus but into my conversation with my pregnant friend about breastfeeding and tell me it was time for me to pop the tit out of my child's mouth. I told him that the WHO says that babies should be breastfed until at least two and as long after as mutually desirable and that formula causes horrible health problems and my daughter wouldn't be nursing until college so he could mind his own business. I used a very haughty voice to let him know that I found him offensive and ignorant. He dropped the subject.
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#29 of 36 Old 03-10-2005, 09:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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These are all so great!! Thank you for everyone's reply to my post! I have a peice of paper with my favorites written out...I'm going to try to memorize them (I know it's lame....but like I said, I don't deal well with ANY disapproval whether its warrented or not!) THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!
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#30 of 36 Old 03-10-2005, 11:16 PM
 
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Quote:
I've heard the WHO recommends to breastfeed until 2, but when I tell people that, they just say, "Well that's because they are recommending for the whole world and nutrition in some parts of the world is poor. That doesn't apply to North America." Grrrrrrr.
My MIL said the EXACT same thing to me, when I tried to answer her friends' questions politely. Of course, they were starting to ask me how long I was going to do THAT when Joey was only 6 months!

mama to Joey (1/04) and Teddy (4/08) :
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