Mama Led Weaning Support Thread ~ September - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-06-2005, 01:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi All, I don't post much around this forum, but I do read from time to time. I know there was another MLW thread, but it seems sort of old and long, so I thought I would start a new one.

My DD is 15 mo, and I don't really know when I will feel ready to wean her, but I have been feeling a little resentment here and there, and I figure it's probably a good idea to at least start thinking about how/when I want to go about this. Plus, I would like to get pg sometime soon and I have only had one period, and I doubt I'm even ovulating. I think we have a little ways to go before either of us ready to wean, but I don't want to all of a sudden be DONE and have not at least thought about how I would start the weaning process.

I guess that's a good place to start.... for those who know they are ready or are already weaning, how did you know it was time? What were some of the contributing factors? Did you have a set length of time in mind (we'll wean at 18 mo, or 22 mo or whatever)? I feel conflicted, so I would love to hear how others came to their decision.

This thread is intended as support only. Please refrain from debating about MLW vs CLW.
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Old 09-06-2005, 04:41 PM
 
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My ds is 34 months and my dd is just over 3 months old. I nursed ds throughout my pregnancy and am now tandem nursing. It is going OK but I think I am ready to be done or at least to really limit the nursing sessions with ds. Before dd was born we were down to nursing 3-4 times a day. After dd was born that jumped and I was nursing him all the time. I decided to nurse him whenever he wanted to help him with the transistion of adding a sibling. But I couldn't take it and about 1 month ago I started to limit him to morning (which consisted of about 2-3 sessions in bed), nap (which became "after lunch" once he started napping) and before bed. He shows no signs of stopping and LOVES his mama milk which really makes me feel guilty. I feel like I am imposing my limits on him so now that I have decided that I want to try weaning him I am trying to give him as much say in the matter as I can. He seems to do really well when he helps with the decision making process as well as when he has time to prepare. So this morning we had a good conversation while I was pushing him on the swing.

I explained that I am getting tired and that my body has to work hard to make mama milk and when we are waking up many times to nurse we are all losing out on sleep that we need (he will wake 3-4 times anytime after 3am which wakes up myself and dd). I explain that I sometimes feel grumpy and need my space. He kept saying that he would stop having milk when he was bigger. After asking him about it he then went on to say he wanted to get bigger but he didn't want to turn into a man and go to work. I think this stems from daddy being a man and having to go to work. He really misses his daddy during the day so I think he sees work as a bad thing and therefore doesn't want to get older. I explained to him that even if he doesn't have milk anymore he won't turn into a man for a long time. He can still be a little boy.

I gave him the decision on which two times he wanted to nurse. He decided on after lunch and bedtime. So we talked about how there would be no more milk in the morning. I also got him to pick a special spot for us to nurse (downstairs couch) so that we would no longer be nursing in bed. He also decided that he thought having daddy sleep with him for a while would help and that lots of extra hugs and kisses from mama would help too. We do co-sleep once ds comes into our room at around midnight but if dh sleeps with him in his room he will usually stay until 4am or so. We also talked about how when he is ready we will celebrate and have a final nursing and possibly a cake. But I told him I wasn't in a huge hurry and wanted him to feel OK with things. I just said that we both need to work together to make sure we are both happy.

When all was said and done I asked him if he was feeling sad about things or if he would be OK. He said "I'm feeling OK mama". I just really hope he doesn't start to resent dd so I am trying to keep her out of the equation altogether.

Sorry this ended up being so long. I needed to get this off my chest as I just made the decision last night and really need some support over the next little while. I keep telling myself that I need to stop feeling guilty but I really don't think full CLW is for me.

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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Old 09-07-2005, 12:07 PM
 
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My son just turned 3. I've always believed in nursing on cue, and ds has always been a big nurser. This summer I have been sick with something but I kept nursing because I did not want to deprive him of his health/emotional benefits. A few days ago I had to not nurse for 2.5 days. I noticed I parented him differently and gave him better attention. Still, it was hard for him.

I have finally gotten honest with myself - even though nursing has been the greatest experience of my life, I am sick of it and don't want to do it anymore! I feel like it really drains me and all that. I feel like I want to be separate now from him in this way. But, it is obvious that my son really craves mamas milk, the way he talks about it. I don't want to deprive him.
It is really hard for him not to be able to nurse for an extended period of time ( he does overnight visits with his dad and goes several nights a week without seeing me - when he gets back he is eager to nurse - so this is hard!)

I don't know what to do! Any suggestions?
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Old 09-07-2005, 12:28 PM
 
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I decided to stop BFing at a year. I wanted to go longer, but I work FT and pumping everyday was just getting old. If I was a SAHM I think things would be different. And now that the end of nursing is just days away (ds turns one on Sunday 9/11), I have mixed feelings. We've had great bonding time, but I'm also sad for them to end. DS is on a nursing strike and hasn't taken the boob for 2 days now. He just wants his sippy cup of milk. So in part, it's me calling the timeframe, but he's actually leading the weaning even earlier than I anticipated... so I guess I only can half-post here. :
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Old 09-07-2005, 02:40 PM
 
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Thank goodness I'm not the only one thinking about taking a more proactive approach to weaning . . . I have 22 month old twins and I am feeling like I just can't take it anymore. I think I could be a much happier, attentive and playful mom if I didn't feel so "used" 24 hours a day.

My son is a very enthusiastic nurser (okay, an addict actually) and my daughter seems to continue b/c she sees him doing it. I've tried to set limits, expanding them from time to time, but after several months, I don't see a lot of improvement. They still can only fall asleep by nursing and have to nurse back to sleep everytime they wake up at night. I am sick of the sleep deprivation and feeling permanently crabby.

I think the big challenge is the fact that they must nurse to sleep, but they go utterly hysterical when I have tried to eliminate (or even reduce) the nursing at nightime.

I still want to be as gentle as possible about this, but is anyone having more success than me at weaning toddlers?
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Old 09-07-2005, 05:13 PM
 
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I am tandem nursing a 33 month old ds and 10 month old dd and I feel I am so ready for him to wean. I already put restrictions as far as we try not to nurse outside of nap and bedtime. Although it is alot more difficult than I could have imagined. When he does nurse I count to 10 or we sing the ABC's or we use a timer for a certain amount of time. Ds usually says nurse please ABC's, five minutes. Any other suggestions are greatly appreciated, I feel it better to begin weaning a be a better mom, than try not to wean and be an angry mom. Nice to see other moms who are in the same boat.
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Old 09-07-2005, 10:58 PM
 
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It's been 16 days since my DS 22m nursed. I was feeling the same as a lot of you ladies. I nursed my DD for 11m, I weaned when I was 3m prego with DS. I just wanted my body back! It's very bittersweet. I miss it but I also was really tired of it.
My DS loved to nurse but I did start night weaning around 12m and he stopped nursing to sleep at night fairly early on his own although he nursed down for naps until a couple months ago. He didn't put up the fight I thought he would and I'm honestly surprised at how easy it went. He just stopped asking for BF about a week ago.

Right now I'm wondering if my hormones will go back to normal. Has anyone else noticed CRAZY PMS? Good luck to all!!!
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Old 09-08-2005, 12:39 AM
 
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I have a 15 month-old who wants "nunus" only when I am around. He is in day care all day and never even asks for the nunus there, making me think that his nutritional needs are pretty well covered by solids. I just talked with my husband this evening about starting to discourage him from two feedings a day- both seem to be just out of habit, and neither does much to contribute to either of our days. We're taking the slow approach, giving him the boob when he really insists, but trying first to distract him with fun and solid foods first. I know this will be gradual, but that's the way I want it to be. And don't even get me started on nighttime nursing. The combination of the wiggling, the picking at my face and chest, the pinching, the sleep deprivation and the sore nipples makes me feel like gentle weaning is the best direction for us.

Thanks for starting this thread!
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Old 09-08-2005, 03:07 AM
 
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Well, my dd is 37 months and I am feeling very ready to be done. I've been very slowly doing the MLW thing for months. I've been very gentle about it.

I'll try to post some history here of things I've done to give others ideas. I guess I started setting some limits with dd at around 18 months when dh didn't want us to NIP anymore, so we restricted nursing to home. I then tried to put nursing into a time frame of once before lunch, once after and at bedtime or something like that. However, she still nursed a lot at night and to sleep. Since 18 months, I've felt that it was best for dd for me to set limits that make me feel sane about nursing so that I wouldn't feel I had to wean completely, btw.

I've night weaned dd at least 3 times- and the first few she would get sick or teeth and I'd feel she really did need to nurse at night- and we were right back to square one. At about 32 months we finally got night weaning to stick. It was awful- there was lots of crying in arms on dd's part for over a week- but now she sleeps all night. And it has helped me to be a much better mom.

This time, she hasn't tried to revert either, so I think she was ready. I also started counting to 5 while dd nursed, at first it was something I did after she had nursed a few minutes and would tell her that when I got to 5 it was time to quit- now I can start counting when she starts nursing and count as quickly or slowly as I like. DD now only nurses 1-2x/day, and will even skip a day at times. I've tried talking to her about how I need to quit, but its not sinking in and even though I am pretty sure she is ready, she just doesn't want to give it up. I have thought about having a weaning party with cake and presents to help this along- but I have mixed feelings about that. DD doesn't always react positivly to the idea she's growing up.

BTW- I think a child is ready to wean when you can offer icecream vs. mamamilk and the child prefers iceceam, but that's just me. (I make my own organic icecream too )

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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Old 09-08-2005, 05:05 PM
 
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Thanks for starting this thread again! I was looking for it the other day in the archives and wasn't successful. I am nursing my 15 mo DD 4 times a day. We're going to start TTC in a few weeks and if I conceive, I think I will want to do some gentle weaning. I am in full-time graduate school and staying at home to care for DD and I just ahve a feeling that pregnancy and nursing and school will be too much. DH is supportive of doing gentle weaning even though we know it might be hard and even though we both would prefer DD nurse longer. It's just that we would like to have another child before DH is 40 and time it for me finishing my degree. it's just less than ideal, but life rarely is ideal! Anyway, I'll be checking this thread as we go along here to get support/ideas.

DD is an easy child. She's very flexible. And I've already put some limits on nursing that she is fine with. She will take a sippy cup of warm organic whole milk after naps rather than nurse. But I can't imagine weaning her of her before nap, before bed, 4:30 am and morning nursings! Of course, I haven't tried to stop those, either, so it might be easier than I think.

Also, I will not be pumping for the days I'm at my internship (two days/week) and saturdays when I'm in class. I think that might help DD transition, too. But we sort of half co-sleep (she's in a playpen right next to our bed and finishes the night in our bed after her early morning nursing or sometimes if she just wakes up afraid, we pull her into our bed even if she isn't wanting to nurse). So night weaning is so unimaginable to me right now!

Thanks again for gettig this started! I have a feeling I"ll be needing lots of support!
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Old 09-09-2005, 02:03 AM
 
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I'm glad I found this thread and doubly glad to see other tandem nursers in the same boat. My ds, 32 months, only nurses 2-3x a day, but man is he attached to those nursing times. I tried to wean him off the morning one because he was waking up early and whining and poking me until he got milk - and for him that nursing didn't count because *I* was barely awake. He skipped it a few times, but basically had a breakdown and I took him back in the AM. I like nursing him, but the behavior is driving me batty. If he were my only nurser, it would be easier because I could keep my breasts covered and head out during key times. How does one wean a tandem nurser? He sees his brother nursing all the time, so it is sooooooooo hard for him.
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Old 09-11-2005, 12:30 AM
 
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My dd will be 2 next month. I know that for around here that is not very old for wanting to wean, but i am really getting ready. How does one go about doing this?
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Old 09-11-2005, 12:23 PM
 
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Hi all, I'm here to offer my support to those who need it and get some in return. I posted earlier about weaning my 34 month old ds from at least the morning nursings. We will be keeping an after lunch and bedtime nursing for a while but I am hoping that they will disappear eventually. But the morning nursings were starting at around 3am and happening every 1/2 hour to an hour until getting out of bed at 6am. I am also nursing 3 month old dd and it was starting to take it's toll.

We prepared ds for about 4 days and he seemed to have such a good understanding of what we were doing. I know he's only 34 months but sometimes he seems so much older and I need to remind myself that just because he seems to understand at 3pm doesn't mean he will accept it at 3am! We've only done two nights now and the first night was pretty good. He woke up around 5am and asked for milk. I reminded him we weren't going to nurse in the morning or in bed anymore. He fussed for a few minutes and crawled into bed with myself and dd. He never really went back to sleep so we ended up getting out of bed around 5:30am and having breakfast. I figured he was probably hungry seeing as he's used to filling his belly with nursing. He had a bit of a rough morning, getting frustrated easily, etc... so at 7am when I had to lay down with baby dd for a nap, he crawled back in to bed with dh and slept until 9am. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I even had to remind him to take advantage of the after lunch nursing. He was too anxious to get outside. I think that wil be the way to eventually get rid of that nursing

Last night ds woke at around 4am and had a pretty rough time. Not really crying but certainly unhappy. I would remind him and offer lots of cuddles but he never really went back to sleep and dd kept getting woken up. We finally got up at about 6am and as you can imagine he is having a rough day. He has gone out with dh for a canoe ride right now so that should keep him preoccupied. I have a feeling he will be taking a nap today.

OTMomma - ice cream.....that would probably work in this house :LOL. And I have thought about that before but my ds is very adamant when it comes to routines so I know that if I offered it once it would just be another thing that we would have to deal with later. When baby dd was first born I used the TV for a few minutes of quiet while I got her to sleep. After only a couple of times, everytime I said baby dd needed a nap, ds would drop whatever he was doing and say "I watch just one show". Drove me crazy!

almama - I too am finding it hard weaning ds as he sees his little sister nursing all the time. We talk a lot about all the other yummy foods he can have and she can't and I remind him about how I used to hold him in my arms when he was tiny, etc... I really don't know what else to do. Last night after ds woke up and asked for milk and I denied him 5 minutes later dd woke up and I had to nurse her. I know ds knew what I was doing and I just felt awful about it .

I know it's only been 2 nights and I shouldn't get discouraged yet. In the past I've had many thoughts of weaning but always took advice I've gotten here and never made the decision during a period of nursing that was stressful or not enjoyable. Sure enough the period always passed and I was happy we kept nursing. But this time feels very different and even though I am sad I also feel that it is the right time. I hope I'm right.

I wish I could offer more support/advice to some of you but this is my first time dealing with any sort of weaning and I can't think of anything I could offer that would help besides sharing my story now. I hope you are all doing well with whatever decisions you are making

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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Old 09-11-2005, 12:33 PM
 
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Joining this thread in hopes of getting some tips or ideas... I'm not ready to wean yet, but my 17mo. old is very much a booby boy! I'm thinking about trying to set some limits soon and perhaps weaning at around 2yrs.

Sarah : , mama to Lucas (8) , Ryan (5) : , Andrew (1yr) , and someone new : due early Dec.
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Old 09-11-2005, 01:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm so glad there are so many people responding to this thread! When I started it back up, I was sort of expecting to be met with the sound of crickets. :LOL

I know I'm not ready to wean yet (dd is 15 mo) but I need to start thinking about it and figure out a plan, becuase I know I want it to be a gradual process.

Where to start? I saw a friend the other day who just recently finished weaning her dd at 22 mo and she did it gradually over the course of a few months. I asked her what her first step was and she said it was cutting out nursing on demand/on request. I like this as a starting point. So far, my dd has never (or very, very rarely) heard "no" from me when it comes to nursing, so getting her used to not having it every time she wants it seems like a logical beginning. I know there are times she wants to nurse just because she is bored, or she sees me lay down in a familiar position, or whatever. I think I may gently start redirecting her attention away from nursies at those times.

Might start tomorrow. I'll let y'all know how it goes.




PS - my friend said she got herself very worked up about weaning and when it came down to it, it wasn't all that difficult and her dd handled the transition pretty well. She said she thinks it was harder on HER than it was on her dd. I found that encouraging.
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Old 09-11-2005, 04:31 PM
 
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Another tandem nursing Mama here! My son just turned 3 and my daughter is 5.5 months old. Since I've been pg with her I've been going through periods of time off and on where I really wanted to wean my son, but I always kept going because he was and is so attached to it, and the feelings always passed. We're down to just morning and night now--he's just stopped napping, so that nursing session went away! But I would like to gradual work towards weaning in the months to come. We'll see!

For the Mamas with younger ones--when Riley was about 18 months old he was nursing ALL the time and I could hardly sit down without him climbing on me and asking for "na-nas!" What worked to gradually cut him back was to stay busy busy. The weather was nice and we played outside a LOT. I hardly sat down during the day for awhile! Earlier this year I was able to eliminate the morning nursing session (it came back after my daughter was born!) by jumping out of bed as soon as he came in every morning and suggesting we go to the kitchen for some juice. After awhile he just forgot about nursing in the morning. I tried that again not long ago, though, and it didn't work again; his memory has gotten too good! Well, it's a work in progress. A slow one.
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Old 09-11-2005, 06:23 PM
 
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My ds is also 15 months and I am SO exhausted. I am really burnt out. He nurses from 3 am until we wake up at 7 or 8. I just can't do it anymore. he was night weaned at 12 months and then we went on vacation and that totally screwed it up. So, now I am just so tired and so sick of it that I want to completely wean him. I don't ,but I do. I want to get pregnant again and I haven't even had a period yet. So...yeah, that's me. I'm off to read everyone elses stories.

Kim, Mama to 4 and 1 more on the way!
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Old 09-11-2005, 09:49 PM
 
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I am glad to see this thread. My 22m daughter has Eosiniphilic colitis.. just got the offical diagnosis, along with reccommended treatment: wean and remove solid foods for 4 months, and feed her only a "formula" medical food adn then if that helps, reintroduce food very slowly and methodically. She has never been anyhting but breastfed.. how I have fought formulas and bottle feeding though all our medical trials. She can only eat rice, potatoes, veges and beef ( all organic) and therefore I and limited as well. If I had a dime for everytime someoone siad "why are you still nursing and putting yourself though this( with the resitricted diet)! So anyway, we are looking into a second opinion, and different form of treatment.. my daughter loves to eat. But in the meantime, I have started to think about weaning... and I know I am somewhat ready.. in that if SHE chose it today, I would be sad, but the fairly quickly be glad.. it has been hard.. but she loves her bobalas... and they help with the pain her condition puts her in. I was sure I would be a CLW person. I feel like my hand is possibly being forced. So I will be watching this board.
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Old 09-11-2005, 11:12 PM
 
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I was getting sick and tired of not sleeping. My son (19 months) is a wonderful guy, but had been a horrible sleeper, and liked to nurse energetically and acrobatically several times throughout the night. I hadn't slept through the night in a year and a half, and I was tired of my end of the bargain. Still, I feared that taking the breastfeeding away from him would be a big loss for him, as he seemed to need quite a bit of sensory input to go to sleep, and he could nurse for 40 minutes at a time, all the while elbowing my ribs, standing on my abdomen, etc.

Though I was very pessimistic about it "working" (I knew I coudn't follow through with it if it seemed too hard on my son), I decided to try a night of not nursing. At first it was horrible, horrible, horrible, with tantruming and lots of crying...and my husband and I came very close to changing our minds...but then after 20 minutes my ds started happily playing with us, as if nothing had happened. He stayed up for a couple of hours playing (which was tiring, but fun), and eventually went back to sleep. It was horrible for 5 minutes again the next time he woke up, and he went right back to sleep. I decided at that point that I would fully wean, as it seemed like a gradual process might be harder on him than an abrupt one. (My original intention was just to stop the night nursing and cut back to morning/evening feedings.) The next night, he woke up once, much later than usual, and went back to sleep with minimal fuss. He napped earlier and longer during the day. The next night, which was last night, he slept through the night for the first time in his life, and I slept through the night for the first time in over a year and a half. He napped for longer than usual today, too. He seems less overtired than usual, which has been a perpetual problem until now, despite cosleeping, etc. He only asks to nurse occasionally, and quickly and happily accepts "all gone" as an answer. I think the sleep is working wonders for us both.

I would have preferred to keep nursing indefinitely if it hadn't kept us both so overtired. I really feel this was the right choice for us, and I am looking forward to (hopefully) a second full night of sleep.
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Old 09-12-2005, 11:08 AM
 
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Well, night 3 is under our belts. Last night was pretty good. Ds crawled into bed with me sometime around midnight and only asked for milk once. He whimpered for a second or two, cuddled up and went back to sleep. At 5am he woke up asking for breakfast so I sent him to dh (who was sleeping in ds's bed) :LOL .

Do you think he will adjust and not be so hungry first thing in the morning? 4-5am wake-ups are pretty early. He's used to having a belly full of warm breastmilk in the morning. And I can't get much food in to him in the evenings because he is usually so tired by dinner time and falls asleep nursing at around 6-7pm. He no longer naps so he's very tired by then and asks to go to bed.

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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Old 09-12-2005, 12:12 PM
 
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Thanks for this thread!

I've got a 30month old ds who is an avid nurser and am about 3months pg. I really feel like I'm at the end of my nursing tolerance. My dd fully weaned at 32 months when I was pg with ds. We had nightweaned her around 2y (mostly because I had no periods), then kept nursing whenever during the day. But during that pg I just got to a point when I said that there was no more milk and she said "ok mommy". For her fully weaning was MUCH easier than night weaning. But ds is completely different than dd.

This time around I'm so ready to stop. I've been nursing for the better part of 6 years. I really want a few months to recharge and have my boobs be my own before I start again.

I've heard that boys need more than girls and it really seems like it. When every I say that the nursies are empty ds says "let me check". Last month we tapered down to 3x day--morning, nap and bedtime. I'm just so sensitive right now even that is too much. I keep hoping that my milk will just dry up.

When we nightweaned ds we found Dr. Jay Gordon's articleChanging the Sleep Pattern in the Family Bed to be very helpful. With ds we tried it at 2, but he wasn't ready so we did it again after 3 months and he was fine and the transition was "almost" easy--we also do a high protein bednight snack, and that seems to help.
I also try not to sit down--or I can't even imagine-lay down around ds, because he sees that as a signal to nurse.

Good luck to everyone whatever you decide. I always try to remember that nursing is a dyad--and each member deserves to have their needs met.
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Old 09-14-2005, 03:30 PM
 
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well, we're now actively encouraging the lentil to do something other than nurse except at certain times. I'm trying to discourage him from more than two morning nurses and two late afternoon nurses. He has plenty to eat and drink during the day, and if he's busy he doesn't even ask to nurse. Nighttime is much more difficult- he nurses at 11:00, 3:00 and 5:00 or thereabouts- we're not THAT rigid. He would nurse all night long if given the option. I tried making it more difficult for him by making him nurse in the living room at night, so we have to get up and get set up in there every time he nurses, but that only worked for two nights. Now, when he wakes up he automatically jumps into my arms like a little monkey, waiting for me to carry him into the living room. sigh.

I needs my sleep. I think that the nighttime waking is going to get better when he doesn't nurse all night, but I can't seem to convince him that everyone will be so much happier when he sleeps more than a few hours at a time.

thanks for the support of this thread! I need this.
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Old 09-14-2005, 06:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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melamama, thanks for posting that article. I am at my wits end with the constant (literally) night nursing and I have to do something. This plan seems like something I can do. I know it will be hard, but it is harder for everyone for us both to be so tired all the time. I have been mentally ready to do something for a few weeks, but I didn't know where to start. I feel like I have a reasonable plan to guide me now. Thanks!
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Old 09-21-2005, 04:08 PM
 
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Just wanted to bump this thread up to see how everyone was faring.

My ds is now content with 2 nursing sessions in a day. We got rid of the morning ones and for the past two nights we have all had a good nights rest and are waking up at a decent time. We went through about 1-1/2 weeks of very early wake-ups (4:30-5am). I normally would nurse him at that time and it was enough to fill him up and encourage him to sleep a bit more. He has stopped asking for it in the mornings and just gets up for breakfast with daddy.

We are also back to taking a nap after about 2-3 months of no napping (after dd was born). He would collapse at about 6-6:30pm and I think that contributed to those really early mornings. He has napped for the past 4 days and it has really helped him stay up a bit later and he is waking up at around 6am. I think he is realizing that a nap is a good thing as it makes him feel better and he gets to spend more time with daddy in the evenings.

Anyway, I just wanted to check in and update my story. We'll probably just hang on to the 2 nursing sessions for a bit longer and then maybe encourage the disappearance of the after lunch one. Of course, if I do that I'm sure the nap will disappear as well

Karen - spouse to dh for 11 years, mama to ds (Nov '02), dd (May '05) and ds and dd (Jun '08)

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Old 09-22-2005, 02:07 PM
 
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so glad i found this thread (and see some familiar faces too). my ds will be 16 months on monday. i'm realizing that i no longer have a vision of very extended nursing. my goal is probably 2 but even that sounds so far away right now!! (wow and lots of you in this thread made it to 3+)

i'm trying to pinpoint what has changed in me lately that i'm bugged by so much nursing. i'm realizing it is less for his belly-filling and more for the human pacifier. lots of times lately he will drain the milk and then want to just sit there with nipple in mouth hardly sucking. if i pull him off and tell him all gone he screams. i can understand he just wants and needs this 'mom time' but i'm wondering if snuggles and cuddles and kisses wouldn't suffice instead???

and night nursing....same story as all of you. i'd LOVE some sleep. i'd love him to have some other sleep methods.

i feel guilty though because he is in daycare and i know he uses nighttime nursing to connect to me. but again i don't wonder if cuddling and sleeping next to me wouldn't be enough. he definitely likes a warm body to sleep with. we tried for several months to get him sleeping in his room full time but just brought him back into our bed last week. (well part time. he starts the night in his crib).

i'm wondering if full weaning might be easier than gradual weaning for him because he is SUCH a boobie lover. i've been trying to set some limits lately and it just seems to cause him to want it more. which is completely predictable. if i were going to do abrupt weaning i definitely wouldn't do it right now. i guess i wouldn't make that decision until i tried nightweaning. i'll read that article....

i think dh would like me to wean. if not completely at least get it down to a minimal amount. i've told him he's going to have to help out a LOT. i think it would be good for ds' and his relationship if ds were not so boob-centric. daddy could do a lot more comforting. he should be doing it now but it is so much easier to defer to the boob.

MLW kind of feels like needing to help ds through learning a new skill set for coping with various things. nursing has been so easy (and great!) and i've loved it but it seems like anytime we wean whether it be at 18 months or 3 1/2 years it will be the same sort of idea....showing him other ways to comfort and soothe and sleep, etc. i don't know if it would be easier or harder or the same whether we wait or do it soon. ????
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Old 09-24-2005, 03:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey jstar! Welcome to the thread. I've been grappling with this whole weaning thing for a while, so I decided to see if other mamas were too. Always nice to not feel like I'm not the only one who isn't doing the CLW thing. I agree with your sentiment that, through weaning, I am trying to teach Mia alternate methods of coping and sleeping. I know she can do it. And I know I'm ready for something to change.

So, that said.... last night was our first night of the Dr Jay Gorden nightweaning plan (per the link posted by melamama). It was both harder and easier than I thought it would be. She had a long, late nap yesterday afternoon, so she didn't end up going to bed until 10:00, which is definitely late for her. She woke up at 10:25 (this is pretty normal for her, she always has a hard time fully settling out), upon which I went in and nursed her back to sleep as usual, took like 4 minutes. Then DH and I went to bed right after that. She woke at 1:30, I went in, nursed her until she seemed like she was starting to drift off, then I gently unlatched her and told her it was time to go to sleep now. HOLY COW. She did NOT like that, not one bit. She got very upset and started crying in a very angry manner. That was hard for me to deal with, but I was resolved to not give in. But then it was going on for like 25 minutes (by then she was kicking/hitting/scratching me as much as she could) and as much as I was chanting the internal mantra of "I will not nurse her" (it's so hard when you know it will just solve the problem instantly!) I felt myself starting to feel really hopeless about how this was going to work. At that moment, DH came in and took over (I should have called him in earlier ) and she settled down pretty quickly for him. No nursies around? No reason to cry, I guess. About 30 minutes later, he emerged from her room and did the quietest, yet most enthusiastic victory dance I've ever witnessed. :LOL He said it took a while to get her settled out, but once she calmed down, she willingly put her head down on his chest and seemed totally interested in getting back to sleep. So that was around 3:00, DH and I went back to bed, and she didn't wake again until 4:45 - not too bad, really. Then I went in with every intention of nursing her again but not until she was aslepp, but then calling in DH to take over the post-nurse melt-down. But I must have drifted off, becuase all of a sudden it was 5:20 and she was still latched on and sort of nursing, sort of sleeping. I popped her off and she woke up, but at that point, we were getting so close to the 6:00 free-to-nurse-to-sleep finish line, it seemed pointless to get DH up and go through all of that. So I let her nurse back to sleep and we both drifted off again. She woke and nursed once or twice more, but ended up sleeping until 8:45! So surprisingly, I don't feel like a total zombie today.

And this morning, she is just the cutest, most lovey little thing. She's been ALL ABOUT Dh, too, which is not always the case (mama's girl!) like she knows he saved the day for her. So we are giving lot of extra love, lots of nursies whenever she wants them during the day (I had been limiting her a bit, to get her used to hearing "no nursies") and she seems perfectly fine.

The revised plan for tonight is that DH will just be waiting right outside the door while I am nursing her, and after I unlatch her, I will hand her off to him immediately. I suppose this should have been the original plan, but I have a stupid "I can do it myself" hang-up that got in the way. My head has been properly removed from my arse now so the new plan should hopefully help us avoid her getting so upset.

I'll try to update tomorrow to let everyone know how it goes tonight. Wish us luck!
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Old 09-25-2005, 06:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Night 2 of the nightweaning was pretty good! Easy, NO TEARS and pretty darn restful for everyone!

DD went down to bed at 8:00, woke at 10:30, DH went in and comforted her back to sleep in about 5 minutes.

She woke again at 1:30, I went in and nursed her, unlatched her and she just put her head on my shoulder (with eyes open) until DH was in there and I handed her off to him. She wasn't the least bit upset and was asleep within 10-12 minutes.

Then she slept until 5:15!!! At that time, I went in and nursed her in bed and we slept together until 8:00. It really seems that things are getting much better! And no crying!
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Old 09-26-2005, 03:44 PM
 
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So nice to read about others successes and challenges and know I am not alone.

I am so blessed tired. Just tired. Not really wanting to give up nursing, but wanting to get pg again soon. Need to night wean and have been procrastinating horribly. We got close a few times (nursing 2xs a night for a week) but then the eye teeth came and now she is adjusting to a 2-day a week program for toddlers and being sperated from me and, and , and,.....I just need to make it a priority and lack the energy to do it.

Thanks to listening to me whine, now maybe I can take some action. I sure could do it after a good nights sleep tho!
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Old 09-27-2005, 02:32 AM
 
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mamameg that sounds like it is going great!

my friday night i attempted the jay gorden plan. (sort of). for quite some time now i have been popping ds off before he's asleep because i am uncomfortable/back cramp/done, etc. so friday night i think it was ~9pm bedtime. 11pm he woke up and i brought him in my bed and nursed. 1am he woke up and i decided it was too soon and refused nursing. omg he screamed top vol til 2! we had the same thing...scratching, hitting, kicking. jay made it sound so easy...just pat the back. it was like petting a tasmanian devil. after a while i thought there was no way i could give in after all that crying. he did finally go back to sleep and slept til 4:30 when i gave him a brief nurse. dh of course was nowhere to be seen dh is totally uninvolved and i'm wondering why i decided to spawn with this man. saturday i didn't attempt any refusals just brief nursings. last night i decided maybe the key to the nightweaning was putting ds back in his crib after each feeding instead of sleeping with him. so 1am i nurse and put him back in his crib and he screams and screams. and again i wonder if i go get him if i am teaching him that he gets what he wants by screaming and thinking i just *can't* give in. finally dh goes and gets him

i can't go through with the jay plan on weekdays because i have to function at work. and next weekend i'm supposed to drive up to seattle on saturday so i'm not sure i can handle a very non-sleeping night. but i think my plan is going to be to stick with the brief nursings for now so he is getting used to falling asleep. i'm feeling pretty discouraged about the whole thing. the crying is bad. the dh lack of support is : : : out and out lame. i don't know if it is worse for me to cosleep and refuse the boob or just put him in the crib where he knows there is no boob and where he is used to starting out the night and taking naps. he is not used to staying all night in there but i'm wondering if that might be a better plan for him.

anyway....this is hard! i feel like i'm making things worse. i am giving lots and lots of daytime nursing which he is definitely going for. i know this is going to get worse before it gets better. eyes on the prize!!
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Old 09-27-2005, 03:23 PM
 
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Hi guys! I'm gonna jump in here too. I'm so torn. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and the meds that are safe to bf with don't seem to be helping much, so I need to wean DS (18 mos) to take the others. I feel like I'm being selfish, taking away the boob so that Ican take medications, but at the same time, I know I'll be a better mom if my hands aren't hurting all day and night. DS does really well all day when I'm at work, but still nurses down for bed and nap and a couple times at nite. Do y'all think I should cut out the night ones first? Or the bedtime/naptime ones?

I've been trying to unlatch him before he totally falls asleep, and finish up with a cuddle to sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

Monica , DH :cop , DD (8) , DS1 (5) , DS2 (2/09) , and the pup
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