FIrst time mom leaving 14 month old for 'first time' - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-11-2005, 12:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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In a month I am planning on staying with my parents for my 10th college reunion. My ds will be with me and he will be 14 months then. I'd like some time to go out without my son and my parents are happy to watch him(-; I just am worried about my son since I've rarely left him with others. I'm looking for some suggestions on what to do to prepare him (and myself).

Right now I will probably spend 1/2 day doing activities with son and 1/2 day doing things without him. However, if the weather is miserable, he'd be better at home with my parents (I'm more worried about it being super disgusting hot- rain, cold, we can deal with, heat I can't). I'm considering asking my parents to put him down for the night OR to put him down to sleep and then go back out for a late night with my friends.

I have left him for short periods of time 2-3 hours (not very often). I think he would do find with my parents during the day-- it is often that he is fine when he can't see me, but as soon as he sees me, he's unhappy. Plus, he's older now and seems much more independant during the day. I just worry about this being a whole weekend of stuff.

Currently, he nurses at night (8:30 ish). He usually wakes around 1:00 and sometimes will go back to sleep, but usually needs to nurse at that time. I have left him one time after he fell asleep to go out with friends. My son stayed asleep, so I really don't know how he would have done if he had awoken. My dh has gotten him back to sleep on a few occasions. He takes a paci (sigh), so that might settle him- it is just that he is used to a midnight snack. I've been starting to think about extending that- ideally for dh and I, it would be better if he slept from 8:30-3:00- I've been considering the Jay Gordon method (7 hours of sleep) anyways. I try some of the NCSS, but I'm in no rush to nightwean and with teething that has thrown back any positive improvements. I'm more worried that my son would wake around 12:00 and be very upset... I feel selfish for wanting to come home around 2ish.

He takes food well, but nurses a lot, too. He's has some cows milk and will take it in a sippy cup. I've never tried this at night instead of nursing- thoughts?

I'm also worried about the food- should I pump for the night bottle/sippy cup? For daytime feedings too- or will he just increase his solids to make up for missed breastmilk.

Currently, I am trying to nurse him THEN read stories and snuggle down to sleep. 50% of the time he still will get upset and I nurse him while he is lying down- so this is an improvement. My thought is that I should start having my husband read and snuggle after son is fed and diapered. Once I start this how long would dh HAVE to do this soley (I'm imagining that he'd have to do the night routing till it is established and than I can start doing it occasionally). I'm not sure dh will be so thrilled about that.

I hesitate to send this because everythign might change in a month anyways :LOL but I think there are some things I can try to make it SUCCESSFUL and pleasurable for him. I'll scrap all my plans if it isn't working, but it would be nice to see all my friends. I also have a group of moms that I feel like I should start to trade babysitting times with.

Side note: If I'm home with ds (or have to leaveto go back home) I also won't be able to give anyone any future parenting advice as we will be competing with several sleep-through-the-night-ferberized babes. I say that half joking, but there is some truth to it- luckily I can blame it on the fact that my dh doesn't really do sleep times nap times or night times- nor will he 'baby sit' so I get a break. Or I can blame it on the proverbial 'tooth' my son has a really hard time with teething.

I'm also considering coming to visit my parents the week before- that way we might be able to settle into a bit of a routine before I go out.

Gosh, he's 14 months, I certainly don't feel restricted, but after reading this I feel like I'm making a huge deal about it.

A small part of me wants to show all the naysayers what a well adjusted and wonderful boy he IS, a small part of me is afraid he won't need me, and the rest of me must be tired and confused- LOL.

Help!!!

Jessica

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Old 05-11-2005, 12:31 PM
 
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I am in the same boat that you are in. I have a 15 month old and will soon have to leave him when I have #2. I have been debating for the last few months how to prepare him for that. And to prove to everybody that you dont have to feberize, there are other options. But since he wakes up at 10 then again at 2 leaving him at night isn't an option for me. We are working on night weaning which I think will help. I am intrested in the response that you get. I hope all goes well.

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Old 05-12-2005, 06:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Bump-- should I have posted this in a different folder.

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Old 05-12-2005, 07:19 PM
 
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Jessica,

I bet you haven't heard much of a response because we have all gone through this and have not found a good solution. I never left my kids when they were nursing, I felt like I started the whole process and it was my job to always be there. This was totally my decision, I don't think you should not go. If I was going to be a wreck over it, it wasn't worth it. All I can offer is that sometimes when we are not there, they don't get as upset as you might think. Maybe for several nights, send dh in and have him do something different to try to get him back to sleep, like rocking him or whatever. Don't let the baby hear or see you. When I decided I was done nursing at night, my husband always had to take over the job and find some other way to soothe the boys. I hope you are able to find a way go and feel good about it, you deserve ONE night out, I just know how hard it can be.

Good Luck, sorry i don't have any real answers!
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Old 05-12-2005, 08:17 PM
 
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jess-
I know that this is so hard. But I think you have some great ideas.
1. spend time with your ds and parents so she'll feel comfortable
2. pump, so she will be able to have the same amount of milk as when your there.
3. You've got a month to work out a way to get your daughters schedule changed, (I understand your not doing this just to go out, but if your plannin g on doing it, now would probably be convienient)
4. Maybe you could split your time up. Go out early, back for bedtime, and back out again?

And like you say, she probably will be a lot better without you there than you think. I know that when I'm in the room, my 15 month old has to be in physical contact with me, but when I'm not where he can see me or hear me, he does great for my parent. The minute I walk back in, he starts screaming if I don't immediatly pick him up They really know how to play on our insecurities! You will probably be nervous no matter what you decide, so make sure you have a cell phone and can check in when you need to, and if you make sure you can leave whenever you think you need to , you'll probably feel more secure about going! Good luck, momma, and don't forget to have some fun!!

 
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Old 05-24-2005, 12:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Joshua and I have been trying to get healthy for the last week or so... hopefully we will get better soon. I just wanted to say thanks for all the responses since I had not made it back here.

I think I am just going to take it easy and see how it goes. It looks like I will be able to go down the week before and have some time for Josh to get used to things- but I don't have to push it. It will be easy for me to come back and put him to bed, so I won't even think about having my parents do that unless it makes sense when we are all settled in.

Thanks for reassuring me and helping me to see that I need to just relax and take things as they come, because I just won't know till we are there- lol.

Jessica

Jessica..lady.gifintactlact.gif Falling in love all over again..... 
Dhprivateeyes.gif, Joshua rolleyes.gif Rebeccagrouphug.gifand dog2.gif.    candle.gif for Laura
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