Mama Led Weaning Support Thread ~ November - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 42 Old 11-02-2005, 02:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi there! We kind of dropped off in October, so I thought it would be good to start the thread back up in the new month!

My DD is 17 months and I have goal of having her weaned over the next 2 months. I just feel like it's time. And I'd really like to get pg again SOON. Actually, I would have preferred to already BE pg, but AF has been very slow to return and I don't think I am ovulating.

We have successfully nightweaned (with much help from DH) and I feel great about how non-traumatic it was for her. No tears, just a switch in routine and DH taking all her nightwakings. After only 4 nights, she started sleeping through the night and we're all feeling like new people!

I am a little unsure about how to progress this weaning process. I have already started to set limits and tell her no sometimes. If she wants to nurse and it's not a nap/sleep time, I offer water/milk/juice and a snack - she chooses the drink/snack about 75% of the time, so that feels like a good path so far. But for the times she REALLY wants to nurse, I'm not sure how smooth it will be to cut those out. Staying busy and out of the house helps SO much - I notice she often wants to nurse when she is bored, so maybe that's a way I can work through it. But with the change is weather, that might not always be practical. Hmmmmm.....

My other area of conflict is this - DD has never taken a bottle. Never would when she was young, and we never really tried it again after the early days. Now she will only drink a small amount of milk from a sippy cup, and I'm wondering if I should try a bottle. Would I be crazy to try to get her to introduce a bottle at this point? My gut tells me yes, I would be crazy to do that, but then I think it might be just the crutch we need to get over the hump of weaning. Thoughts?

Please come post about your weaning challenges and successes!

This thread is intended as support only. Please refrain from debating about MLW vs CLW.
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#2 of 42 Old 11-02-2005, 05:23 PM
 
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Hi, I only have a minute I'll post more later, but I need to wean. I'm realizing I'm really resentful of nursing, real resentful, I've tried "letting go" and it just isn't working. I've set the goal of being done by 3, that gives me 10 months. I'd love to be done sooner but this gives me a realistic timetable to work with.

As for the bottle, I wouldn't try, how about a cup and straw?

Mom to ds 9 dd 7 : and dd 3/08 : if I can I go to
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#3 of 42 Old 11-02-2005, 07:34 PM
 
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I weaned my DD at 16 months she was down to 2 nursings a day 1 before nap & 1 before bedtime, unless she got hurt. I gave her cows milk in a sippy cup, she also never once had a bottle. I do think it would be silly to give her one now. If it was meal time she got a regular cup, if we were away from the table I offered her the sippy. I'd give her a sippy just before nap then snuggle to go to sleep. She was very resistant at first didn't like the milk. I waited until she would actually drink the cows milk, before I stopped nursing. But it didn't take long at all. She still wanted to nurse though. I wish I remember how long it took for her to forget about it???? But I stopped the 2 nursings at the same time. And never went back. I was ready. It was a smooth transition. I wish you the best! I do hold her at nap & sleep to this day she is now 28 months, she plays with my hair & sucks her fingers to go to sleep.
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#4 of 42 Old 11-02-2005, 09:50 PM
 
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I have mostly weaned my DS.

I got pregnant around Christmas of 2004 and just had a baby girl Sept 30th this year. When I was around 6 months pregnant with her the milk went away....DS was 28 months at that point. I still dry nursed him for another month but it mostly got to be for nap and bed. After a month of that I couldnt' stand it anymore, I was very ambivilant about nursing. So we got to where I'd have him nurse to the count of ten and then he as he puts it he would "cuddle the boobs" He would just lay his head on them. Then I'd have him turn over in bed otherwise he would start wanting to nurse again. He'd turn around and I'd rub his legs and back etc until he fell asleep. Then there was no more ten count, just the cuddles and back rubs for the last month and a half.

He always talked about sharing the milk with the baby when my milk came back. When she was born and my milk came in I ended up giving it a try for a few days. It drove me completely nuts and I think it was a step backwards for both of us honestly. I mean, the idea of tandem nursing is a beautiful thing but I seriously think we were both ready to move things along. I tried to just nurse him for nap and bed. Naps weren't working because I'd first try to nurse Piper to sleep and he'd be jumping on the bed, etc. Bedtimes were turning into marathon nursing....I nursed him the last night for an hour and when I got him he woke right up and wanted to nurse more. This is something he used to do when he was a baby. I started realizing maybe his wanting to nurse more was just another thing he wants to do to be like his baby sister...like he asks me to hold him like a baby. He gets her binkie and sucks on it. Etc etc etc.

After that night I just couldn't do it anymore, but I did give tandeming a try. We went cold turkey, since he'd been done while I was pregnant I didnt think it would be that bad. And it wasn't at all really. He for the most part hasn't had mommy milk for a little over a week now. He asks about it most days though. Last week it was a bit hard for me to hear him saying things like, "I miss mommy milkie" and he would sound so sad. Or "I still love mommy milkie" But he cheers right up when I offer him a drink or a snack, or if he's not hungry I direct to a very interesting activity to him...like going outside to play almost always works.

For the last 2 weeks he hasn't had naps because he would always want to nurse when we laid down. Although he's been going to bed earlier because of it, he's been very cranky at night. So today I told him we were taking a nap. I laid down with him on his bed and nursed his sister and rubbed his back. It took almost an hour to get him to sleep but eventually he fell asleep. So it was nice, all three of us got a nap together.

Yesterday I did let him nurse for a count to ten on each side. He was very very adamant about wanting some mommy milkie and nothing was working to distract. So I let him have that little bit. At first I was worried it would backfire, but it hasn't. I mean today I was nursing Piper and my other breast was spraying like a fountain and I called Jakob over to see because I figured he'd get a kick out of it. We laughed together and he got sprayed with milk and he didnt' even ask to drink any.

I'm a little sad, especially because he stills asks and says he misses it But I do feel its the right thing, the ambivilance I was feeling while actually nursing him just didn't seem right to me and seemed like a sign for me to stop. I usually just talk about how Jakob drank of of his mommy milk up and now Piper needs to drink hers. And also explain how she doesn't have any teeth like he does, etc. If there are still days where he absolutely is adamant I may let him nurse to ten if nothing else works. But we went a week before it came to that, who know if I will again. He will be 3 in February and I'm glad we have nursed for so long already.

 

 
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#5 of 42 Old 11-12-2005, 01:16 AM
 
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My children are all weaned. But I wanted to offer my cyber support in this thread for the moms who want to take a more active role in establishing an end or limit to the breastfeeding relationship with a non infant.

When I began APish parenting, I became quickly convinced in the theory of CLW. But, eventually, that became counter intuitive to me.

I trust moms to nurse however long works for them and their child, given all the correct medical information. I respect that on both ends of the spectrum.

There isn't really a label to identify the ending months of my breastfeeding relationships. It would be silly to call them mother led (my kids were all school age). It would be inaccurate to call them child led as I was very active in it and imposed my rules.

Anyway, it can be hard in the midst of a place like this or LLL to chose an active role in weaning. I wanted you to know a BTDT mom understands.
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#6 of 42 Old 11-13-2005, 02:03 AM
 
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I'm so glad I found this thread! I am feeling so ready (emotionally & physically)to wean my 22 month old...I'm honestly not sure how he'll do...I'm not sure if he's ready- I would like to wean in a very gentle way so that it's not too hard for him.

But I'm so exhausted!.. every night gets worse, he wakes every hour, sometimes more often! I always used to just be able to nurse him right back to sleep. I didn't even mind nursing him all night, but now it's just draining me. I have hard time going back to sleep each time he wakes, and even after being in bed for 9 hrs I feel like I only got 5 hours. I'm a grouchy mom because of lack of sleep, I feel like he's a newborn again. I just resent having to breastfeed him any time he wants to.

I was thinking of starting by night weaning. We've been cosleeping, but will be getting him his own bed in our room. I know it'll be hard at first, but hopefully eventually he'll start sleeping through the night. The only other times he nurses is for nap or if he gets a "boo boo" and needs comfort (this is when I feel like he "needs" to nurse, even though I know I can comfort him in other ways). But then I was wondering if cutting the daytime nursings first might be easier and if that would make him less interested in nursing at night.
How do I explain it to him? Sometimes when I really can't take it anymore, I'll say "Bye bye oh's (He calls nursing "oh's")" but he looks mad and confused... I know, I don't think this is going to be easy for him...

Any advice on how to go about this? What has worked for those who have succesfully or partially weaned a toddler?

Sara
Matthew 1/15/04

Mom to a happy 6 year old boy and a new baby girl (9/27/09)
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#7 of 42 Old 11-13-2005, 01:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone.. .checking in! Glad to see some more people brave enough to have this conversation with me. I know it's not a popular one here at MDC, but I feel it's an important one to have. I strongly feel that nursing should be a mutually satisfying relationship and if mama feels weaning will maker her a better, more rested, less resentful mama, then she should do what she feels to be right, no matter what other mothers think she should be doing.

HappyHSer, thanks for the message of support. I also trust women to know what is best for them. I don't think it's helpful to belittle or disrespect or pity (by "feeling sad for them") anyone for doing for herself that which she feels she needs to do. Thanks for chiming in and being helpful.

We are in the beginning stages of weaning here, so I'm a bit green when it comes to this. But we did nightwean first. I had to do it. I was so, so, so tired after getting crappy sleep for a year and a half (well, two years if you count the how poorly I slept during my pregnancy.) Friends were noticing and asking me "is everything okay... you seems different, like you're in a depression." I knew I was tired, but it started to really hit me a couple of months ago and I knew something had to change. So DH helped w/nightweaning by taking all her wakings and it worked like a charm. Although, it still only works w/my DH taking dd's nightwakings. If I go to her at night, she wants to nurse and gets upset if I don't let her. If DH goes in, she just smiles, hugs him, lays down and goes back to sleep within a matter of minutes. As for daytime nursing, we are pretty limited at this point - first thing in the morning, at naptime (unless she falls asleep in the car), and at bedtime. DD easily accepts no from me during the day. Not sure why she gets so upset by my saying no at night? I'm wondering if it's time for DH to start putting her to bed w/o me nursing her first? Seems like the logical next step. Maybe it will help us over the hump? Might try it this week and I'll report back on how it goes.
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#8 of 42 Old 11-13-2005, 07:45 PM
 
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So glad to find this thread! My dd is 35 months old and I am expecting my second (unexpecdedly) in 6/06.

DD night weaned very easily in July. I had to spend (my first) two nights away and when I came back I praised her for doing such a good job with Daddy and being such a big girl. From that point on, "nummas" became closed at night and open "when there is light in the sky." That worked really well. When she woke up at night she would recite the rule (very cute!) and go back to sleep. Recently she's adapted her sleep schedule to start waking up shortly before dawn, which I don't appreciate so much.

I guess I feel a little ambivalent about weaning, now that I've started to write it. I'm exhausted, but nursing may actually help, since I don't have to get up to get dd breakfast when I can just lift my shirt. I'm having trouble with nausea and getting enough food, so that's a problem. And I don't reallly want to tandem nurse.

What I think might work for us is a weaning party for her birthday. She's really excited about turning three and becoming a big girl, so we could go with that theme for weaning.

But nursing is really when I've felt most confident about meeting her needs, so I guess I'll need to think about this some more!

Let's keep talking it through!
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#9 of 42 Old 11-14-2005, 04:19 PM
 
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my ds is 21 months. I've been considering it for awhile (since he was 18 months), but didn't feel quite ready. The nights had been getting worse, he's gone through a big growth spurt, hence taking up more bed space and kicking more, and he's been holding on to the nipple at night for longer periods of time causing me to not get good sleep. One night was the worst and I just made the decision to not nurse at all at night. I did it cold turkey, which I think made him understand better because there wasn't this "sometimes I get it, somtimes not, why don't I sometimes?". KWIM. I stopped using nursies to get him to sleep also. Because they're associated. Why do I get it to go to sleep, but when I wake up, I don't get it again? You know? The first night was rough, I just held him close to me as he kicked and wimpered. The second night was about as hard as a regular nursing night. The third night he only asked for it once, and the fourth night, he didn't ask for it at all. Fortunately, though, he doesn't straight up cry for it, leading me to believe that he's ready. He just kind of whimpers, snuggles his head up into my armpit and goes to sleep. I swear it has made a world of difference in my sleep. Remember that??? The hard part, was wanting to give in, but I know if I do, that those nights were done for nothing. I now use nursies as a wake up thing. When he wakes up in the morning, after nap, and one more mid-evening nursies too. We're happy.
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#10 of 42 Old 11-14-2005, 04:42 PM
 
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not a bunch of time right now (sleeping toddler on arm..falling asleep) but i want to join this thread, dd is 29 months old and very demanding about nursing. everything i try doesn't work-but i am not willing to be mean about it either. and, i am having mixed feelings about it all. so i am not sure i belong here either she almost weaned and i was sad, thinking about the end of my nursing life. ugh. but also i am ready to have my body back
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#11 of 42 Old 11-14-2005, 04:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome to the new participants! So glad to have some more voices in the room!

I know weaning can be a tough decision and some of us may wax and wane. Talking about it here in no way commits you to doing it. I just think it's important for us to have a place to discuss it, talk it out, hash out our feelings, share our challenges/successes, and generally provide support for those who feel it might be time to stop breastfeeding.

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#12 of 42 Old 11-14-2005, 09:29 PM
 
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I wanted to jump back into this thread, too. My DS is 38 months old and just nurses first thing in the morning and at bedtime; very occasionally he'll forget to nurse at bedtime, but it's pretty rare. I've been talking to him for ages about weaning and equating with other "big boy" things he does like using the potty and not using a booster seat anymore. I'll tell him that one day he'll wean and won't have na-nas anymore and he'll say "Yeah!" like that's a great idea and he'll file that thought away for later. I'm kind of ambivilent right now. I'd like to be done nursing him, but I'm not feeling the need to wean as urgently as I did when I was pg with my DD, or right after she was born. And I've been thinking that it's good to have that additional immunity boost through the winter! I don't know, we'll see.

For those of you who are feeling really frustrated at night, I definitely work on night weaning first, we did that when he was 20 months old and it made a huge difference in sleep for everyone and my own feelings about nursing him during the day still!
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#13 of 42 Old 11-14-2005, 10:01 PM
 
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This may deserve another thread, but I'm curious to ask slightlycrunchyann (great name, BTW) if your DS increased his nursing after your DD was born? That's a big reason for me wanting to wean. My DD has trouble sharing (like she'll scream if DH or even a cat climbs into bed with me after she's gotten up) and I dread having to listen to her whine about sharing if I'm still nursing when #2 comes in June.
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#14 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 09:50 AM
 
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Oh yes, he nursed a LOT more right after she was born. It was not an easy time; he wasn't really jealous, but the sight of her nursing every 1-2 hours made him want to do the same! I was very overwhelmed for awhile there, but then after a few weeks he gradually backed off and I started to be able to tell him "no" more and more (at first he was throwing a fit if I told him "no," and we got back to nursing 3 times a day (it had been just naptime and bedtime before she was born, then we picked up the morning nursing again, then he's almost stopped napping now, so it's morning at night now!) So yes, it's not easy at first. There is a thread about tandem nursing that should be only a week or two old if you take a look at that. Good luck!
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#15 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 02:36 PM
 
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I agree this is a really hard thing to talk about here at MDC but I feel that if I/we can't talk about it here, then where? Everyone "else" online or IRL thinks kids shouldn't nurse at all or be weaned by 6 months, *maybe* a year, but those of us wanting to nurse for 2,3,4 years but then for whatever reason just can't keep doing it don't have a place to turn.

We are down to nursing 6 times a day, it's going pretty well, she still asks but is easily distracted.

I know this might not make much sense but just thinking about weaning has made me feel better Even if that is nearly a year away. I'm tired just so tired, down to my bones kind of tired. I've been pregnant or nursing for over 5 years ( I know lots of MDC'ers have been going much longer) and I think my body is just saying enough.

As for night weaning, we started by moving dd to her own bed until her first wake up, that first wake up got later and later, she would then come to bed with us from then on dh would go and try to sooth her, if that worked great, if not I nursed. It eventually (about 2 months) got to the point that she can go from 7-4 without nursing. Sometimes she still wakes up but dh can easily sooth her back to sleep.

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#16 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 02:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHSer

Anyway, it can be hard in the midst of a place like this or LLL to chose an active role in weaning. I wanted you to know a BTDT mom understands.
Many of the moms in my LLL group did Mom Led Weaning, often between the ages of one and two. YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary.)

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#17 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 02:59 PM
 
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Hello everyone-- I haven't posted in ages. I am 12 hours into weaning my 3 year old... and I am going insane.
I am weaning due to health issues, and the fact that my breasts just ache from it. It's like they have given up!! This is my second child to extended BF. number one weaned easily for similar reasons but was almost 4. She was very civulaized abouti t and would nod off while being read to. This girl is just very different--SUPER CRAZY INTENSE and is still very interested in nursing. HAs only ever fallen asleep on her own in the car, but is not moveable once asleep. We cosleep and it is of course how she has fallen asleep her entire life! I am just so exhausted and afraid of tonight already! LAst night I BF her to sleep and she woke at 1am and I didn't nurse her again. She was up until 430, and it was a big sad and angry struggle. She finally just collapsed, exhausted. HOW DO I GET A KID TO SLEEP WHO HAS ONLY EVERY NURSED OFF TO NOD?? I know the obvious cuddling and reading and snacks-- but none were very effective last night. Do I just have to get through it? If anyone had a similar sit,how long did it take?? And does anyone have any good suggestions?? PLeeeeeaaaaase heeeeelp me! It is really hard for both of us-- I hate taking this from her-- I just can't do it anymore... And I don't think she'd EVER do it on her own! Dawn
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#18 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 03:43 PM
 
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Dawn... so sorry to hear you're struggling. A little background would help me. Did DD get any warning that weaning was coming? Have you ever limited BF in any way before? Are you home alone with DD? How are you feeling about weaning?
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#19 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 05:01 PM
 
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HI just wanted to jump in and share some suypport and how I weaned.

All of my children were weaned around thier second birthday. All without trauma or forcing the issue. It happened quite natrually (IMHO) and the fact they they all weaned within four months of each other makes me feel like that is just a natrual time.

I really can't remember how Madeline weaned but she was 22 months. I knwo for al ong time before she was down to just naps and bedtime. In the rocking chair. I just avoided the chair at other times of the day because at any time of the day if I sat in that chair she would ask to nurse. BUt she clearly was conditioned to that. It was like she cared more about the routien than the nursing. She night weaned at about 12 months. I don't remember doing anything other than saying no and rolling over. She didn't argue. (she was such an easy baby) Then I went back to work (oh yeah) and it was very part time but the orientation was 5 days solid of evening nursing. Then during the days we were busy getting ready for work, and doing things we usually did in the evening. So for five days in a row she fell asleep in the car for both naps and night time. After that I decided we weren't going back. I was ready to be done and she could abviously handle it. She was confused the first time I rocked her to sleep on day 6 so I gave in and tried to nurse her. She couldn't figure out how to latch on so I took her off, comforted her and she was fast asleep. that was it.

Lily as a little less easy in all things. Nightweaning took 2 tries and 3 weeks but I could not go on for one more night nuring her for 12 hours streight. She also strugled with foremilk hindmilk imbalance because of her constant snacking adn we were trying to change that. She was about 12 months old. Once we night weaned her, her daytime nursing evened out and she was sleeping throught he niht. Alltogether more tolerable. Somewhere between 12-18 months she weaned down to the just before nap time and bed time nursing. Oh I have no problem telling my child no to nursing. I figuire it is no different than telling them no to anything else. I don't think nursing is some sacred something that we must give our toddlers every time they ask. It is Ok to set limits here as well as every where else. So we usually get down to those bed related nursings because I get busy or don't feel like nursing and won't drop everything just to nurse. and they are used to this response because they recieve it other places with other things. Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes no. no big : Lily passed her second birthday still nursing, I was pregnant and panicing (props to people who enjoy tandem nursing. I am not one of them.). Suddenly out of no where my milk dried up and apparently, acording to Lily smelt bad and that was that. She thought she would get to nurse after the baby came, once we realized this we asked her and she got this "well crap" look on her face and said "no, guess not".

Ava went smooth (as everythign with her did.) Actually I got this horrid case of mastitis that came on in a matter of hours. I couldn't hold her much less nurse her. She was weaned on the spot. (14 months of so) I can't believe how well she handled it. I had some frozen milk and pumped a little every day (2 ounces?) She was way sick though. I tink if she had been in touch enough to protest she might have but whatever gave me an infection had also overcome her. She just sat beside me with a glazed look in her eye. poor baby. I was hallucinating and shaking. couldn't help her. couldn't talk well enough to call anyone. Nightmare!! I was a LLL leader at the time and wanted to call everyone I had ever given pat answers too about "just nursing through mastitis" and "antibiotics probably aren't nessecary, they are so quick to prescriibe them" I had no idea the depth of which this could mess you up. And that was the first antibiotic I did not miss a single dose of. Anyway when I was over that a week later she was not all that intrested anymore. She had been night weaned at 9 months or so and never nursed to sleep anyway. She did enjoy a good long morning nursing though. we held on to that one until one day we just decided to be done. Instead of latching her on when she came to bed I just got up with her. She didn't complain. I think it was about a weak before she realized she didn't get nurnies anymore. she was like "heeeeeeeey wait a minute! when did this happen?" It was right before an out of state trip and her second birthday so with the natrual change in routien she just didn't care.

So heres to a peaceful co-operative weaning

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#20 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 05:07 PM
 
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"Dawn... so sorry to hear you're struggling. A little background would help me. Did DD get any warning that weaning was coming? Have you ever limited BF in any way before? Are you home alone with DD? How are you feeling about weaning?"

Hiya Audiomama. Well, we have been talking about weaning a bit-- but I wasn't sure if I was going to try nights, or day or all-- it just sort of developed on it's own last night. I was so sore- and she woke up at 1am and was not asking to nurse back to sleep-- I think just because she was wide awake! She just layed there pretending to sleep for a while.. and it just grabbed me to run with it. Of course she changed her mind then, and I didn't.

WE have not ever really limited it-- I mentioned that she is definitely on the VERY spirited side of life. It has been my major method of comforting her. and then there's the whole nursing to sleep ad nauseum thing.....and several times at night. I am T_I_R_E_D!

I have had major health issues for a year and a half and have avoided weaning thus far beacasue I felt bad about it and I just haven't felt like I hjad the energy for it. All of my docs and even alt. practitioners have recommended strongly that I do it when I'm able. I just haven't really wanted to as much as I feared the process-- if that makes sense.
Yes I am home with her all day. My husband is home at night, but never been able to get her to sleep and is a bit of a wimp about facing her intensity over it ( read-- staying up all night and helping! ) I am feeling really REALLY ready to wean.... I mentioned my breasts are just so sore... she picks at me and also has been sort of nursing on the tip of my nipple for awhile despite my many attempts to retrain her positioning. Really it is just habit and comfort for her, and I am ready to move on to BIG_GIRL.

Thanks for listening, and please let me know if you have any ideas!
sleepily,Dawn.
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#21 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 05:49 PM
 
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Just some random thoughts before I dash off again... (keep in mind that we're not weaned, and i'm no expert... but if another mama's thoughts help stimulate ideas that's the point, right?)

I often find it helpful to try to take my DD's perspective. In your case, I think DD may see this as you pushing her away and she's trying desperately to hold on. LOTS of cuddles would seem to be necessary here, even if she's screaming mad. (I still haven't figured out how to respond when my little DD tells me to go away when she's crying. I do what she asks, but I'm not sure it's what she means... but that's another discussion.) During the day, GET OUT of the house to create distraction for the both of you. Otherwise this could turn into marathon tension.

Talking about WHY is also pretty important for my DD. I find short phrases best. In your case, "Mama's nummas aren't working right." "The nursies need a rest" "or milkies are closed now." whatever feels natural for you. Then every time she asks you can answer in the same way.

Some people have children that fall for "either or" questions "Nursies are closed. Do you want to cuddle or sing a song?" My DD never took a suggestion, but perhaps yours might?

OK, last thought that maybe I shouldn't put down, but here goes. If you're really committed to weaning, it's better not to give in at all. BUT if you're ambivalent, you might want to consider partial weaning as an easier alternative that still gives you that connection. Night- or Day- weaning, or limiting her to her two or three most important nursing situations might give your body the rest it needs without feeling so harsh to DD. It also teaches her some boundaries, so perhaps weaning will be easier in the future (that's where we're at).

Be strong, Mama Dawn. Do what feels right for you and your babe.
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#22 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 08:42 PM
 
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Thanks for your kind and supportive words audiomama. I am trying to talk to her about it and she seems pretty happy about it... until the urge to nurse strikes She was so sweet today and during one of her more intense spells asked to just Hug-a-nurse. ANd she did. She hugged on me for about 20 mins and then was off and running.

It is officially an hour from usual bedtime here.... and I am sweaty with fear.
I'll update in the am.
pray pray pray.
dawn
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#23 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 10:17 PM
 
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Dawn, start small, I started setting limits like "only nursing at home" since I'm a SAHM there were still plenty of times to nurse but I wasn't going to nurse at the park or zoo anymore (this wasn't a NIP thing, but a limit on her). She caught on pretty quick that being out was more fun than nursing anyway. We did this about 18-20 months. We nightweaned a few months later. Have your partner try to sooth a bit and see how that goes. Good Luck.

Mom to ds 9 dd 7 : and dd 3/08 : if I can I go to
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#24 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 11:06 PM
 
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with my last we started with night weaning because it was by far the most irritating and Iknew if we were getting sleep at night it would be easier to nurse during the day. My "don't touch mes" are directly related to how tired I am.

but I agree, don't give in. be comapassionate but hang tough. It will be better for everyone if you don't have to start over again.

specifically how we did it. i would nurse her to sleep and then she wouldn't get to nurse again for 5 hours. This works good because most kids will go that first 3-4 hours without waking up so you are only putting them off a while. Mine never wanted food or drink. So it wasn't hunger waking them. It was all about the nursing habit. Once she got used to that we lengthened that to 6 hours (again only stretching ti a little longer than she was used to. a few days later we lengthened it to 7 hours. by now she was used to rolling over and going to sleep. Once you are getting through the night reasonably you can decide if you want to get rid of the bedtime nursing, morning nursing or whatever. Or yumay decide you can just handle everything while you are awake and making sure everyone is latching properly

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#25 of 42 Old 11-15-2005, 11:41 PM
 
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it's 930 and shes ALSEEP!!!!! She was running around still crazy. I took her into the bed, read turned off the lights and she yelled at me a bit. "I want to go downstairs, I want to nurse.... ( on and on)" then after about 10 mins of that she was out.
I am going to bed really quick because who know how long it might last!!!! Thanks for everyone's input today. I'll let you know how it went in the am. With Lily's age and nrsing habits, I am thinking of just sticking with the hardline. I don't want to go through this again, so I am going to try and stick it out.
good night good night,
dawn
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#26 of 42 Old 11-16-2005, 08:59 PM
 
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hello- i'm starting to consider weaning here. or at least weaning down to a reasonable number of nursings.

we nightweaned about a month ago and it was a very painful 3 week process. and i consider him nightweaned but there is still a feeding ~3 to 5am before waking up at 7. so at some point i want to cut that one out too.

the nightweaning resulted in a LOT of clingon nursing during the day. i expected that but it has been a month now and i think a lot of his nursing is about being bored and having access. i work during the week so those days only have nursings on wakeup, after work and then bedtime. (not bad at all) on weekends though it is off and on and whining for the boob all day long. well he has always been like that (not so much the whining--that seems to be a new thng). he has always LOVED nursing and wanted lots of nursing on weekends. but i'm starting to be irritated by it and resentful. when we are doing something fun he won't ask for it for HOURS. it is something he resorts to during boredom. so i think i'm ready to put some limits on it.

i want to give him attention in other ways. the other thing that has changed in me and our nursing relationship recently is the drop-off in my milk production. when i was producing tons and tons of milk (up until very recently) and i could tell he was really "drinking" a lot and still getting a lot of calories that way, there was nothing in me that wanted to wean. i can tell now though that he is not swallowing as much. a lot of his nursing now is just him comfort sucking my nipple. and that makes me feel like i need to find a new way to comfort him besides always having my boob hanging out. the essential food part of it is decreasing and i think that is causing the biggest shift in my attitude about it. there isn't anything wrong with him comfort sucking but i am starting to feel it isn't necessary. and i need to help him develop new skills for soothing. like hugs which he loves

he's starting to eat a substantial portion of solids now too as a result of me losing milk. and after we're done nursing at bedtime he drinks water from his sippy because he is still thirsty.

anyway the hardest part for me is consistency. i'm a pushover. i need to stick with limits when i set them. the next thing i've tackled is not nursing at daycare anymore when i pick him up. we wait until we get home. but last night i broke down and nursed in the car because he was having such a tantrum i couldn't even get him in his carseat even after nursing for a minute he still had a major meltdown the whole drive home. this is hard.

in terms of overall weaning i am really wondering if i should do it very gradually or fairly quickly. i know people who weaned in a matter of days. and it seems to me that would be harder on a kid but then again my ds is SO attached to nursing that limiting him to some times and not others doesn't seem to click with him. i think it is confusing. any thoughts on this??? intuition tells me quick weaning is going to cause a major crisis of security. but it could compress all the hard times into a short time. so i don't know.
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#27 of 42 Old 11-17-2005, 10:47 AM
 
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Just wanted to let you know how it's going.
We have stuck to the no-nursing, period. ANd I think it is working out better for us. Both nights she has slept SOOOO much better. The first night ALL night for 12 hours! She hasn't slept like that EVER. LAst night she woke up at 5 and really wanted to nurse. That was hard. She is SO strongwilled though- - I just feel that if we did she would not take no for an answer again. So I cuddle her and just ride her storm. It pains me, becasue I know it is hard for her, and she just WANTS to. Usually after about 10 mins she goes off to sleep. Which has been the most amazing thing-- both nights there has been some opposition to going to sleep. "NOT TIRED, WANT TO GO DOWNSTAIRS, ETC" over and over, but both nights she has after only 10 mins or so , just slept. Just like that! I was envisioning hours and hours of hell. So, I am thanking my lucky stars-- it might turn on a dime, but so far it has not been so bad. She has been ok with not nursing most of the rest of the time, I just remind her that we don't anymore and offer her something else.
Thanks for being here and listening and good luck to everyone else in the misdt of it. We have also been using Calms Forte for kids at bedtime-- a homeopathic that may or may not help take the edge off. I never really know with homeopathics -- but even if it is a placebo-- I say " This will help you calm down and sleep". and maybe it has, dunno. It is available at health food stores.
over and out for now, Dawn
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#28 of 42 Old 11-18-2005, 07:07 PM
 
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I really enjoyed reading this thread today!!!! Thank you all for your posts. My DS is 20 months old and still a voracious day time nurser. (We night weaned him successfully at 9 months because I needed sleep and he regressed from being a great sleeper to waking every 2 hours).

I've always allowed my son to nurse as often as he wanted during the day, but since he finally learned how to use the "nursing" hand sign 2 months ago, he's kinda gone overboard, wanting to nurse 15 mins after nursing and doing nursing gymnastics for the 2 minutes he does stay latched on. For now, I've decided to do a partial wean. I always wanted to do a child led wean, but it is clear that my son is so fixated on my boob that he doesn't want to explore anything else!!!

So now, he'll get a morning and night nursing and just one afternoon nursing. (He survived 11hrs today between nursings, just by me taking him out and keeping him distracted with books, puzzles, songs, etc). He still asked to nurse alot, but I said, "Mommy all done" every time since he understands the "all done" concept.

So far, so good. I think every situation is different. I can definitely say that with my son, the boob was starting to become a comfort obsession and I was not getting any break throughout the day. It's definitely time to gently guide and prod him in a new direction.

Thanks for the posts and I wish you all well in your endeavors..
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#29 of 42 Old 11-18-2005, 07:23 PM
 
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Quote:
i work during the week so those days only have nursings on wakeup, after work and then bedtime. (not bad at all) on weekends though it is off and on and whining for the boob all day long. well he has always been like that
Quote:
She is SO strongwilled though- - I just feel that if we did she would not take no for an answer again.
I quoted the above because they remind me of my oldest child. I'll link my experience with him. Since that, I've noticed that there is a personality type that does not have a natural/organic ability to decrease nursings as time goes on. They ask to nurse constantly, but not because they need to nurse. They ask because the on demand nursing makes them feel insecure.

http://morejo.blog-city.com/nursing_...lder_child.htm

Related writings:

http://morejo.blog-city.com/neediness.htm
http://morejo.blog-city.com/reality_vs_theory.htm
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#30 of 42 Old 11-18-2005, 07:26 PM
 
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I've just been lurking on this thread to get some ideas about possibly night weaning but I don't think we are quite ready yet.

I'm losing my milk supply due to pregnancy and I am limiting the nursing cause its really annoying to me. But I want to keep it up a few times a day for comfort and so we can tandem nurse later. Its not too hard because I work so there is no daytime nursing anyway. Just twice in the evenings and twice in the mornings (on a good night).

mar4jc: that is so funny about teaching dc the sign for nursing. I thought sign language was so cool but now I kind of regret it! dd uses the sign for nursing every 5 minutes. I thought at first I really needed to reinforce it cause she is just starting to sign for us. But now I can tell her we wait till bedtime or do you want food instead. Now she signs for milk, I sign back for food, and she signs for food instead, and we have a snack instead of nurse. They were really confused at daycare because she is signing for milk all day long and then doesn't want her bottle. I had to let them know she is confusing the sign with food and snacks work better than a bottle most of the time!
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