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#61 of 90 Old 10-16-2010, 10:15 PM
 
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Sorry, I meant to quote DelicateFlowers post.

Body, I've been more than patient. Please make a baby. Please?
always loving my babies. (May 08)(April 09)(August 09)(September 09) (December 10)
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#62 of 90 Old 10-16-2010, 10:19 PM
 
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Laundry? my washer/dryer are in my kitchen so the space between the dryer and the wall is usually piled with a couple of mesh hampers that are overflowing with laundry (that adn the rest of the family just throws stuff on top without sorting or trying to get the clothes IN the hamper) I don't leave clean laundry out in the kids' room but there is usually a basket in our bedroom, and the kids have a dirty clothes basket in their room that usually has something in it.
Floors? We have hardwood floors, so no vacuuming, but the kitchen floor tends to get dirty very quickly. Sometimes I mop 3 or 4 times in a day. The floor has permanent grayish stains from the previous tenant so imo it never really looks clean.
Dishes? my nemesis....there are usually some clean dishes in the ishrack and almost always something in the sink. The sink is often full of dishes waiting to be washed.
closets? Kids' closets are neat and tidy. Hall closet is ok, but there is some stuff on the floor. Our bedroom closet is ok, but the floor is messy with shoes jumbled up together.
Bathrooms toilet and shower and sink are usually clean and stain free. under/behind the toilet seems to get dirty amazingly fast but I do try to keep it sparkling. we often have clothes on the floor in there though.
General clutter? there is stuff on the couch and kitchen counters quite often. we tend to leave dishes on the side table by the tv, too.
windows, baseboards I clean them when they look dirty. I also wipe my blinds pretty regularly also.

honestly I don't think we are such horribly messy people, but we live in a tiny house. if each of us has 2 things not put away the whole place looks messy. so....

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#63 of 90 Old 10-16-2010, 11:18 PM
 
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LOL I *just* posted a thread about this elsewhere because reading the CPS threads was freaking me out! I don't have a W/D so there's always laundry at my house and no, it's not in the process of being done, but it IS kept in baskets until wash day. It doesn't lay around. I wash dishes once a day usually, not after every meal. Still, it's only one sinkful and I let pots soak, sometimes overnight. My floors can get kind of grimy but I'm just not as conscious of it because I don't have little ones crawling around. If I invited over a friend who had kids under 3, I'd probably do a once over. Closets are there to BE stuffed, if needed, IMO. Most of my closets still have available space, but one is pretty stuffed. The crap needs to go *somewhere*! Bathrooms...tidy and no stink. I try not to let the toilets go so long that there's grime. Papers tend to clutter up at my house. But how dangerous are papers really? Windows and baseboards? Ha!

The things that concerned me the most were the whole "lock up the meds" things. My kid has meds all over the house. Meds in the kitchen, meds in the fridge, meds in her room, rescue meds in her suction bag, ect. I'm not going to fumble with 4 or 5 keys 5 or 6 times a day. Nope, sorry. And I wouldn't lock up the rescue meds anyway, even if it were her only med. When you panic and your hands start to shake, if you can't get the lock open and your kid is turning blue...well, that's not good. The liquid meds have childproofed caps, and I highly doubt my 5 year old will run the nebulizer himself and if he does...so what? It won't hurt him. And I once had a mandated reporter tell me that all the tubes and wires were a fall hazard. Um, okay? So maybe I should give away my DD? Because she kind of COMES WITH wires and tubes. It's part of the package. The only way I could keep the wires out of the way is if I left her in her crib and never moved her around the house. I suppose some people do that, but I won't. It's cruel.
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#64 of 90 Old 10-17-2010, 01:39 AM
 
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I really do think that that's what they expect from foster homes. When I had my homestudy for foster care, I KNOW my house was clean. I was so nervous that I cleaned for two days and THEN had a professional cleaning service come out. The SW that come out denied me because my laundry tub wasn't wiped out. She told me to call her when I'd bleached and scrubbed the tub.
Wow, that's unbelievable! Could she have had other reasons to disapprove of you that she wasn't legally allowed to cite? Plans for extended nursing, co-sleeping, non vaxing, non circing, no plastic toys, homeschooling, ECing or something?
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#65 of 90 Old 10-17-2010, 03:21 PM
 
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I'm pretty grossed out by a ring around our laundry tub (you mean in the washing machine, right?) in our communal wash room. I wipe it out every time with soap. It has to get really dirty for a ring to form. If I can see a ring in the bath tub, I wipe it out. That's a three-minute activity (toothpaste and handsoap both break down the grease enough).

Now, considering the difficulty of placing at-risk kids, I'm not sure that would be on my radar if I worked there, which I don't. But I can see it being considered something that should be done as a matter of course.

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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#66 of 90 Old 10-17-2010, 06:22 PM
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i think that "normal" is always hard to define.

in my experience, my home was always *100 times cleaner* than my friend's homes growing up. they had more clutter, in particular, and more mess, but they weren't necessarily dirty or unsafe or unsanitary. my mother is just very organized and very much a neat-freak.

when i was able to develop a rhythm (a la steiner), it really made my life easy.

right now, here's what my house looks like:

1. Piles and "clutter": i have a pile of papers on our desk that we need to organize. it's been there for a week. i have a pile of books on one shelf that need to be returned to the proper owners. we have a basket where we are compiling the remaining information for our immigration officer to get our remaining 27 month visa.

2. kitchen: i have clean dishes drying in a rack, probably ready to be put away. DH left out the grocery bags last night, and DS got into the recycling so there are some plastic containers and paper egg cartons in those bags, in the corner of the kitchen. those are from yesterday, but DS was playing with them while i made breakfast, so, i kept it out.

3. laundry: there is one load in the dryer, nearly finished, and dirty clothes in the washer. one sweater is drying on a rack (lay flat). all other clothes are put away.

4. shoes: my son has been playing with shoes for the last hour. so, i have two pair of shoes in my bedroom, and he's currently walking in a pair of dad's shoes. he removed them from the entry way rack. scratch that, 3 pairs of my shoes in the room. and DH's pair left in the hall way.

5. toys: a handful of toys in my room (one monkey, one flamingo), the coin thing dumped (from the living room, onto the living room floor, DS played with the coins for a bit). a few books on the living room floor as well.

when DS goes down for a nap, i'll do the kitchen, then the bathroom (just a quick walk through to see if anything needs to be done), then the bedroom, then the living room and everything will be tidied for lunch. i then go to work in the afternoon, and DH and DS will either be out playing or be in playing, and when i get home, i do another tidy. then after dinner, i'll clean up the kitchen.

i find that doing tidies throughout the day (and also having very little stuff) is exceptionally helpful.

6. I forgot about closets: i only have two--one that is more like a root cellar (literally opens onto dirt), and one that is a tiny little built-in afterthought. the root-cellar one currently holds things going to recycling: cardboard and some plastics. the other one has our suitcases with seasonal clothes stored inside, some coats and such, and some seasonal shoes. not much. they are organized.

as for what i would allowed my son to go to? clutter isn't a big deal, so long as there aren't dangerous thigns hidden in the clutter. laundry piles, no big deal, unless it's soiled clothes (clean laundry piles are fine). mess (toys everywhere) is ok. the occasional dirty dish around the house is fine, and dirty dishes in the kitchen is fine--a day's worth or half-day's worth seems to be ok for me to handle. bathrooms generally clean, things obviously generally kept after is ok.

i do have concerns over pets (their cleanliness, fleas, ticks, etc, and also the cleanliness of how their waste is handled). but, if it's a basically clean litter box or the dog poop is not all over the yard, then it's fine by me. obviously, none in the house.

honestly, clutter bothers me--but i don't see it as a hazard or problem.
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#67 of 90 Old 10-17-2010, 06:38 PM
 
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Wow, that's unbelievable! Could she have had other reasons to disapprove of you that she wasn't legally allowed to cite? Plans for extended nursing, co-sleeping, non vaxing, non circing, no plastic toys, homeschooling, ECing or something?
Nope. I had a crib and furniture set up in a separate bedrrom next to mine, I'd requested 0-3 so school wasn't an issue. She seemed to like me. She felt comfortable enough to have tea and a few cookies, but she said that the laundry tub being dirty wasn't up to their cleanliness standards.

I will admit though that it wasn't pristine. It never occured to me to clean the laundry tub. Water goes in, water goes out. Molly Maid didn't think to clean it either. But you could easily lick any other surface of my house.

I did clean out the tub, but I didn't call back. If I couldn't meet their standards pre-baby, I'd never be able to keep up with an infant/toddler in the house.

Body, I've been more than patient. Please make a baby. Please?
always loving my babies. (May 08)(April 09)(August 09)(September 09) (December 10)
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#68 of 90 Old 10-17-2010, 06:44 PM
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ah, and windows. i wash them seasonally, but it's hard to do the outsides. i do the best i can, and ask my landlord to do it at least twice a year. he is kind enough to oblige. i do floorboards and sills each week when i dust. i also wash the walls then.
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#69 of 90 Old 10-20-2010, 03:30 PM
 
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I guess I'm not worried about cps exactly, thank god, but I think my idea of what is normal I think is very skewed.

Our floor and counters have food crumbs or spots on them. They do not get wiped/swept/vacuumed everyday. Our bedrooms/bathrooms have clothes on the floor. about half the closets are not usable. (for example, you can't walk into our walk in master closet.). At least one seat on my sofa has stuff on it at any given time. Our clean clothes are in baskets in the master bedroom. I've always been messy, but things have gotten much worse since I went back to work after DS (maybe around 4 months, and then again when I got pregnant around 7-8 mos).

I just didn't realize that everyone with kids didn't live this way.
You are not alone! We live like this! I usually don't have adults over, but the neighbor's kids come over a lot. I am trying to get to a point where I would not be embarrassed to have neighbors come in, but my neighbors all have nannies and housekeepers!!! How can you compete with that?

We don't have roaches or pets. We almost never go to my mother-in-laws house (my husband's decision) because they have 7 dogs, and some are not housetrained.

My daughter had to stay home from school with a crick in her neck the other day, so I had to stay home from work. I decluttered and vacumed the whole downstairs - it was great! You clean when you can - when you don't have other more important/urgent things to do (cooking, laundry, playing with kids, bathing kids, taking a shower, grocery shopping, connecting with spouse, working, the list goes on...).
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#70 of 90 Old 10-21-2010, 12:29 PM
 
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I should mention that DH works two jobs, we have 4 kids, 2 dogs and a cat, I own a business and volunteer with 3 organizations, and the kids have after-school activities. So, cleaning is NOT high on my priority list!


Laundry: With 4 kids (one in cloth diapers), the laundry is in constant rotation, usually a huge pile on the laundry room floor, 1-2 baskets with clean stuff in every bedroom. Our bathroom hamper is always overflowing, but we make sure the kids pick up their clothes after bath/shower, hang up towels, etc.

Floors: Oh, they are gross. Crumbs, dirt, dust, dog hair. Old food, stains and splatters, legos everywhere, you name it. I sweep daily, mop once a week, it does not matter. The boys are DIRTY. They eat like slobs, even with constant reminders. I am a messy cook. Thank god we have hardwoods. I really don't understand how other people keep their floors clean with kids or pets!!!

Dishes: I try to keep up, but our family of 6 can easily fill the dishwasher 3x a day. I often go to bed with dirty stuff piled high on the counter, promising myself I will take care of it "tomorrow" (ahhhh, magical tomorrow). We don't ever eat out, and I cook everything from scratch, so... yeah. The kitchen is messy.

Closets: This is the thing -- I am anti-clutter. Our closets are nice and neat... Of course, the kids and dogs don't go in there!

Bathrooms: The kids help with their 2 bathrooms, but my bathroom is usually a wreck.

General clutter: Depends, it is mostly toys and paper -- dear lordisa, they bring home a lot from school. This will get easier to deal with when I don't have a daredevil toddler (who loves to pull everything off the shelves for fun) to keep an eye on constantly and I can do things two-handed.

Windows, baseboards etc: I don't have time for this. The oldest two kids do this stuff for "bucks" (like monopoly money) that they can exchange for fun activities (bowling, roller skating, see a movie, etc). So, it gets done sporadically.

Mom to : DS1 (11), DS2 (8), DD3 (4), : DS4 (1), and : : :
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#71 of 90 Old 10-21-2010, 12:50 PM
 
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I walked into a place this summer (while being shown a house as a prospective buyer) that was CPS worthy. It was pretty cluttered, but not anything like the hoarder's show, some of it was pretty dirty, and it had lots of unfinished projects. I would have readlily overlooked all of those things, but it reeked of cat pee.

I am really not sure how you would fix it either without throwing out every bit of bedding, clothing, flooring, and furniture that had cushions.

No way in heck would I ever let my child have a playdate there. Five minutes made my eyes water I am not allergic to cats) and I felt like I needed a shower.

I do think what is safe is a function of the age and health of the child. I think lots of perfectly safe homes, very clean homes would be unsafe for the average 12-18 month old because the are inadequately baby proofed, but if no baby lives there no problem kwim. I also think that the house I visited this summer in would send the most asmatics in to a full blow attack and would be far more dangerous for someone with respitory problems.
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#72 of 90 Old 10-21-2010, 01:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wow! I just wanted to update how much I appreciate ya'lls responses to this thread. I've learned so much:

1) That there is a vast range in what people consider acceptable, as well as a gap between what people do in their own home, and what they would consider ok in another's

2) Areas in our home are unacceptable. This week/weekend I've worked hard in making sure our main downstairs living areas are up to snuff. This is where ds spends most of his day, and it should be nice. The rest of the week/this weekend will be taking care of the upstairs portion that we live in most.

3) It's reasonable to expect floors/counters to be part of daily chores. Corollary: It's also reasonable to ask the nanny to do floors and counters daily.

4) DH and I need help. And that's ok. New nanny has a longer list of household chores, and it seems to be working out well, at least in the housework department.

5) And the big one... It's ok to do housework while my son is awake. For months after he was born one of us would be holding/playing with him while the other was doing whatever. It cuts our chore power in half. It breaks my heart to put him in a high chair for any amount of time, when we have so little time together, but he deserves a nice, clean, peaceful area to play in where the crud he eats off the floor is only a few hours old, not weeks. And it's good for him to see chores happening.

Thanks so much you guys! IN this department, things are looking better for me this week.

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#73 of 90 Old 10-21-2010, 04:19 PM
 
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i do floorboards and sills each week when i dust. i also wash the walls then.
You wash floorboards, sills, AND walls every week?
You are my new roll model.

I don't think I've ever cleaned floorboards or walls my entire life!

May God Bless You!!!!!!!!!

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#74 of 90 Old 10-21-2010, 04:28 PM
 
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You wash floorboards, sills, AND walls every week?
You are my new roll model.

I don't think I've ever cleaned floorboards or walls my entire life!

May God Bless You!!!!!!!!!
I never knew you were supposed to clean them.

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#75 of 90 Old 10-21-2010, 05:08 PM
 
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This thread made me run around my house and clean like crazy.

The CPS thread scared me, too... but today I got my butt in gear and did a bunch of cleaning (the bathroom was getting pretty bad ) I've been struggling with keeping up, but it's been making me crazy. I've also been ditching stuff like mad (trying to take down the clutter to make things easier for myself!), but that time has been taking away from time that i'd be cleaning otherwise.

ETA... HOORAY for clean bathrooms (just had to throw that out there)

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#76 of 90 Old 10-23-2010, 09:38 PM
 
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Laundry? (clean but in baskets, left in the dryer, on the couch for days waiting to be put away...)
Floors? (crumbs, or clothes on the floor in bedrooms, toys on the floor, spots on a kitchen floor).
Dishes? (dirty in the sink for how long, clean but not put a way, dishes left in the living room or a night stand...)
closets? How cluttered can they be? stuffed, or tidy and usable?
Bathrooms?
General clutter? kitchen table, dresser, counters?
windows, baseboards etc?, how often would you expect them to be cleaned? how dirty is too dirty.

I can't think of anything else, but please include if you have any other dealbreakers.
The only deal breakers for me are serious health hazards and/or enough clutter to be dangerous. Or completely inappropriate things left at kid level (scissors, needles, medicine...).

I have to say though, I stopped reading this thread like halfway through. Compared to everyone else I'm a complete slob and I find that frickin hilarious. Cleaners come once a month. That's when our house is swept/vacuumed/bathroom cleaned/etc. If there is a noticeable issue somewhere I'll clean it up (if the toilet gets gross we clean it, if there is a big food spill we clean it up) but in general we just don't do much cleaning. We do one big toy pick up each evening. Laundry sometimes sits a day or two before it is put away. My kitchen counter could do with more picking up. That I'll grant you. My closets are rather well organized though. It's kind of a fetish.

I really have better things to do with my life than be a full time maid.

Oh, and we have people over at least once a week--often with almost no notice. No one has ever looked askance at our house to the best of my knowledge. They keep coming back.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#77 of 90 Old 10-26-2010, 03:15 AM
 
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I have to say though, I stopped reading this thread like halfway through. Compared to everyone else I'm a complete slob and I find that frickin hilarious.

Oh, and we have people over at least once a week--often with almost no notice. No one has ever looked askance at our house to the best of my knowledge. They keep coming back.
No reason to look askance at your house... you've seen mine.

I don't even have words, so I'm going to stop while I'm ahead.

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#78 of 90 Old 10-26-2010, 04:46 AM
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You wash floorboards, sills, AND walls every week?
You are my new roll model.

I don't think I've ever cleaned floorboards or walls my entire life!

May God Bless You!!!!!!!!!
thanks, but no need to get too excited.

in my home in the US, i used my broom to sweep my floorboards each week, and then i would wash the walls quarterly. i lived in 1300 sq ft.

here, i live in about 500 sq ft or so. it is spartan and minimalist in regards to everything (furnishings, etc). i love it.

i started with my normal behaviors from the old house--dusting corners, floor boards, etc, with an electrostatic duster or broom.

but, then winter came, and it is damp. the homes don't breathe the same way, and there is no central heat. we have a small heat pump that helped keep the place basically dry on the coldest and wettest days, but it was still quite damp. it's always quite damp.

i began to notice that dusting/sweeping wasn't enough. mold was growing on these various surfaces. i literally have to scrub my bathroom ceiling each week, and honestly, it is a loosing battle. but i have to do it every week or it really gets out of hand. i let it go for two weeks, and the ceiling when from white to light brown--no joke.

so, if i don't do it each week, then it becomes a problem. now, apparently it's not as bad in late spring, summer, and fall. but, i'll keep it up so long as i'm not on vacation! LOL

it's really a necessity.

and, we had a mouse all winter, so that was another battle all it's own. having to keep food and trash secure, following up each morning and throughout the day to get rid of any animal waste, and essentially keeping the place as clean as humanly possible while living with a mouse.

so, it's been interesting.
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#79 of 90 Old 10-26-2010, 02:35 PM
 
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This thread has been interesting. It inspired me to write a post in my blog about what constitutes "good enough"...

http://azuroo.blogspot.com/2010/10/good-enough.html

Momma to Sweet Rosie 7/06, Lost Baby J 1/09 at 12 weeks pregnant, Spitfire Ada born 4/21/10, and Baby Boy due July/August 2013!
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#80 of 90 Old 10-27-2010, 03:38 PM
 
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This thread has been interesting. It inspired me to write a post in my blog about what constitutes "good enough"...

http://azuroo.blogspot.com/2010/10/good-enough.html
Great blog post! And...we're neighbors. Always nice to see someone else from Kentucky here.
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#81 of 90 Old 10-27-2010, 05:36 PM
 
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something i have been pondering as i was reading thru this thread. it is about two different homes i have spent alot of time in over the last 24 years or so.
first is my MIL house. she is now in her 80's. her house is very very tidy. per dh it has always been that way. the kids rooms could be as nasty as they wanted but the main living space (living, kitchen, bathroom, dining room) were always spotless. i mean so clean you would not even worry about your kid eating off the bathroom floor. lol and the general feeling in the house was one of calmness and comfort and relaxed. i mean she has no issues at all with letting the grandkids pull out the toys she has in her house (a few dolls, cars, blocks and books) she loves to have people over and she is always relaxed and you just feel it. it is so nice to go to her place.
now the house i grew up in and how my parents live to this day is very cluttered (not horder by any stretch) just alot of stuff doesn't have a place. bills pile up on the dinner table, magazines are all over the place. just this general feel of chaos. now the house was never dirty. we did weekly chores (bathrooms, floors, general house cleaning like dusting etc) and daily chores like dishes. our rooms were not allowed to get really messy (like weekly cleaning) it wasn't like the house was dirty, just cluttered and had a feeling of chaos, like nothing had a place. to this day my parents home still feels like that. my kids get that feeling too, it's unwelcoming and uncomfortable alot of the time. i don't think the clutter caused this at all, but it is a symptom. like a cluttered disorganized mind has that effect on the house.
anyway, one of the reasons i try and minimize clutter in my house is because i don't like that feeling that i remember in my youth. when stuff starts piling up, even a little bit i get sort of stressed. i don't make it anyone elses job but mine to keep the clutter down... because i know it is my issue. and i never judge anyone elses home because it is more of the feeling you get when you are in a home then the cleanness of it. i have been in cluttered house that feel welcoming and comfortable and others that feel scattered and full of chaos.
so if anyone came to my house it would seem, maybe really tidy, but that makes it easier for me to function. it makes me calmer and more open to the kids, it allows me to feel at ease. when everything has a place (even if it isn't in that place at this moment, like the toy blocks are out and the blankets are a fort and the cars are everywhere) and everyone knows where it all goes at the end of the day... well then i am a better mama. i feel less stressed, less anxious. and it spills over in to what others feel when they come to my house. for years we hosted alot of homeschool gathers with our friends, and even though we had a small house (7 people in 1000 sqft) everyone always said our house was the most welcoming. it is because i felt together and calm and welcoming to people. the house would get totally trashed, BUT it was always easy to get back together because everything had a place. and when people come over to the place we are in now, they say the same thing. anyway... i have no idea what this has to do with anything. just something i was thinking about. lol

h

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#82 of 90 Old 10-27-2010, 06:38 PM
 
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Laundry? (clean but in baskets, left in the dryer, on the couch for days waiting to be put away...)
Floors? (crumbs, or clothes on the floor in bedrooms, toys on the floor, spots on a kitchen floor).
Dishes? (dirty in the sink for how long, clean but not put a way, dishes left in the living room or a night stand...)
closets? How cluttered can they be? stuffed, or tidy and usable?
Bathrooms?
General clutter? kitchen table, dresser, counters?
windows, baseboards etc?, how often would you expect them to be cleaned? how dirty is too dirty.

I can't think of anything else, but please include if you have any other dealbreakers.
As long as there isn't pet feces,bugs, or old moldy food strewn about the house, i could care less about other people's homes and my kids playing in them.
As for my house:

There is always laundry somewhere that needs to be washed/folded or put away. If it's dirty it's in hampers, if its dry its in a basket or still in dryer and folded stuff is either all over the couch or upstairs all over my bed.

Floors- We vacuum once a week sometimes every other week if i'm super busy, i sweep the kitchen probably twice a week, and wipe up any spots when i get to them.

Closets- Most are not organized and there is stuff on the floors and hangars that have fallen. The kids closets are fine but mine and the storage closet are bad.

Bathrooms- Guest one downstairs wiped down regularly, twice a week? it doesn't get really dirty. Upstairs, my bathroom gets wiped down more frequently but i'm not that great about putting my makeup away so there is usually stuff all over the counters. Tub needs cleaned right now but toilet is good.

General clutter- I hate clutter and paper and stacks of stuff, so downstairs you will find none of that. Upstairs in the office is another story, its where the piles end up when i find them. I go through them once or twice a month, shredding and filing etc.


Windows- probably every other month? I have the kids clean them. I wipe the baseboards down if i spill something, or when i wipe the windows i guess.

MamaofThree- I grew up in a really cluttered house, lots of furniture and piles of stuff, and books everywhere, drove me crazy. I hate stuff, it totally stresses me out. I compromise with my family, upstairs can be messier, but downstairs needs to be peaceful and that means stuff put away with minimal decor and furniture.
The playroom drives me batty, but i've learned to let go a bit, because the kids don't have the same issues with clutter that i do and i refuse to clean that mess up everyday.

E Veg*n Mom to ds 6 : dd 3
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#83 of 90 Old 10-27-2010, 08:01 PM
 
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nolans: i totally get that. the kids rooms i let go, except there has to be some sort of path so i can get to them in case of a fire. lol otherwise i occasionally go in and "clean house" getting rid of broken toys, puzzles with missing pieces, etc. usually when it is around the holidays and new stuff will be coming in. that way it isn't too overwhelming.

h

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#84 of 90 Old 10-27-2010, 08:56 PM
 
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Very interesting post. I wonder what is is about your parents' home that makes you feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. You mentioned that the clutter was just one part of it.

I also don't mind a bit of clutter---as long as I know everything pretty much has its place. I love baskets for this reason.


Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaofthree View Post
something i have been pondering as i was reading thru this thread. it is about two different homes i have spent alot of time in over the last 24 years or so.
first is my MIL house. she is now in her 80's. her house is very very tidy. per dh it has always been that way. the kids rooms could be as nasty as they wanted but the main living space (living, kitchen, bathroom, dining room) were always spotless. i mean so clean you would not even worry about your kid eating off the bathroom floor. lol and the general feeling in the house was one of calmness and comfort and relaxed. i mean she has no issues at all with letting the grandkids pull out the toys she has in her house (a few dolls, cars, blocks and books) she loves to have people over and she is always relaxed and you just feel it. it is so nice to go to her place.
now the house i grew up in and how my parents live to this day is very cluttered (not horder by any stretch) just alot of stuff doesn't have a place. bills pile up on the dinner table, magazines are all over the place. just this general feel of chaos. now the house was never dirty. we did weekly chores (bathrooms, floors, general house cleaning like dusting etc) and daily chores like dishes. our rooms were not allowed to get really messy (like weekly cleaning) it wasn't like the house was dirty, just cluttered and had a feeling of chaos, like nothing had a place. to this day my parents home still feels like that. my kids get that feeling too, it's unwelcoming and uncomfortable alot of the time. i don't think the clutter caused this at all, but it is a symptom. like a cluttered disorganized mind has that effect on the house.
anyway, one of the reasons i try and minimize clutter in my house is because i don't like that feeling that i remember in my youth. when stuff starts piling up, even a little bit i get sort of stressed. i don't make it anyone elses job but mine to keep the clutter down... because i know it is my issue. and i never judge anyone elses home because it is more of the feeling you get when you are in a home then the cleanness of it. i have been in cluttered house that feel welcoming and comfortable and others that feel scattered and full of chaos.
so if anyone came to my house it would seem, maybe really tidy, but that makes it easier for me to function. it makes me calmer and more open to the kids, it allows me to feel at ease. when everything has a place (even if it isn't in that place at this moment, like the toy blocks are out and the blankets are a fort and the cars are everywhere) and everyone knows where it all goes at the end of the day... well then i am a better mama. i feel less stressed, less anxious. and it spills over in to what others feel when they come to my house. for years we hosted alot of homeschool gathers with our friends, and even though we had a small house (7 people in 1000 sqft) everyone always said our house was the most welcoming. it is because i felt together and calm and welcoming to people. the house would get totally trashed, BUT it was always easy to get back together because everything had a place. and when people come over to the place we are in now, they say the same thing. anyway... i have no idea what this has to do with anything. just something i was thinking about. lol

h

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#85 of 90 Old 10-27-2010, 09:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Very interesting post. I wonder what is is about your parents' home that makes you feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. You mentioned that the clutter was just one part of it.

I also don't mind a bit of clutter---as long as I know everything pretty much has its place. I love baskets for this reason.
It is an interesting post! I actually have the opposite problem, I feel very agitated when things are very neat and tidy. For example, when traveling for work, I'd wait until the last possible moment before packing my bags-- I definitely would not be able to sleep if all my stuff was packed away.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#86 of 90 Old 10-27-2010, 09:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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anyways, just a mini update, I did remove one big black trash bag of trash from our bedroom closet. I feel so ashamed-- it wasn't clothes or anything like that, just literally trash that I stashed in there. I still need to organize the clothes that no longer fit me. i dusted and vacuumed and tidied the rest of master bedroom as well, so I can proudly say that I am no longer ashamed to have anyone in any of the rooms that my son plays in!

De-cluttering is still sorely needed, but at least everything is clean. I'm still having trouble scheduling in maintenance cleaning but that's another thread!

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#87 of 90 Old 10-28-2010, 12:45 AM
 
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i think the clutter was like an outward manifestation of the inner clutter that was my mother (mostly). like i said it wasn't like she was a hoarder by any stretch... just sort of disorganized and all over the place. she suffers from depression and anxiety. and i guess because i grew up with that, in my head clutter and disorganization in my own life makes me uncomfortable. i feel better when everything has a place, because it wasn't like that alot when i was growing up. at least that is how i feel about it. LOL

h

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#88 of 90 Old 10-28-2010, 05:19 AM
 
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texmati, Flylady has really high standards *but* in terms of learning to organize cleaning and housework, I can thank her for my whole, mostly de-cluttered house. Where stbx has his stuff, it's messy because, well, so many things, but yes my children have clean places to play and surfaces are neat and there is almost no trash in the house save paper trash of stbx's clutter.

If you adopt her method (without necessarily taking up the whole schedule at once) you may find yourself very relieved.

Quote:
I also don't mind a bit of clutter---as long as I know everything pretty much has its place.
To me, it doesn't matter if you can see it or not. If it's in its place, it's not clutter. If it's set wherever there is space, it's clutter regardless of whether that place is a drawer or kitchen table or what. So (without seeing it) your house is not cluttered if things are really in baskets and organized. They're not clutter, they're accessible. I like my things in drawers but that's a personal preference.

It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad
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#89 of 90 Old 10-28-2010, 08:09 AM
 
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I refuse to visit or have visit us anyone using the CIO method actively at the time they are visiting. (Yes, it's happened. SMILs relative expected me to listen to her tiny infant scream herself to sleep in a dark room, replete with puking." ) That's unacceptable!


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Originally Posted by Phantaja View Post
I really do think that that's what they expect from foster homes. When I had my homestudy for foster care, I KNOW my house was clean. I was so nervous that I cleaned for two days and THEN had a professional cleaning service come out. The SW that come out denied me because my laundry tub wasn't wiped out. She told me to call her when I'd bleached and scrubbed the tub.
This scares me. I really want to foster but right now I think if we had professional cleaners three hours a day everyday for a whole week beforehand we might not pass. My 4 & 1 year olds can trash the cleanest house in ten seconds flat

Grateful mama striving to respect the two precious beings entrusted to me DD '06 and DS '09
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#90 of 90 Old 10-29-2010, 01:48 PM
 
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There is another thread on this board that has a few post regarding cleanliness and CPS that just scares me. I don't consider my home so bad that my kids should be removed, but from the descriptions in those posts, maybe others would have a different idea.

(by acceptable, I mean that you would allow your kiddo to go over for a play date, without crinkling your nose, or coming on MDC to chat about it)What do you consider acceptable in terms of:


Laundry? (clean but in baskets, left in the dryer, on the couch for days waiting to be put away...)
Floors? (crumbs, or clothes on the floor in bedrooms, toys on the floor, spots on a kitchen floor).
Dishes? (dirty in the sink for how long, clean but not put a way, dishes left in the living room or a night stand...)
closets? How cluttered can they be? stuffed, or tidy and usable?
Bathrooms?
General clutter? kitchen table, dresser, counters?
windows, baseboards etc?, how often would you expect them to be cleaned? how dirty is too dirty.

I can't think of anything else, but please include if you have any other dealbreakers.

Laundry: In our home all dirty laundry is in the Laundry room. Hopefully in a basket or the machine. Clean laundry is in a basket or on the folding table in the familyroom, making its way to closets and drawers.

Dishes: Once in awhile a tea cup might get left on the computer desk. Dirty dishes are not left in the sink. Either they are in the dishwasher waiting to be washed or washed by hand and put in the strainer drying.

Closets: I like for my closets to be neat and organized.

Bathrooms: Bathroom is cleaned 2x a week (Full out deep clean) and wiped down 2x daily. I'm a Nurse. I'm a little obsessive about clean bathrooms.

General Clutter: Garbage is taken out when it needs to be. Usually everyother day here. I do a walk thru of rooms daily. Beds are made. every. day. Toys are picked up and there are no hazards with tripping. My Dad and Brother are both Firefighters, growing up my parents were big about toys getting picked up, guess it stuck. With my own home the kids play then pick up those toys before playing with something else.

A book of two left on an end table, knitting on the coffee table no big deal.

We sweep the floors daily, vaccume every other day (I like clean floors) and Mop 2x a week (more if it needs it).


As for what is exceptable in someone elses home. a Pile of laundry on the floor, how high? 1 loads worth or maybe two NOT in a main traffic area like a hallway. Not a big deal, as long as it is on its way to being washed.

Dishes in the sink, a days worth. Not a biggy.

Bathrooms that are clean. Not crusted over and smell of urine.

NO ANIMAL FECES OR URINE not cleaned up!

Dust and toys everywhere, not a big deal aslong as the toys arn't a tripping hazard. But not dirt and crud.

Pax, loving wife since 2001, Mother of DD1 (12) and DD2 (8 1/2). Entering our 5th year of Homeschooling: Eclectic mix of curriculum and child interest lead. Backyard urban chicken chasers.
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