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#1 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 12:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You ladies are so inspiring. I would love to be a better housewife. Right now I'm always so stressed out with my kids and DH that I end up doing nothing during the day. I read all the post her about making your own cleaning products, cooking from scratch, shopping frugal and all the other wonderful things you ladies do. Sounds like most days you are very productive. My day is basically spent nursing, online, yelling at the 4 y/o and 12 y/o, doing a few loads of laundry and throwing something together for dinner or running to get fastfood. Sometimes I just don't feel like I was meant to be a mom or a housewife. I have very little patience with kids older than the age of 2. I wish I could be thankful that I'm able to be a SAHM instead of daydreaming about going back to work. Most days DH comes home and the house is a mess, no dinner, and me in a pissy mood. Maybe some of you could "mentor" me into being a better mom and housewife.
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#2 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 01:26 PM
 
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I hope this doesn't come across as being offensive. But maybe you are one of those people who would be happier being a WOHM. Some people just do better if they have a different job other than SAHM. And that's OK. Not everyone has to love being a SAHM or housewife. Maybe then you and DH could split the household duties 50/50.

Oh and I have a 3.5 year old and a 10 month old, and feel like we do a lot of yelling here too, unfortunately. On-line, it's easy to make the day sound more productive and lovely than it actually is.

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#3 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 01:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hope this doesn't come across as being offensive. But maybe you are one of those people who would be happier being a WOHM. Some people just do better if they have a different job other than SAHM. And that's OK. Not everyone has to love being a SAHM or housewife. Maybe then you and DH could split the household duties 50/50.

Oh and I have a 3.5 year old and a 10 month old, and feel like we do a lot of yelling here too, unfortunately. On-line, it's easy to make the day sound more productive and lovely than it actually is.
I'm pretty positive I would be a much happier person being a WOHM. The problem is we have 1 car so I would have no way to work. Secondly there aren't many jobs available right now. Lastly the jobs that I am qualified for don't pay nearly enough to even pay daycare costs for my two youngest.
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#4 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 03:56 PM
 
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Aww, mama I often feel that way, though I enjoy being a SAHM I feel pretty lazy many days, it seems like all I do is nak and make dinner at the last minute. If you would like encouragement, you can check out my homepage. My latest blog post I have pics of my house as-is, no cleaning or making it nice. We've been here for over a month and there are boxes everywhere still.

If you really enjoy working, have you considered trying to find a job you can do at home?

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
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#5 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 04:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Aww, mama I often feel that way, though I enjoy being a SAHM I feel pretty lazy many days, it seems like all I do is nak and make dinner at the last minute. If you would like encouragement, you can check out my homepage. My latest blog post I have pics of my house as-is, no cleaning or making it nice. We've been here for over a month and there are boxes everywhere still.

If you really enjoy working, have you considered trying to find a job you can do at home?
Prior to having DD (4 months old) I was working from home. However, I had to quit because she just doesn't nap or let me put her down. Its hard to work when you have a screaming baby in your arms. I'm also in California and for anyone that works from home knows how hard it is to find a WAHJ in Cali. I've tried ChaCha and a few other log in and out type jobs but they pay just isn't worth it.
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#6 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 06:08 PM
 
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too bad. I hope you can find a solution that works for you.

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
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#7 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 08:11 PM
 
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Hugs mama. Sounds like you're in a tough spot.

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#8 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 11:01 PM
 
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I'm pretty positive I would be a much happier person being a WOHM. The problem is we have 1 car so I would have no way to work. Secondly there aren't many jobs available right now. Lastly the jobs that I am qualified for don't pay nearly enough to even pay daycare costs for my two youngest.
That sucks for you

Maybe you could get a job on days or times when your husband isn't working, then use the money to have a cleaner. Or could you study to increase your earning power? Your 4yo will be at school next year, could you afford childcare to work then?
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#9 of 16 Old 07-18-2009, 03:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That sucks for you

Maybe you could get a job on days or times when your husband isn't working, then use the money to have a cleaner. Or could you study to increase your earning power? Your 4yo will be at school next year, could you afford childcare to work then?
I also have a 4 month old so daycare would be hard. We are in a high COL area. Daycare is anywhere from $400 to $600 a week per kid. I wouldn't even make that kind of money in a week after taxes. Prior to being a SAHM I did Accounts Payable type work. There aren't to many of those jobs around right now. I looked into waitressing a few nights a week but I can't really commit to anything. Not because I don't want to but because of DH's job. Sometimes he is home by 3pm sometimes not till 7pm. Sometimes he is gone for a week at a time. We've been running the numbers to see if I could just work full time out of the house. I have to make at least $19 per hour in order for it to be worth the daycare expense. Even then after paying for gas since I will have at least an hour commute I will probably only be bringing home about $50 a week. Not sure if thats worth it to send my kids off for the day. We are moving into our new place in 15 days so I'm hoping I can find some peace and happieness living there. We are surrounded by tons of beautiful trees and I'm going to try to start doing more things at home. I'm hoping that by learning to cook from scratch, garden, and enjoy not having neighbors will make me feel better.
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#10 of 16 Old 07-18-2009, 04:06 AM
 
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Have you signed up for the mentor program in the SAHM sub-forum? That may help a little.

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#11 of 16 Old 07-18-2009, 12:02 PM
 
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I would suggest setting small goals for yourself. Maybe the first goal could be to cook dinner from scratch 5 night a week for a month. Remember that it doesn't have to be a 5 course meal, something simple and light will be fine. Figure out the steps it will take to make this happen and then get a plan. I make a menu for the week before I go shopping then I know what I need to buy. I write it down and post it so I can remember what I had planned. In the morning I check the list to see whats for dinner. I take the meat out of the freezer if needed. Then Decide when you need to start dinner (how long does it need to cook?), can you get prep work done while the baby is napping, how can you involve the kids to make it easier or another way to keep them busy while you're cooking. All these are things you need to think through if you haven't already. Then set the table (this might be a good job for your older dc) and make dinner an enjoyable family time. Once you feel like you have got dinner tme mastered move on to your next goal.

I've found for myself that I have to treat being a SAHM as my job. You are the CEO of your home. I take the skills I used when I WOH and apply them to running my household. Make yourself a to-do list, set goals, give yourself deadlines and reward yourself when you have meet these goals. As the CEO it is not your job to do all the cooking and ceaning, it is your job to make sure it that it gets done. Yes, you will be doing most of it but you have employees (DC & DH) who can be given chores or asked to help out.

Maybe you could ask specific questions and the other moms could give you specific ideas to help you get started.
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#12 of 16 Old 07-18-2009, 12:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe I'm just expecting to much of myself. Growing up my mom did everything. As a child I wasn't expected to do anything expect my homework and keep my room tidy. I pretty much do the same thing with my kids.

We are in the middle of moving out of our current house. With stuff packed up I'm starting to see how much I let this house go. The baseboards are gross, spots on the walls that aren't as clean as I would like. I don't want that to happen in the new place. I feel like moving into the new place is giving me a fresh start. I think I'm going to have to buy some sort of day planner so I can remember to do things like clean baseboards...you know the stuff you can easily forget to do.
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#13 of 16 Old 07-18-2009, 10:24 PM
 
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sounds like wanting and even feeling like you need the improvements in your "home CEO" job is the first step. i have many of the same problems as you. i feel so much better when things get done and it improves the mood of my whole family. the idea of one thing at a time is a good one...and since you are moving that sounds like a perfect time for a fresh start for the whole family. you could use it as an opportunity to assign your kids to chores by explaining that more work is needed to maintain the new home or something like that. i also was raised with little responsibility as a child but i think i will raise my DC differently because i feel my lack of responsibility around the home stems from the fact that i was not exactly trained to do stuff. actually, why not get one of your kids to be in charge of the baseboards. you could point out how dirty they are in your current home and explain that will be their job to keep them clean in the new home. hope things get better. it is really wierd how running a home can be so complicated, but i totally understand how you are feeling.

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#14 of 16 Old 07-19-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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Maybe I'm just expecting to much of myself. Growing up my mom did everything. As a child I wasn't expected to do anything expect my homework and keep my room tidy. I pretty much do the same thing with my kids.

We are in the middle of moving out of our current house. With stuff packed up I'm starting to see how much I let this house go. The baseboards are gross, spots on the walls that aren't as clean as I would like. I don't want that to happen in the new place. I feel like moving into the new place is giving me a fresh start. I think I'm going to have to buy some sort of day planner so I can remember to do things like clean baseboards...you know the stuff you can easily forget to do.
my mom was an overacheivier on the cleanliness front to the point of excess but we always still had chores to do too. it's just good for building a sense of responsibility and whether or not your kids are sahp in their future they'll need the skills.
wah is a challenge but with planning it can be done. i do most of my phone interviews with a baby nursing. could you do some work in the evenings while dh cares for kids?
i wouldn't let yourself feel intimidated by the th thread, we're not all perfect housekeepers. i'm in it mainly for ideas, support, and a little online companionship. my house is a mess without fail, garden needs weeding, and projects take much longer to accomplish than before dd was born. it's nice to be able to celebrate small accomplishments together when they do occur and share what works for us.
hang in there!:

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#15 of 16 Old 07-19-2009, 08:10 PM
 
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For me, it's about priorities.

If I allow myself to spend the day surfing online, reading books, sitting around... my house gets messy, I get crabby because of the mess, and it's a downward spiral. But if I wake up in the morning and make a plan for the day, it goes much more smoothly. If I make a plan for meals, if I take the time to get the laundry and cleaning done early in the day, I'll have down time later. For me, the key is to get things accomplished BEFORE I do fun/optional activities. I've also noticed that for many moms I know, the ones who have things more under control are the moms who don't spend as much time online.

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#16 of 16 Old 07-25-2009, 03:38 PM
 
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oh, i have to echo that, the th thread is simply for inspiration. when i had a 4 month old i was nursing, in a sleep-deprived fog, trying not to shout, and fighting clutter and mess all day long. not anything new on top!

however, that said, hooray for moving! there is nothing like a fresh start. that helped me recently. i really benefitted from writing down routines for my 3.5 and 8.5 year old for morning and evening, and my own routines for morning and evening, as well as daily focus on one room, and laundry + meal planning all worked in there. er, not as much meal planning as i need somehow! i use flylady, i use her timers, i use 'getting things done', and i've had the last 10 years to refine all of this. when i read testimonials on flylady from folks who've been using her ideas for 3 months, i'm staggered. it took me easily 3 years, and then i had another babe and was thrown off course.

when i lived on my own i was a disaster, i couldn't keep the few dishes done, or my own room clean, and regularly had to do emergency laundry wearing my last bit of clothing my mum is very clean and tidy and organised...but she recently said that i was more organised than her! however, i we just weaned, i've been sleeping through the night for 3 months, and my 8 year old is very helpful. we also have more space and less stuff

give yourself a break, and look into what you can do each day to make it easier. it won't be easy while you have a little one, it just isn't. you're tired!! be gentle with yourself. i've felt very much like i'm not cut out for this, but it is just a lot of learning how to do it in a way you feel great about. one day you'll have a lot more time available and find yourself getting into new things. take your time.

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