Unsupportive family with breastfeeding past infancy - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 03-21-2005, 02:10 PM - Thread Starter
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I have always said I would NEVER breastfeed past 1 year. With my son I breastfed for 10 months but then got thrush, staph infection and a blocked milk duct all at once so I quit and I went to formula for 2 months (I know, very bad). I feel very guilty about that. I actually closet nursed him for about 2 weeks because I didn't want to stop nursing but didn't want the pain so I just sat in his room and cried while I nursed him). I am pregnancy with our 2nd and last baby and I am wanting to try nursing longer but my mom doesn't agree with nursing past 6 months (she says as soon as baby gets teeth it's time to stop) but since is the very last time in my life (that we plan) that i will nurse, I'd like to nurse longer. How do you handle family who doesn't support nursing past a certain time?

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#2 of 7 Old 03-21-2005, 02:45 PM
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I just change the subject when it comes up... avoid talking about it... and take the attitude that it is not her body, not her child, not her business! Don't feel that you need to defend it one bit.

And (((hugs))) to you for your nursing struggles with DS #1! I hope you have a very positive experience this time around with your new one!
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#3 of 7 Old 03-21-2005, 02:47 PM
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It's none of their business. If you can, make it clear from the beginning that the decision is yours to make and you've made it. It's not up for debate. If they don't have anything nice or supportive to say than the topic is not to be brought up at all. Then stick by that statement. When someone makes a comment tell them that you are not going to discuss it with them. If they persist, well you may have to limit your visitation time and don't hesitate to tell them why.

I hope bf-ing goes much better for you this time around! It's too bad your family can't just respect your decisions.
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#4 of 7 Old 03-21-2005, 08:17 PM
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really, you don't have to justify yourself to anyone, changing the subject after making it clear that it is not up for discussion is a good idea, if you can't/don't want to get into it. You could always bring up the new AAP recommendations that say you should go at least one year, and the WHO says at least 2.

Really though, my advice is to figure out a way to get it in your own life that you feel good about it and even proud of providing your child with breastmilk/comfort/warmth/security and don't feel like you have to justify it to anyone, including your own mother. Get to the point where her asking about it is more annoying to you than you breastfeeding a 13 month old is to her. Make her be the one to feel uncomfortable with asking, not you the one uncomfortable with doing. She got to make decisions about parenting with you, now you get to make decisions about parenting for your children.

Good luck.

R~mama to 3

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#5 of 7 Old 03-21-2005, 11:46 PM
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First of all, congratulations! Don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing what's best for your child. There is nothing at all wrong with nursing past a yr and it's absolutely horrible to stop at 6 months b/c they might have teeth. I'm sure that your mom will get more used to the idea when she sees how happy and healthy your little one will be.
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#6 of 7 Old 03-22-2005, 10:52 AM
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I agree with everyone. I am still nursing my 20 month old and we aren't stopping anytime soon. I get asked constantly by MOm and MIL if I am still nursing. They just listen to the answer, but don't comment. I don't especially like that becasue I am sensitive and can feel what they are not saying. I had to decide to not let it bother me. Sometimes I think they are jealous because they didn't do it. Why else would you be so preoccupied with length of nursing unless you had an issue with it with in yourself? Just a theory. That all being said- stick your ground, make it clear that it is your decision, say the doctor recommended it, whatever. Join La Leche League or make some nursing buddies. I call up nursing friends when I am feeling a bit attacked from family. Get support- you aren't alone
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#7 of 7 Old 03-22-2005, 07:50 PM
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I try to be totally non-committal. I just say stuff like "well, we'll see how we're doing when we get there." or "what I'd like to do is let her wean herself, but we'll see."

Not much of a conversation has followed from there. My family is supportive to a point. My mom has recently said in response to me suggesting that I would be nursing a preschooler someday "oh no don't do that, I couldn't handle that!" I just left it alone. I think they know I will do as I see fit and that's that. It takes some time to change the dynamic of a relationship but it's so worth it!

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